ok you male subs

[Rrrosyn]

A question for the boys therefore....
Is it so very important for you that your lady is sexually satisfied by your actions?
If she doesn't climax, or even seek this from you (or others in your presence) are you left with feelings of failure or confusion?
Would this be compounded if she allowed you to climax, without wanting one of her own?

Subbie is so confused when I don't want climax but do want to drive him crazy and allow him release.

Just a few nights ago subbie was begging me to stop masturbating him because he want/needed me to get off too. He was in tears trying to hold back his climax. He knows the power trip is what I crave and that sex often hurts me. But he really needed me to climax. Was offering to use any toy I wanted on me. Wasn't the typical begging for sex instead of masturbation.

I can't wait for the boys to answer this.

 

[Aeroil]

I don't think I'd be too confused, I'd probably be a bit worried, and maybe even a little disappointed, however.

 

[Jay Davis]

As SD said, its not something he looks forward to.He is basically shy about his subbing, and this friend, who is a straight,50y/o male dom. Its a bit confronting to his manhood.Ego issues and all that.

Well, I was confused at first by your mention of a dominant "masseuse." If you'd said "masseur," I probably wouldn't have shot off my smart mouth.

On the other hand, despite my inherent distrust of self-proclaimed male doms, I'm not shy about my own identity among members of the community. If my Mistress trusted this man well enough to reveal Her own sexual identity to him, I would trust Her judgement in the matter.

If the Mistress wanted to me learn from this man, I would, and be glad to increase my skill. I'd even provide him some service in return, if She felt it appropriate. I probably would revolt at bottoming for him, though...I certainly wouldn't be able to do that without Her present, so that I could keep clear in my own mind that any such act was really service to Her, by proxy. It's a subtle point, but an important distinction, which might merit discussion in a separate thread.

In any case, I wouldn't be embarrassed or feel emasculated to have my submission revealed to a legitimate Dom.

 

[Netzach]

I rarely choose to use my submissives sexually, actually, or seek to have an orgasm from BDSM scenes.

I do, but it's not something to be expected by anyone. I am much more optimized when thinking with the large head, as it were.

 

[landcruisergal]

Thank you everyone...
Jay, a bit of background: my boy is a 25yo country lad and this is his first committed, real time, submissive experience ( until he met me had not experienced any anal play in any way shape or form)
He has a lot of limits and attitude issues.

He gets very confused when I say I dont want/need an orgasm as he sees this as the ultimate service he can provide. Last time he thought he had done something wrong, when I didn't demand it of him.
Men are quick to boast of their cunnilingual skills and talents, so maybe its an ego thing, seeing me writhe and moan and eventually climax from his ministrations.
Denial of such service might be an apt punishment even....
Bit of a catch 22 there; if my pleasure is sposed to be his priority, and then he gets to cum and I dont.

 

[Jay Davis]

At this point, I'm WAY sorry for my SAMMY remark so many posts ago, because it's semi-hijacked the thread for a while. For that, I sincerely apologize.

From what you say about him, landcruisergal, it's probably not helpful to even threaten him with that male Dom in any sort of serious way. I'm far from the most seasoned sub in the world, but I've had a number of years of very deliberate self-examination to accept and then embrace my sexual identity. Sounds like your boy is just starting that path. You don't need me to tell you that muddies the distinctions between Dominance/submission and hetero/homo will confuse, frighten, and damage him at this point. He doesn't need any messages right now that suggest to him that if he's really submissive, he must be gay, too. (Not that there's anything about one that is better than the other, or about both together that is any better than either seperately, or neither at all. /end_PC_disclaimer)

He does need to learn and internalize that he's more than an orgasm machine for you, though. Not sure how you go about that, except by demanding other kinds of service from him and visibly appreciating it. I don't mean by specifically rewarding him for such services, necessarily, but just by letting him know that he's important to you for all these other things, too.

Your Catch 22 reminds me of an old joke I'm sure we've all heard a thousand times:

Masochist: Please, hurt me! Beat me! Whip me, pleeeeeeeassse?!?!?!!!!!!

Sadist (with an evil grin): No.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Thank you everyone...
Jay, a bit of background: my boy is a 25yo country lad and this is his first committed, real time, submissive experience ( until he met me had not experienced any anal play in any way shape or form)
He has a lot of limits and attitude issues.

He gets very confused when I say I dont want/need an orgasm as he sees this as the ultimate service he can provide. Last time he thought he had done something wrong, when I didn't demand it of him.
Men are quick to boast of their cunnilingual skills and talents, so maybe its an ego thing, seeing me writhe and moan and eventually climax from his ministrations.
Denial of such service might be an apt punishment even....
Bit of a catch 22 there; if my pleasure is sposed to be his priority, and then he gets to cum and I dont.

Similar here.

I am 29 and been into bondage since I had Ken dolls. Only been into BDSM for 4 years now. I tried switch, but it caused rape flash backs. I am by no means an experienced Domme and there are a lot of things I am not ready to try yet. I am also disabled and rarely enjoy sex because of pain.

Anyway, subbie is from the south. 23 yrs old. I am his first committed relationship. He'd only had sex once before meeting me. He had enjoyed anal previously, and alone. But had thrown his dildo away after a couple uses because of guilt. Buried it in the dumpster. Very religius family, he's struck out from their preachings by being both vegetarian and pagan. But he isn't sure on some things. Very timid. Likes paddles and floggers, afraid of wax, CBT, ginger root, etc. Just found out all this time I was suggesting ginger, he was thinking a julianne piece into the uretha and I meant anal. No wonder he was scared!!

Most of his limits have to do with his upbringing, which makes him naturally submissive, but also timid and a bit uptight. Guess we all stem from our roots. Me needing to be in control (or the illusion of it) and him needing to please.

 

[landcruisergal]

Thanks both of you...and Jay I dont mind your advice at all. Most male subs think I am too soft for not pressing the anal issue, but I am relatively new to this also.
I dont want to damage him in anyway either physically or mentally, nor wish to live with the guilt.
He has enough softer limits to push at, to keep me amused at the moment.
A "one day I'm gonna fuck you so hard" whispered in his ear ( he knows its going to happen one day), renders sweet begging and protests of his "not being worthy" and "you will be gentle with me, wont you?"...Soooo cute...

Rossyn, I hear you...My boy is a tradesman,plays with boy toys (cars, motorbikes etc),parties and still gets into trouble with the lads.However his parents split when he was young and his mother raised him with a huge respect for women.( although he had never cleaned a 'fridge, or windows and I feared he was going to do himself an injury with the vacuum cleaner)
He has a need for his collar and sense of being owned and appreciated, more so than the use and abuse..Hence the pup label and dogname.It allows me a little more tenderness and light hearted fun as well.
Biography becomes biology is a term I like.
Oh crap I seem to be dominating this thread again, sorry.

 

[Rrrosyn]

landcruisergal,

/nods

Dominating the thread with questions and intrest in the male sub's perspective because you care for you "pup" doesn't seem so bad. I call mine "lovie" and he is my wolf cub. He's not just my sub, he is my fiance and my life. If that doesn't make me Domme enough or too soft, that's just tough for the rest of the world.

(Gonna stop here with you so we can get some input from the guys.)

 

[Aeroil]

Thanks both of you...and Jay I dont mind your advice at all. Most male subs think I am too soft for not pressing the anal issue, but I am relatively new to this also.
I dont want to damage him in anyway either physically or mentally, nor wish to live with the guilt.
He has enough softer limits to push at, to keep me amused at the moment.
A "one day I'm gonna fuck you so hard" whispered in his ear ( he knows its going to happen one day), renders sweet begging and protests of his "not being worthy" and "you will be gentle with me, wont you?"...Soooo cute...

Rossyn, I hear you...My boy is a tradesman,plays with boy toys (cars, motorbikes etc),parties and still gets into trouble with the lads.However his parents split when he was young and his mother raised him with a huge respect for women.( although he had never cleaned a 'fridge, or windows and I feared he was going to do himself an injury with the vacuum cleaner)
He has a need for his collar and sense of being owned and appreciated, more so than the use and abuse..Hence the pup label and dogname.It allows me a little more tenderness and light hearted fun as well.
Biography becomes biology is a term I like.
Oh crap I seem to be dominating this thread again, sorry.

Hey, you're doing a good job of it, and there's nobody else who seems to want the job

 

[landcruisergal]

Hey, you're doing a good job of it, and there's nobody else who seems to want the job

And you know how to make a lady feel special. Thanks.
so I will repeat the question and see if any other boys take the bait. Other female responses welcome too....

A question for the boys therefore....
Is it so very important for you that your lady is sexually satisfied by your actions?
If she doesn't climax, or even seek this from you (or others in your presence) are you left with feelings of failure or confusion?
Would this be compounded if she allowed you to climax, without wanting one of her own?

 

[Aeroil]

And you know how to make a lady feel special. Thanks.
so I will repeat the question and see if any other boys take the bait. Other female responses welcome too....

hehehe, No problem . And at any rate, we don't post in here by ourselves, we definately need someone to operate the whip, as it were. Musn't allow the thread to be buried, it's a great one!

 

[mslv4Her]

And you know how to make a lady feel special. Thanks.
so I will repeat the question and see if any other boys take the bait. Other female responses welcome too....

A question for the boys therefore....
Is it so very important for you that your lady is sexually satisfied by your actions?
If she doesn't climax, or even seek this from you (or others in your presence) are you left with feelings of failure or confusion?
Would this be compounded if she allowed you to climax, without wanting one of her own?

i have had a few realtime experiences with Dommes, and it has been a mixed bag in the orgasm department. In all but a couple of cases i have been allowed, even expected, to climax -- more than once in one case. In a couple of cases the Domme has had me do things, seemingly non-traditional, to help Her achieve orgasm. In the other cases, She made no attempt to bring Herself or have me bring Her to climax. It seems Her enjoyment and pleasure was just in controlling me.

 

[Jay Davis]

For me, actual physical submission is very much tied up with romance and sex--I am not a pure masochist. There has been some element of sex play in every real-life experience I've had. Not that everyone had orgasm(s) every time, but there was genuine sexual attraction between myself and each of my partners. Personally, I can't imagine bottoming for someone that I wasn't attracted to romantically, or for someone who wasn't attracted to me. I'm not saying I want to marry every Woman who flogs me, but there needs to be some level of spark.

I met a Woman through alt.com fairly early on, and though we had a great cup of coffee and talked well into the night, she wisely declined to play. She realized that we were incompatible, in a D/s sense--she was a pure sadist, not sexual with her subs at all, and should could tell that that wasn't the way I worked. We met again as friends several times, and she actually served as an important mentor for me, but we never did actually play. That was her call, but I didn't argue at the time, and looking back now, I can see she was right and very ethical as well.

I think there are people for whom Dominance and submission is necessarily tied to romance, some for whom the connection is "optional," and some for whom the two are necessarily separate. I have another friend, a married Domme who is fully monogamous with her sub husband, who feels the same way I do--she could never Dominate someone she wasn't romantically attracted to as well. As the two women I've mentioned represent the two extremes on the separate/intertwined scale, I'm pretty confident that Dommes come in as many flavors as subs, with regard to this subject.

 

[SweetDommes]

Holly long ago made it clear (or tried to, anyway) that D/s for her is not sexual ... it's all about the power trip. She has more than once gone without orgasm during one of our playtimes - and ghosst came to me later to ask if there was something wrong (since I had already asked her, I could answer him ... he wasn't the only one to wonder).

 

[Alt]

And you know how to make a lady feel special.
A question for the boys therefore....
Is it so very important for you that your lady is sexually satisfied by your actions?
If she doesn't climax, or even seek this from you (or others in your presence) are you left with feelings of failure or confusion?
Would this be compounded if she allowed you to climax, without wanting one of her own?

Awesome question, ...and AV!

It is important that my Lady is satisfied in some way, be it sexually or mentally. I do like to make Her climax especially when it is "unplanned." If She doesn't seek sexual satisfaction I will not feel as bad, but there is a bit of lingering remorse that is undeniable on my part. I would feel selfish if I were allowed to climax while She did not. Unless, it was specific to Her choosing.

 

[sotto]

my reason for being (sexually speaking)

And you know how to make a lady feel special. Thanks.
so I will repeat the question and see if any other boys take the bait. Other female responses welcome too....

A question for the boys therefore....
Is it so very important for you that your lady is sexually satisfied by your actions?
If she doesn't climax, or even seek this from you (or others in your presence) are you left with feelings of failure or confusion?
Would this be compounded if she allowed you to climax, without wanting one of her own?

I feel like a failure if my Mistress/Wife is not sexually satisfied. She tells me that, unlike men, she isn't always horny. So she controls the the whole show. Sometimes when she feels sorry for me she will let me get off by rubbing against her leg or something similar.

 

[landcruisergal]

I feel like a failure if my Mistress/Wife is not sexually satisfied. She tells me that, unlike men, she isn't always horny. So she controls the the whole show. Sometimes when she feels sorry for me she will let me get off by rubbing against her leg or something similar.

Thank you Alt and Sotto for your replies.
It certainly appears that climax is important to a fair percentage of males ( whether granted or denied) and its a focus for them.
"control the orgasm and you control the male"
And as Netzach put so well, some girls seem more interested in playing with the "big head".
As a tool, being granted permssion to please your lady in this way, could be deemed a reward for good service..Yes?

 

[Alt]

Thank you Alt and Sotto for your replies.
It certainly appears that climax is important to a fair percentage of males ( whether granted or denied) and its a focus for them.
"control the orgasm and you control the male"
And as Netzach put so well, some girls seem more interested in playing with the "big head".
As a tool, being granted permssion to please your lady in this way, could be deemed a reward for good service..Yes?

My only concern is that she enjoys her play, ...irregardless of which head is used.

 

[Jay Davis]

Well, if a Lady directed play in such a way that it is apparent that i was to give her pleasure, and i didn't succeed, then yes, i'd feel guilty and disappointed in myself.

On the other hand, i can recall sessions in which the goal was clearly only to tease me and then either deny or allow release, and my Domme at the time was interested only in entertaining herself by playing with me, not interested in having an orgasm herself. Played correctly, these sessions can be extremely hot, and while they reinforce the Domme's control over her pet, they don't induce any feelings of guilt or failure.

I'm starting to squirm a bit even now, just remembering...

 

[landcruisergal]

Well, if a Lady directed play in such a way that it is apparent that i was to give her pleasure, and i didn't succeed, then yes, i'd feel guilty and disappointed in myself.

On the other hand, i can recall sessions in which the goal was clearly only to tease me and then either deny or allow release, and my Domme at the time was interested only in entertaining herself by playing with me, not interested in having an orgasm herself. Played correctly, these sessions can be extremely hot, and while they reinforce the Domme's control over her pet, they don't induce any feelings of guilt or failure.

I'm starting to squirm a bit even now, just remembering...

Very clearly put. Thank you.

 

[timberwolf05]

fear?

Good morning boys

I have been thinking about bondage this morning and how freeing it can be to most submissives but on rare occassions I have run across a boy that fears bondage. Have any of you ever been in a bondage situation that caused you fear and not in a good way?

==============

fear? i am scared to death. but i want to try it SO badly....

wolfie

 

[timberwolf05]

you boys...how do you deal with jealousy and possessivesness or are these factors at all in a BDSM relationship?

=====================

i am too old to worry about petty jealousy and being too possessive.

wolfie

 

[Rrrosyn]

Too quiet...

When your opinion is asked is it common for you to just agree with your Domme and all that was played out? Even when asked do you find it hard to say what could have been added, prolonged or what didn't work for you?

For a scene to be enjoyable I need feedback. Hopefully positive, but some info on what wasn't liked or enough (after a scene only, never during) would help the next scene go much better. Do male subs have problems communicating this? If you do, please let me know why.

 

[timberwolf05]

Do male subs have problems communicating this? If you do, please let me know why.

==================================

myself? no. i let Mistress know how i feel but at the moment, She already knows. She talks to me while She is doing whatever and i answer Her during all of it.
She is able to finish my sentences before i even have that thought completed enough to finish it myself.
my "communication" with Mistress is one un needing of mere words. i am able to grunt, whine, squeal, whatever,...move my hips one way or another in a "scene"......She KNOWS because She changes at each precise movement i make or sound i make.
i do not know how others fare, but so far my communicating with my Mistress is all too easy.

wolfie
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