Order, Structure and Control

[MissTaken]

Well, when Dominating, I also enjoy a bit of ritual, but not to the degree that my submissive self does. As a sub, the more ritual the better.

As a Domme, I enjoy greeting rituals and little rituals that get us both into the headspace of D/s.

However, don't people in relationships often find themselves performing rituals, even if the ritual is something never written and isn't a "rule" per se?

It may simply be a habitual way of greeting, or dining together or who lights who's cigarette or who opens the door for the other.

Are we really creatures of habit and ritual?
Does BDSM give some a context in which to build on this to the extreme?

 

[FungiUg]

However, don't people in relationships often find themselves performing rituals, even if the ritual is something never written and isn't a "rule" per se?

Indeed. I think you would be hard pressed to examine any relationship and not find some sort of ritual behaivour. It's just that in BDSM, we often deliberately express control through rituals. So perhaps it's a little more focussed.

 

[MissTaken]

Funny how time has changed things.

Even now, I do love rituals and positions and use the training I referenced in the first post with scooter. Only now, he is the one on his knees with his eyes downcast.

I thought I would bump this thread as I have linked it a number of times for friends and posters with questions.

Anyone care to take this discussion further?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Anyone care to take this discussion further?

What's the Cliff notes version of this thread?


LOL... (you know, I'm kidding) ;-)

 

[MissTaken]

What's the Cliff notes version of this thread?


LOL... (you know, I'm kidding) ;-)

Of course!

Now, perhaps you should assume the redemption position.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Of course!

Now, perhaps you should assume the redemption position.

Do I get S&H Green Stamps if I do?


LOL

 

[MissTaken]

Do I get S&H Green Stamps if I do?


LOL

Ack!

Do you know how far you have dated us?

I remember S and H green stamps.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Ack!

Do you know how far you have dated us?

I remember S and H green stamps.

Yea, it's scary.

But damn.... we are still sooooo fucking fabulous, aren't we?

 

[exiledmaster]

Ack!

Do you know how far you have dated us?

I remember S and H green stamps.

They were called Green Shield stamps this side of the pond...

And when Supermarket loyalty cards came out I irredeemably dated myself by saying 'It's just Green Shield stamps with a swipe card...' - at that point my subbie friend smiled and said 'So do you give me a swipe with a flogger for every ten pounds I spend?'

 

[MastrJ]

My submissive and I followed somthing similar to what was first posted whenever we had a scene. It helped to set up the feelings and situation very well. I know she really liked standing there and waiting for me to inspect her and determine if she was ready for me. I also really liked it. I don't know if I would ever want a sub to greet me at the door like that, but I know I want a sub to stand for inspection and approval before giving me pleasure. We also had a few rituals involving the shower when we were able to shower together. She would wash me and then wash herself. It felt a little silly sometimes having someone wash me, but I realized that it was something my sub wanted to do for me to show her love and devotion. Once I realized what washing me symbolized, I was able to accept and appreciate it for the gift it was. I hope to include rituals and such like this in future situations and relationships, but it will depend and vary on the submissive.

 

[MissIntrigue]

Originally posted by A Desert Rose
Yea, it's scary.

But damn.... we are still sooooo fucking fabulous, aren't we?

Isn't it grand!? S&H wow flashback.....Fabulous isn't enuff said!

 

[shyly curious]

... order and structure ...

as sub, ... i crave order and structure, ... rituals, ... rituals that express my devotion and desire to serve M'lady, my Queen, and that by following those rituals, ... She will see, ... i am, ... sub, longing to please Her.

 

[MissTaken]

. I hope to include rituals and such like this in future situations and relationships, but it will depend and vary on the submissive.

You made some wonderful points, MastrJ. This one I am selecting because it struck a chord.

I have found that while rituals can be transferred from one sub to another, each sub will respond differently and what works for one, may not yield the same results with another.

Structure is good, but we need to be cognizant of each individual sub's needs.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: ... order and structure ...

as sub, ... i crave order and structure, ... rituals, ... rituals that express my devotion and desire to serve M'lady, my Queen, and that by following those rituals, ... She will see, ... i am, ... sub, longing to please Her.

So, how do the rituals help you to express your devotion, shy?

 

[shyly curious]

Re: Re: ... order and structure ...

So, how do the rituals help you to express your devotion, shy?

SHE has made it clear what SHE desires from HER sub, when i give those things, in the exact ways SHE desires, that is, when i perform the rituals SHE desires, SHE acknowledges my devotion as SHE sees my efforts to please HER.

to know how to please HER, ... to know the ways, ... the rituals that make her happy, ... to give those to HER, ... allows me to know how to earn HER trust, ... in ways that hold value for HER.

to have no rituals, none at all, ... would be tatamount to taking a trip with no map or destination. i would be quickly lost and disoriented.

the rituals ground me in being HER sub.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Re: ... order and structure ...

to have no rituals, none at all, ... would be tatamount to taking a trip with no map or destination. i would be quickly lost and disoriented.

the rituals ground me in being HER sub.

Thank you, shy.

Very nicely put.

 

[shyly curious]

... bump ...