Ownership

[serijules]

The only person I *want* to own is H. And yeah, he has no input on things, I will do them and if I choose to adjust to make him more comfortable that is a "thank you Ma'am" kindness on my part.

I don't feel that way about M. I don't feel that my bull owns me, I would describe it as "I feel good pleasing this person." I think he'd be the first to feel icky with the idea of "owning" me, though we both like making me a trophy whatever once in a while.

I like "possessing" though, as a verb. In a squishy Romance novel kind of way. That can work for me OK with M or with him. Ownership doesn't accompany any Romantic involvement and every -- and in my case, ANY.

But I'm the kind of person likely to cheer if my loved ones tell me they're fucking someone else -- and wanna watch, this may have something to do with my discomfort with the concept in the traditional romantic sense.

Posses is a good word too. Even "have". I think Dawnie would say I am the only one of her girls she OWNS. She has others in her life, some more so than others. Yet C and I are the only ones that she really is possessive about or have established "you are MINE" type relationships, although C is not her slave and has more freedoms with others than I do.

 

[Netzach]

Posses is a good word too. Even "have". I think Dawnie would say I am the only one of her girls she OWNS. She has others in her life, some more so than others. Yet C and I are the only ones that she really is possessive about or have established "you are MINE" type relationships, although C is not her slave and has more freedoms with others than I do.

I don't think I could possibly own more than one person at a time, no matter what the number of involvements may be, any more than I could marry more than one, hell even less so.

 

[intothewoods]

A question for the ownees . You say you will remain in the relationship, until death, or your release. What if your PYL changes? I mean, what if you are miserable for five years in a row. Would you stay? There is no circumstance you could imagine which would prompt you to leave?

 

[h_i_s]

A question for the ownees . You say you will remain in the relationship, until death, or your release. What if your PYL changes? I mean, what if you are miserable for five years in a row. Would you stay? There is no circumstance you could imagine which would prompt you to leave?

Hell.. I had an X whose assinine antics were very difficult to tolerate and to which I never even concented to being subjected to... and I stayed with him way longer than that. LOL

ITW, I am double vowed here so to speak. I vowed to be His slave. I then vowed to be His wife. And being a slave is not always a bed of roses, to begin with. Part of being a slave means putting up with not always having it my way. I put His pleasure and needs before mine countless times per day and get my pleasure in doing just that. I am lucky that He has the sense and resposibility to tell me to sit down and rest now and then. I am here at His service every hour of every day of the year. I no longer work outside the home. Neither does He. Been that way for close to 3 years. I serve day and night. I'm not a long distance slave who serves a few times a year or less. I'm not an online slave. I'm not a submissive with choices or wiggle room for negotiations. I'm a slave in the unlimited sense (I've been here long enough to know that some here will take offence to my describing myself in this way and will try to jump on it as a cheap shot at how they serve. I don't care how anyone else serves and I am only speaking of me. If how I serve makes others feel 'less than' that is on them and how they feel about themselves. Not my problem. I won't minimize who i am just to make others feel better. Fuck that. ). It is often exhausting to be so. And this is just my role as His slave. I am also a mom to 3.

The question of 'what if you are suddenly unhappy' always comes up. If less people felt they could just walk away when the going gets tough there would be a lowered incidence of divorce.

It's not always easy. It's not always fun. And sometimes the fun factor slips very deep into the negative zone. I can't go into specifics and I know if I did I could point out some of the difficulties that have existed between IYM which would have sent many other pyls heading for the hills if they'd been faced with the same. I'm still here with Him. And I'm a rarity in having known all that before I agreed to being owned.

I'm His for the long haul, or until He decides otherwise.
THis is a tough answer to prove though. Nothing can prove it at the moment.
Bump this thread in another 20 years and aslk me the same questions please, ITW.

 

[intothewoods]

Absolutely, sinn! I'm putting it in my calendar.

No, in all seriousness, being in any longterm relationship means you're not always going to be happy. That I get. And yeah, I don't think you should walk away from marriage just because things are far less than perfect.

I'm saying, what if the guy really turned into a bastard, and put you through hell for 5 years. And I don't mean, his normal sadistic self. I mean - well, okay, let me go about this another way. You say you derive pleasure in serving him, no matter what. I know others who will describe it as part of who they are. But what if something were to change so that you were absolutely miserable, and there was no end in sight. I don't mean, he loses his job and you have to eat mac and cheese for a year. I mean, really really awful.

I suppose it will be impossible for you (general you) to conceive of that happening.

 

[ecstaticsub]

A question for the ownees . You say you will remain in the relationship, until death, or your release. What if your PYL changes? I mean, what if you are miserable for five years in a row. Would you stay? There is no circumstance you could imagine which would prompt you to leave?

I look at my D/s relationship in many ways like my marriage. It would take some very serious changes to make me want to end either relationship. I've been married for over 20 years and we have been through some rough times. But we have stayed together because our feelings for each other never changed. It is the same way with my PYL. We have only been together for 2.5 years but we have gone through a couple of rough times, but my loyality, love and devotion for him and his for me never changed.

People do change though. Hopefully in both of my relationships we can all grow and change together. If the unimaginable happens and my PYL changes from our #1 rule--Families first--and interfers with my marriage or my children then I will walk away. But I don't see that as ever happening.

 

[catalina_francisco]

A question for the ownees . You say you will remain in the relationship, until death, or your release. What if your PYL changes? I mean, what if you are miserable for five years in a row. Would you stay? There is no circumstance you could imagine which would prompt you to leave?

Nope....I didn't enter into such an agreement on a whim to make me wet, and as such I tend to be very serious when I give my word so yes, I am here to stay unless he says otherwise and to date he says that won't even happen if hell freezes over.

Catalina

 

[h_i_s]

Absolutely, sinn! I'm putting it in my calendar.

No, in all seriousness, being in any longterm relationship means you're not always going to be happy. That I get. And yeah, I don't think you should walk away from marriage just because things are far less than perfect.

I'm saying, what if the guy really turned into a bastard, and put you through hell for 5 years. And I don't mean, his normal sadistic self. I mean - well, okay, let me go about this another way. You say you derive pleasure in serving him, no matter what. I know others who will describe it as part of who they are. But what if something were to change so that you were absolutely miserable, and there was no end in sight. I don't mean, he loses his job and you have to eat mac and cheese for a year. I mean, really really awful.

I suppose it will be impossible for you (general you) to conceive of that happening.

It's not impossible for me to fathom, ITW.
I've been there. I've had that bastard. It was miserable. I was lucky to have been observant enough to have foreseen his potential in that sense. It's why I didn't marry him. It's why I didn't marry more than a dozen others before him.

Perhaps the difference with me that many others won't get is that I have experience to fall back on. When I met IYM I knew very well what I wanted, and needed as well as what I didn't want and didn't need in a relationship. I entered this relationship with eyes wide open. I made informed choices.

I'm not some inexperienced 20'some year old with no clue as to what she wants and needs. I don't entertain far fetched expectations. I'm a grown woman of just under 40 and as such I know myself better than any half my age know themselves. At 20 I only thought I knew everything. At 30 I'd figured I was wisened up enough to understand that I could only know myself. At 35 or so.. I met a Man who gave me reason to at least WANT to know Him on the same level.

It's a difficult thing to explain to someone who doesn't wear my shoes ITW.
I'm a very loyal person when it comes to family and close friends. I'm a stubborn woman by default, too. Those two traits combined keep me where I am, and always will. I don't care what He does tomorrow or next week that may make me miserable.. I vowed to honor this relationship and this marriage. I am and I will.

 

[intothewoods]

You know, I don't know you that well, but that (experience) is the reason I feel comfortable with Cat's relationship. Er, not that she needs my comfort, lol, but I just mean, when I read about it I don't go EEK ACK TRAIN WRECK APPROACHING. And I don't often feel like that.

I think it is the very rare woman or man who really has the life experience to choose this and have it be their authentic life, not a fantasy in which they are hiding, if that makes any sense.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm saying, what if the guy really turned into a bastard, and put you through hell for 5 years. And I don't mean, his normal sadistic self. I mean - well, okay, let me go about this another way. But what if something were to change so that you were absolutely miserable, and there was no end in sight. I don't mean, he loses his job and you have to eat mac and cheese for a year. I mean, really really awful.

I suppose it will be impossible for you (general you) to conceive of that happening.

I think most who do not have such a relationship and pose this question, do so thinking those moments have never arisen and thus our answers are unproven realities. For us there have been moments when one of the other or both were totally miserable, sometimes to the point of feeling we had lost that special mojo we had in the beginning, but neither of us take the commitment lightly, both promised to work together to get through any negative moments, and we certainly never expected it to be a walk in the park so to speak so though dissappointed/frustrated such moments and periods of time occur, we do not go into shock mode and start thinking about how to exit the agreement and relationship.

In fact, I can honestly say this is the first relationship in my life (including that with my parents/siblings) where I have felt 100% sure I would be here tomorrow, would be wanted, accepted and expected to be here, and that he would also be here and working toward mending whatever has upset the usual bliss. I am not about to go into details, but we have faced some very dark moments on a variety of levels, but our relationship remains the stronger for it, our security in our bond more definite, and our commitment to stay together forever even deeper if possible.

Catalina

 

[h_i_s]

You know, I don't know you that well, but that (experience) is the reason I feel comfortable with Cat's relationship. Er, not that she needs my comfort, lol, but I just mean, when I read about it I don't go EEK ACK TRAIN WRECK APPROACHING. And I don't often feel like that.

I think it is the very rare woman or man who really has the life experience to choose this and have it be their authentic life, not a fantasy in which they are hiding, if that makes any sense.

It makes a lot of sense, actually, ITW.
Unfortunately, some equate rare with nonexistant.

 

[h_i_s]

I think most who do not have such a relationship and pose this question, do so thinking those moments have never arisen and thus our answers are unproven realities..........................

Thank you Cat'. I was trying to express that without ending up with a long winded post...
You've said it better than me, and did so with less than half the words.

 

[DrkSword]

A thought raised by a post in another thread, but I didn't want to hijack it again:

I have a problem with the concept of "ownership". I'm not a slave, so therefore I don't consider myself to be owned. The word has associations to me of possessiveness and jealousy which I have lived with in my first (vanilla) marriage....so to me it's not a good thing.

However I'm aware that other pyls find much joy in being considered owned by their PYL. I'm interested in your take on the concept - who knows maybe you could change my mind on this issue

Just my 2 cents. Ownership is but a word. It is the definition we associate with the word that gives it meaning. To "own" something, to me, says I have a responsibility to care for and protect that "item" at all costs. To me this is a "thing" that can be sold or traded. In my mind, there is no way to "own" another person.

To submit is another story all together. If one decides to submit to me and I decide to collar said person then they give them selves to me freely with the trust, understanding, compassion and love that we both deserve. To betray that is not in line with this lifestyle.

DS
A new pet in training is a wonder to behold.