Phone/Internet Relationship.

[Krinaia]

Punishment is a means of teaching or learning a lesson.
The reason for punishment is disobedience.
He is clear as to why the punishment is deserved and what he plans me to learn from it./QUOTE]



I like this statement and want to add.... I don't like to disobey, it makes me feel bad about the relationship and being punished on top of it really makes me feel worse but allows me also to stop feeling bad once the after-care has been lavished on me to help me stop feeling so sorry about the whole affair.

I haven't finished reading through the thread - and haven't noticed yet after-care mentioned and I just wanted to say something because I really believe that after-care is the closure to a punishment that allows for healing to happen and it strengthens the bound created by the dsciplinary or punishment act.

 

[shy slave]

It's for reasons like this that I feel a novice sub is best off with an experienced Dominant.
Epona

Like Sin I agree with this.
When I first realised I was a submissive I was still on a vanilla dating site.
I spoke to several men who claimed to have an interest in D/s, but in reality it appeared they had little theoretical knowledge and no real experiences.

When I went onto 'alt' I thought I would talk to men who would have some knowledge or experience. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
In one case the same man, different site in all other cases, different site, same type.

I wanted to feel safe, I wanted to be with someone who knew what they were doing.

I finally had two sessions with someone who met that criteria. I wasn't looking for a relationship, I was looking to discover if I could live up to my own thoughts.
(Imagining a need for D/s and actually being involved in it are two very different concepts).

I would not take driving lessons from someone who had not read the highway code or passed his test.
The same principles applies to a D/s relationship

 

[h_i_s]

The only other main point that sticks out like a sore thumb to me, is the idea of a pyl choosing and/or suggesting to the PYL ideas for punishment (aside from any occasion where the PYL has requested that they do so for the reason of driving home a clear picture to that pyl of the need to be punished as a consequence of their 'wrong doings').

If i were to ever suggest to INSIDEYOURMIND, my suggestions for how i should be punished, i'd be stepping out of 'my place' as His slave, and could expect that i'd now be worthy of two punishments, one for the 'first wrong doing' and the other for acting like a smart ass brat with an attempt to top from the bottom.

It might not be so for some pyls in their own relationships with their PYLs, but that's how it is here, for me.

 

[Krinaia]

Thank you for the laugh sweetie. You're obviously not compatible with me or with anyone that I know of who participates in a Master Slave relationship.

In order to get the very best in training and life, you have to be willing to give everything up. You're obviously not willing to give much.

This isn't meant to be an insult (tho I am sure it will be perceived as such) but rather a commentary on our different levels of committment to the lifestyle.

I'd wager that after 10 years of r/l experience your opinions would more closely match mine than they do now.

That is insulting and it wasn't even set to me... I hate that kinker than thou attitude. <sigh> Though it's the symantics of the word "committment" that bothers me. Admittedly, I keep myself on the outskirts - but that's also because I believe in ebing well-rounded human being and immersing myself completely into my sexuality would be allowing myself to be defined by my sexuality instead of allowing my sexuality be a part of who I am.

<editted to add: I do see it as insulting, but not really at the same time - it's just that sort of thing gets my hackles up in the same way that certain Christian attitudes of my spiritualtiy is deeper than yours attitudes get my hackles up because to me it implies that they are unable to see the world from any viewport but their own and I don't necessarily believe that of you but the comment made ran along with a thread of prejuidice I've been fighting since about age 7>

 

[h_i_s]

Like Sin I agree with this.
When I first realised I was a submissive I was still on a vanilla dating site.
I spoke to several men who claimed to have an interest in D/s, but in reality it appeared they had little theoretical knowledge and no real experiences.

i agree with all that you've said here, too shy slave.
i experienced the same & i just wasn't comfortable to find myself conversing with any Dom who wanted to make me his, who seemed to know far less about D/s or M/s relationships than i did at the time.

 

[shy slave]

OMG I want that internet toy!!! That would be so much fun for us!I think my Master would love it too.Thanks!

Also,how can I tease my Master,instead of disrespect him?Got any examples?

I cant help on this NS.

My teasing comes from my humour, not as a means to an end ~ eg subtle way of 'pissing him off', telling him what to do, edging towards a scene of any description.

Of course, he may view it differently, but if he does he has not mentioned it to me.

I have known Doms who find my humour disrespectful to them. I always found their pomposity at my humour funny. Laughing at their reaction never made them happy. Luckily I have never been in any form of relationship with any of them otherwise it would have made us both miserable

There is, I guess, a fine line between teasing/disrespect/topping from the bottom.

Only by working together and allowing your own personality to shine through will either of you be able to work out where the line is for both of you.

 

[Andante]

I disagree

Thank you for the laugh sweetie. You're obviously not compatible with me or with anyone that I know of who participates in a Master Slave relationship.

In order to get the very best in training and life, you have to be willing to give everything up. You're obviously not willing to give much.

This isn't meant to be an insult (tho I am sure it will be perceived as such) but rather a commentary on our different levels of committment to the lifestyle.

I'd wager that after 10 years of r/l experience your opinions would more closely match mine than they do now.

I don't know you and I have no reason to believe that you are not committed to the lifestyle.

But frankly, I fail to see the connection between eating disliked food items and commitment to the lifestyle. I can easily see how my slaves physical and mental well-being is my responsibility, and that I therefore may need to adjust her diet in general away from chocolate and white bread and towards healthier items.
But to say that she is not committed to our relationship (or the 'lifestyle') because she doesn't want to eat a specific item, such as multigrain crackers? That just appear to me as a typical 'play' thing, and not at all about allowing your partner to grow and thrive as a result of the relationship.

As for forcing her to eat something that I know she really dislikes; why? The only reason I can think of is, that I felt a need to demonstrate my power, like "I'm making you do this, to prove that I can". Sorry, but I don't need that kind of stuff to boost my self-confidence; I've got a spine. And as for boosting her confidence in me, I don't think it would do much good either; she's got a brain.

If your ways works for you and yours, that's fine. But just don't tell people that they are not committed or 'willing to give much', just because they don't want to play your kind of games.

My 0.02$

 

[Krinaia]

And as for boosting her confidence in me, I don't think it would do much good either; she's got a brain.

If your ways works for you and yours, that's fine. But just don't tell people that they are not committed or 'willing to give much', just because they don't want to play your kind of games.

My 0.02$

Amen. <grins>

I think I like you.... and yes she does. Sort of cute too. Brainy and cute. Someone is one lucky dude.

 

[Krinaia]

I just realized that I momentarily had my profiles confused... so cute, I'm not really sure... but brainy yes, even though I haven't always agreed with shy slave, I think she has the the intelligence to make good decisions for herself and is respectful of others so my judgement remains, you seem to be a lucky guy well I doubt luck had too much to do with it, but still

 

[His_pita]

I would not take driving lessons from someone who had not read the highway code or passed his test.
The same principles applies to a D/s relationship

Yeah, but I'm already in love with the instructor, so what do I do now? We weren't actively searching for this lifestyle. We met and then through conversations discovered our mutual interest in BDSM. We then decided to see where it would take us.

He does wish he had hands on Dom experience and worries about being able to give me what I need. I however love that I am his first submissive and will get to explore D/s with him. Sure, we will make mistakes and we will work through them together.

What I have learned in my few short months of reading everything I can on every site I can find is that BDSM is a huge topic and everyone is different. That is why I love the term PYL/pyl that you all use here. I don't like labels and I don't like being told how my D/s should be done. I have also learned and believe that D/s is a lifetime of learning and growing. So, we are newbie’s starting out together. That’s fine with me.

 

[Krinaia]

Yeah, but I'm already in love with the instructor, so what do I do now? We weren't actively searching for this lifestyle. We met and then through conversations discovered our mutual interest in BDSM. We then decided to see where it would take us.

He does wish he had hands on Dom experience and worries about being able to give me what I need. I however love that I am his first submissive and will get to explore D/s with him. Sure, we will make mistakes and we will work through them together.

What I have learned in my few short months of reading everything I can on every site I can find is that BDSM is a huge topic and everyone is different. That is why I love the term PYL/pyl that you all use here. I don't like labels and I don't like being told how my D/s should be done. I have also learned and believe that D/s is a lifetime of learning and growing. So, we are newbie’s starting out together. That’s fine with me.

You guys might try the local munch - they are usually discreet and you might meet another more experienced couple that could serve as tutors and munches usually offer a lot in the way of lectures or tutorials from experienced members or lectures they bring in from around the area or country. It's worth a shot.

 

[Krinaia]

ps - now that I know what pita stands for, I love your name

before i was like, what, she's sandwich bread? pita bread is sort of like a vagina though in shape and that you stick meat in it.... har har. sorry

 

[Miss Diva]

ps - now that I know what pita stands for, I love your name

before i was like, what, she's sandwich bread? pita bread is sort of like a vagina though in shape and that you stick meat in it.... har har. sorry

LOL I found out yesterday while looking up acronyms. I thought "oh he must love pita bread"

 

[Krinaia]

I love a good pun...

I have one screenname that seems innocent enough but when you disect the words it can either mean "graceful" or "wet pussy"

I like pita... that's intensely funny



and speaking of punishments,I need one for not being able to hold my tongue with that meat comment.

 

[His_pita]

ps - now that I know what pita stands for, I love your name

before i was like, what, she's sandwich bread? pita bread is sort of like a vagina though in shape and that you stick meat in it.... har har. sorry

LOL, I know it's funny. Whenever I tell someone that he gave me the name pita I get, "Like the bread?" I hadn't thought of the vagina connection though.

And yes we do plan to find a local munch when we get settled. We very much want to have real life friends that are also in the lifestyle that we can learn and socialize with.

 

[Krinaia]

LOL, I know it's funny. Whenever I tell someone that he gave me the name pita I get, "Like the bread?" I hadn't thought of the vagina connection though.

And yes we do plan to find a local munch when we get settled. We very much want to have real life friends that are also in the lifestyle that we can learn and socialize with.

I'm glad you aren't offended.

 

[shy slave]

I just realized that I momentarily had my profiles confused... so cute, I'm not really sure... but brainy yes, even though I haven't always agreed with shy slave, I think she has the the intelligence to make good decisions for herself and is respectful of others so my judgement remains, you seem to be a lucky guy well I doubt luck had too much to do with it, but still

I can be cute. I just need to work at it for a little longer, ok a lot longer!!

Skyline, I love to have active disagreements with people who have the intelligence not to end up mud slinging at each other.
Its fun, harmless and helps me view things from a different or bigger perspective.
I have always enjoyed the times you have disagreed with me

As for Andante, I am glad you think he is a lucky guy.

Of course, now I know he has ideas about my perfectly healthy diet of white bread and chocolate I am not so sure I am as equally lucky.

edit to add: who did you mix me up with, I am curious as to who you think is cute and brainy.

 

[Krinaia]

I can be cute. I just need to work at it for a little longer, ok a lot longer!!

Skyline, I love to have active disagreements with people who have the intelligence not to end up mud slinging at each other.
Its fun, harmless and helps me view things from a different or bigger perspective.
I have always enjoyed the times you have disagreed with me

As for Andante, I am glad you think he is a lucky guy.

Of course, now I know he has ideas about my perfectly healthy diet of white bread and chocolate I am not so sure I am as equally lucky.

I like multi-grain bread and dark chocolate - both are proven good for you, and are healthier than their white and milk alternatives.

I liked Andante;s comment, it is the sort of thing a man can say to make me instantly turned on. So you're a lucky girl too

 

[shy slave]

Yeah, but I'm already in love with the instructor, so what do I do now? We weren't actively searching for this lifestyle. We met and then through conversations discovered our mutual interest in BDSM. We then decided to see where it would take us.

He does wish he had hands on Dom experience and worries about being able to give me what I need. I however love that I am his first submissive and will get to explore D/s with him. Sure, we will make mistakes and we will work through them together.

What I have learned in my few short months of reading everything I can on every site I can find is that BDSM is a huge topic and everyone is different. That is why I love the term PYL/pyl that you all use here. I don't like labels and I don't like being told how my D/s should be done. I have also learned and believe that D/s is a lifetime of learning and growing. So, we are newbie’s starting out together. That’s fine with me.

Yeah, but I'm already in love with the instructor

Thats a great line

As I see it, the difference between you and him, and my experiences of other new Doms is that you are both willing to read, listen, read some more, ask questions.
None of the people I spoke to had an interest in that.

You have both started threads and asked questions, to me, you both appear to come from the perspective that you understand that aalthough the forum is not necessarily 'all knowing' there may be elements of peoples responses you can use and / or discuss.

Equally you don't seem afraid to support each other, stand up to people and disagree with comments you don't believe in.

I really it hope it works out for both of you, together x

 

[His_pita]

I really it hope it works out for both of you, together x

Thank you shy slave. Your post meant a lot to me. I really do take this lifestyle seriously and want to be the best submissive I can be for my Sir.

 

[Softouch911]

....willing to read, listen, read some more, ask questions....

For someone like me, the discovery of BDSM was like coming on an island full of all the nourishment and toys you have imagined after being stranded at sea for years .... it's not that someone hasn't been dominant or submissive, but that they have had, perhaps, no word for it and no way of knowing that it is a normal, and even good, thing to feel. Once it is discovered and known, the reading and listening is something you look forward to. The learning curve is steep and the study is like discovering myself, and I'm grateful ... maybe especially to the people who challenge ideas.


I heartily concur with posters who have distinguished among punishment and discipline: that punishment is to correct and is best unpleasant; and that discipline is instruction or practice for what is thought to be an improvement and further bonding. Someone once pointed out that the distinction is easiest to understand if you're a parent.

 

[Master Sensei]

That is insulting and it wasn't even set to me... I hate that kinker than thou attitude. <sigh> Though it's the symantics of the word "committment" that bothers me. Admittedly, I keep myself on the outskirts - but that's also because I believe in ebing well-rounded human being and immersing myself completely into my sexuality would be allowing myself to be defined by my sexuality instead of allowing my sexuality be a part of who I am.

<editted to add: I do see it as insulting, but not really at the same time - it's just that sort of thing gets my hackles up in the same way that certain Christian attitudes of my spiritualtiy is deeper than yours attitudes get my hackles up because to me it implies that they are unable to see the world from any viewport but their own and I don't necessarily believe that of you but the comment made ran along with a thread of prejuidice I've been fighting since about age 7>

First, I'd like to apologize to Naughty as her thread has been hopelessly derailed. I feel more than a little responsible for that.

Kinkier than thou. I like that, do you mind if I use that as a sig or a title?

In some ways you are correct. First, I have little use for online only relationships. I feel that those who refer to themselves as PYL or pyl who only engage in those types of relationships are representing themselves fraudulently. However, we are a lifestyle that preaches tolerance as we're all essentially freaks anyway. Have you not wondered as I have if many of the people who post about BDSM have actually touched a real pyl?

I feel that they (online only) have the right to do whatever they want to do, but as many of them are married and "cheating" in this way, it is hard for me to completely accept.

If however you are in a long distance relationship with the intentions of meeting and achieving a real relationship, all is well.

 

[Krinaia]

First, I'd like to apologize to Naughty as her thread has been hopelessly derailed. I feel more than a little responsible for that.

Kinkier than thou. I like that, do you mind if I use that as a sig or a title?

In some ways you are correct. First, I have little use for online only relationships. I feel that those who refer to themselves as PYL or pyl who only engage in those types of relationships are representing themselves fraudulently. However, we are a lifestyle that preaches tolerance as we're all essentially freaks anyway. Have you not wondered as I have if many of the people who post about BDSM have actually touched a real pyl?

I feel that they (online only) have the right to do whatever they want to do, but as many of them are married and "cheating" in this way, it is hard for me to completely accept.

If however you are in a long distance relationship with the intentions of meeting and achieving a real relationship, all is well.

Go for it but NOT if it is a means to set yourself aside as someone better... you misuse it if that is the message you want to make. For me, prescribing that you are kinkier just because you've managed to take things offline or because you consider yourself a "real" master unlike all those fake "tops" makes you a jerk and thus, negatively, you have a kinkier than thou attitude. It is an intolerant attitude regardless of the excuses or people you target as cheaters and jumping to conclusions to explain why your kink is so much better. Perhaps you have had trouble with players online and now choose to paint all who play online with this brush because of your bitterness... which is sad, but it is no reason to begin making yourself out as a kinkier person. To me thiskind of thing is completely comparable to Christians who discount your spirituality just because you don't prescribe to their way of thinking - so similarly, discounting someone's kink just because it as offline or practiced or experienced (in terms of time not quality of time) is intolerant. So if that's why you want to borrow my words, I'd prefer you didn't - it would be incorrectly quoting me. I would take offense to that.



... but I am actually not in a relationship of any sort at the moment. I'm single and new to town and slow to get my social life kicking. <sigh> which explains my increased activity here lately. But I'm a fetishist first and a switch/submissive/top as an extension of that - which is often where I come up against the kinkier than thou atttitude as though being a fetishist and not a part or labeled portion of the d/s spectrum makes me less of a "lifestyler". And yes, I have played offline and been in real time d/s and bdsm relationships and been on many first dates with kinksters, been stood up by them too. I have also been in online only relationships and am about to take an online friend relationship offline And yes, there will be floggin involved.

 

[Master Sensei]

I don't know you and I have no reason to believe that you are not committed to the lifestyle.

I just love it when Doms start a statement this way. It basically means "I don't want to appear like a prick to everyone, but I'm about to call you a weak bitch."

See below?

The only reason I can think of is, that I felt a need to demonstrate my power, like "I'm making you do this, to prove that I can". Sorry, but I don't need that kind of stuff to boost my self-confidence; I've got a spine.

Call me Kinkier than thou, blunt, or opinionated, but I prefer to think of myself as direct and open. Oh, and I'm certainly not spineless. I would call someone who veiled their comments like that spineless.

Now, I believe the topic at hand was how to punish a long distance girl. Short of sending her to another Dom for punishment (something I would never do), there are limits to what you can do (as I'm sure you're well aware Andante.) The eating thing, as I mentioned, is not something I like to do, but it was an offer of help to answer the girl's question. I have ordered a girl to eat foods she doesn't like when she strays from her food plan, and I think for a long distance relationship that is perfectly appropriate and effective.

As far as committment goes, you can't see a correlation? I'm sure you can make the connection that if a girl will simply refuse to eat unappetizing food as punishment, she cannot be truly committed to her relationship and respect her Master's ability to lead. "Whip me, beat me, but don't make me eat the blue pop tarts or it's over" just seems incongruous with my vision of the lifestyle.

And I'm sure you'll agree that yelling "Smack yourself, and if it's not hard enough I'm gonna get really, really mad!!!!" like a petulant child on the phone doesn't really work. It reminds me of something I saw in a Beavis and Butthead movie.

And finally,

If your ways works for you and yours, that's fine. But just don't tell people that they are not committed or 'willing to give much', just because they don't want to play your kind of games.

You're more than welcome to say that I shouldn't tell others how to live, and that's your opinion. However, when they post questions or opinions on a message board, what do you expect?

Also, Andante, what do you actually do with a girl anyway? Are you not aware that to many people in "our" lifestyle the game, the mind fuck is the most important aspect? I do my best work during the segments in which I haven't touched my girl. This life ought to be so much more than just slap and tickle time.

Peace.

 

[Krinaia]

Okay, Dom Wars aside, MS is right about one thing - we've detracted from Naughty's true intent long enough....


How about as punishment he makes you do something humilating and pointful such as writing lines. and as proof - photographic evidence that there are yes truly twenty sheets of handwritten lines saying, "I won't piss my Master off". See, a photograph of handwritten pages - you can't easily fake.

<editted to change a pointless to a pointful because writing lines hammers stuff home> and having to give proof will also show how untrusty worthy you are and that he will need proof until you can prove yourself to be a good girl who deserves her wonderful spankings

If you like to walk around naked, he could make you keep clothes on. If you like to drink coffee while answering emails, he says you aren't allowed coffee for a week.