Phone/Internet Relationship.

[Krinaia]

He could also assign you reading assignments and ask for book reports before you two are to talk again. This way, he can educate you to please him, you learn, and he can check to make sure you are learning properly and there is an exchange that helps deepen the relationship. It is sort of a reward but that of course depends on the subject matter he makes you research. For example, as punishment he could make you research earthworms or something which disgusts or bores you.

For a reward, he could make you research flogger material and ways to craft your own floggers. This would be more disciplinary. Him instructing you to educate you in ways in which to please not only him but also to expand your knowledge base which will therefore make you more of a pleasure to him that he owns such a knowledgeable and crafty slave. If you're bad at crafts - it could be massage techniques which he instructs you to test on pillows and teddy bears.

A punishment might be to go out somewhere to watch couples having fun but sit in a corner and realize that your misbehaviour has landed you here. alone in a corner away from his presence on an evening the two of you normally converse online. This might make you feel properly chastised for displeasing him. Say, a romantic resturnat and as added punishment he asks you to wear something unattractive or not brush your hair all day. And to order something you don't enjoy (to put in someone else's input) and that you are to sit there an hour after you finished eating, and leave a big tip for the inconveinence your punsihment has caused the wait staff.

 

[AAkasha]

Use a digital camera or web cam to take pictures of punishments or humiliation as proof. Make a video -- even better.

Akasha

 

[Andante]

I don't know you and I have no reason to believe that you are not committed to the lifestyle.

I just love it when Doms start a statement this way. It basically means "I don't want to appear like a prick to everyone, but I'm about to call you a weak bitch."

Your interpretation of my statement as you being 'a weak bitch' is entirely yours. That wasn't what I wrote, and if that had been my point I would have expressed my self clearer.

See below?

The only reason I can think of is, that I felt a need to demonstrate my power, like "I'm making you do this, to prove that I can".

This remains the only reason I can think of, that would make me do a thing like that. But as I said in the end of my post; if your ways works for you and yours, that's fine with me.

Call me Kinkier than thou, blunt, or opinionated, but I prefer to think of myself as direct and open.

I still don't know you well enough to have a qualified opinion about your personality. A careful, preliminary guess is, though, that you are blunt, opinionated, direct and open to some degree. The same could probably be said about me. Regarding the kink factor, I don't know whether I am particularly kinky or not, and I don't really care.

Oh, and I'm certainly not spineless. I would call someone who veiled their comments like that spineless.

Your opinion is taken note of.

Now, I believe the topic at hand was how to punish a long distance girl. Short of sending her to another Dom for punishment (something I would never do), there are limits to what you can do (as I'm sure you're well aware Andante.)

I totally agree with you on the point of never sending a sub / slave in your care to someone else for punishment. And yes, I figure there are limits to what you can do long-distance, though that kind of play / relationship isn't really my thing, and certainly not something I have much experience with.

The eating thing, as I mentioned, is not something I like to do, but it was an offer of help to answer the girl's question. I have ordered a girl to eat foods she doesn't like when she strays from her food plan, and I think for a long distance relationship that is perfectly appropriate and effective.

As I already said; if your ways .....(you know the tune)

As far as committment goes, you can't see a correlation?

Just because this is important to you (which is a perfectly legal point of view), it doesn't have to be an indispensable part of any M/s relationship.

I'm sure you can make the connection that if a girl will simply refuse to eat unappetizing food as punishment, she cannot be truly committed to her relationship and respect her Master's ability to lead. "Whip me, beat me, but don't make me eat the blue pop tarts or it's over" just seems incongruous with my vision of the lifestyle.

Fair enough, but it doesn't seem incongruous with my vision of the lifestyle. Each person is unique, whether being male, female, Dom(me), sub, slave or whatever. And two people bonding in any kind of relationship will have different ideas, standards, criteriea, expectations, etc. My slave is very committed to me, and though she may struggle and try to talk her way out of certain things initially, I am sure I can make her do anything I like. The key-words here are "I like". Simply because she knows me; she has not decided to submit to a complete stranger, but to a person she knows and trust, and from whom she knows, in general, what to expect. Just as I know her, and have a pretty good idea of the things I can use her for, and the kind of slave I can turn her into.

I am guessing a bit here, but it seems to me that your vision of the lifestyle implies the ability / willingness of any 'true' slave to do anything you can think of, regardless of her personality, her expectations, her perception of the 'lifestyle' or the (mutually agreed) nature of the actual relationship.

And I'm sure you'll agree that yelling "Smack yourself, and if it's not hard enough I'm gonna get really, really mad!!!!" like a petulant child on the phone doesn't really work.

Oh yes, I'll share a laugh over that anytime!

And finally,

If your ways works for you and yours, that's fine. But just don't tell people that they are not committed or 'willing to give much', just because they don't want to play your kind of games.

You're more than welcome to say that I shouldn't tell others how to live, and that's your opinion. However, when they post questions or opinions on a message board, what do you expect?

I would actually expect you to give hints, advice, tell about your ideas and experiences. Now what caused me to raise my voice was the fact, that you bombastically declares that anyone who doesn't share your views or ways are less committed. I thought, and still think, that the majority of your reply to His_pita is patronizing and insulting for absolutely no reason at all:

Thank you for the laugh sweetie. You're obviously not compatible with me or with anyone that I know of who participates in a Master Slave relationship.

In order to get the very best in training and life, you have to be willing to give everything up. You're obviously not willing to give much.

This isn't meant to be an insult (tho I am sure it will be perceived as such) but rather a commentary on our different levels of committment to the lifestyle.

I'd wager that after 10 years of r/l experience your opinions would more closely match mine than they do now.

Also, Andante, what do you actually do with a girl anyway?

To explain in details what I do to 'a girl' is not something I can or will do here. But I will say few things. First of all, it depends on who the girl is. Any woman is individual, sub/slave or not, and should be treated as such, in my opinion. As for the woman that I now can proudly call my slave, anything I do should ideally contribute to make her a greater person, a stronger person, a more content and happy person. Though I have the right and the power to do whatever I want to her (within sane limits), I have to bear the overall objective in mind. I'm not saying that I can't humiliate her, 'mind-fuck' her, play games with her or 'screw up' as a Dom now and then, without causing her to bail out. What I am trying to say is, that she has a brain too, and in the long run she will start wondering or even loose interest, if my decisions or actions doesn't seem to be of mutual benefit.
To answer your question on a more practical level, I do punish and discipline her by such means as bondage, gagging, spanking, whipping, etc. I guess what you basically want to know is; do I do things to her, that she severely dislikes? The answer to that is yes, but I try to choose actions and implements that - in our view - makes sense in relation to the aforementioned overall objective.

Are you not aware that to many people in "our" lifestyle the game, the mind fuck is the most important aspect?

Yes I am aware of that, and - again - I have no problem with that. But that still doesn't justify declaring everyone else 'unwilling' or lesser committed, just because they don't share that kink.

I do my best work during the segments in which I haven't touched my girl.

I sincerely wish you both all the best of fun and pleasure

This life ought to be so much more than just slap and tickle time.

I totally agree

Peace.

I agree again. And in fairness to NaughtySlave ( ), whose thread we have so shamelessly hijacked, I suggest we take this discussion to PM's or a new thread, if you think we need to discuss it further.

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

i agree completely with what sinn0cent1 stated. Punishment from Master is not something to be enjoyed, and it is very rare because it is not something that i would like to have repeated.

For me, as a slave, punishment and disapline are two entirely different things ... which are carried out for entirely different reasons.
Disapline is a method of acts and/or concepts through which i learn to control myself and behave well according to what my Master's expectations of me are defined as ...
Punishment is a method which my Master will use to teach me maintain better control of myself whenever He decides i am not serving properly and/or living up to His expectations of me.
Punishment is used to correct my poor behavior as a slave. He chooses the punishment. He chooses punishments which are never enjoyable for me, and does so purposely.
Punishment is not something i invite willingly, nor will i purposely 'piss Him off' or tease Him with the hope of being punished.

 

[Private_Label]

[*]writing on yourself and going out with it on your skin. This is was a common punishment that I heard from online Doms.

I've done this for mine just because I know how much he likes it.

It isn't anywhere that can be seem (most of the time) such as on my breasts or inner thigh where it is covered by clothing.

 

[Krinaia]

I've done this for mine just because I know how much he likes it.

It isn't anywhere that can be seem (most of the time) such as on my breasts or inner thigh where it is covered by clothing.

using henna to do this would be highly erotic

 

[h_i_s]

i agree completely with what sinn0cent1 stated. Punishment from Master is not something to be enjoyed, and it is very rare because it is not something that i would like to have repeated.

Thank you aphrodite, and i neglected to state that punishments are rare for me too. As harsh as they are i do not invite reoccurances either.

[*]writing on yourself and going out with it on your skin. This is was a common punishment that I heard from online Doms.

And that could be fun, and enjoyable but only for my Master's private pleasure .... i'd be sick with embarassment if i had to endure something like this in public.

using henna to do this would be highly erotic

oooooo.. i agree, i used a henna kit once, it was fun, but this adds a whole new spin to the concept ...

 

[Krinaia]

Thank you aphrodite, and i neglected to state that punishments are rare for me too. As harsh as they are i do not invite reoccurances either.

And that could be fun, and enjoyable but only for my Master's private pleasure .... i'd be sick with embarassment if i had to endure something like this in public.

oooooo.. i agree, i used a henna kit once, it was fun, but this adds a whole new spin to the concept ...

Yes... I've actually daydreamed/fantasized about a henna scene under other circumstances - I dont'w ant a permanent tattoo but this would be a fun way to have a sort of "branding" scene. It would be a lovely reminder too if you had to be apart for awhile. And it could just be a talented hand creating art with your body... also highly erotic.

But to use henna as a means of punishment - a constant reminder as long as it stays on your skin. To know it was there, constantly, while you were out in public, and no one knew but you had this quiet lil shame under your clothes... is a powerful thought. I'm not sure how you would handle after-care with such a punishment however. But still, it is an erotic thought... and if she buys the kit, she can write what he instructs and send him the proof in a photograph.


http://froogle.google.com/froogle?c...&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&sa=N&tab=wf

for you, NS - if you don't have a webcam, looks like they can be gotten on the cheap to help you in your relationship

 

[h_i_s]

Yes... I've actually daydreamed/fantasized about a henna scene under other circumstances - I dont'w ant a permanent tattoo but this would be a fun way to have a sort of "branding" scene. It would be a lovely reminder too if you had to be apart for awhile. And it could just be a talented hand creating art with your body... also highly erotic.

But to use henna as a means of punishment - a constant reminder as long as it stays on your skin. To know it was there, constantly, while you were out in public, and no one knew but you had this quiet lil shame under your clothes... is a powerful thought. I'm not sure how you would handle after-care with such a punishment however. But still, it is an erotic thought... and if she buys the kit, she can write what he instructs and send him the proof in a photograph.


http://froogle.google.com/froogle?c...&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&sa=N&tab=wf

for you, NS - if you don't have a webcam, looks like they can be gotten on the cheap to help you in your relationship

There are places that do henna professionally ...
Wouldn't sending her out to have someone else apply the henna punishment be even more sadistic?? i'd think so ... Fortunately, i 've never seen any place that does henna over here in MA.

 

[Krinaia]

There are places that do henna professionally ...
Wouldn't sending her out to have someone else apply the henna punishment be even more sadistic?? i'd think so ... Fortunately, i 've never seen any place that does henna over here in MA.

Yes... that is evil. Imagine asking some nice little touristy place that does henna to stylize "I'm a bad girl" across your tummy.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

Yes... that is evil. Imagine asking some nice little touristy place that does henna to stylize "I'm a bad girl" across your tummy.

It would seem to me that "I'm a bad girl" emblazoned on the stomach of many women in the lifestyle, would be worn proudly and with a great deal of pride!

I like the idea of the Henna, but I think something along the lines of "MY ASS IS REDDER THAN THIS TATTOO" placed strategically across the offender"s chest, would be more effective, and considerably more pleasant to the punisher!

 

[shy slave]

It would seem to me that "I'm a bad girl" emblazoned on the stomach of many women in the lifestyle, would be worn proudly and with a great deal of pride!

I like the idea of the Henna, but I think something along the lines of "MY ASS IS REDDER THAN THIS TATTOO" placed strategically across the offender"s chest, would be more effective, and considerably more pleasant to the punisher!

Oh this made me laugh imagining both the henna artists and the submissives face as the conversation progressed.

Thanks IYM

 

[Private_Label]

I feel that they (online only) have the right to do whatever they want to do, but as many of them are married and "cheating" in this way, it is hard for me to completely accept.

If however you are in a long distance relationship with the intentions of meeting and achieving a real relationship, all is well.

Not Married.
Not "cheating."

The on line relationship I have is what opened the door to my explorations. I have since gone to several local meetings and munches. I may play closer to the vanilla end of things compared to many, but the fact that you prefer more pain/submission/servitude than I am currently prepared to give does not make me less than committed. The fact that I am in an OL relationship rather than one in RL means I am using care to choose the RL one to who I give my trust, respect, and devotion - this also does not make me "less committed" than anyone else.

You mean well, but you keep stepping on my toes inadvertently, Teacher.

 

[Esclava]

I don't know you and I have no reason to believe that you are not committed to the lifestyle.

But frankly, I fail to see the connection between eating disliked food items and commitment to the lifestyle. I can easily see how my slaves physical and mental well-being is my responsibility, and that I therefore may need to adjust her diet in general away from chocolate and white bread and towards healthier items.
But to say that she is not committed to our relationship (or the 'lifestyle') because she doesn't want to eat a specific item, such as multigrain crackers? That just appear to me as a typical 'play' thing, and not at all about allowing your partner to grow and thrive as a result of the relationship.

As for forcing her to eat something that I know she really dislikes; why? The only reason I can think of is, that I felt a need to demonstrate my power, like "I'm making you do this, to prove that I can". Sorry, but I don't need that kind of stuff to boost my self-confidence; I've got a spine. And as for boosting her confidence in me, I don't think it would do much good either; she's got a brain.

If your ways works for you and yours, that's fine. But just don't tell people that they are not committed or 'willing to give much', just because they don't want to play your kind of games.

My 0.02$

Most of you know my history and the path I have taken on my current journey. Unfortunately, I have been lurking in and out of Lit for the last 5 mos or so, but decided to visit tonight and came across this thread.

I tried 3 times to reply to Master Sensei's comments ... but every thought my fingers typed made me sound less than intelligent. I don't believe ANYONE has the right to qualify someone else's level of comittment - simply because what is said, thought or done doesn't agree with the "qualifier's" opinion.

Thank you, Andante, for speaking up for tolerance. It's something that seems to be in short supply, not only in this lifestyle; but in many other people and places as well.

Esclava

 

[Private_Label]

There are places that do henna professionally ...
Wouldn't sending her out to have someone else apply the henna punishment be even more sadistic?? i'd think so ... Fortunately, i 've never seen any place that does henna over here in MA.

Yes... that is evil. Imagine asking some nice little touristy place that does henna to stylize "I'm a bad girl" across your tummy.

It would seem to me that "I'm a bad girl" emblazoned on the stomach of many women in the lifestyle, would be worn proudly and with a great deal of pride!

I like the idea of the Henna, but I think something along the lines of "MY ASS IS REDDER THAN THIS TATTOO" placed strategically across the offender"s chest, would be more effective, and considerably more pleasant to the punisher!

:wet::wet::wet::wet::wet::wet:

I'll have to mention this to him. Thanks.

BTW Skyline - I like the winky Av you have.

 

[Esclava]

A message to Naughty Slave from ...

... one who has walked the walk.

Sweetie, whether you serve online or in real life, the point is to serve! Even if the physical punishment doesn't hurt - if you experience what I did as I served my online Master, you learn to submit to someone else's desires. When you crave more ... that is when you will be ready for a real life Dom/me to bring the real, physical pain. Trust me ... I know. My real life Dom/Domme team is constantly congratulated on their submissive's behavior in public.

But do you know where I learned to be a submissive who could garner them such high praise? I learned it from my online Master.

No, the self-inflicted spankings did not hurt and the bondage had to be such that I could escape unaided, but it is THE ultimate mind-fuck to dominate another as my o/l Doms did long distance.

I wish you luck as you explore what needs you have and I pray you see more clearly every day how they can be fulfilled. Ciao -

Esclava

 

[Joe Schmoe]

To write off or snub your nose at an online/phone scenario I feel is pretty closed-minded by participants of an open-minded community and lifestyle. There are as many reasons for this form of contact as there are people involved in it. Sure there are the 'married sneaking behind the backs of their spouses' but we do not stand in their shoes to allow judgement, especially when there is little or no information to justify such an act. There are countless reasons that they may not leave their partner to go after what is beckoning them. To be in a relationship we make sacrifices. Maybe some of these folk's sacrifice is to stay within the marriage regardless of their self-discovery. This might be their only way to keep their desires/urges in control so it won't destroy their marriage. If that is so, then who are we to cry foul? This does not mean I encourage or condone deceit and dishonesty. Maybe, just maybe, this is a way of coping with their given situation. Sometimes the end can justify the means.

Another reason I ask some of you to take a look at your stance on this is because in today's world we have a ton of responsibilities; day to day living, careers, family etc that make finding partners that mesh difficult, especially if you are searching in a narrowed field. Some people live in smaller towns that do not have groups and munches. Some of them also live in sparsely populated areas (Wyoming, the Dakotas etc are prime examples). Some people are not as healthy as others, making getting out nearly, if not, impossible. Some are tending to an unhealthy or aging person that is reliant upon them and the list goes on. The internet is a viable source for them. Here too, as in the outside world, you have to weed through the prospects, so it can take some time before someone can even get to point of making the transition to real time, if they ever get there. Is that a reason to not be accepting of their online situation? I hope not.

So I am disappointed when I see kindred spirits, in a lifestyle that stresses tolerance, become intolerant and opinionated enough to become so judgmental.

 

[arctic-stranger]

Having been in a long term online/phone/radio relationship, i can say with some authority that they suck.

By that i mean that they are a very poor excuse for reality. There are reasons we are doing it this way, and she is a saint for putting up with it, but every day i wake and wish the Internet/Phone part of it were history.

I give her tasks, which she must ocassionally photograph.

But i dont care what anyone says, this is a poor substitute.

 

[shy slave]

small Hi-jack

Hi AS

Good to see you

 

[Bandit58]

Having been in a long term online/phone/radio relationship, i can say with some authority that they suck.

By that i mean that they are a very poor excuse for reality. There are reasons we are doing it this way, and she is a saint for putting up with it, but every day i wake and wish the Internet/Phone part of it were history.

I give her tasks, which she must ocassionally photograph.

But i dont care what anyone says, this is a poor substitute.

Though Master and I met online, we did not develop our D/s relationship there. We concentrated on getting to know each other, growing closer in mind before we could take care of the body. Admittedly we did do a couple of light scenes on the phone, but that was mainly for me to get the "feel" of being dominated, cos I was a total newbie to the world of BDSM even though I have a submissive streak a mile wide

We preferred to wait until we were together before we began our D/s life. Partly because Master isn't into talking the talk He prefers to walk the walk. I wanted to wait too, because I needed to FEEL everything instead of imagining it. What you imagine is NOTHING like the real thing

We have been apart a couple of times since, and I have felt the restlessness that only a good hands on session can provide. But still we waited until I got home (both times I was away for 2 weeks) and it was really worth the wait

But I still remember the physical and mental ache of wanting Him and not being able to physically touch Him. How people can do it for longer than a few weeks/months I don't know. For me there has to be a finite date to lend an end to the waiting.

 

[His_pita]

Yes! When two people want and plan to be together the waiting is agony. We don't do much D/s online either. A couple of phone scenes that were fairly mild and he occasionally gives me certain task to do. We want to wait for real life. I have no desire to spank myself or do pretend bondage. I want to feel His hand on me not my own. And I will in 146 days!

I do agree with Joe Schmoe that people do online for all sorts of reasons. I would not judge anyone because I don't want anyone judging why I do it. Life is damn complicated sometimes and we all have our reasons or justifications for why we do what we do.

But, like arctic-stranger said it is a very poor substitute for when you're wanting real life.

 

[Master Sensei]

Not Married.
Not "cheating."

The on line relationship I have is what opened the door to my explorations. I have since gone to several local meetings and munches. I may play closer to the vanilla end of things compared to many, but the fact that you prefer more pain/submission/servitude than I am currently prepared to give does not make me less than committed. The fact that I am in an OL relationship rather than one in RL means I am using care to choose the RL one to who I give my trust, respect, and devotion - this also does not make me "less committed" than anyone else.

You mean well, but you keep stepping on my toes inadvertently, Teacher.

Duly noted. Perhaps, I'm not expressing myself well, but I never said people shouldn't play online only or that they should not have the right to do so.

It simply is not for me.

 

[serijules]

To write off or snub your nose at an online/phone scenario I feel is pretty closed-minded by participants of an open-minded community and lifestyle. There are as many reasons for this form of contact as there are people involved in it. Sure there are the 'married sneaking behind the backs of their spouses' but we do not stand in their shoes to allow judgement, especially when there is little or no information to justify such an act. There are countless reasons that they may not leave their partner to go after what is beckoning them. To be in a relationship we make sacrifices. Maybe some of these folk's sacrifice is to stay within the marriage regardless of their self-discovery. This might be their only way to keep their desires/urges in control so it won't destroy their marriage. If that is so, then who are we to cry foul? This does not mean I encourage or condone deceit and dishonesty. Maybe, just maybe, this is a way of coping with their given situation. Sometimes the end can justify the means.

Another reason I ask some of you to take a look at your stance on this is because in today's world we have a ton of responsibilities; day to day living, careers, family etc that make finding partners that mesh difficult, especially if you are searching in a narrowed field. Some people live in smaller towns that do not have groups and munches. Some of them also live in sparsely populated areas (Wyoming, the Dakotas etc are prime examples). Some people are not as healthy as others, making getting out nearly, if not, impossible. Some are tending to an unhealthy or aging person that is reliant upon them and the list goes on. The internet is a viable source for them. Here too, as in the outside world, you have to weed through the prospects, so it can take some time before someone can even get to point of making the transition to real time, if they ever get there. Is that a reason to not be accepting of their online situation? I hope not.

So I am disappointed when I see kindred spirits, in a lifestyle that stresses tolerance, become intolerant and opinionated enough to become so judgmental.

My feelings exactly. I've refrained from replying to this post until now because I have been rather peeved with some of the attitudes displayed.

I'm one that is in a long distance relationship for some of the reasons you mentioned above. I live in the Dakotas and finding a partner in my area always proved to be very tough, especially a Domme (I've found Doms to play with in the past...I have no interest in submitting to a man though). I am very close to my family. I have a business and a lot of responsibility that I won't just walk away from and cannot be relocated.

When my friendship with Dawnie started to become more serious, I had at that time vowed I would never be in another long distance relationship. However, my choice was to either accept the distance issue and hope it would become possible in the coming years to change that distance, or be without someone that makes me very happy and whom I have a connection with that I've never felt with anyone before. Some people would chose to be without because they can't handle or don't wish to handle the issues of long distance. That was not the choice I made.

Life is about choices. Most people in long distance or online relationships are not naive enough to claim they are ideal situations. I certainly don't; if things could be different, they would be. Simple as that. Since it isn't an option right now, we make do with what we have, and it is every bit as valid as any other type of relationship. It may not be for you, but that sure as hell doesn't make it any less valid or real than the choices your life has allowed you to make. I've never seen anything good come from making snide, judgemental comments to people in long distance or online relationships other than making them feel bad and probably thinking the commenter is a self-absorbed ass.

There will always be those that are living a fantasy online relationship and can't or won't admit that it isn't ideal. There are many living in fantasy relationships, period. "Real life" certainly ain't immune to that.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Duly noted. Perhaps, I'm not expressing myself well, but I never said people shouldn't play online only or that they should not have the right to do so.

It simply is not for me.

And I think this is the point some are missing. It is a problem that arises here often in that if you do not feel inclined to online, or you don't equate it with RL face to face, you must be putting it down, which is not always the situation. I personally tried a few online relationships, though always with the view they would lead to RL, simply because online did not work for me, most especially in the area of self punishment etc. For me, it just seemed too disconnected and unreal to have much substance for me, even after we were married and had to be apart while we organised our lives. We chatted for hours still, we had phone calls, and there was no shortage of passion, commitment, or the reality of the D/s relationship we were in, just playing it out online did not work for either of us. Like most things, it is a matter of personal choice and preference as well as what is possible to endure...for me online just does not make me very happy or content in any way so holds no charm for me. Even in those i participated in, there was never a question of self spanking etc., simply because those I was involved with, given it was t see if it would go further, were much like me in that they were not into those things because they also didn't feel they worked for them.

I also think what needs to be noted is there is a difference between a LDR where there is going to be or has been a RL meeting, and a relationship which consists exclusively of online play with no plans to move into the RL realm. Some will only want RL, some will be able to endure LDR, and some will never want more than online....doesn't mean one is more right than the other, just different with different elements, different expectations, and usually different personalities.

Catalina

 

[Totally_Unsure]

To write off or snub your nose at an online/phone scenario I feel is pretty closed-minded by participants of an open-minded community and lifestyle. There are as many reasons for this form of contact as there are people involved in it. Sure there are the 'married sneaking behind the backs of their spouses' but we do not stand in their shoes to allow judgement, especially when there is little or no information to justify such an act. There are countless reasons that they may not leave their partner to go after what is beckoning them. To be in a relationship we make sacrifices. Maybe some of these folk's sacrifice is to stay within the marriage regardless of their self-discovery. This might be their only way to keep their desires/urges in control so it won't destroy their marriage. If that is so, then who are we to cry foul? This does not mean I encourage or condone deceit and dishonesty. Maybe, just maybe, this is a way of coping with their given situation. Sometimes the end can justify the means.

I feel that you said this very well. I could not have said it better myself. I too do not like dishonesty or deceit within a realtionship (or at anytime) In fact, I'm the last one to speak of such things. I've been married since I was 16, I am 40 now. I've come to believe and to see first hand how people can change over time. At times, to escape, I come here, online. Yes it is a poor substitute for real time. But for someone in my situation, it's all there is. I do not approve of my being online, and I feel that it is wrong as well. At times, I do have to step away from it because it causes my hunger to grow to a point where it's hard to bear. As I said in an earlier post, I won't sacrifice the needs of my children just to satisfy my desires. I will quit rambling now. But I will say, don't judge unless you've been able to walk in my shoes, or anyone else's.

Totally