Pmann wants to talk mental health

[_Ritch_]

Get back here.

It's okay to be messy in this thread.

* * * * *

I think one of the things we can do both for ourselves and for others is to NOT run and hide when we're talking about the hard stuff. Yep, it's super uncomfortable. Yep, people aren't always going to know how to respond, or be able to respond in what we might view as a supportive way. We need to let all of that be okay. We're all learning. I mean, take time to turtle if you need to, but come back when you can.

We don't have control over how others respond, so let's focus on what we can control. We can control whether we ask for help, how we do that, and how we receive someone's answer.

How do you guys ask for help? What does that look like for you?

To be honest I never ask for help. I just find myself unable to do so and I end up bottling it up until it reaches crisis point.

In the past it has got to the point where the emergency services have intervened after my family reported me missing.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Help?

For me, there is none.

You sound hopeless.

That's a difficult place to be. It really fucking sucks.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

To be honest I never ask for help. I just find myself unable to do so and I end up bottling it up until it reaches crisis point.

In the past it has got to the point where the emergency services have intervened after my family reported me missing.

Do you have a safety plan?

 

[_Ritch_]

Do you have a safety plan?

Nothing like that.

 

[Trekka]

Yo, P. I'm bumping your thread.

Can we talk about having a safety plan, and reaching out when things are rough?

Can we talk about the shame that accompanies having any kind of mental/behavioral health issues in our families?

Can we talk about how to move through that whole cycle of needing support - not reaching out - not getting support - cutting ourselves off at the knees?

Nice bump @Wild_Honey_66

Safety plan: if anyone threatens self harm in my house, we call police or go to the hospital. We have had to make that a rule. Anything beneath that level of intervention is situational, case-by-case basis…

You’re never “in trouble” in my house for reaching out, that’s like a gold star. We are trying to make that like - for adults and kids too - a high five moment.

We all get help from professionals, we’ve got a couple support group networks, which are invaluable, and it’s a lot of trial and error.

This is just my house though…

 

[jaF0]

^^ Wouldn't a safe home be one that would respect one's choice of self determination?

Should one feel safe if threatened with incarceration and possible forced medication?

 

[Lord Pmann]

So I don’t know much about these safety plans and such. I’m a different kind of person.

My natural instinct is to push my bad feelings down. I compartmentalize. In the rare occasion you would see me angry or upset, you’re probably seeing 10% of my feelings. I’m complex AF (except when it comes to boobs, in which case I have the IQ and instincts of a bonobo in heat).

I am highly functioning, even on my worst days. I channel my problems into healthy hobbies, mostly. But sometimes it becomes unhealthy. The likelihood of me talking about my feelings or problems is quite low. I am not one to share a lot and I don’t like showing “weakness”. It’s horrific to me, yet that’s an unhealthy way to think.

I think one of the struggles I have in my mind is being okay with some feelings that are irrational. When a feeling cannot be backed up by a logical argument or fairness, it’s in my nature to reject or bury that feeling.

I’ve certainly been guilty of judging others for their “crazy” behaviours. However, I try my best to change that outlook. Wouldn’t it be a better place if a person who was really struggling felt comfortable enough to just speak to someone about it?

Marilyn Manson (who I think is a dumbass and shit artist) actually said one of the most poignant things regarding this issue. When prodded about the Columbine shooters, he was asked what he would say to them. He simply said, “I would listen to them.”

This will be an unpopular opinion, but I think this is brilliant advice. Some people just want to be heard. Then, some people want to fuck Amber Heard.

 

[jaF0]

Your 'house' sounds like a prison with a Warden deciding those who think differently should be punished.

You 'house' is exactly why I live the fuck alone and have nothing fucking at all to do with any fucking body else.

I make my fucking rules. I decide what the fuck happens. I fucking answer to no fucking body.

 

[NeonSubtlety]

I would like to take a second to talk specifically about job-related stress. I left a job at the end of 2019 because of the anxiety I was feeling from it and the personal inability to leave that anxiety at the workplace. Taking your stress home is problematic; it robs you of the work/life balance that I think most would attribute to a healthy work approach.

If you’re like me AND ARE ABLE, I would highly suggest setting aside even more money into whatever emergency fund you have. It’s not kept only so that you can leave if necessary. It’s kept so that you always feel the freedom of being able to leave. Being of my disposition, my emergency fun will always hold 9 months expenses so that, in my mind, I have 3-4 months paid for outside of the normal recommendation to separate.

 

[alwaysaway]

Your 'house' sounds like a prison with a Warden deciding those who think differently should be punished.

You 'house' is exactly why I live the fuck alone and have nothing fucking at all to do with any fucking body else.

I make my fucking rules. I decide what the fuck happens. I fucking answer to no fucking body.

Getting help for a mental illness is not being punished.

 

[jaF0]

Getting your ass locked away and stuffed full of mind altering drugs, then getting hit with thousands of dollars in bills you didn't have before is fucking major punishment.

I stay the fuck away from people for 20-25 days per month, often more. Exception might be a short chat with an neighbor while out walking. Out of an typical 720 hours in a month, I might be in contact with another person a total of 8-10 hours, if that.

I fucking hate people.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Your 'house' sounds like a prison with a Warden deciding those who think differently should be punished.

You 'house' is exactly why I live the fuck alone and have nothing fucking at all to do with any fucking body else.

I make my fucking rules. I decide what the fuck happens. I fucking answer to no fucking body.

Even the most introverted person needs people. We must have friends. We must have those we can lean on. You’re here, so you don’t hate people completely.

 

[alwaysaway]

Getting your ass locked away and stuffed full of mind altering drugs, then getting hit with thousands of dollars in bills you didn't have before is fucking major punishment.

I stay the fuck away from people for 20-25 days per month, often more. Exception might be a short chat with an neighbor while out walking. Out of an typical 720 hours in a month, I might be in contact with another person a total of 8-10 hours, if that.

I fucking hate people.

I guess the healthcare system where you are is different from where I am from, with regards to bills. However, I do disagree with the term ‘punishment’.

Being treated for mental illness is just as much a punishment as someone being treated with sutures for a laceration. Treatment is not punishment.

And with regards to being “locked up”, you’re focusing on the extreme treatment for mental illness. That is a last resort, and at least in my experience, is never done lightly.

 

[Trekka]

^^ Wouldn't a safe home be one that would respect one's choice of self determination?

Should one feel safe if threatened with incarceration and possible forced medication?

I don’t know who you are.
I’ve ignored you for a while now.
But I don’t like your posts, I don’t care for your style, and I’m taking my ball? And going over there now.

 

[Trekka]

Let me also be clear, that when we put these rules in place, we do so with the input of family and a team of professionals. It’s a group decision.

So, yes, when the person in my family who has a diagnosed mental health condition, threatens self harm, or actually self harms, that’s what we have all decided, as a team, that the current plan is.

And, because we have a plan in place, we all feel safer. We know what’s going to happen if something emergent comes up. The anxiety is reduced for all.

There’s a theme to many of my posts in this thread and the theme is that we cannot handle it alone.

 

[jaF0]

Ose Noes!!!! A 'team' or a 'group'!!!!!


Also known as a clan, clique or cult.


WE know best, the hell with what YOU think or want. WE're gonna force our ways on you whether YOU like it or not!!! WE're gonna MAKE you stay breathing no matter what!!!!

 

[alwaysaway]

Ose Noes!!!! A 'team' or a 'group'!!!!!


Also known as a clan, clique or cult.


WE know best, the hell with what YOU think or want. WE're gonna force our ways on you whether YOU like it or not!!! WE're gonna MAKE you stay breathing no matter what!!!!

I am not sure what you’ve been through, but I’m sorry you’ve been burnt. Not everyone is out to get you. You seem genuinely unhappy - I hope you find what you’re looking for. In the meantime, maybe spend some time reflecting on the fact that your opinions are not the same as other people’s… and how people live and deal with issues are not a one size fits all - just because it differs from what you want or believe, does not make it wrong.

 

[Dribble]

Yo, P. I'm bumping your thread.

Can we talk about having a safety plan, and reaching out when things are rough?

Can we talk about the shame that accompanies having any kind of mental/behavioral health issues in our families?

Can we talk about how to move through that whole cycle of needing support - not reaching out - not getting support - cutting ourselves off at the knees?

Great questions.

I can only talk about my safety net. I use a 12-step program for addiction. It seems to work. Much like addiction...where you want to use but refuse to tell anyone. So I watched people relapse for over 35 years. Always the same symptoms. They close in on themselves. I share in meetings. I don't give a fuck what people think. I am not in the meeting to save them...or impress them. I am there for me.

If I focus on what I think people are thinking...I only make it worse. I am ashamed some days. I don't need society making it worse by focusing on me. But I can't control them. I am really good at pushing people away when I need to.

I can't...we can. It is as simple as that. Only those that understand the beast because they fight it too, can help. No one else gets it.

 

[Endless_Night]

This bump went in a weird direction.

Some great answers. I'm in the Don't Reach Out Camp. Or, at least, I've always been so in the past. I'm with P as seeing it as a weakness. I prefer to keep that stuff to myself and just power through until I can get to a better space.

These last couple of years I've become better at telling people when I'm not in a great place. A limited few, and I'm not great about going into detail, but I'm less likely to bite a hand that tries to comfort.

Mental health is a process. You just gotta keep moving.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Random confession:

I struggle a lot with my mental health. I live with chronic pain that never drops below 6 or 7 on a scale out of 10. That drags me down but I also share a house with my mother who is an extremely foul person at the best of times and our relationship is very strained. All this contributes to my low mood.

I try very hard to be positive and upbeat for others as I'm aware no-one wants to hang about with someone permanently down in the dumps. @SassySheDevil is a big help in the fact that I can tell her about all the crap stuff and she doesn't run a mile. My other friends, not so much. They'd run a mile pretty damn quick, so I often get periods of intense loneliness.

Er... I'm not sure why I just blabbed all that. I saw @Wild_Honey_66 advertise the thread just now and... It seemed like a good idea.

I'm off to go hide now.

That's what friends are for. You've been there for me just as much. It has been a pretty fucking rough year and a half.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Having problems is a weakness.
When you’re weak is when you need help.
Asking for help and accepting it is strength, not weakness.
When smoke is coming out of an outlet you call an electrician, not because you’re weak but because you’re not a fucking idiot, he fixes it, now you’re in good shape again.
Strength!

 

[_Ritch_]

Having problems is a weakness.
When you’re weak is when you need help.
Asking for help and accepting it is strength, not weakness.
When smoke is coming out of an outlet you call an electrician, not because you’re weak but because you’re not a fucking idiot, he fixes it, now you’re in good shape again.
Strength!

I didn't think of it like that before. Great analogy.

 

[_Ritch_]

That's what friends are for. You've been there for me just as much. It has been a pretty fucking rough year and a half.

Yes it has. Thank God it's behind you now!

 

[jaF0]

When smoke is coming out of an outlet ...

... you turn the fucking power off.

 

[alwaysaway]

... you turn the fucking power off.

Why are you here? Genuinely curious.