Pmann wants to talk mental health

[MaggieTheUnicorn]

Absolutely this. There are times I just feel untethered.
And the exhaustion related to spending time with people is worse than I remember before Covid.
I tried bundling my get together interactions last Friday... had breakfast with a friend, lunch with 2 friends, mid afternoon dessert with two other friends and bookclub with 6 friends all in one day.
It was all good... but omg... overstimulated. AND everything was about FOOD. (the moscow mule in the middle of the afternoon was lovely though)

Hah, and on the note of overstimulated, my appearance on lit, then disappearance for a while. I got a lot of attention and while it's nice, I'm also just not used to online interactions, I stopped spending time on social media and forums a while before the pandemic even. So I think I just need to figure out a healthy way to approach things a little bit at a time, gradually get used to the level of stimulation, and find what moderation looks like for me.

On another note, I've been to some music festivals recently, and yeah, again, definitely moments of feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed, but I was at least mindful of being more gradual in my approach. But oh man, festy people do the soul good. It was good to talk to some good people and be around them, and in an overall really positive environment. Positive and supportive! This was my first year going to festivals while not being able to walk, and I was really well taken care of.

 

[TheWindUpBoy]

It is especially bad for men/male-identifying-folks, as the very idea of needing help with your emotions is stigmatized, much less getting professional help.

On top of which, finding mental health care is needlessly difficult (I'm looking at you, every fucking insurance website, and Psychology Today), and finding help when you are hurting is not the time you want a challenge. it really isn't any surprise so many of us go without.
And that's assuming you HAVE insurance.

 

[Endless_Night]

There was a poster on the General Board who used to post some interesting stats and ideas on men and emotional issues. I found it interesting, and informative.

How boys are socialized to suck it up and taught not talk about their emotional stress. This carries over into maturity, where their friend groups (unlike women) simply don't talk about grief, depression, or any of the more intimate emotional feelings, particularly those that could be construed as showing weakness.

It's deeply isolating.

And creates a completely different problem than the feminine experience. Our spoken emotional distress is often dismissed. Men are taught not to speak.

 

[Lord Pmann]

There was a poster on the General Board who used to post some interesting stats and ideas on men and emotional issues. I found it interesting, and informative.

How boys are socialized to suck it up and taught not talk about their emotional stress. This carries over into maturity, where their friend groups (unlike women) simply don't talk about grief, depression, or any of the more intimate emotional feelings, particularly those that could be construed as showing weakness.

It's deeply isolating.

And creates a completely different problem than the feminine experience. Our spoken emotional distress is often dismissed. Men are taught not to speak.

We tend to compartmentalize and not address things. I know that it can be much easier to bury shit down and run, rather than face feelings. Or make jokes.

#Vulnerable

 

[aussiegeekygal]

There was a poster on the General Board who used to post some interesting stats and ideas on men and emotional issues. I found it interesting, and informative.

How boys are socialized to suck it up and taught not talk about their emotional stress. This carries over into maturity, where their friend groups (unlike women) simply don't talk about grief, depression, or any of the more intimate emotional feelings, particularly those that could be construed as showing weakness.

It's deeply isolating.

And creates a completely different problem than the feminine experience. Our spoken emotional distress is often dismissed. Men are taught not to speak.

I easily appreciate when other people share what is like for them. I don't always see patterns in gender, but I can see how society shapes an understanding of what our roles are based on who and where we are in life.

I wasn't raised to be emotional. My parents were both cops and taught me how to regulate myself by buying stuff deep down. I am still learning how to be angry. I actually think we tolerate anger in men far more often than we allow women to be emotional. We've just somehow agreed that anger isn't men being emotional.

I think the way we've socialized and raised kids has been harmful to everyone in different ways. We also get a lot of good out of it, too. The funniest people I know have had to deal with some truly awful shit. I admire the fuck out of their ability to shape it into humor. I find that helps me process all the ridiculous nonsense I have to deal with in a way that helps me let it go. Because I can't carry all that shit with me all the time.

..... And I think I just realized why my laughing can be so triggering to others. I've taught myself to see the humor in almost everything, and sometimes that means I forget to see the seriousness of it all.

 

[Mika1215]

..... And I think I just realized why my laughing can be so triggering to others. I've taught myself to see the humor in almost everything, and sometimes that means I forget to see the seriousness of it all.

THIS.

The only way that I've freaking survived has been by having the ability to find some kind of humor in all of the shit that keep happening to me. But I'm entirely sure that a lot of the things that I say... well, it's hard for me to be appropriately serious sometimes because all that I can do is see the dark humor in it all. Because you have to, right?

 

[aussiegeekygal]

My mind would literally explode. It tried to once already

THIS.

The only way that I've freaking survived has been by having the ability to find some kind of humor in all of the shit that keep happening to me. But I'm entirely sure that a lot of the things that I say... well, it's hard for me to be appropriately serious sometimes because all that I can do is see the dark humor in it all. Because you have to, right?

 

[Dribble]

I am still learning how to be angry. I actually think we tolerate anger in men far more often than we allow women to be emotional. We've just somehow agreed that anger isn't men being emotional.

I am not sure tolerate is the right word. Anger is complex. We can have the undiluted true form of anger. You pissed me off and i am angry (or am i hurt and it is expressed as anger? That's a different discussion. ). We can have the form expressed when I don't understand or can't describe the emotions I am feeling type of anger. Or the kind expressed when I simply don't have the tools I need in my toolbox to deal with what I am dealing with.

 

[Endless_Night]

I wasn't raised to be emotional. My parents were both cops and taught me how to regulate myself by buying stuff deep down. I am still learning how to be angry. I actually think we tolerate anger in men far more often than we allow women to be emotional. We've just somehow agreed that anger isn't men being emotional.

I think you're right about anger not being seen as emotional. Anger can be far easier - and more socially acceptable to an extent - to express than fear or grief or sadness. It is a less vulnerable response, like the flip side of humor.

 

[Dribble]

 

[Lady2020]

I'm getting ready to call my daughter to get an update on my grandson who refuses MH meds and counseling. The thing is, don't think your family is perfect, unaffected, pure. Don't think there are families that are above this. No one is above this. Above hurt, trauma, family who do not give a shit about your pain and trauma. My 29 yo brother took his life by hoarding his anti-depressants and taking them at one time. Then he regretted it a few minutes later. So he called 911. They took him to ER. He walked into ER, told them what he had done. But it was too late. He went into convulsions and died. You think my family lived happily ever after? It went silent, incommunicado. My mother blamed my father. My father blamed no one. The rest of us had to suffer for the inability of our parents. They expected the remaining 5 kids to handle this shit. No one handled this fucked up mess. But there is hope. Take your meds, get counseling, own your shit.

 

[Paligirl]

I do think it’s something that should be talked about openly. Not in the way some people do where they just make life miserable for everybody. But it’s okay to have mental health problems, just like it’s okay to have an allergy to peanuts or semen.

I like what HW said about teaching people to cope and solve problems, as well. Awareness is only half the battle; solving and learning to cope with the issues you have is the other half. But that’s coming from someone who aspires to be a reclusive bomber.

Is mental health really stigmatized where you are? Like people respond to depressed or anxious people like..."Ewwwww...Stay away!" How fucking gross.
Nice of you to pull some concern out of your ass for those that suffer and open this up. Where are you?

 

[Nevyn_Black]

I spend a lot of time here. I also spend a lot of time scrolling through my short list of contacts in my phone, or on Skype. I only have three people on Skype. Its most likely going to end up only 2. I have a few on Discord, but I mostly try not to bother them. I worry a lot about bothering people so after I reach out and get no response, or someone lets me know that they are busy, I stop.

So I sit there scrolling through the names. I come to Lit and browse, sometimes think about posting or even reaching out in PMs. My inbox is usually empty, maybe with a couple PMs unanswered. I think about or even start to send something else...then realize it wouldnt be right.
Then I go and try to do something, stay busy. Wash dishes, do laundry, cook, watch a show.

Then I come back to check my text messages. My Skype. My Discord. My PMs. Browse for a bit and think about posting, but know that my mood is too down and negative for people to handle. I do this all day, until eventually I accept that no one is going to talk to me and I will turn off the computer and read. Even then sometimes I check the text messages and Skype and Discord. Sometime I go to sleep.

On the days I work, it is easier. I'm at least interacting with people. Strangers on the phone. On my breaks and Lunch I might occasionally check for messages from certain important people, but mostly I just scroll through TikTok. The job sucks and I hate it, but there are voices.

My days off pass in silence.

 

[jaF0]

The one single thing life has taught me is that people are worthless fucking assholes, one and all.

I can't fucking wait for the day I stop waking up.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Speaking of mental health, a massive factor in my quality of life is having meaningful relationships with others. My marriage, my family, my friends and my community all provide me with a sense of belonging and connection which helps me continue through the drudgery of every day life.

I'm finding that lit is having a negative impact on my relationships, especially as I begin to work outside the home more, and so for now, I'm going to spend less time here and more time with others.

Have others here found that being online a lot is having an effect on your health? What do you do to address these effects?

 

[jaF0]

Speaking of mental health, a massive factor in my quality of life is having meaningful relationships with others. My marriage, my family, my friends and my community all provide me with a sense of belonging and connection which helps me continue through the drudgery of every day life.

^^^ That's what did the most damage. That's what led me to say the hell with everybody and have almost no contact at all, with anyone. I've never met anyone that didn't stab me in the back and both sides one way or another. Literally every single person I've ever known has let me down or turned on me... without exception.

 

[Dribble]

Speaking of mental health, a massive factor in my quality of life is having meaningful relationships with others. My marriage, my family, my friends and my community all provide me with a sense of belonging and connection which helps me continue through the drudgery of every day life.

I'm finding that lit is having a negative impact on my relationships, especially as I begin to work outside the home more, and so for now, I'm going to spend less time here and more time with others.

Have others here found that being online a lot is having an effect on your health? What do you do to address these effects?

Absolutely.

I don't come here. Or anywhere online. The internet IS the source of so many problems today.

You know what is best for you. I believe in you. Don't think twice.

 

[DrkSthrnGnt]

Speaking of mental health, a massive factor in my quality of life is having meaningful relationships with others. My marriage, my family, my friends and my community all provide me with a sense of belonging and connection which helps me continue through the drudgery of every day life.

I'm finding that lit is having a negative impact on my relationships, especially as I begin to work outside the home more, and so for now, I'm going to spend less time here and more time with others.

Have others here found that being online a lot is having an effect on your health? What do you do to address these effects?

It definitely can.

I make plans that involves putting away the phone/computer and spending time with them without distraction. Also, sleep is a much bigger component of mental health (and health in general!) than most people realize, and good sleep hygiene is something to re-focus on.

Mostly, trust your instincts when it comes to what you need to be an authentic version of you.

 

[Cotswolds]

Speaking of mental health, a massive factor in my quality of life is having meaningful relationships with others. My marriage, my family, my friends and my community all provide me with a sense of belonging and connection which helps me continue through the drudgery of every day life.

I'm finding that lit is having a negative impact on my relationships, especially as I begin to work outside the home more, and so for now, I'm going to spend less time here and more time with others.

Have others here found that being online a lot is having an effect on your health? What do you do to address these effects?

I have always dipped in and out of this place. I don't subscribe heavily to online activity at all really, I have no social media accounts on any platform other than this. I have felt that my time is better spent doing real life stuff lately so have not been on much at all. I can't honestly say my mood isn't affected by being on here, or not being on here, but my productivity at home certainly reflects accordingly.

Most of my spare time these days is spent DMT breathing, that's really good for mental health

 

[Lord Pmann]

Is mental health really stigmatized where you are? Like people respond to depressed or anxious people like..."Ewwwww...Stay away!" How fucking gross.
Nice of you to pull some concern out of your ass for those that suffer and open this up. Where are you?

Sorry for the late reply, but yeah, it’s pretty stigmatized. However, I really don’t think it’s location dependent. It’s pretty strongly stigmatized across cultures and locations. I suppose it’s somewhat dependent on certain factors, but I do think a lot of people would consider anxiety or depression to be something you just “get over” or “stop being sad”.

It’s certainly not treated like other illnesses.

 

[cheekygirl75]

 

[Paligirl]

Sorry for the late reply, but yeah, it’s pretty stigmatized. However, I really don’t think it’s location dependent. It’s pretty strongly stigmatized across cultures and locations. I suppose it’s somewhat dependent on certain factors, but I do think a lot of people would consider anxiety or depression to be something you just “get over” or “stop being sad”.

It’s certainly not treated like other illnesses.

True...the get over it attitude doesnt take the whole picture into account. That being said I'm in California,....so while so many people and other cultures make fun of us it cant go unsaid that at least we arent as judgmental as ... almost anywhere, LOL

 

[Lord Pmann]

True...the get over it attitude doesnt take the whole picture into account. That being said I'm in California,....so while so many people and other cultures make fun of us it cant go unsaid that at least we arent as judgmental as ... almost anywhere, LOL

I honestly almost made a joke about California.

They certainly aren’t judgmental in CA. But it’s because you’re all weird as hell.

 

[Paligirl]

I honestly almost made a joke about California.

They certainly aren’t judgmental in CA. But it’s because you’re all weird as hell.

Where you from Baby?

 

[Endless_Night]

Where you from Baby?

*blinks*

Did you...just call the Stickman...Baby?

*blinks again*


A decade on Lit and it turns out this moment is what I've been waiting for the whole time. I can now retire from Lit with perfect serenity.


I don't know who you are, Paligirl, but it's possible I like you.