Polygamy in BDSM

[Astrid]

What humans *think* and what their body *wants*-and/or-needs, is often running on two separate wave lengths.

I think some people who choose to be monogamous may sometimes get a little upset and therefore slightly defensive when somebody suggests that all humans are actually made to simply reproduce. Period. But really, reproduction and all that it entails, has nothing to do with how long you stay with any particular person.

Our brains though, may then decide to stay with one person.

I believe this often has to do with the fact that it's often economically easier to do so in our single family dwellings.

When we lived in tribes and caves, we raised each other's children, we hunted for each other and we had sex randomly with different people within that tribe. And we did this before we actually saw the correlation between fornication and procreation. We did this before we had words to actually describe it.

And way before there was a church suggesting to us that it might be a good idea to do so and raise our child in a like minded fashion. (OH, jeez, I brought up religion..I'm certainly not starting that tempest in a tea pot, here.)

But love does come into play where humans are involved. I for one, am completely monogamous and have been so my entire adult life to soley one man.

We all can say "This is my opinion and that is yours."

Well, yeah.

That's another thing we humans like to do. We know we aren't always going to change each other's mind on any given subject, but it certainly doesn't stop us from wanting to give our own particular thoughts.

That's why bbs' work at all, heh.

 

[Astrid]

Quoting myself:

"But love does come into play where humans are involved. I for one, am completely monogamous and have been so my entire adult life to soley one man."

This is not to say I believe there is only *one* kind of love and mine is the right one. I'd never suggest such a thing, but I can see how a dear reader might read it as such.

 

[lark sparrow]

I was daydreaming about living with a Domme and a female sub the other day (hehe... best of both worlds huh?) and the thought struck me about polygamy in BDSM. Is it a common occurance? Or is monogamy more common? Are BDSM'ers more apt to allow or jump into a polygamous relationship than plain old vanilla folk? Do you think it's mainly Switches that are polygamous or is it common across Dom/mes, subs, and switches?

What about in the gay/lesbian relationships? Is one more likely to be a polygamous relationship? Can we draw any correlations between these relationships and the straight relationships?

Hi PB Walker,

my Domme is polyamorous (2 subs, no harem, and not looking further). I however, am monogamous, and in truth, I'm strictly required to be so, within the relationship. It is a lesbian relationship, though I honestly don't think that has any bearing on the fact that She is polyamorous - other personal circumstances play into it.

I agree with some of the other posters that it can bring up extra insecurities, jealousies, feelings of unfairness, etc. lol... it's not hours of three women playing with eachother as the fantasy might go.

Ideally, this would not be my first choice in a "perfect" relationship (as though they exist), but it has proved worth the effort and stretching so far, and belonging to Her feels very right. A polyamorous relationship is not something I specifically sought, and it certainly does bring additional challenges... but before I knew it, I was pretty deeply involved with Her. It's difficult at times, but we work on things as they come up, and try to resolve them one way or another... and the adventure continues, as they say!

 

[rosco rathbone]

I don't believe in total monogamy. I think that it's an unnatural state forced on us ancient Patriarchal religious types. I just think that it's pointless to coerce a promise of physical fidelity out of another person. Whether single, married or merely committed, people are going to do as they please.

Western society aspires to monogamy, but it doesn't live up to that aspiration. I've seen surveys in Redbook and other women's magazines that suggest that a majority of married women will have a extramarital sexual experience at some time during their marriages. Given the fact that these magazines have an older somewhat conservative readership, I'd can only assume that the actual numbers are probably higher. And that says nothing for the men.

In addition to those who are actually polyamorous under the guise of monogamy, there are those who engage in serial monogamy. I think that serial monogamy is worse than simply cheating. Entering into one relationship after another claiming love and commitment over and over, while knowing full well that when it gets boring, or something new comes along, that you're going to bail is the height of hypocrisy. There is neither love nor commitment in such an arraignment. There's just the appearance of them for appearance's sake.

As my member-name implies, I have no interest in non-polyamorous women. I have ended a few burgeoning relationships with women because we didn't see eye-to-eye on this issue.

Interesting. And yet methinks that cuckoldry derives all of its emotional electricity from some kind of a desire for a monogamy on some, perhaps partial, level.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Monogamy

I personally think that it is up to each individual to define their own reality.

Society has its norms and expectations. Some people like the conform to societies norms, others cannot or will not. I have my standards for living, and I stick by them.

Others any vary. I do not feel I am particularly monogamous, but that does not mean I cannot or will not enter that state.

It really depends on the circumstances. I never say never.

Ebony

 

[Cuckolded_BlK_Male]

Interesting. And yet methinks that cuckoldry derives all of its emotional electricity from some kind of a desire for a monogamy on some, perhaps partial, level.

I use the word "cuckold" (as it applies to me) very loosely, as I'm not a believer in marriage. I simply like the idea of a woman's sexuality remaining unfettered, even within the context of an emotionally committed relationship ... emotional attachment and the physical need for sex being completely disparate IMO.

 

[Red Menace]

I think there are stereotypes that Doms want poly relationships, while subs would prefer giving their attention to just one Dom. Well, come to think of it, if one were truly committed to a dominant, they would have to be monogamous unless/until the dominant released/gave them to another.

I've been giving a lot of thought to what a poly relationship entails as Sir is poly and I have a lot of strong objections to this. I would much prefer to give all my attention to just Him but have begun to wonder, if He can have another slave, would it be okay for me to have another Dom for the times they're playing together and I'm sitting around twiddling my thumbs.

Actually, I have permission to play with anyone He approves of... I just don't want to. I can't divide my attentions and loyalties that way. I am monogamous and just wish He was too. But I guess I'll deal with that when it comes up. I think I have quite a while before it does... I hope.