Post your naughty limericks here!

[lemmesee]

Chuck likes to play with his dick,
and Sue likes to play with her clit.
They rub 'em and rub 'em, and rubitty-dub-'em,
until they cum lickitty-split!

 

[OzArrian]

There once was an old man from New York
Barely legal school girls he would pork
He's fuck each vagina
And exclaim "Nothing's finer
than to see a young girl on my stalk"

 

[lemmesee]

I really enjoy masturbating,
and I often do it when dating.
As she opens her dress, I stare at her breasts,
and usually end up ejaculating!

 

[lemmesee]

Yes, I do like to play with myself,
and I often use toys off my shelf.
But as I get older, and markedly bolder,
I frequently yearn for some help!

 

[lemmesee]

I am certainly in favor of mating,
either in marriage or casual dating.
Like red and white wine, either is fine,
as long as I am ejaculating!

 

[lemmesee]

My lady likes to suck on my dick,
although she calls it a "prick".
But I don't really care, as long as it's fare,
for me to suck on her clit!

 

[OzArrian]

There once was a fat man named Goring
Who was involved in the most queer types of whoring
He'd drink hooker's urine
From a slipper size nine
And protest "Well at least I ain't boring!"

 

[lemmesee]

There was a young girl from Belize,
with a big set of bronze double-D's.
But the boys had plucked them and sucked them,
until they hung down to her knees.

 

[cockteaser22]

old

old mother hubbort went to the cubbort to give old rover a bone
but when she bent over old rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own

 

[OzArrian]

There once was a hooker called Kate
Who'd fuck, give handjobs and fellate
For a buck 99
She'd give you a great time
And a dose of the clap sad to state

 

[lemmesee]

There was a young fellow named Pat,
a loner who sat home with his cat.
He watched his porn flix, as he played with his dick,
until he shot-off in his hat!

 

[Boxlicker101]

Some of the limericks up to now don't really have good meter. Try these:

A buxom young woman named Tess
Wore garments that had the name "Guess"
I guessed "Forty-two"
She said "That'll do
That's close enough. Take off my dress."

A clever young nympho named Marty
Takes vibrators to a sex party
She makes it a habit
To bring her own rabbit,
In case the men aren’t hale and hearty.

In our town, there once was a lass
With such an incredible ass
That all of the guys
Would stare in surprise
And drool ev’ry time she would pass.

A Butcher Named Angus McGurk
Was plagued by a clumsy young clerk
Who backed into the slicer
And said "Ouch, oh, my, Sir,
I'm getting behind in your work."

 

[lemmesee]

Tom liked to play with his dickie,
and Sue liked to play with her clitty.
But as much as they'd moan, as they did it alone,
they would rather have met for a quickie!

 

[lemmesee]

Mary is free with her pee,
often passing it while smiling with glee.
In a pot or a cup, there's always enough,
to spray some all over me!

 

[lemmesee]

Some of the limericks up to now don't really have good meter. Try these:

A buxom young woman named Tess
Wore garments that had the name "Guess"
I guessed "Forty-two"
She said "That'll do
That's close enough. Take off my dress."

A clever young nympho named Marty
Takes vibrators to a sex party
She makes it a habit
To bring her own rabbit,
In case the men aren’t hale and hearty.

In our town, there once was a lass
With such an incredible ass
That all of the guys
Would stare in surprise
And drool ev’ry time she would pass.

A Butcher Named Angus McGurk
Was plagued by a clumsy young clerk
Who backed into the slicer
And said "Ouch, oh, my, Sir,
I'm getting behind in your work."

I'm still learning

 

[lemmesee]

Sue usually wears nothing on top,
and seldom even covers her twat.
She knows how to suck, but prefers a good fuck,
and you can time her cums with a clock!

 

[lemmesee]

Troon perfers to watch sleezy skin-flicks,
with lotsa firm clits and huge tits.
Then he plays with himself, like a good little elf,
until semen comes out of his dick!

 

[Boxlicker101]

I'm still learning

Okay:

A BUXom young WOman named TESS
Wore GARments that HAD the name "gUESS"
I GUESSED"Forty-TWO"
She SAID "That'll DO
That's CLOSE enough. TAKE off my DRESS."

A CLEVer young NYMpho named MARty
Takes VIbrators TO a sex PARty
She MAKES it a HAbit
To BRING her own RABbit,
In CASE the men AREN'T hale and HEARrty.

In OUR town, there ONCE was a LASS
With SUCH an inCREdible ASS
That ALL of the GUYS
Would STARE in surPRISE
And DROOL ev’ry TIME she would PASS.

A BUTcher named ANgus McGURK
Was PLAGUED by a CLUMsy young CLERK
Who BACKED into the SLIcer
And SAID "Ouch, oh, MY, Sir,
I'm GETting beHIND in your WORK."

The first, second and fifth lines should be the same length, either eight or nine syllables.
The third and fourth lines should be the same length, either five of six syllables.
Accent the second, fifth and eighth syllables of every line, or some other pattern, as long as all lines are accented the same.

 

[groove_kid]

There was a nice man named bill
fell in love with a girl called Jill
he couldn't afford a ring
thought he'd try other things
now he's in jail on the hill

 

[groove_kid]

Wendy got tired of men
Thought she'd love Lisa again
until someone asked
Who wears the pants?
Now they are no longer friends

 

[lemmesee]

From her youth Jill was attracted to He-men,
which meant she was drawn to most Sea-men.
She would bump 'em and hump 'em, and suck 'em and fuck 'em,
until they filled her with semen!

 

[lemmesee]

This is another stupid one:

Wendy got tired of men
Thought she'd love Lisa again
until someone asked
Who wears the pants?
Now they are no longer friends

Thank you, groove kid....we all had to start someplace....please keep 'em coming

 

[lemmesee]

Sue liked to play with her son,
ex-husband Fred was never this fun.
He would stroke her firm clitty, as he sucked on her titty,
Causing her to explode with a cum!

 

[lemmesee]

They certainly made a fine pair,
Jack was handsome and Jill was so fair.
He would lick on her clit, and she would pump on his dick,
until he shot cream in her hair!

 

[lemmesee]

Tom sure liked to masturbate,
cumming before and after each date.
But when he met Kate, and they elected to mate,
they fucked until her monthly was late!