Pretentious Dom/mes - A Question

[@}-}rebecca----]

I'm sort of afraid I'm turning into a man hating bitch, not specifically cynical towards dominants as to EVERY DUMB MALE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE WHO CAN'T FOCUS ON ANYONES NEEDS BUT HIS OWN...

Oh my.........I know you will survive this bout grasshopper, in time in time .

Best of Luck Chicklet

My advise - Treat yourself well . Not just in areas that affirm your health , education , grooming ( basics for good self esteem ). The things that nurture your soul . Surround yourself with friends , set fair limits to how much they can ask of you . Laugh a lot and be kind to yourself. Self sufficiency may not be perfect but it's a great starting point.

 

[JMohegan]

PYL's who don't mind an honest, no drama question, I'd like to ask you something. When you introduce yourself to someone who you aren't sure is in the lifestyle, do you make it a point through text to say My, Me, Mine, I, and you, your, yours, etc.?

I see Dom/mes do it, and it usually comes off as pretentious and self-serving to me, kind of like trying to prove how dominant one may be to a potential submissive.

Is that something you do? Why or why not?

Hello, Geisha. Welcome to the BDSM side of Lit.

No, this is not something I do. I find it unnecessary.

what do you think of others who do it?

Unless and until I have evidence to the contrary, I simply assume that he/she embraces a different flavor of BDSM culture than I do.

I have been addressed, on this board, by both a Domme and a Dom writing things like:

"In My experience with My submissive...."

In neither case did it bother me. I did not assume that the Dom/me was trying to top or out-dom me. I simply assumed that the writing style was indicative of the specific BDSM culture he/she has chosen to embrace.

To me, this issue is no different than the one surrounding use of the terms Sir or Ma'am in addressing non-partners. Some Dom/mes allow themselves to be addressed this way by non-affiliated admirers, but I do not. Different customs and cultures, that's all.

 

[saw_man1]

No, this is not something I do. I find it unnecessary.

Unless and until I have evidence to the contrary, I simply assume that he/she embraces a different flavor of BDSM culture than I do.

I too have seen the I/you salutations but my attitude has not been as generous as yours. I usually roll my eyes and wonder why they feel compelled to go out of there way to address people in that manner.

I have obviously never been addressed in the /you fashion but had I been, my reaction would not have been civil.

However, if two people have an agreement in place to address each other in that manner, then good for them. I just know that I have better things to do with my time than worrying about the capitalization of pronouns.

 

[JMohegan]

I too have seen the I/you salutations but my attitude has not been as generous as yours. I usually roll my eyes and wonder why they feel compelled to go out of there way to address people in that manner.

I have obviously never been addressed in the /you fashion but had I been, my reaction would not have been civil.

However, if two people have an agreement in place to address each other in that manner, then good for them. I just know that I have better things to do with my time than worrying about the capitalization of pronouns.

That last sentence doesn't make sense, in this context.

If you have "better things to do", then why waste time rolling your eyes, wondering about their motives, and drafting an uncivil response?

 

[saw_man1]

That last sentence doesn't make sense, in this context.

If you have "better things to do", then why waste time rolling your eyes, wondering about their motives, and drafting an uncivil response?

Actually the last sentence makes sense to anyone not looking for something to criticize.
The rolling of one eyes takes less than a second and can be done in the course reading the aforementioned correspondence. Wondering about motives can also be done in the course reading said correspondence and takes only as long as a thought takes to fly through the brain.

In the course of corresponding with whomever, concentrating on the capitalization of PYL/pyl would certainly take longer than the speed of one thought through the brain or the length of time it takes to roll ones eyes.

As to your other criticism, my only reference to an uncivil response was completely hypothetical.

 

[callinectes]

My Dominant doesn't give a rip about caps, titles, etc. In fact, when he sends me an email it is entirely in lowercase...including my name and his. I find it refreshing and endearing.

 

[Ebonyfire]

My Dominant doesn't give a rip about caps, titles, etc. In fact, when he sends me an email it is entirely in lowercase...including my name and his. I find it refreshing and endearing.

Or maybe he just doesn't like to type.

 

[BiBunny]

On a related topic (this might be a thread hijack, I'm so sorry...) the men who refer to you instantly as "little one"... it's not a name I'd *ever* want to be called, and ESPECIALLY by a near stranger.

I like "little one," even from strange men/women, and I'll tell you why. I'm somewhere between 5'9" and 5'10", and I am not a small girl. "Little one" makes me feel small!

 

[A Desert Rose]

I really don't care if someone chooses to post the Me/mine stuff.

I've never asked anyone who posts that way to refrain from it, as others here have.

I've always capitalized the D and always use lower case for submissive. It's just what I do. Out of respect for posters like Master Gil and bandit, I capitalize Master. I will always use Ma'am for Shadowsdream and Eb, because they have that respect from me.

I think it's about familiarity with posters and knowing them. I think eventually, most posters learn that the Y/you just isn't used here and will drop it on their own. I've never felt the need to tell them that it's annoying or not acceptable here.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I also do not care how people name themselves, and I often shake my head in wonder in the fact that it bothers some grown people how other grown people choose to express themselves.

I have often said that no one can change how I express myself on this or any other BB. So I think that the other grown folk here feel the same.

Live and let live, I say. If you do not like it, don't read it.

Enuff said.

Eb

 

[Etoile]

Anybody who has been here for a few years knows not to get me started on this one! In years past I have participated in very heated discussions about the capitalization issue, coming down on the side of preferring proper grammar and capitalization according to standard English rules.

Although to be honest, my views have softened - slightly - over time. I used to hate seeing dominants refer to "Me" and "My" ... I absolutely despised "O/our" and "W/we" ... okay, I still don't like them. But I care about it less than I used to. It doesn't get me all worked up like it used to.

And yet there are a couple of things about capitalization that still drive me bonkers. I don't mind if an individual or couple wants to refer to themselves with these strange conventions, like "oh He whipped me so hard last night!" But what I do take offense to is when these things are applied to me. I have been called "You" at times and it flips me out. (For some reason someone thought the submissives community I run was operated by a dominant...?) I dislike anyone presuming whether I am dominant or submissive. I also don't like when people say things like "Hello A/all" or "can I get Y/your opinions on this" because it puts me into a group that has had those labels applied to it.

You will never catch me doing that kind of thing for myself, except for my Daddy - and that's because it's a name more than a word. I refer to my dominant, my top, etc. - those are words. Daddy is a name. I also don't capitalize eir pronouns (otherwise that would have been Eir pronouns, see?) because that's falling back into the fucking with grammar thing.

Oh man, I'm going on longer than I meant to. And I could go on more. This is still a sensitive topic for me if you get me going, but I try to be good at ignoring it in everyday online discussions.

 

[A Desert Rose]

As much as that annoys you, etoile, when someone comes in and speaks in the third person it bugs me a lot. The use of "this girl" really sounds goofy to me.

Some time ago, KC and I gave someone new to the boards, a hard time about that but I subsequently apologized to that person for it.

Regardless though, that does still annoy the hell out of me.

 

[Etoile]

Oh yes...I don't like that one either! The only time I can bear to read it is in a friend's LiveJournal. Her master uses it as a punishment, because she's normally very chatty and likes to talk about herself in her posts! She's the only person who can get away with it...anybody else I see doing that, I tend to assume "brainless doormat."

 

[_geisha_]

I think my original question may be getting lost as the discussion turns, which is cool, but I would like to clarify and bring it back around for a moment.

I'm not talking about people you know or have respect for, I'm asking about perfect strangers who introduce themselves by assaulting people with their 'dominance.'

If one doesn't know whether or not I'm in the lifestyle, is it really fair for that person to immediately descend upon me and use the Me/Mine/My/you/yours/you're way of communication?

I'm not talking about people we know or respect, I'm talking about strangers.

 

[Etoile]

If one doesn't know whether or not I'm in the lifestyle, is it really fair for that person to immediately descend upon me and use the Me/Mine/My/you/yours/you're way of communication?

I'm not talking about people we know or respect, I'm talking about strangers.

Just for the record, I was too in my first reply a couple of posts up. My sentiments apply here, in the kink communities I'm in on LJ, and anywhere else this stuff comes up.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think my original question may be getting lost as the discussion turns, which is cool, but I would like to clarify and bring it back around for a moment.

I'm not talking about people you know or have respect for, I'm asking about perfect strangers who introduce themselves by assaulting people with their 'dominance.'

If one doesn't know whether or not I'm in the lifestyle, is it really fair for that person to immediately descend upon me and use the Me/Mine/My/you/yours/you're way of communication?

I'm not talking about people we know or respect, I'm talking about strangers.

My apologies for messing up your thread.

 

[SpectreT]

Knee-jerk reaction is to shove them in a box labeled "clueless Internet Chat fucktard" and be done with it. But I really, really try to give a post or two the benefit of the doubt before I nuke 'em. As others have mentioned, Shadowsdream is about the only one I can think of who can get away with it without getting my hackles up. Otherwise, stick to proper English rules of capitalization and grammar. (unlike Etoile, I never got past this - still tweaks me.)

 

[WaltsFrozenHead]

Thanks everyone for the great answers.

This has always been a peeve of mine, to talk with someone who hasn't asked me about the lifestyle, hasn't even approached the subject, but will continue to say things like, "Well, I and My girlfriend were driving in My car the other day, and I said to her, I'm waiting for My paycheck... " or something to that effect.

I hate when I know there's not a dominant bone in this person's body and s/he is simply using capitalization as a way to break the ice and introduce the idea of beating me for fun.

LOL

Wen Eye brake tha ice two spank ewe, Eye wool uze Mi tieping too maik ewe no Eye'm knot fooling around!!!! Role you're pantize downe en beecum proen write thiz minnut!!!!!

 

[callinectes]

Or maybe he just doesn't like to type.

No, he doesn't like to type much, but if he had an ego about that sort of thing it would outweigh his dislike of typing..and he would want me to use caps, etc. He told me once that he didn't care what I called him, his given name, Master, Walt Disney, whatever. It just isn't important to him. My submission and obedience is...and calling him LordMasterKingOfAll doesn't make any more a Dom than calling him Will does.

 

[Aeroil]

I think we might be soulmates x

Well, Aeroil *is* enchanting.

Also: I'm not a girl.

Everybody thinks Aeroil is a girl at first.

 

[Shaq]

PYL's who don't mind an honest, no drama question, I'd like to ask you something. When you introduce yourself to someone who you aren't sure is in the lifestyle, do you make it a point through text to say My, Me, Mine, I, and you, your, yours, etc.?

I see Dom/mes do it, and it usually comes off as pretentious and self-serving to me, kind of like trying to prove how dominant one may be to a potential submissive.

Is that something you do? Why or why not? what do you think of others who do it?

Thank you,

-g

I just be me. A lot of the things I've noticed is a LOT of pretentiousness and self dick sucking.

I'm amazed at how a lot of "doms" go out of their way to try to be dominant.

Or excuse me, try to SEEM dominant.

That's why my definition of a person who calls themself a "Dom" and a person who has a dominant personality is evolving.

A Dom, in my tentative view, is a person who takes on a role where they command or attempt to command another.

A Dominant person is someone whose actions typically get others to submit to them.


"I'm blazin' emcees at the same time amazing emcees/somehow, (you) emcees aren't that eyebrow raisin' to me" Royce 5'9"


I've taken that view toward some of the "Doms" I've seen.

It's like "Uh, I'm not impressed my ni**a".

 

[Shaq]

To answer the question: Is it rude?


Answer: No, its the internet.


Its comparable to when someone just messages you soliciting cyber and without even waiting for a reply go "Wouldn't you like to stroke my big fat cock?" without even talking to you first.

It's very presumptive yeah but its not really rude. Tell em off if you dislike.


I think it is lame though.

I get how the capital letter/ lowercase implies importance and all that stuff but the effect it has on the individual is neglible I think.

Other may feel differently but I don't feel more boss by using capital letters or shit to refer to My (giggle)self.

 

[JMohegan]

I'm not talking about people you know or have respect for, I'm asking about perfect strangers who introduce themselves by assaulting people with their 'dominance.'

If one doesn't know whether or not I'm in the lifestyle, is it really fair for that person to immediately descend upon me and use the Me/Mine/My/you/yours/you're way of communication?

Okay. Let's look at the example you gave in post 13.

This has always been a peeve of mine, to talk with someone who hasn't asked me about the lifestyle, hasn't even approached the subject, but will continue to say things like, "Well, I and My girlfriend were driving in My car the other day, and I said to her, I'm waiting for My paycheck... " or something to that effect.

We're talking about a message board or some other casual form of written communication, right?

I personally do not see this as "assaulting.... with their dominance". Unless and until I had evidence from the *content* of the person's words, I would not assume that he or she is arrogant, pretentious, insecure, or anything else. I would simply assume the caps are indicative of a specific BDSM culture.

If you read a sentence like the example given, it seems to me that one logical response would be to ask the guy: "Why do you capitalize Me and My when you write?" The answer would probably be quite revealing.

 

[nymphee]

I must admit, I find the excess capitalisation irritating, but more becuase it looks so bloody silly, and I hate bad grammar than because I find it assulting. Saying that, I usually capitalise the words dom or domme, and will write a person's name however they do, with capitals or not.
To be honest, a 'dom' who insists on capitalising every subject smacks a little of insecurity.

 

[JMohegan]

In years past I have participated in very heated discussions about the capitalization issue, coming down on the side of preferring proper grammar and capitalization according to standard English rules.

You will never catch me doing that kind of thing for myself, except for my Daddy - and that's because it's a name more than a word. I refer to my dominant, my top, etc. - those are words. Daddy is a name. I also don't capitalize eir pronouns (otherwise that would have been Eir pronouns, see?) because that's falling back into the fucking with grammar thing.

Nowhere in the "standard English rules" does it mention "eir" as a legitimate pronoun.

You embrace a particular lifestyle or culture, and reflect that in your style of written communication.

I think that's wonderful.