Pretentious Dom/mes - A Question

[CutieMouse]

Okay great.

Firstly, I'm not your kid, I'm not your sub, don't talk to me like I am. Please. Thank you.

How the ever-lovin' 'eff did you take anything JM wrote, as talking to you as if you were his "kid" or "sub"??

 

[_geisha_]

This thread has now officially confused me.

If someone contacts you in an inappropriate way via PM/email/whatever, and plays the man thumping "I am a DOM, damnit! Bow before my staff of virility!" thing... well, there is an enormous thread on the BDSM boards called "Asshat Awards" (also nicknamed horney net geeks- HNGs), and general consensus is that they aren't really Doms as much as well... asshats looking for a fantasy to jerk off to. Ignore them, or destroy them verbally, and move on. Report them to someone for harrassment if you like, but please realize that just because an asshat declares himself to be a Dom, does not mean he is one, nor is he necessarily an accurate reflection of the BDSM Community.

I'm sorry, but someone sending a creepy PM, and capitalizing a pronoun while doing so, is *not* the same as someone assulting/grabbing on you in a club. i am completely lost as to the discussion being about situations online via PM, or real life...

Understandable, and thanks. LOL didn't know there was an Asshat Awards! thread. That's pretty funny.

To me, it is the same thing. I've been approached by so many Dom/mes who are on auto-sub mode, and it's to me, an affront. Assuming that i'm wanting you to beat or spank me, i've had them assume i'd love their knife/razor/blood play, etc... having someone assume i'd like them to do something to me which, in my head, is the same as physical assault is, to me, the same as physical assault.

 

[_geisha_]

How the ever-lovin' 'eff did you take anything JM wrote, as talking to you as if you were his "kid" or "sub"??

JM wrote

Compare the two phrases that I have colored red. Do you see the difference?

I read that as condescendingu and patronizing.

Nothing more, no beef no argument.

 

[CutieMouse]

JM wrote


I read that as condescendingu and patronizing.

Nothing more, no beef no argument.

Ya know what? IMO that would be an instance where *you* are choosing the tone in which the statement was made. It is appropriate to capitalise the "I". I read what he wrote, and saw him pointing out where he saw a difference in your statements- with no condescention. I suspect the disagreements in the thread, and the knowledge that JM is a Dominant man, contributed to the tone you saw.

I know a lot of women on Lit are approached by rude, uncouth, Dom-wannabes. In my several years on the site, I've received maybe 3-4 PMs that were anything less than respectful. One poor kid actually apologized to me, by the time I was finished with him. I strongly suspect that part of the reason is due to how I behave on the boards, and the sort of avatars I choose to display. (That isn't meant as a slam, or disrespectful, towards those who are more... open in their online behaviour. I just know that I've dealt with far fewer HNGs than a lot of women on Lit have, and those two factors are the only ones I can think of, that might make a difference.)

 

[_geisha_]

Ya know what? IMO that would be an instance where *you* are choosing the tone in which the statement was made. It is appropriate to capitalise the "I". I read what he wrote, and saw him pointing out where he saw a difference in your statements- with no condescention. I suspect the disagreements in the thread, and the knowledge that JM is a Dominant man, contributed to the tone you saw.

I don't know anyone's status on the BDSM boards. I don't post here. I'd like to get to know people better, but don't think I will.

You're correct that I read it and put the tone on it in which I thought it was written. If that was wrong, I'll gladly apologise to him. I have no issue with that. If i'm wrong, i'm wrong.

I know a lot of women on Lit are approached by rude, uncouth, Dom-wannabes. In my several years on the site, I've received maybe 3-4 PMs that were anything less than respectful. One poor kid actually apologized to me, by the time I was finished with him. I strongly suspect that part of the reason is due to how I behave on the boards, and the sort of avatars I choose to display. (That isn't meant as a slam, or disrespectful, towards those who are more... open in their online behaviour. I just know that I've dealt with far fewer HNGs than a lot of women on Lit have, and those two factors are the only ones I can think of, that might make a difference.)

what is HNG?

 

[CutieMouse]

what is HNG?

Horney Net Geeks... an online abbreviation for the person who sent you such an unpleasant PM, and the inspiration for the Asshat Awards thread in the BDSM Cafe.

You should at least stick around long enough to read the above mentioned thread... it is rather amusing.

 

[Ebonyfire]

If you don't care, why tell me all of this?.

I wasn't talking directly to you, but replying in general to the thread. That is a common misconception. I am like the Rum Tug Tugger in Cats. I will do as I will do.

i am glad, however, that you told me all of it, because if you'd be willing, i'd like to ask for clarification. In chat, you require those that you own to say Your/You/You're, etc?

I do not have any "chat" relationships because I am a lifestyle Domme. All of my subs serve in real time and in person. My guys are trained and they Capitalize when/ if they have to correspond with me. I give them permission to. I am called Maam or by my given name by those who are petitioning me. I use caps as the mood hits me. Today I am lazy, so I use very few.

Would you PM someone and say something like 'your AV makes Me want to talk with you more, so that you can get to know Me. I'm worth knowing.'

I rarely send PMs. When I do it is mostly to people I know or are acquainted with

I rarely contact anyone first and when I do it is for private reasons I won't discuss.


Eb

 

[A Desert Rose]

... I rarely send PMs. When I do it is mostly to people I know or are acquainted with...

Eb

;-D

 

[Ebonyfire]

;-D

Back at ya!

 

[Etoile]

I wasn't talking directly to you, but replying in general to the thread. That is a common misconception. I am like the Rum Tug Tugger in Cats. I will do as I will do.

And there's no doin' anything a-bow-wow...about it!

(I love that whole show!)

 

[Ebonyfire]

And there's no doin' anything a-bow-wow...about it!

(I love that whole show!)

Same here. I play it almost everyday. It soothes me to sleep. And that John Partridge is yummy!

 

[WaltsFrozenHead]

To me, it is the same thing. I've been approached by so many Dom/mes who are on auto-sub mode, and it's to me, an affront. Assuming that i'm wanting you to beat or spank me, i've had them assume i'd love their knife/razor/blood play, etc... having someone assume i'd like them to do something to me which, in my head, is the same as physical assault is, to me, the same as physical assault.

Seriously, I think the question in fact answers itself.... there is no such thing as dom interacting to sub until those people involved choose to recognize and exchange that balance. Typing / typing to strangers is contrived rhetoric with no foundation. Typing / typing has no relation to a persons real dominant or submissive nature. Typing can (or cannot) be one sign shared within a given relationship but only after that connection exists and IF the people involved choose to go there. Like any relationship the rules can only be crafted by those involved. To me the reality of D/s is far deeper and more subtle than typing or what someone wears, it is innate in all shared interactions. Like the population in general, I have met plenty of self-proclaimed doms and subs who I would not choose to respect.

 

[catalina_francisco]

o... k.

so now that you're leaving, any other comments on the topic?

LOL, leaving where?

Catalina

 

[MechaBlade]

I've never done it, but I'm not excluding it forever from my repertoire because sometimes it's hard to transcribe a dominating voice through text. Fooling with grammar can attempt to give the same effect.