Pretty please, play with me.

[Lauren Hynde]

Sorry, I thought about that after I posted and wondered if it would be a problem. Palindromes are interesting little phrase puzzles that are spelled the same way forwards as backwards.

EXAMPLE: Able was I ere I saw Elba.

So, in our poem structure we have five stanzas, the first and the last are three lines with an ABA rhyming scheme. The second and fourth do not rhyme, but have five lines each with the third and fourth lines being the shortest of the five. So, I restructured the middle one to have an ABBA rhyming scheme since it already had four lines. As a result, the middle stanza sort've turns around on itslef to lead to the end, a "palindrome" like structure, or "palindromic."

D'accord?

- Judo

PS - And RW is absolutely correct, it should be taut...doh!

Amazing! I had noticed that, but didn't know there was a name for it... Thank you, Judo

 

[Sweetwood]

tightness

Eve asks:

I'm sure it's suppose to be taut. Sweetwood, let me know for sure.

Yes, it is supposed to be taut.

Sweetwife filling in for Sweetwood

 

[WickedEve]

Ha! A hit! Maybe Lenny Kravitz would like something nasty...

- Judo

Lenny Kravitz! I'm excited. I'm panting. And I've submitted the poem. lol

 

[karmadog]

How about "rapt with". I wanted to echo the word "wrapped" from the first stanza, but not repeat it. Sorry I screwed up on the usage, apparently creativity is on the other side of my brain from usage.

k-dog

 

[WickedEve]

Here's what I submitted... can still make changes...

For the Love of Luna's Light
by The Poets

The Poets: JUDO, Wicked Eve, REDWAVE, Sweetwood, Lauren.Hynde, Karmadog


In the softness of the moon,
wrapped in ribbons of hair,
he loved her all too soon.

He thought to find
the essence of exquisite
which he had lost
long before
and feared
would never return again

Yet, with her sanguine might,
she tuned him taut
until his pale flesh, quite hot
sang under cool bow of light.

The mournful morning breeze
witnessed the gentle
bellicose
tender scene
and the single tear
washing off his fright.

And when Dawn peeked over
the horizon, she found him wrapped
in visions of a ribboned lover.

 

[REDWAVE]

Suggestion

I agree with karmadog. I think "rapt with" is better than "wrapped in" in the last stanza.

 

[WickedEve]

Okay? Yes? Maybe?

For the Love of Luna's Light
by The Poets

The Poets: JUDO, Wicked Eve, REDWAVE, Sweetwood, Lauren.Hynde, Karmadog


In the softness of the moon,
wrapped in ribbons of hair,
he loved her all too soon.

He thought to find
the essence of exquisite
which he had lost
long before
and feared
would never return again

Yet, with her sanguine might,
she tuned him taut
until his pale flesh, quite hot
sang under cool bow of light.

The mournful morning breeze
witnessed the gentle
bellicose
tender scene
and the single tear
washing off his fright.

And when Dawn peeked over
the horizon, she found him rapt
with visions of a ribboned lover.

Red, glad you didn't scream for a "swollen belly."

 

[REDWAVE]

It's a wrap!

Poifect!

P.S.-- No, Eve, but I do have a swelling somewhere. . .

 

[Lauren Hynde]

This was fun. You should do another one next week, maybe.

What do you think?

 

[WickedEve]

This was fun. You should do another one next week, maybe.

What do you think?

Why don't you start one next! We can submit the poems under The Poets and list the names of all the poets who participate. It's a good group activity.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to the poem.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I'll start one over the weekend, or monday, if that's cool with everyone.

Ok, I'm too tired, so I'm going to bed. Happy 4th of July for all of you American types. (And belated happy 1st of July to the Sweets)

Bubbye.

 

[JUDO]

Why don't you start one next! It's a good group activity.

A poet orgy! A poet orgy! We're gonna have a poet orgy! And Lauren's gonna start it! Yeh!


- Judo

 

[karmadog]

I still think that WE's first three lines are better alone than what the rest of us did with it. Those first three lines are... stunning? That's not quite right, but I think that everybody knows...

In the softness of the moon,
wrapped in ribbons of hair,
he loved her all too soon.

We failed to equal that.

 

[JUDO]

I still think that WE's first three lines are better alone than what the rest of us did with it. Those first three lines are... stunning? That's not quite right, but I think that everybody knows...

We failed to equal that.

Failure is one way of looking at it. Here's another. It was a great beginning to the long road of cooperation ahead.


- Judo

 

[The Poets]

For the Love of Luna's Light
score: 4.33
votes: 3

Six of us worked on it! Vote people! lol

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=53764

 

[WickedEve]

I was thinking my stanza sucked in comparison to the rest! lol
We poet people are a strange, wonderful lot!
Now let's vote on that poem and take it to the top! The Poets rule!
I've had a long 4th so that's all the peppy stuff I have to say.

 

[karmadog]

I didn't mean

that to sound so harsh. I just meant that I liked Eve's stanza the best.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: I didn't mean

that to sound so harsh. I just meant that I liked Eve's stanza the best.

Thank you, kdog. The stanza is a version of one of the stanzas in a failed terzanelle.

 

[The Poets]

We Need 1 More Vote!

For the Love of Luna's Light
score: 4.67
votes: 9

 

[The Poets]

Briefly on the top

Our poem is in the #1 spot with 10 votes and a 4.70 score. But soon we'll move down the list. We now have 11 votes and our poem now has a 4.36 score. If you do the math, that means we got the infamous 1! lol

Wicked Eve

 

[karmadog]

Cool, Eve! I think that's my first '1'. Even though only 20% of it was for me. So I actually got a '.2'. On the other hand, doing the math again, I got several ones because only 20% of the fives that we must have gotten were for me.

I'll never get the voting thing. We certainly didn't deserve to number one, but that poem wasn't so bad that it deserved a one either.

Maybe they figured that because it was written by five people, the poem would get an unfair advantage of all the authors giving it a five.

Really now, would we do such a thing?

 

[Rybka]

Voting

I gave it a 4. It is better than the average poem posted, but face it guys, it is not "fantastic".

WHEN I vote, I rate poems thusly:

1.) Simply awful and full of spelling and grammatical errors.

2.) Simply awful, but no/few errors.

3.) Average - Similar to most of the poems published on Literotica, i.e. Not worth publishing, but at least the author has made an effort. Can be read aloud more than once without wanting to puke. - Most likely the words, metaphors, etc. are trite.

4.) Better than average, worth the time spent reading.

5.) Excellent! - Wish I had written it.

I give very few fives or ones. I may send a comment to a "4" or "5", but not to anything less.

Regards, Rybka

 

[WickedEve]

Okay, it's not a 5, but it's certainly not a one. The fun was in writing it. It was blast to have a group of poets get together and create a poem. As for it being on the list, I've been here long enough to know that it's meaningless. The top list is... well, it's often a joke. Sure, there are some really good poems on there. But honestly, there's some crap on the list. Many times the crap rises to the top. Why? It's a mystery! lol
Anyway, I think we did a good job, considering that it was so spontaneous. I look forward to seeing a new poem. I hope some more people participate on the next one.

 

[karmadog]

Eve said:

Many times the crap rises to the top. Why? It's a mystery! lol

Perhaps the corn in it is buoyant.

 

[WickedEve]

Perhaps the corn in it is buoyant.

Ewwwww...