Punishment and Confession

[HisSexyPet]

I am a very good liar. But with B, I can't even lie about the smallest things. Not even by omission. I start blabbering about everything. Even knowing I will be punished doesn't keep me from telling.

 

[graceanne]

I am a very good liar. But with B, I can't even lie about the smallest things. Not even by omission. I start blabbering about everything. Even knowing I will be punished doesn't keep me from telling.

My mom calls it 'diarrhea of the mouth'. LOL It's like you think it and 'bleh' out it comes. lol

 

[rosco rathbone]

I think the situation you describe is about changing behavior in the long term. Where the goal is that I really will stop doing the thing that drives him crazy, or I really will start doing the things he wishes I would do, but that I don't do regularly on my own. You need either tremendous consistency on the part of the PYL or a really long relationship to pull it off, though.

I see behavior change as secondary. If it happens, great, but if it doesn't I'm not about to start beating myself up about my lack of domlyness.

I can handle infractions the way a normal vanilla is supposed to, with equananimity (sp) and all that, as long as I can blow of steam on the ass.

What the hell do vanilla guys do when their girlfriends max out the credit card, or whatever?

It gives me high blood pressure just thinking about it.

 

[BiBunny]

We don't do punishment. All three of us believe it's counterproductive to what we want to accomplish in our relationship.

 

[eastern sun]

I see behavior change as secondary. If it happens, great, but if it doesn't I'm not about to start beating myself up about my lack of domlyness.

I can handle infractions the way a normal vanilla is supposed to, with equananimity (sp) and all that, as long as I can blow of steam on the ass.

What the hell do vanilla guys do when their girlfriends max out the credit card, or whatever?

It gives me high blood pressure just thinking about it.

I wonder if I'm working too hard.

I probably am.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

but the fact that there is a punishment dynamic in this household does make confession a bit easier. i know that the issue will be directly confronted, discussed, resolved and paid for. then the air is cleared and you can move on with life in a positive frame of mind, something that is just not possible for me without punishment.

This is true for me as well. Sometimes I'm reluctant to confess and confession always makes me feel like an errant child, which is a punishment in itself. The biggest motivator for me, if I'm brutally honest, is that if I fail to confess and he finds out anyway, the consequences are at least twice as severe.

Naturally, I have discovered this the hard way.

But like osg, I find the punishment cathartic. It clears the air completely and gives me a clean slate. Also, if Master feels he has contributed somehow to a situation where I have deliberately performed a serious wrong, he will talk about it afterwards and I always feel so much better. If you compare that with the guilt of non-confession and the anxiety that he'll find out anyway, it's a no-brainer. Non-confession makes service feel hollow and fraudulent and I lose my joy in my chosen place.

 

[the captians wench]

I'm actually a good liar - I grew up in a household where the state of your ass was defendant on your ability to judge moods and lie appropriately. What was OK one day might not be the next.



I don't know why I do this with K, but it takes a lot of effort to keep any secret from him. I have to constantly remind myself not to tell - and that includes secrets that don't involve transgressions. Secrets that friends tell me and stuff.

I only have this problem with K, too. *shrugs*

I have that issue with Jounar. I have a hard time keeping it from him when I buy him a gift, or we have a cool happymeal toy that I'm planing to snag for him. I can't seem to keep anything from him. Christmas time is torture!

 

[eastern sun]

This is true for me as well. Sometimes I'm reluctant to confess and confession always makes me feel like an errant child, which is a punishment in itself. The biggest motivator for me, if I'm brutally honest, is that if I fail to confess and he finds out anyway, the consequences are at least twice as severe.

Naturally, I have discovered this the hard way.

But like osg, I find the punishment cathartic. It clears the air completely and gives me a clean slate. Also, if Master feels he has contributed somehow to a situation where I have deliberately performed a serious wrong, he will talk about it afterwards and I always feel so much better. If you compare that with the guilt of non-confession and the anxiety that he'll find out anyway, it's a no-brainer. Non-confession makes service feel hollow and fraudulent and I lose my joy in my chosen place.

I'm struck by the fact that there are so many confessors among this board's pyls. I agree that confession clears the air. I agree that it is much better to be honest.

But I have committed some serious transgressions. And it took months and even years to finally confess them.

An example - when we were in business together, I was solely responsible for the accounting of both our company and our family. He began to express an interest in leaving the company to pursue other interests, and started working on independent projects. I stopped paying him his full salary. He counted on me to do the company books, pay bills, file our taxes, do the banking, etc. so he never noticed that he wasn't getting paid. It wasn't until the night before we were going to walk into the mortgage office with our last year's income tax return, and he would discover that his income was not what it was supposed to be, that I finally confessed. He never did business with me again, and took over our family finances until he realized that he hated paying attention to all those details.

Another example - he wanted me to have safe sex when I met other men. I didn't, but told him I was. I really felt guilty about this one. . . . and finally told him when he was encouraging me to go meet someone who I knew was risky. He stopped fucking me until I got a battery of tests. Repeatedly. (My gynecologist's file has a red flag for the number of aids tests I've had, and it was very embarrassing. I was ecstatic when he pointed out he would accept the over the counter tests from the drug store.)

I don't automatically confess my sins. They're my covert rebellions to a lifetime of domination. Neither am I proud of them, and I'm always relieved to have them out in the open, because it is a tremendous burden to lie to one's partner. And the consequences of lying are huge.

I just don't want people to think pyls are natural confessors.

In fact, I just realized something. I didn't confess the biggest sins because I'm totally afraid of the consequences. Like, he'll say "good-bye." Lots of men would.

 

[eastern sun]

I just don't want people to think pyls are natural confessors.

It's not lost on me, by the way, that I'm one of the biggerst confessional pyls on this board. My last post here is a case in point.

Why is it that we are so often likely to be the exact opposite of whatever we claim to be?

 

[Keroin]

What do you mean nope, you can't just say nope.

"you prefer vanilla or strawberry?"
"nope"

Thats does not compute.

Sorry, I misunderstood the question.

I change my answer to "maybe".

 

[graceanne]

Christmas time is torture!

Seriously. LOL And birthdays and fathers day.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I usually have nothing to confess because honestly, I have nothing to confess. I am fanatically about following the rules. I am always on time, to the point of being nervous if I am running late for being early.

I could never lie to my mother when I was a teen either.

Of course I tend to discover loopholes (then and now)

 

[ebullient]

Honestly, I feel awful admitting to this here with all of you confession-inclined submissives, but I hold things in as long as I possibly can. I'm so paranoid about my dom being disappointed in me that I'm reluctant to admit when I've fucked up. Like, really fucked up, not in an "aw, I'm a cute masochist. Don't you want to spank me for knocking over that plant?" sort of way. I usually let major things fester until I just can't stand them anymore, and then they come out in these choked sobs. Probably not healthy, but I do think I feel better once I've been punished for whatever it is I've done. It usually feels like some sort of promise of redemption, but sometimes it's just awful.

 

[Adakgirl]

This is true for me as well. Sometimes I'm reluctant to confess and confession always makes me feel like an errant child, which is a punishment in itself. The biggest motivator for me, if I'm brutally honest, is that if I fail to confess and he finds out anyway, the consequences are at least twice as severe.

Naturally, I have discovered this the hard way.

But like osg, I find the punishment cathartic. It clears the air completely and gives me a clean slate. Also, if Master feels he has contributed somehow to a situation where I have deliberately performed a serious wrong, he will talk about it afterwards and I always feel so much better. If you compare that with the guilt of non-confession and the anxiety that he'll find out anyway, it's a no-brainer. Non-confession makes service feel hollow and fraudulent and I lose my joy in my chosen place.

EXactly and right on the money for many... Great post!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

EXactly and right on the money for many... Great post!

Thankyou. Perhaps it will go some way to balance my recent crankiness and n00b-bashing.

 

[the_pet]

depends on the crime

depends on the punishment


pet

 

[Adakgirl]

Thankyou. Perhaps it will go some way to balance my recent crankiness and n00b-bashing.

But that's what noobs are for aren't they? I started here in the GB...back when the GB was a very difficult place to stick around in for very long if you were a noob. Most noobs who came in there about the time I did didn't survive. I got bashed up one side and down the other..and I bashed right back. If you are bashing noobs and there is good reason for it...and they are not smart enough to admit you are right, and listen and learn from that. Then in my opinion they don't belong here in the 1st place and wouldn't last long anyway. If you don't bash them someone else will. lol

 

[owned_whore]

I can't lie to him. Sometimes I really wish I could but I am useless at it. The few times I have tried, he has punished me in genuine anger. There are things I haven't told him but they are trivial, mundane things that he wouldn't be bothered about anyway. My Master has little interest in details or excuses. If I seriously fuck up, I will seek him out and tell him so. I can't bear the waiting and I need to witness his reaction and deal with the consequences.

Even now though, I still don't know him as well as I think I do. I go to him expecting him to respond in a certain way depending on what I've done/not done and he still manages to completely throw me on a regular basis. I like that I am at the mercy of his moods however, it makes everything that much more unpredictable.

 

[__little_one]

If a Dom made me feel like I couldn't be open and honest with him about everything for fear of how he'd react, it would be the beginning of the end for 'us'.

That probably wouldn't be fear of painful punishment though, it's more likely to be him getting paranoid and refusing to take what I say on trust, thinking I must be hiding something all the time. I have a mile high guilt complex so 'fess up quick if I've boobed. I'd rather leave than lie.

 

[KinkE]

My first breach

Turns out I breached the trust he had in me and I found myself confessing at 6am this morning, the anguish of not knowing what his reaction will be for this breach has me on the edge. I knew I would confess the minute I did it; like Edgar Allen Poe's story "The Tell Tale Heart", only here I took my own heart shattered it with a lie by omission only to have my very own guilt punish me. The knowledge that I have disappointed and dissatisfied him crushes my already shattered heart, and I don't know how I will make amends.

 

[YourCaptor]

Let me ask this follow up question then.

What where you confession habits like in a previous relationship that did not employ punishment. Any difference?

 

[CutieMouse]

Let me ask this follow up question then.

What where you confession habits like in a previous relationship that did not employ punishment. Any difference?

Nope.

 

[graceanne]

Let me ask this follow up question then.

What where you confession habits like in a previous relationship that did not employ punishment. Any difference?

Not really, but K was my first serious long term relationship, and I've been with him since I was 18. The longest relationship I'd ever had before him was only five months, and that was in high school. I've always been a bit of a blabber mouth in relationship, but I also didn't have anything to hide in those relationships.

 

[KinkE]

99.9% of my relationships

fall into that catagory.

Let me ask this follow up question then.

What where you confession habits like in a previous relationship that did not employ punishment. Any difference?

My confessional habits have varied from one extreme to the other... anywhere from the little white lies... 'the dog at my homework' to flat out denial...'I have no idea what you're talking about'

Regardless, each left me feeling "heavy-hearted", so I challenge myself daily, to live with integrity to myself, for myself. Seems lies and deceit chip away at our sense of worth, and if we are 'our own worst critics', well then good grief, why would I continiue?

 

[nh23]

Punishment for me is being cut off. From sex, pain, humiliation.

I still confess because I can't live with myself otherwise. I will freely admit though that I try to "cute" my way out of things a lot. "I'm sorry Daddy, I really am"