question(s)about sharing.

[catalina_francisco]

The topic is closed, yes... to me. I said my peice on this and now like I know you love it... you have the last word. Unlike you, I won't say things in print to you that I might regret later.

ADR, the last word is a great argument to throw at people when it is what you hope to achieve yourself...as are posts all over the board which contradict each other while more than I have been on the receiving end of your PM's and then accused of PMing you uninvited when I defend myself. Like I said at the time, and after a few abusive PM's I tried to be polite about out of friendship but made clear I would not accept your unfounded accusations, if you cannot take what you dish out to me and others, don't do it. If you can take it and you can back up the accusations with evidence, go for it if that is your nature and purpose in this life. I do not find I have to resort to abuse, or foul language, to say what I believe to be true.

Catalina

 

[WriterDom]

I think you are a bit distracted at the moment and likely have a censored picture of the whole story WD. I call uninvited and uninitiated PM's full of accusations and judgements venom.....and they weren't regarding 12 year olds. Pity that is the best you can come up with but as I said you are distracted looking at other things....hopefully soon you will have the pleasure of getting your hands on what fills your mind.

Catalina

Nice skate job. If this is about some private PM war, why don't you keep it private. The story I hear is you are the one with the uninvited and uninitiated PMs.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Yes, I had the last word. Here it is:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=212521&pagenumber=2

If this public apology is not enough for you, then there is nothing else I can do.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Nice skate job. If this is about some private PM war, why don't you keep it private. The story I hear is you are the one with the uninvited and uninitiated PMs.

Yes I am, I certainly did not invite or initiate them...they were sent to me out of the blue and I was not supposed to respond it seems as I was told off for doing so.... but I don't feel special anymore as it seems I am not the only one.
Sorry, but if someone is going to first approach me, in an abusive manner, I am not in the habit of taking that and accepting it. If I had approached ADR first, I would admit it, but that is not the way it was despite what you have seemingly been told. As you have no doubt seen throughout my posts on this board, I do not have a problem owning what I say or think and being honest about even the most private and difficult things in my life.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yes, I had the last word. Here it is:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=212521&pagenumber=2

If this public apology is not enough for you, then there is nothing else I can do.

I read it ADR, then read your post about my wanting the last word...and somehow it seemed to be a little unclear what was meant, especially as a post from this thread was seen necessary to post and answer in another thread, not here until now. Sorry but I found it a bit confusing and questionable. Sorry if I have misunderstood your intentions.

Catalina

 

[ownedsubgal]

I agree in part, but to me if he is not in control of his emotions to this level he is not going to be someone I see as capable of, or an example of why I should accept that control. Anger is one thing, and is manageable. People who claim to hit out in anger with a SO are more often than not using it as an excuse to absolve them of responsibility, and to cover their inappropriate means of gaining control when they feel they cannot gain it any other way....which does not fit with Dominant behaviour for me. If these episodes are anger motivated and justifiable out of control moments that could not be avoided, why is it most men who react in this way do so when they are sure no-one else is around, or only in relation to their SO/children? That shows they do have control, and they do have choice, they just chopose otherwise because they do not have the means to gain that control in any other way. I do not find a man who resorts to non consensual physical abuse attractive in any form, more weak and ineffectual. Maybe that is because apart from the psychology behind their behaviour, I am attracted to strength of mind and character far before brute force.

Catalina

like you Catalina i am and always have been extremely attracted to the inner strengths of a man...a strong will, strong character, strong mind...to me a person without these things isn't someone i'd give the title of "Man", or adult. but even the strongest and truest of Men are permitted to have their inner turmoils and breakdowns at times. i would never presume to say that any and every man who strikes his mate out of anger has just made a slip, a temporary lost of control. of course not. there are a great deal of pure and simple abusers in the world. i just do not think that from one single action, a person can be labeled as an abuser or as less of a Dominant.

the time i was hit out of anger, it was in a very public place, where that sort of thing would not have been accepted or understood by most. He definitely wasn't trying to be sneaky about it, in fact i am positive that the last thing on his mind was that others might see and he could get in trouble. He was too angry and out of it to have such thoughts. later when things were calm he confessed to me that i had not done such a terrible thing after all, he had simply had a rare (for him) jealous moment, and instead of dealing with it within himself as he says he should have, he took it out on me, physically. so he had a human moment. that only made me love him all the more. if that were something that happened again and again, then i would question his Dominance, his maturity as a man. i wouldn't feel safe with him and would think that perhaps i made a mistake in agreeing to be his property. but a once or twice moment of humanness, that is not ignored or excused over but talked about openly and honestly? i could never judge a person "bad" for that.


ADR, i am sorry you find my opinions redundant and worthless. but as Catalina said, some of us are actually interested in what others think and feel about things. i come to boards like this to interact with others, to learn about other points of view, other ways of life, and share my own as well. it often leads to a new discovery about myself, or occasionally a re-evaluating of an old way of thinking. and plus i just like getting to know people, whether i share their beliefs or not, it all makes life a little more interesting.

 

[ethereal~minx]

...but a once or twice moment of humanness, that is not ignored or excused over but talked about openly and honestly? i could never judge a person "bad" for that.
....

I soo agree with all of your post, this just happens to be something I've experienced and feel the same way you do.

very well said! thank you: )

 

[Guest]

Nice skate job. If this is about some private PM war, why don't you keep it private. The story I hear is you are the one with the uninvited and uninitiated PMs.

Ummmm That would be a no.

And other than that........
I will not get involved in a silly fight on the threads....I will not get involved in a silly fight on the threads....I will not get involved in a silly fight on the threads....I will not get involved in a silly fight on the threads....I will not get involved in a silly fight on the threads....I will not get involved in a silly fight on the threads....I will not get involved in a silly fight on the threads....I will not get involved in a silly fight on the threads....I will not get involved in a silly fight on the threads....

If I keep saying it................

 

[Sirs Lady]

ownedsub, i agree with you and that is the way of thinking i've taken too. If you don't mind me asking, how did you feel after he hit you the first time? did it affect your trust in Him for just a little bit? at all? feel free to pm me if you like. I'm just curious.

ADR, you don't have to keep coming back to these, if you are not interested in what we're saying.

 

[TigerClaw]

......

 

[ethereal~minx]

Interesting. I do believe in discipline for children. I dont believe in discipline to the point of bruising or welts on children. I think there is a time when a good spanking or the slap of a hand is warranted. I dont believe it should be a daily occurance or to the extreme of bruises.

But I think you made a good point that I will have to think more about.

I do not believe hitting as a form of discipline is ever warranted.

 

[TigerClaw]

......

......

 

[ethereal~minx]

Re: As for hitting an adult

...If a woman said or pushed my buttons so much as for me to raise a hand to her I would leave no matter what the cost. ...

...I can't help but ask this~~~ would you leave because you fear doing it again? or that you actually would follow through once pushed to that point?

if you left because you couldn't handle your emotions, I'd question your emotional well-being ...
it takes courage to face your emotions & the willingness to melt those triggers that took you to that point~~~
it's a matter of growth to me

 

[TigerClaw]

......

 

[ethereal~minx]

I have not done it. I will not do it. If the communication has broken down so far as to get to that point it is not worth continuing the relationship.


Why do I have had to have done it or be afraid that I would. Implying that I would or want to hit a woman?

no I'm not implying that you would or want to hit a woman.
if the relationship has broken down that far, it's lacking communication. needs are not being met, truths are not being spoken~~~
to leave a relationship because you were pushed to your emotional limit is a cop out .. if a person in this situation chooses to leave, it is not because the other person pushed them to the point of hitting or almost hitting, it is because they choose not to deal with their intimacy triggers/emotional responses ~~or maybe they don't recognize them as such...

and btw, this is not personal in any way

 

[lark sparrow]

Difficult to gauge.... I definitely don't condone abuse on any level... but were I for example to take a whip to the Dominant served, I would think if I hit them first, then the second blow would not be entirely out of line, and the last. Not that I would do this - but I've seen it mentioned.

I've been slapped once in the face in anger my whole life... and if I did something entirely out of bounds, known to both in a D/s situation, that would not necessarily be the end of the relationship - particularly if I knew I was in the wrong. Punched and/or beaten up would be something utterly different, for me. But I do think if a relationship is getting to angry and/or out of control hitting there is something deeper to be worked out than the lit issue of 'is it abuse or not'.

A slap out of affection or need would be another matter!

 

[FungiUg]

Interesting. I do believe in discipline for children.

As do I. Children require discipline, learning bounds and respect for others is an important part of growing up. However, I dislike people thinking that discipline automatically means hitting. For me, hitting is simply "rule by force."

Think for a minute with your dominant hat on (those of who you don't have one, feel free to borrow one.) When you are training and punishing, do you always use spanking as a punishment? Hell no! I never use spanking as a punishment... never! (It's way too enjoyable for me to restrict myself to doing it when a submissive needs punishing.)

Okay, dominant hat off. So why is disciplining children any different? Yes, there are times that a quick smack is the best thing. The classic example is a small child reaching for something hot that will burn them. Smacking that hand away is the best thing to do!

And... really, that's what it comes down to. When you are providing a punishment as part of discipline, then what is the most appropriate punishment? The one that will be the most effective? The one that will teach the lesson that you want a child to learn? because "Do it or I will hit you" seems to me to teach the lesson of all bullies: "might is right."

But I think you made a good point that I will have to think more about.

My work here on earth is done!

 

[Princessintrng]

Re: This topic caught my eye.

I have been questioning many people in the lifestyle and it seems that most of the Doms I have come across dont like to share their subs yet subs do seem to want this in the relationship.

Is this impression correct?

I can't speak for all subs, but I can speak for myself, and I have no desire to be shared. I am a one man, woman and definately a one Dom, sub. For me sharing takes away from the specialness that my gift of submission and his gift of Domination provide in the relationship.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: This topic caught my eye.

I can't speak for all subs, but I can speak for myself, and I have no desire to be shared. I am a one man, woman and definately a one Dom, sub. For me sharing takes away from the specialness that my gift of submission and his gift of Domination provide in the relationship.

I am also a one man, one Dominant slave, but that is not threatened by being shared so to speak. I will never submit to another. In his words, if he chooses to share me with another Dominant it does not mean I am giving myself as a woman or slave to that person, just they are being employed as a tool by Master. I am his property, no longer belonging to myself, so as such in theory I am an extension or part of him, not me. I also do not have a desire to be shared which makes it all the more attractive for him in being able to exercise that control.

Catalina

 

[SexyChele]

As for being shared, I have no desire whatsoever to go there. I had a b/f (vanilla relationship) who wanted to share me, and I did so just to please him. I felt cheap and used and wanted so badly to stop it once it started. My b/f was very pleased when it was complete, but the other men - I think - sensed my utter discomfort and stopped without orgasming. When I had finished dressing, he came back into the room, gave me a hug, and told me he was sorry, that he thought I would be more into it than my b/f had lead him to believe. Funny, but I lost total respect for my b/f that night, and gained total respect for the other man. Go figure.

As far as hitting in anger? For me, it's a no-brainer. I may not end the relationship, but I definitely ain't sticking around until issues are resolved. The last time I hit some one in anger I was a toddler. I was punished for it. I was told that "big people" don't do such things. I still believe that. Hitting out of anger is something that children and immature adults do when they can no longer think of another way to express themselves. With all due respect to those with differing opinions, it does not show me he is "human." Obviously, he would be "human" to begin with. I can pack a mean punch when I need to, but when I look at my b/f (6', just under 300 pounds of almost all solid muscle), he can truly, truly hurt me. And who's to say that he will stop after the first slap, hit, or punch? One time? No, I wouldn't necessarily abandon the relationship. But we would definitely look into why he did it and how he's going to keep that under control in the future. Hey. I don't hit him, he don't hit me.

And I would expect this from all men, not just Dominants. After all, Dominants are men as well.

 

[TigerClaw]

Oh GOD, Sexy. I wasnt gonna post but I had to. I have 2 sisters and I just can not imagine this happening to them. I am so sorry you experienced this.......

As for being shared, I have no desire whatsoever to go there. I had a b/f (vanilla relationship) who wanted to share me, and I did so just to please him. I felt cheap and used and wanted so badly to stop it once it started. My b/f was very pleased when it was complete, but the other men - I think - sensed my utter discomfort and stopped without orgasming. When I had finished dressing, he came back into the room, gave me a hug, and told me he was sorry, that he thought I would be more into it than my b/f had lead him to believe. Funny, but I lost total respect for my b/f that night, and gained total respect for the other man. Go figure.

 

[TigerClaw]

You are absolutely right and said it very well I might add. Better then I.

As do I. Children require discipline, learning bounds and respect for others is an important part of growing up. However, I dislike people thinking that discipline automatically means hitting. For me, hitting is simply "rule by force."

Think for a minute with your dominant hat on (those of who you don't have one, feel free to borrow one.) When you are training and punishing, do you always use spanking as a punishment? Hell no! I never use spanking as a punishment... never! (It's way too enjoyable for me to restrict myself to doing it when a submissive needs punishing.)

Okay, dominant hat off. So why is disciplining children any different? Yes, there are times that a quick smack is the best thing. The classic example is a small child reaching for something hot that will burn them. Smacking that hand away is the best thing to do!

And... really, that's what it comes down to. When you are providing a punishment as part of discipline, then what is the most appropriate punishment? The one that will be the most effective? The one that will teach the lesson that you want a child to learn? because "Do it or I will hit you" seems to me to teach the lesson of all bullies: "might is right."



My work here on earth is done!

 

[SexyChele]

Oh GOD, Sexy. I wasnt gonna post but I had to. I have 2 sisters and I just can not imagine this happening to them. I am so sorry you experienced this.......

Thank you, TC. If you can believe it, this was only the second time I'd had sex. Bad as it was at the time, the "other man" involved always treated me like a little sister afterwards - looked out for me, made sure I was never bothered, etc. We never had a relationship (he already had a girlfriend!), but he really became some one I could rely on. And bitch about my then b/f. He was the first one who told me to ditch the guy. It was a screwed up evening, but the "other man" turned out to be pretty cool in the long run.

Again, thanks!

 

[TigerClaw]

Ah, but what if that person doesnt want to open up or tell the truth. You are right there are other issues here besides just getting angry and near taking a swing at someone. Why is it that person that is wrong. Why is it that person can not handle the issues. The other person can be manipulating the situation and using the others anger and frustration as justification! Couldnt that person be feeling frustration because no matter what is tried they are hitting a brick wall?

I have seen it many a time where the instigator yells first and being the guy replies by yelling he is automatically wrong becasue he raised his voice. I dont buy it. I dont support that. Ive seen too much manipulating to say the person who gets angry, yells, or hits is automatally wrong. What was done to provoke it.

No, even in this hitting is not correct nor should it be accepted. But that does not mean the other is totally innocent either. Your right taken at face value it does appear like a cop out. But the underlying problems are the real culprit.

no I'm not implying that you would or want to hit a woman.
if the relationship has broken down that far, it's lacking communication. needs are not being met, truths are not being spoken~~~
to leave a relationship because you were pushed to your emotional limit is a cop out .. if a person in this situation chooses to leave, it is not because the other person pushed them to the point of hitting or almost hitting, it is because they choose not to deal with their intimacy triggers/emotional responses ~~or maybe they don't recognize them as such...

and btw, this is not personal in any way

 

[TigerClaw]

First I am sorry for seemly hogging up the thread.

Second, I am glad it turned out somewhat good for you.

Thank you, TC. If you can believe it, this was only the second time I'd had sex. Bad as it was at the time, the "other man" involved always treated me like a little sister afterwards - looked out for me, made sure I was never bothered, etc. We never had a relationship (he already had a girlfriend!), but he really became some one I could rely on. And bitch about my then b/f. He was the first one who told me to ditch the guy. It was a screwed up evening, but the "other man" turned out to be pretty cool in the long run.

Again, thanks!