~ R a p e ~

[danimouse]

I'd like to be raped by my slave, good lord that would be hot!

I'm gonna have to start lifting heavier weights.....

Dani

 

[unfoundiamond]

Marquis~

It understand a lot more about your attitude to rape. I also have thoughts in my mind I cannot reconcile with my expiriences. Thanx for your honesty, and sharing. I realize this is a loaded topic.

Mad Love *wink*


And Made...

I agree with so many of the above statements. For years it was the belief that women should not have libidinous thoughts. Puritanical dogma instructed that sex was for procreation. This sets up a dichotomy with what is hardwired into our makeup. We are supposed to enjoy sex. Otherwise what is the orgasm for? A built in timer to let you know when to stop? Our bodies are designed to be enticing, we produce pheromones to signal attraction and readiness, we have hormones to drive us towards coupling. Women were supposed to ignore all of those things?


Fantasies are an idealized situation. Everything is perfect. There are no mis-strokes or wrong words spoken. The players are flawless. Rape fantasies are no different. They have nothing to do with real life. A creation of the mind to express desires. Mine involve either someone who has wrapped themselves around my psyche or carry the characteristics thereof. While I am helpless, I am not truly. Even the rape fantasy is a scene. In some way I know the players and so feel secure in what will happen. It also varies in elements depending on what particular kink has captured my attention that day.

There is a release of responsibility in what you desire. But at the same time there is an accountability. In some way in my fantasies I have let my guard down and placed myself in jeopardy. Whether it be be doing in the wrong thing or not recognizing ulterior motives in someone. (Not getting into the "asking for it" statement, because in real life there is no such thing!)

On the other hand, the ego is invested in this fantasy as well. To be so desired that this man (or men- again depending on that days menu) that he is so effected he is unable to control that desire. There is no choice but to act upon it. The animal takes over and he takes what he wants. Even though my mind has set up what happens (it is my fantasy after all)it is projected onto him. I'm experiencing those things because that is what he wants. (That drives the sub in me too. Yes I want to feel so many things, but I need to have someone who wants to see me go through that. To have his eyes light up as chill bumps cover my body from a touch that is agonizingly light, my back arch at something that stings...)In essence, even though I have the rush of the "fight or flight" reaction kicking in I am never in true peril. Adrenaline is a wonderful thing.

I have not had the chance to experience this in a scene. I hope that when I do it comes close to images that play through my mind. To place myself before someone I trust and say, "This is yours you do with as you wish. My fantasy fulfilled through your fantasies."

True... very true...

so well put...

 

[unfoundiamond]

I pretty much agree...

I think I agree for the most part...

I wanted to read what Net said in the "rapeplay" thread... but didn't wanna sift throught the whole 7 pages post by post...

I wanted to make sure this hadn't been said before, but also part of me thinks that some topics could use some revisiting, Look for example at people in this thread sharing things they don't usually share... We shall all take turns beating the dead horse... *wink*

I just use the word rape because when I am searching cyberspace for hot bitches to watch get consentually "forced" I have to use the word "rape".

Or you can use the word "forced", which I kind of see as not really rape... and maybe forced has some place on the scale between "rape" and "rapeplay". Forced orgasam or forced facefucking porn is clearly not rape, I remember this when she always wants to smile at the end, or in the begining before she's violated, I hate this. Does she think I want to see her
smile? If I wanted a smile I wouldn't be watching that kind of porn...

I don't know...

Like I said, I don't see how I can have such conflicting feelings... I keep saying it boils down to consent because I believe this is how my two super strong, super diffrent emotions can co exist in my mind together... Like someone said "if its consentual its not rape" and I think I agree...

I am a twisted girl....

 

[bridgeburner]

Like I said, I don't see how I can have such conflicting feelings... I keep saying it boils down to consent because I believe this is how my two super strong, super diffrent emotions can co exist in my mind together...

I tend to look at it like enjoying shoot 'em up and revenge action movies. I like to see the good guy kick some ass. I like the idea of the bad guy getting totally anihilated and that includes a really bad death.

It never occurs to me to wonder if I might actually want people to be murdered or to engage in it myself. I'm quite firm in my separation between fantasy and reality on those issues, so why should there be any worry that my fantasies about rape are any more dangerous than my fantasies about violence?

We get a lot of societal baggage about sex that we don't get about other kinds of violence.

This is not to say that there aren't scads of people who are convinced that violent video games and movies and music are what cause school shootings. But I have no problem seeing the flaw in their reasoning: if media actually caused that sort of thing we'd have two or three school shootings in every city every day, rather than one or two a year.

 

[wicked woman]

Well thank you all. Now I know how unusual I am to not have/had rape fantasies.

Could be because for some reason I've never learned sex was bad, so I don't need someone to force me to have sex. It's fun, healthy, natural and feels ooooo so good. Add to that, I like having a certain amount of control. Why would I voluntarily give it up to a stranger, when I've no idea if they'll hurt me or not?

As for real rape. no thanks. Many years ago I volunteered at a rape crisis centre. BIG difference between fantasy and reality.

On the other hand I absolutely love being taken...used. Only by someone I know, who knows me and I can trust to honour my safe word though...my Dom. I think a lot of it is because under those circumstances it's not about me...it's clearly about what he wants, how he wants it, when/if he wants it. That I'm submissive to his needs is obvious. It's not that I can't be submissive in other ways...I am...but this is more black and white to me.

 

[Domwoolf]

Women like the idea as much as they detest the reality.

Rape really isn't the fantasy. Real rape isn't about sex it's about hurt. Hurting someone by force taking away everything that gives them self respect.

Fantasy rape scenes are mostly about being overcome and made to do what the person would like to do but can't...add your own reasons here: good girls don't- married- it's a sin, ect. It removes the stain from the person raped. Thats the fantasy.

Much of bdsm is based on this premise. If I'm tied up then "I" am not responseable if the dom makes me cum/feel good/ hurts me till I orgasum.

DomWoolf

 

[madetotakeit]

I agree that there is more of a stigma attached to sex than violence. It is apparent in entertainment. Look at the video game that scores on stealing cars, shooting people, killing cops. It was out in multiple versions, but the masses only became upset when it was revealed there was a cheat that allowed the character to have sex with his girlfriend. That skewed outlook really bothered me. Not that a sex scene was included, but the inference that sex is worse than the bloodshed and anarchy these characters existed in. I remember hearing people talk about how it was wrong because the main players were 16 to 18 year olds. As we all know, 16 to 18 year olds neverthink of sex. As if a new idea was being presented to them.

Like bridge burner, I tend to like what are considered "guy movies." That doesn't lean me towards being a violent person. Quite the opposite. I don't always like my movies to have a happy ending. I detest always having everything wrapped up in pretty bow and spoon fed to me.

When it comes to "rape" porn on commercial websites, that is really just a label to draw a reaction. The woman isn't really being raped. I have downloaded one movie on a file sharing program that I questioned. It seemed a little too real and made me nauseous. Even though it was filled with sex, it wasn't about sex. It was about violence.

The commercial rape porn however is something entirely different. Unlike standard porn, the woman is not looking at the camera with "Come hither" looks. She isn't making obviously fake noises. And don't get me started on some of the things that are said. In rape or force porn, the reactions or more natural. If she makes a noise, it is because she made it on her own. Nobody was telling her, "Okay, now groan." If it's good, I want to be that woman.

Maybe it's because even in vanilla sex I am very involved. I don't preen and try to seduce. It's all about movement, reaction, grabbing, making noise. What feels good to me. What feels good to him. If I have time to think about how I look or what to say, somebody isn't doing something right. Even if it is slow it is intense. (I love the word "intensity." It sums up what I want from life. Maybe I should get it tattooed. lol)

I have never had any conflicting emotions about watching rape porn. I know from the outset that it is a scene. It amps up my blood flow. I'm alright with that. If and when I am involved a forced sex scene, I will not be actually raped. I have already given my consent. Since it is consensual, I am a co conspirator. I'm alright with that too.

 

[unfoundiamond]

LOL... Made!...

Would you believe I am sitting watching the video game you mentioned...

 

[madetotakeit]

Lol...that doesn't surprise me in the least!

 

[twysted73]

So many thought-provoking insights and shared perceptions. I am in awe of it all.
Talk about having your questions answered. *shakes head in minor disblelief and reads on...*

 

[Betticus]

I'm gonna have to start lifting heavier weights.....

Dani

I might cooperate but while appearing helpless and unwilling.

 

[danimouse]

I might cooperate but while appearing helpless and unwilling.

*cough*

 

[unfoundiamond]

Ohh...

That's too hot Betticus...

Being "forced" by your slave... The idea is so diffrent that most... I wish I had a slave to order to "rape" me... by suprise...

That's so wrong and fun...

 

[twysted73]

Agreed.

Quite a hot idea.

 

[Betticus]

It would be very hot and a lot of fun. Also, I get to spank her later for raping me

 

[twysted73]

Win/win situatioon.

 

[ownedsubgal]

my own rape fantasies seem to be quite a bit different from most, in that i've never fantasized about being ravaged by some hot guy/guys and "forced" to do all the things i truly want to do deep down. i've never had those kinds of hang-ups regarding my sexuality, have never felt anything was wrong or bad about having lots of sex, casual sex, sex with strangers, nasty perverted sex, etc. nah.

my fantasies are actually of real rape, of the violent variety, with all the physical pain and permanently scarring emotional anguish that comes along with it. it's all about the suffering for me...it's what a big part of me feels i deserve, it's part of what i feel i'm here on this planet for...coming from a history of warped childhood sexual abuse and countless cold, unwilling, shutting up and taking it sexual experiences as an adult, after a while it hit me that just maybe these things are always happening to me because they're supposed to...because they need to happen to someone, and i can take it (better me than someone else, someone happier, prettier, more confident, more valuable, etc.). so, that's the way my fantasies run. am i aroused in the fantasies, getting all hot and bothered as someone violently has their way with me? nope, of course not. no more so than i'd be aroused while experiencing the reality. but am i aroused thinking about the fantasy, or even recalling the reality later? yep.

 

[bridgeburner]

am i aroused in the fantasies, getting all hot and bothered as someone violently has their way with me? nope, of course not. no more so than i'd be aroused while experiencing the reality. but am i aroused thinking about the fantasy, or even recalling the reality later? yep.

I think that's part of the reason why it's not me in my fantasies. Or, rather, I should say it's not my face or body, some part of that woman must be me, but I don't have the kind of masochism required to get off on my own extreme pain and shame -- I don't get wet over that unless you count crying. I think I spend my time in the head of the rapist because he's the abuser who gets to see and do and vent on the female object. Oh, and he gets to come.

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[unfoundiamond]

The lasting effects of rape.

I feel really groggy, and I don't remember being sleeping (as I feel like I am waking up)

Its very dark, as I assemble the situation very slowly,

One by one I feel a hand on my right wrist, then another hand tightens down on my arm.
Then on my left side, I realize someones holding my left wrist, and I begin to TRY to and scream, and flail, as the panic and fear rush my consiousness.

I feel the hands on my legs now, all while the other sets of hands are still in place, I realize there are several men holding me down. I begin to try and kick my legs, and I have been trying to yell this whole tile and am just now comming out of the paralysis.
I hear a little voice, "No"... then again.... "No" and my heart sinks, I am the little voice. I should be screaming, and its barely comming out. NO! I am trying to make my voice work.

I am kicking now and I feel the hands closing down on me tighter as I actually struggle to stop what is being done. (Finally)

I feel a small penis... it was very small thank god, and he began to hesititate, or couldn't get his dick up, I think my awakening either sped him up, or slowed him down, but I could feel the farmiliar plastic of a condom over his penis, as he tried to force it into my asshole.

I realize what he is doing, and Beg now for him to stop, I begin to get angry, and stuggle as he tries to put it back into my pussy I force every bit of energy I have into kicking them and finally I scream a loud scream.

I faded out again, and when I came to it was a dark room, and I was stripped of my dignity, my jewelry and They told me if I went to the police they would kill the ederly grandparents I lived with, and helped to care for.

I was terrified because these people where already criminals... and I didn't know what they where capable of.

I moved, I changed my look. Those men will never see that girl, because she doesn't exist.

Ever since I was working at a restaurant, and saw one of those men who held me down and raped me. I grew my hair out, I changed the color. I dress completely diffrent.

When I saw one of them, he looked at me so long, I vowed that I would change it all, and now people I knew from highschool don't even recognize me.

I used to lay as a child and dream of being taken, and then the very thing happened to me. But it was not the same in real life. I felt panic. I was looking at them, and at the same time, I was seeing nothing except the pain.

Being unable to actually fight back from whatever drug they gave me added to the feeling of helplessness, I wonder now if I had been able to control my body if I would have fought back insted of just panic.

The worst part of rape is not the act of it, but the nightmares and the constant tape replaying over, and over, and over...

I have just now begun to not see the rape in my mind all the time, sometimes it sneaks in, but it is so much less often.

And maybe the way you look at people after. I am skeptical and I don't believe people so easyly. I don't take people at face value anymore.

The people who raped me I didn't actually know, but my exboyfriend who had invited me to the party basically "sold" me to them, I now know he got something (drugs or money) for what he let them do.

(And the fact that I had no information aside from ethicity... I couldn't even clearly remember their faces, only the kind of features they had... I felt like it was pointless)

I was with people I knew one second, and the next second, the people I knew dissapeared and the men I had never seem had me when I awoke.

So... I know now just because you know someone (or dated them, or are friends with them) doesn't mean they will be loyal to you.

Some people get desprate and will use and discard you, just to get what they want.

Just because I am good, loyal and honorable, doesn't mean others are, I used to be naieve to think if I was loyal and good to someone they wouldn't betray me. I don't look at everyone like they are a rapist, But I also don't put myself in those situations anymore.

Wow. I actually feel better now.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

{{{{{{{Unfoundiamond}}}}}}}​

It seems condescending to say that what you wrote was brave but if you feel better for it then I think it was. The amoral depths that the human animal can descend to never cease to repulse me.

It sounds like you just picked up your life and ran with it and to an extent you are still doing so. It pains me that you still feel you need to but kudos to you for being practical when some women cease to function on many levels and the feelings of helplessness and fear stay with them. To know that you can't safely seek justice and have the bastards locked up must burn you.

Like most women, I have no idea what I would do if I were raped, let alone gang-raped with the permission of someone you thought you could count on for protection from other men. To drug you as well when you were already outnumbered shows supreme cowardice. I don't personally believe in hell but I would happily wish it on them if I did.

I hope that if the unthinkable happened to me I could muster some of your strength of character. Thank you so much for feeling able to post something so deeply personal.

{{{{{{{{{HHHUUUGGGSSSSSS}}}}}}}}} x 12

 

[madetotakeit]

Unfoundiamond~

I read your post in my automated email. Unfortunately it left off the header. I was reading this thinking it was a fantasy. I was three quarters through it when I realized it was your reality. My heart sank. The pit of my stomach was heavy. Living through that is hard enough, but added to that the fact you were betrayed by someone you trusted...

Sharing that further outlines that fantasy, even if acted out, is never in touch with reality. The real world is infinitely harsher. It takes great determination and strength on your part to not let that define you.

 

[unfoundiamond]

I cannot tell anyone they shouldn't feel something...

But all I can say is sometimes we think we want something... and then sometimes if you get it, its not all its not all you dreamed it would be.

The first time I posted to this thread, I found myself alone afterward.

I talk about the rape in the "limit" conversation when I think I want to play.
I don't get upset when I talk, maybe I have stuggled with it and accepted it (or am detached)....

So imagine my suprise when I read the thread, and felt the "drop" sensation, as He told me He had to go... and click...

And I felt small, and aukward... I wanted to say so much... but felt so alone.

I didn't let myself keep going down, and get all sad and shit. So I evaluated my feelings... and made myself pinpoint the reason I wanted Him, BAD.

It was writting about the rape that scared me. I can say things so vaugely when I explain it, but when I wrote about the conflicted feelings I had, It made me realize.... I had never written about it.

I didn't tell myself I was going to write it on this thread either... it was post #42 that in a roundabout way made me write it.

I can't tell anyone what to think... But I used to think the same thing... untill it happened.

I was a adult, and didn't see it comming...

Maybe since I didn't tell the police, maybe if I tell my story, someone will be a tiny bit more careful, and other women will be more aware, and if it does some good, I will be satasfied...

So all that being said...

I liked the rape fantasy way before I was raped, so its not the "reason" for the infatuation with rape porn or forced...

I do however have a HUGE adversion to having my hands held or tied above my head, since the rape. I found this out with my first playpartner tried to hold my arms above my head and I instantly stuggled loose. (I think he was actually suprised I could get away)

I had no idea, I would behave that way. I had never told him "no", let alone phyically fought to become free.

(So you like the shift back to BDSM?*wink*)

 

[VelvetDarkness]

(So you like the shift back to BDSM?*wink*)

You're definitely a survivor honey. I'm nt about to dwell on your experience as you clearly don't want to, having got it out of your system. It struck a chord with me when you said that you had never written about what happened to you before. I have kept a diary for years and view it as a very cheap form of therapy. If you keep one for even a few weeks and read back over it you can learn so much about yourself from an objective standpoint. You can pick out patterns and traits, the things you think you're in control of till you realise how much you sound like you're own mother sometimes. It's interesting and informative, as long as you don't take yourself too seriously.

Sorry if that's a bit of a hijack

 

[lil_slave_rose]

my own rape fantasies seem to be quite a bit different from most, in that i've never fantasized about being ravaged by some hot guy/guys and "forced" to do all the things i truly want to do deep down. i've never had those kinds of hang-ups regarding my sexuality, have never felt anything was wrong or bad about having lots of sex, casual sex, sex with strangers, nasty perverted sex, etc. nah.

my fantasies are actually of real rape, of the violent variety, with all the physical pain and permanently scarring emotional anguish that comes along with it. it's all about the suffering for me...it's what a big part of me feels i deserve, it's part of what i feel i'm here on this planet for...coming from a history of warped childhood sexual abuse and countless cold, unwilling, shutting up and taking it sexual experiences as an adult, after a while it hit me that just maybe these things are always happening to me because they're supposed to...because they need to happen to someone, and i can take it (better me than someone else, someone happier, prettier, more confident, more valuable, etc.). so, that's the way my fantasies run. am i aroused in the fantasies, getting all hot and bothered as someone violently has their way with me? nope, of course not. no more so than i'd be aroused while experiencing the reality. but am i aroused thinking about the fantasy, or even recalling the reality later? yep.

wow i really don't know how to reply to this. first off why do you feel that you deserve all of this??? i was raped, not fantasy, not 'play rape' it was in reality and i just don't get how ANYONE could WANT that pain...it happened when i was 13, and i am 30 now and STILL have the nightmares, still see his face, and remember his breath on my skin, i remember how he smelled and how it made me want to vomit. i remember it all, vividly even what, 17 years later?? how could you WANT that for your life? alot of things i've read on this board by you don't make sense, but i have to say this one takes the cake, seriously. why do you have such low self esteem?? *shrugs*