>>Really, really bad story

[Dirt Man]

Editorial Input....

Okay, just thought you'd like to have an editor on hand to make this story really trashy shit. So here's the story thus far edited for puritanical prose, and proper content:

Ass Fucked on the Chatenooga Choo Choo- MAKING THE TEAM - THE STARTING FIVE - etc.


"Unnnnnggghhhhhhhh," Patty groaned as Myron's beer bottle sized cock tried to ram into her virgin asshole. "Spit on it, honey. I'm tooooooo dry to take that one-eyyyyyyyed monster of your's without some lube."

She heard him hawk and spit, then she felt the wetness drip on the smooth, ripe globe of her perfect heart shaped dimpled ass. "I'm gonna ass fuck you raw, bitch," muttered Myron as he used his massive manhood to spread the salvia into the crack between her quivering cheeks.

The big basketball game was over, the Kennedy High Panthers were league champions, and the head cheerleader was paying off on her promise to the team. The guys had won, and as a reward Patty was going to take on everyone in the starting lineup. The players varied in size from the 5'8" Tyrone with a ten inch prick to the gigantic 7'1" Shaquille's 13 inch python, but then they were all known to have enormous cocks. Her 38DD-20-34 body trembled at the thought of all the man meat she was going to take in the next hour.

Her thong panties lay shredded on top of her short cheerleader's skirt in a pile on the sweat sock filthy ground beside her. As Patty was draped over the sawhoarse behind the boys' gym, her bra was pulled up, letting her 38DD tit's hang loose like udders ready to milk with those big rosie nippels pointing down.

 

[TrinaT]

MG et al.:

Great ideas, wonderful. Lmao thus far. DM great editing.

Trina T.

 

[MathGirl]

Come on, team!

Originally posted by TrinaT Great ideas, wonderful.

Dear Trinity,
Thank you. Now if I could just get some help from my other volunteers.
____________________________________________

Okay Sarah, Pop, SubJoe, Earl, and Svenska ........ Here's what we have so far.

____________________________

PATTY PULLS HER FIRST BACKDOOR TRAIN - MAKING THE TEAM - THE STARTING FIVE - etc.


"Unnnnnggghhhhhhhh," Patty groaned as Myron's huge cock tried to ram into her virgin asshole. "Spit on it, honey. I can't take that one-eyed monster of your's without some lube."

She heard him hawk and spit, then she felt the wetness drip on the smooth, ripe globe of her perfect ass. "I'm gonna ass fuck you, bitch," muttered Myron as he used his massive manhood to spread the salvia into the crack between her quivering cheeks.

The big basketball game was over, the Kennedy High Tigers were league champions, and the head cheerleader was paying off on her promise to the team. The guys had won, and as a reward Patty was going to take on everyone in the starting lineup. The players varied in size from the 5'8" Tyrone to the massive 7'1" Shaquille, but they were all known to have enormous cocks. Her well stacked body trembled at the thought of all the man meat she was going to take in the next hour.

Her red thong panties and short cheerleader's skirt were a pile on the ground beside her. Patty was draped over the sawhoarse behind the boys gym, her bra was pulled up, letting her 38DD tits hang loose with the big rosie nippels pointing down.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh, nnnnnnnooooooooo," she shrieked as Myrons nine inch love muscle roughly penetrated her puckered butthole. Patty felt a firey stab of pain as he stabbed his fat sword deep into her fundament. "Arrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh," she shreiked as she felt like she was being torn in halve. Myron buried his nine inches until Patty could feel his heavy, hairy balls slap against the outside of her tender virgin cunt.

As the big power forward slammed his meat into her tortured ass, the cheerleader yelled, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, shit, Iiiiiimmmmmm cuuuummmmmmmmmmmminggggggggggggg!!!!! Fuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk meeeeeeeee hhaaaaarrrrrrrdddd!!!! GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT!!!!"

Before the helpless cheerleader had stopped cumming, she felt a heavy slap against her cheek. Her eyes opened to the sight of the head of a huge black cock throbbing about two inches from her face. It was attached to Tyrone, the short, skinny point guard, and a thick gob of precum was dribbeling from it's little slit. Most of Tyrone's growth must have gone into his dick, because it was at least ten inches long and as thick as Pattys arm.

"Open wide an' try some black meat, cunt," said Tyrone as he shoved his throbbing cock towards Patty's hot mouth.

Patty tried to turn her head, but his big hands were in her thick, long bonde hair. She said, "No, I can't ........... Mmffffffffffffffffffffffff," as Tyrone jammed his rock hard dick down her throat.

She felt his curly, black pubic hair against her nose as she took the full length of his massive cock down her throat. Myron slammed even harder and faster into her tender rectem and shouted, "Oh, fuck! I'm gonna cuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmm!"

As Patty felt Myron pumping his hot cum into her ass, she could also feel Tyrone's big black hose exploding into her eager gullet. Tyrone yelled, "Oooohhhhhhhhh shit!!!! I'm CUMMMMMMIIIINNNNGGGGG!!!!" as he shot gusher after gusher of thick jizm down her throat.

Patty said, "Mmmmfffffffggghhhhhh" as she burst into another orgasm.
___________________________

Whew!!!!!!!!!!

MG

Three members of the starting five haven't entered the story yet.

 

[TheEarl]

Number 1 Cliche: http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=44232

Read this a little while ago and thought it was so funny. Thought it might provide some inspiration.

The Earl

 

[Svenskaflicka]

We must also have a few descriptions of how young Patty feels about the situation she's in. Like...

"Patty loved the taste of Tyrone's bittersweet cum in her moath, and she drank it, glob after glob, like it had been a soda"

and perhaps a

"She loved feeling Myrone's big, strong hands on her back as he pushed her down on the sawhorse and spread her ass cheeks wide open to get a better access to her bowls...

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

An important suggestion I would have is that the characters must actually be having sex during the first sentence of the story.

No sense forcing the reader to fight through pointless verbage!




















[/B]

You won't believe this, but I have started stories in the middle of intercourse. Actually, "Beautiful Everywhere," favorably received on Lit, more-or-less does. "Susan" and "The Longest Minute" on my site do more directly.

 

[Guest]

As a matter of fact, Uther, so have I!

(the stories were well-received!!)

 

[HedbangerSA]

Best Worst Story

Originally posted by OpenThighs Sarah
Just a suggestion, since I no I'm knot on the teem: use emoticons whenever possible, in place of dialogue. You're readers will appreciate this helpful time-saving deVice.

I agree on those neet emoticans - especially that dancing banana! Stories are better if they have pictures!

I was trying to come up with a clever title, but realized that would be out of character for this story. Something simple -- the readers you're going for here get confused easily -- they not only want sex in the first sentence, but want to know RIGHT UP FRONT what they're getting before they waste time on a view. KillerMuffin does great "grab you by the nuts" titles, but how about: !Big Game Ass-Rape!
It'd be better if you could get the "Ass" at the beginning, but having a symbol and a "B" word isn't bad. Only thing missing the whole Cheerleader concept - very powerful with the 'grip and drool' crowd. "Rape" is misleading, but it sounds good and who's worrying about accuracy?
I love your beginning, MG, and also the "nice girl saving herself vaginally" concept - but be careful not to let any plot creep into this, okay? Just slows things down and gets confusing.
I like Gabriel's point about giving cock measurements - nothing under a foot, we need to hold the reader's interest.
Oh, and I always like to see a few anatomically impossible action references too -
"Her red thong panties and short cheerleader's skirt were a pile on the ground beside her from when they ripped them up over her head." might be a nice addition. Love the red thong with the cheerleader skirt, makes absolutely no sense especially for during a game, but what the heck, a thong works with any outfit!
How about misspelling her name every so often - "patti" or "pattie"
Finally - when a girl is taking on two guys at once like this, I find it helpful if the author forgets who is who at least once - mix up the names! It keeps thing interesting and no one is paying any attention to that anyway, right?

 

[pop_54]

Hi all sorry

Hello MG Sorry teacher I've been busy all weekend and lacking in my duties to this important scientific / social experiment, you may punish me if you feel the need *please* I will bow to your every whim, gulp.

I'll give this matter my undivided attention from now on, honest, .............What's that dear, what, Oh Ok love......... sorry must go wife wants a couple of cabbage and 5 pound of spuds from the shops.



pops...............

 

[oggbashan]

I've contributed but

Someone else has already used Tyrone.

So if MG thinks my e-mailed contribution is bad enough change the name to Bubba. Every bad story must have a Bubba.

Apart from Bubba's horse there has got to be a dog and some incest.

And an alien:

She looked down. In front of her was a two foot high silver skinned alien.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Your ass." it replied. "I've never had ass."

"I wouldn't notice if you tried."

"Oh yes, you will. I climb right inside and leave my tool outside. That's what I breathe with."

The alien pushed his whole body in leaving his finger sized tool outside. Then both were surprised by another prick tearing its way through her sphincter.

"Fuck me," cried the alien "I should have abducted you first in my F.U.O."

"You mean U.F.O. you silver creep!" she cried.

"No I don't, I said F.U.O. I mean F.U.O. Fucking Unearthy Organism. As well as climbing inside you I can turn into a green slime and swallow you whole but it is not some much fun as being inside. What can green slime compared to a cheerleader's ass."


Regards from Og

 

[oggbashan]

Grammer

I've just realised that my grammar isn't bad enough to qualify.

I tried at the end of the alien scene but not hard enough:

"Shuve it up me bumm," cries she wigling herself lascivous like "I want U to cum in me bumm now."

He shuved it in her razed ass the hole fourteen inches up to the hilt and twisted it visciously arund.

"Howzat bitch?" he enchoired "Do U like me todger?"

I still feel that I could do worse with practice.

Og.

 

[HedbangerSA]

Metric Sucks

Originally posted by Gabriel Lee
We really do need to know how big these cocks are. Obviously there will be a range of sizes, but I imagine MathGirl will be able to provide the necessary statistical information in an easily digestible form (I feel sick already). For international consumption, easy conversion from imperial to metric measurements would probably be advisable.

I've got to disagree with you on the last part, Gabriel. There's nothing sexy about the metric system, besides most of our readers are Americans and they're easily confused. Besides, the only reason the Canadians use it is that 10.5 centimeters sounds longer than four inches (big macho American belly laugh).

What this story needs is at least one Time/Space continuum error. How about:
"Ohyesohyesfuckyes!" she moaned as Bubba filled her up. He felt bigger now than when he first shoved it in, and it reminded Pattie of how he felt when she was a little girl.

Also, can you work in a reference to a love sausage?

 

[MathGirl]

This et that

Penis sizes increase as the story goes along. Myron's nine inch, Tyrones ten, etc.

Part of the finish will involve Patty's virginiity. This was the league championship. State finals still to come, right?

Shaquille comes on the scene at the end. He's the biggest in more ways than one.\

No aliens, no Brit slang, no metricity, thank you.

MG, HMFIC

 

[oggbashan]

Re: This et that

No aliens, no Brit slang, no metricity, thank you.
MG, HMFIC

To the honourable editor MG.

No aliens? I am soo disappointed.

I can live with no Brit slang. The story needs good ole boys. I hate metricity. I still think in rods and furlongs.

Aliens and magic can really help ruin a story because logic is lost. Who needs logic or a plot?

Og

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: This et that

No aliens? I am soo disappointed.

Dear Og,
Hey, there's room on here for more than one story. Why not start one with aliens measured in metric units? Might be best to start another thread, though, to keep this one from getting out of hand.

You could even have a story in which velocity is measured in furlongs per fortnight.

MG

Dear Dirtie,
Laurel said the title should start with "A." How about "A-Team Anal?" "Anal Train with the A-Team?"

 

[MathGirl]

RRBS updeat

Okay Sarah, Pop, SubJoe, Earl, Dirtie, and Svenska ........ Here's what we have so far.
____________________________

PATTY PULLS HER FIRST BACKDOOR TRAIN - MAKING THE TEAM - THE STARTING FIVE - A-TEAM ANAL TRAIN, etc.


"Unnnnnggghhhhhhhh," Patty groaned as Myron's huge cock tried to ram into her virgin asshole. "Spit on it, baby. I cant take that one-eyed monster of your's without some lube."

She heard him hawk and spit, then she felt the wetness drip on the smooth, perfect, heart shaped globe of her dimpeled ass. "I'm gonna ass fuck you raw, bitch," muttered Myron as he used his massive manhood to spread the salvia into the crack between her quivering cheeks.

The big basketball game was over, the Kennedy High Tigers were league champions, and the head cheerleader was paying off on her promise to the team. The guys had won and as a reward Patty was going to take on everyone in the starting lineup. The players varied in size from the 5'8" Tyrone to the massive 7'1" Shaquille, but they were all known to have enormous cocks. Her 40DD-20-34 body trembled at the thought of all the man meat she was going to take in the next hour.

Her shredded red thong panties and short cheerleader's skirt were a pile on the ground beside her. Patty was draped over the sawhoarse behind the boys gym, her bra was torn aside, letting her firm, plump DD tits hang free with the big rosie nippels pointing down.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh, nnnnnnnooooooooo," she shrieked as Myrons nine inch love muscle roughly penetrated her puckered butthole. Patty felt a firey stab of mind searing pain as he stabbed his fat sword deep into her fundament. "Arrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh," she shrieked as she felt like she was being torn in halve. Myron buried his nine inches until Patty could feel his heavy, hairy balls slap against the outside of her tender virgin cunt.

As the big power forward slammed his meat into her tortured ass, the cheerleader yelled, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, shit, Iiiiiimmmmmm cuuuummmmmmmmmmmminggggggggggggg!!!!! Fuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk meeeeeeeee hhaaaaarrrrrrrdddd!!!! GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT, YOU SONOFABITCH!!!!"

Before the helpless cheerleader had stopped cumming, she felt a heavy slap against her cheek. Her eyes popped open to the sight of the head of a huge black cock throbbing up and down about two inches from her face. It was attached to Tyrone, the short, skinny point guard, and a thick gob of precum was dribbeling from it's little slit. Most of Tyrones growth must have gone into his dick, because it was at least ten inches long and as thick as Patty's arm.

"Open wide an' try some black meat, cunt," said Tyrone as he shoved his throbbing cock towards Patty's hot mouth.

Patty tried to turn her head, but his big hands were in her thick, long bonde hair. She barely got out, "No, I can't ........... mmmppppffffffffffffffffffffffff," as Tyrone jammed his rock hard dick down her throat.

She felt his curly, black pubic hair against her nose as she took the full length of his massive cock down her throat. At her other end, Myron slammed even harder and faster into her tender rectem and shouted, "Oh, fuck! I'm gonna cuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmm!"

As Patty felt Myron pumping his hot cum into her ass, she could also feel Tyrone's big black hose exploding into her eager gullet. Tyrone yelled, "Oooohhhhhhhhh shit bitch!!!! I'm CUMMMMMMIIIINNNNGGGGG!!!!" as he shot gusher after gusher of hot jizm into her throat like a fire hose out of control.

Patty said, "Mmmmfffffffggghhhhhh" as she bursted into another orgasm. It fealt like the top of her head was comming off.

When Myron pulled his shrinking, stinking pole out of Pattys ass, her pucker was so tight that it didnt want too let him go. Myron's rod stretched like a rope in a tug of war and finaly pulled free with a wet "plop." A streem of creamy jiss poured out of her stretched butthole to make a puddel on the ground between her Nike crosstrainers.

____________________________________________

Now, we need two more team members before Shaquille's appearance. Manuel "Pendejo" Cruz, a very hairy shooting guard. Booger Red Rasmussen will be the small forward.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I'm grumpy with you for not including my previous idea.

 

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Re: This et that

Dear Og,
Hey, there's room on here for more than one story. Why not start one with aliens measured in metric units? Might be best to start another thread, though, to keep this one from getting out of hand.

Bloody hell no, as if any MG post would get out of hand.

Sorry, I'll go now, Byeeee!!

pops

 

[NoJo]

A contuation

Tyrone paused in mid-thrust.

“You know, I have the distinct feeling this happened sometime before.”

Patty wheeled round and looked keenly at him. “Yes, a sort of…”

“Synchronicity?” Myron appeared from the orangery, still clapsing his pruning shears. His brow was lined with a sudden anxiety. Patty assumed that it was simply a manifestation of ennui, a feeling, so, so, familiar to her, and yet still so intractable.

“…no, not that, more of a jamais vu, a recapitulation of…of…” Tyrone was lost for words, plummeting headlong into the infinite interstices of language.

“Existence exists in the form of quanta…” Shaquille downed his Merlot and stared out at the gray, anonymous sky and reached for his pipe.

“Yes..”

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: A contuation

Tyrone was lost for words, plummeting headlong into the infinite interstices of language.

*fanning self*

 

[MathGirl]

Smack

I'm grumpy with you for not including my previous idea.

Dear, dear Svenska,
Your contribution is in my "ideas" folder, sweetie. I'm sure it will find a home later in the story.

Now ... Are you going to brighten up or do I have to come over there and give you a little smack?
MG

 

[MathGirl]

Re: A contuation

Tyrone paused in mid-thrust.

Dear SubJoe,
Speaking of events repeating themselves, You're Fired!
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Threat or promise..?

Seriously, I have one little idea, but I'm so impressed by SubJoe's wonderful contribution I'm almost ashamed to show mine...

*

*

*

OK, the shame went away! Here's my idea!

Booger Red Rasmussen has, as everyone knows, a very, very long nose. So, as all the others are catching their breath for round 2, Red puts on a little show for his team-mates, and gets into a 69-position with Patty, and fucks her mouth and pussy and the same time - until he gets whiplash and has to be carried out on a stretcher...

 

[MathGirl]

$#%^$%&^*!!

Originally posted by Svenskaflicka
Booger Red Rasmussen has, as everyone knows, a very, very long nose............

$#%^%*&!
MG

 

[NoJo]

“I’m going to fuck your eyes, fuck your nose, fuck your fucking ass, fuck your soul, fuck your head, fuck your face with my foot, fuck your fucking ears, fuck your fucking cunt with my fucking arm, fuck your toes, fuck your armpits, fuck your fucking neck with my fucking balls, you little fuck.”

“Sure, but less potty mouth, ok?”