Religiously irreverent

[Guest]

Biblical ways to acquire a wife

I have not checked on the citations, but I presume the zealot who sent this to me was accurate.
- Perdita

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)

Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone.
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Sampson (Judges 14:1-3)

Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though.)
-- David (2 Samuel 11)

Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law.)
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

A wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Biblical ways to acquire a wife

A wife?...NOT!!! Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

Dear Perdita,
Since Paul was a batchelor, I hope he had a clergyman handy to abuse.
MG

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Biblical ways to acquire a wife

Since Paul was a batchelor, I hope he had a clergyman handy to abuse.

Now, you've done it, Maths. I presume we'll soon hear from one of the BDSM Christians.

put out, Perdita

 

[oggbashan]

Biblical ways to acquire a wife

Be a King.

I didn't do too badly but King Solomon had far more wives and concubines than I.

Conspicuous consumption seems to impress the peasants.

Og

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Biblical ways to acquire a wife

 

[Guest]

The Ten Commandments

The Ten Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."