Rules to submit to

[Ebonyfire]

I was wondering... and this is a question for the Dom/mes on the board. After you have administered a particular hard and long spanking/whipping... do you give your submissives a few days to recover? Allow them to sleep in a bit longer? Or sleep on a bed if they don't normally get to? If they are cut or bruised, do you care for them personally or let them do that?

Have you ever given a spanking or whipping over skin that hasn't quite healed up?

Just my morbid curiosity going crazy again

PBW

Since my toys live elsewhere, it is not an issue. The marks I give gone within 24 to 48 hours at the most.

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

Can anyone give Me an example of how a rule might weaken rather than strengthen a relation and why.

 

[cymbidia]

when My submissive is ill I relieve him of ALL of his duties and I take care of him as I would My most valuable possession. For he is My most valuable possession.
<snip>
I will *give* him the *freedom* from his submissive behaviour without stripping him of his submission in the day to day expectations of asking permission...crawling and kneeling..etc.
<snip>
he is still obeying you see?

In my opinion, this is, perhaps, the single most deeply meaningful illustration of what it is to be fully dominant, a position of immense responsibility and trust, in this thread--and is one of the most emotionally true statements of Dominance i've ever read.

Many see BDSM as a game. To them it's something with which they spice up the weekend. It's a fashion show or a play style. And that's fine if that's what they want---and what is fulfilling to their partner.

However, 24/7 TPE dominance and submission--the kind that's rooted in the mundanities of everyday life--isn't so easy to pull off and requires immense and concentrated attention to even small details.

Just like any other partner, sometimes subs need some coddling.
Subs have bad days.
Subs lose mothers and uncles.
Subs get fired or get promotions.
Subs take big hits on the stock exchange.
Subs have nails that break and cars that won't start.
Subs have TMJ disorder or asthma or endometriosis.

The dominant partners of such submissives have to live with and tend to them. As with any other relationship, real life concerns have to be attended to.

The difference is that it's always done with care and warmth and with the power exchange flowing smoothly and ever-present; attributes that come through clearly in Shadowsource's words.

Can anyone give Me an example of how a rule might weaken rather than strengthen a relation and why.

If one is required to do that which violates her own internal code of honor on a regular basis, then the rule would work to tear at her self-respect and self-esteem and, so, weaken the relationship.

An example:
Once upon a time, i was required to bare my breasts, briefly, when i greeted my Master. That was fine and well and good - except that he began arranging our meeting for more and more public places.

In private, i explained that i was very uncomfortable baring my breasts in places that were not appropriate for even a little bit of flashing (public restaurants, outside a particular coffee shop, on one memorable occasion, inside the Frankfurt zoo on a day when it seemed every school child in the city was present).

He told me that the flashes were very quick, that no one could really see anything, and that i needed this to overcome my (nonexistent, in my mind, in appropriate places) reluctance around public exhibitionism. It would continue, this practice.

I remained extremely uncomfortable with the practice and he continued pressuring me more and more into such acts. It was the end of the 1970's and it was in northern Europe, surely one of the most sexually open places in the universe, then (and still, i think), but it was hurting me to do this.

I began to pull away from him. He was fine. The rest of what was between us was fine. But this rule, this one rule, was too much for me. It violated my moral code. It called for me to do that which i felt at my core was wrong - and i could not find a way to believe that his need for me to do this over and over in increasingly more public places was more then a desire to shock those around us, innocents, all.

I've never believed that forcing sexuality of any kind on anyone is an acceptable thing - and that's what this was.

I finally asked for release.
I had to.
The rule had become too big an issue between us and neither of us could (would?) make the adjustments necessary to let it work.

I would make similar choices today, 25 years later, if a rule came up that violated my basic code of honor.

 

[Shadowsdream]

cym

Thank you for taking the time to compose a reality that may be kinky fun once or twice but will eventually erode trust and respect.


(I began to pull away from him.)

Rules that do not serve to fullfill the function of improving the submissive in some way that compliments both parties is destructive.

Crossing the boundaries of good taste in the presense of children becomes abuse and negligence. In My opinion.

 

[WillowPuss]

Can anyone give Me an example of how a rule might weaken rather than strengthen a relation and why.

I cannot give you any specific examples ... but to me, it would be rules that seemed pointless or really did not add anything to the growth of me or our relationship.

Ohhhh something like you must polish the right shoe before starting on the left - that would make me think 'why? whats the difference?' ... and once that thought creeps into your mind, you might then start to question other things.


That wasn't a really good example - but the best I could come up with to illustrate what I was trying to say.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Shadows, please forgive me for not having posted here before now. I've been trying to think of something to add to this conversation. I think I have finally just decided that I'll post the few rules that my Master has for me, if that meets with your approval.

Master has a very short list of things that I'm not allowed to do at present. 1) I'm not allowed to post or send intimate pictures of myself. These are in the realm of naughty photos to some. He says that He does not wish to share me in that way. 2) I'm not allowed to have phone contact with anyone I meet from the internet. He is very big on our privacy, rightly so, and feels that giving out our phone number is against that.

There are other things that he likes for me to do, but those are the major do not's. I felt I had neglected adding my voice here, and wanted to rectify that......as well as bump this thread for any who hadn't seen it yet.

~smiles~
dixi

 

[gomeade]

I agree with Cymbidia that humiliation rules must nevertheless recognize the sub's core values. Sexual behavior of any sort in the presence of children goes beyond feeding one's perceived need for humiliation and exposure. I am personally saddened by rules that appear to feed a dom/me's insecurities rather than enhance the exchange of power between sub and dom (no talking to strangers, no cyber in chat rooms, no private masturbation), but I understand and respect why some subs feel safe in such controlling relationships.

 

[artful]

Shadows

There are many instances where RULES might be laid down that would necessarily decrease the value of a subs own worth.

There are also many rules that might be laid down that would endanger their health, physical, mental, and emotional well being.

One must be EXTREMELY diligent and careful about setting *rules*. They should NEVER be given as a *whim*.

(JMHO)-

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: Re: rule three

bitchboy has to shave around his nipples, (I like chest hair), and his cock, balls and perineum must be hairless.

sissy is allowed to just keep it short, cause of the nature of his job.

Eb

Okay...maybe You've been asked this before and i just didn't see it, or maybe everyone else already knows and i'm the only clueless one...or whatever...

But...i am dying to know what the difference is between bitch boy and sissy...i don't know what classifies them as these...why is one referred to as bitch boy and one as sissy...i realize this is off topic...but i am genuinely curious...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: rule three

bitchboy is a code name for one of my 2 subs. I use it here so as not to use his sub name. he is edgier, and has been in the lifestyle for a very long time.

sissy is the other sub and it is his sub name. He named himself, and I thought it was perfect and allowed him to keep it.

Okay...maybe You've been asked this before and i just didn't see it, or maybe everyone else already knows and i'm the only clueless one...or whatever...

But...i am dying to know what the difference is between bitch boy and sissy...i don't know what classifies them as these...why is one referred to as bitch boy and one as sissy...i realize this is off topic...but i am genuinely curious...

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: rule three

bitchboy is a code name for one of my 2 subs. I use it here so as not to use his sub name. he is edgier, and has been in the lifestyle for a very long time.

sissy is the other sub and it is his sub name. He named himself, and I thought it was perfect and allowed him to keep it.

Thank You, Eb...~smile~

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: rule three

Thank You, Eb...~smile~

They both are very charming and engaging men. Very middle class looking. bitchboy is very dominant in his work life he is a successful businessman. sissy is a school teacher.

Eb

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: rule three

They both are very charming and engaging men. Very middle class looking. bitchboy is very dominant in his work life he is a successful businessman. sissy is a school teacher.

Eb

i appreciate You indulging in my curiousness, Eb...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: rule three

i appreciate You indulging in my curiousness, Eb...

You are very welcome!

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

I cannot give you any specific examples ... but to me, it would be rules that seemed pointless or really did not add anything to the growth of me or our relationship.

Ohhhh something like you must polish the right shoe before starting on the left - that would make me think 'why? whats the difference?' ... and once that thought creeps into your mind, you might then start to question other things.


That wasn't a really good example - but the best I could come up with to illustrate what I was trying to say.

I would agree that it would be rediculous and weakening if a Dominant made a RULE of having such things as which shoe to polish first..but this same task commanded as a single test or occassionally silliness just because there is no excuse to deny the Dominant this silliness could be valid. It could simply be a test of unquestioning obedience. To see if the submissive really is interested in pleasing the Dominant or themselves. In this case it would then become a lesson in growth.

A very good example willow..thank you

 

[Shadowsdream]

Shadows, please forgive me for not having posted here before now. I've been trying to think of something to add to this conversation. I think I have finally just decided that I'll post the few rules that my Master has for me, if that meets with your approval.

Master has a very short list of things that I'm not allowed to do at present. 1) I'm not allowed to post or send intimate pictures of myself. These are in the realm of naughty photos to some. He says that He does not wish to share me in that way. 2) I'm not allowed to have phone contact with anyone I meet from the internet. He is very big on our privacy, rightly so, and feels that giving out our phone number is against that.

There are other things that he likes for me to do, but those are the major do not's. I felt I had neglected adding my voice here, and wanted to rectify that......as well as bump this thread for any who hadn't seen it yet.


~smiles~
dixi

I will forgive you if you forgive Me for taking so long to catch up here in Lit?


It would appear to Me that you and your Master are in agreement that these rules are valid and ensure both privacy and safety.

I am very pleased that you have taken the time to post to this conversation dixie

 

[Shadowsdream]

I agree with Cymbidia that humiliation rules must nevertheless recognize the sub's core values. Sexual behavior of any sort in the presence of children goes beyond feeding one's perceived need for humiliation and exposure. I am personally saddened by rules that appear to feed a dom/me's insecurities rather than enhance the exchange of power between sub and dom (no talking to strangers, no cyber in chat rooms, no private masturbation), but I understand and respect why some subs feel safe in such controlling relationships.

Rules have no place anywhere any time for for any reason to be the props for insecurities. There is no Domination involved in that fabrication, but merely a way to side step responsiblity.

That said I also believe that the sub would have NO need, desire or interest in cybering in chatrooms if they truly had any kind of committed relationship with the Dominant.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Shadows

There are many instances where RULES might be laid down that would necessarily decrease the value of a subs own worth.

There are also many rules that might be laid down that would endanger their health, physical, mental, and emotional well being.

One must be EXTREMELY diligent and careful about setting *rules*. They should NEVER be given as a *whim*.

(JMHO)-

Art could You please give some examples of rules that a Dominant MIGHT set that would * necessarily* decrease a subs self worth and what the value would be in it?

Also the rules that would (realistically) be laid down that MIGHT endanger physical,mental and emotional well being?

 

[artful]

Shadows

I am waiting to copy and paste,...where have you gone?

 

[froggy_day]

Thank you all for your posts here. This thread has been very enriching.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Another good thread

**Bump**

Ebony

 

[Richard49]

Pick a rule(s)

Here are some rules
Some contradict others
Pick what you need/want and leave the rest

D/s RULES

Clothing

1. Never wear panties.
2. Always wear panties.
3. Never wear or buy white panties and bras.
4. Have clothing for next day, outing, play party approved by Dom/me in advance.
5. Always dress sexy (or trashy) when we have guest (not vanilla family) or when we go out to bars or parties.
6. Always wear collar either private one or public one.
7. Remove shoes when entering house.
8. Remove panties when entering house.
9. Remove all clothing when entering house.
10. Never wear anything that makes your breast, pussy, or ass not easily accessible to your Dom/me.
11. Female subs never wear pant; always wear dresses or skirts.

Personal Grooming & Hygiene

12. Be clean-shaven from below the neck.
13. Never put hair up around Dom/me without asking permission.
14. Always keep hair up off nape of neck and shoulders in Dom/me's presence.
15. Not cut hair without permission.
16. Not color hair without permission.
17. Use your less dominant hand ( i.e. your left hand if you are right handed) to do personal chores like brush you hair or teeth.
18. Ask permission to use the restroom¦..some relationships even to the extent of calling Dom/me from work, etc. to ask permission.
19. Only use restroom in presence of Dom/me.
20. Only allowed to use a special container, like a cat litter box, to relieve self and must keep it clean.
21. Males always sit to relieve self (never stand) and sit on bowl not on toilet seat.
22. Females always stand to relieve self.
23. Not allowed to use tampon or pad without permission when menstruating.
24. Sub is not allowed to bathe self.
25. Sub is not allowed to bathe their genitals.
26. Uses only approved scented lotions, soap, deodorant, and perfumes.
27. May only use unscented lotions, soap, and deodorants.
28. May only use deodorants outside home, for instance at work, but may
not use anything in presence of Dom/me that mask natural scent.

Service Type Rules

29. Sub always bathes and dries Dom/me.
30. Sub dries Dom/me with tongue.
31. Sub draws Dom/me’s bath to specific temperature and always has the required condiments available for bath.
32. Clean equipment after playing. Keep all toys neat and clean.
33. Make sure Dom/me always has a drink or be sure He/She has been ask if they want one.
34. Answer phone promptly and always ask who is calling before referring call to Dom/me.
35. Greet Dom/me with favorite drink, newspaper, slippers¦â€¦favorite thing¦.when returning home.
36. Make bed in the morning and turn it back at night.
37. Get menu approved in morning for evening meal.
38. Always greet Dom/me at door…or at bedroom door when He/She returns home…or when sub returns home.
39. Does all assigned task within the assigned time.
40. Always carry the Dom/me's luggage, packages, drink, etc.
41. Drives the Dom/me. Takes care of the car.
42. Pack for the Dom/me and/or sees that the car is prepared for traveling.
43. Learn a new talent such as massage, dance, singing, etc…something to please the Dom/me.
44. Give the Dom/me a massage (foot rub, brush hair, etc.) every night before bed.
45. Take care of Dom/me's home and clothing.
46. Caddy for their Dom or act as a Valet or Chef or Maid or Waitress.
47. Before Dom/me wakes every morning, paper and favorite drink are waiting, bath drawn, whatever service They desire.
48. See to it that Dom/me is satisfied before going to bed every night.
49. Pull out chair and seat Dom/me. Open doors for them.
50. One thing daily shall be worked on for the sub's personal enrichment, i.e. working out, literary, school, etc.
51. Sub always wakes Dom/me by performing sexual act.

Respect & Relationship Rules

52. Never speak to the Waiter or Waitress.
53. Kneel when the Dom/me enters the room.
54. Don't touch the Dom/me without permission.
55. Always have head held high showing respect for self and for Dom/me.
56. Head always lowered.
57. Not speak unless given permission.
58. Not speak until Dom/me has spoken first.
59. Walk two steps behind Dom/me.
60. Always sit, kneel, walk on left of Dom/me.
61. Always sit, kneel, walk on right of Dom/me.
62. Always greet Master before greeting anyone else.
63. Always walk beside Dom/me neither in front or behind.
64. Only call Dom/me by real name when absolutely necessary like when vanilla family present.
65. Never look directly into the eyes of Dom/me, other Dom/mes present, or guests.
66. Always stay in Dom/me's sight at a gathering.
67. Always open doors and allow Dom/me to enter first.
68. Never open doors when with Him/Her.
69. Always retire/go to bed when She/He does.
70. Always eat meal when She/He does.
71. When speaking to Dom/me always be in same room, facing same, and speak clearly.
72. Dom/me must start eating before sub is able to sit and eat.
73. Address Dom/me as Sir, before a question or after a statement.
74. Do not sit until the Dom/me is seated first.
75. Serve the Dom/me's food first.
76. Never speak before the Dom/me has acknowledge sub.

Rules about submissive's behaviors

77. Never eat without permission.
78. Being leashed, or tied, or blindfolded or all three when in bed.
79. Always say "I love you" when sub leaves Dom/me or when Dom/me leaves sub either online, on phone, or in presence.
80. Always sit within easy reach of Dom/me.
81. Reserve certain acts only for each other i.e. penetration sexual acts, or anal sex, etc.
82. Ask for a spanking upon arising.
83. Ask for a spanking upon going to bed.
84. Ask permission to get out of bed.
85. Ask permission to go to bed or physically get into bed.
86. Never close a door between sub and Dom/me.
87. Ask permission to sit on or use furniture.
88. Dom/me always choose the food.
89. Earnings go to the Dom/me.
90. Not allowed to work overtime, call in sick, or quit job without
permission.
91. Both present if either scenes.
92. Not touch anyone but their partner with skin to skin contact.
93. No penetration of any body organ of anyone but partner.
94. Either can stop a scene that either one is involved in at any time.
95. No kissing except partner.
96. Sub not allowed to use any strong language.
97. Don't touch anyone else. Don't allow anyone to touch you.
98. Not allowed to leave room without permission.
99. Not allowed to cum without permission.
100. Sub is required to cum three time, or six times, or ten times a day.
101. Sub is required to cum and often and as hard as possible.
102. Sub does not handle money when in Dom's presence. When together, Dom/me takes all cash. When they part, Dom/me returns cash and receipts for anything sub spent.
103. May only sit on floor or subbie stool.
104. Sub gets up at time Dom designates.
105. Always kiss before leaving or going to bed.
106. Kiss toys before/after a session.
107. Sub not allowed to use the words I or me when referring to
themselves ¦.only speak in third person.
108. Sub not allowed to say "my Dom/me". Dom/me does not belong to sub. Sub belongs to Dom/me.
109. Dom/me bans or restricts certain speech or behaviors.
110. When disciplined, the sub must write about her infraction and what she learned from it.
111. Sub must journalize every day.
112. Sub must wait at door for permission to enter.
113. Sub must ask permission to eat or drink.
114. Sub counts strokes in play, thanks Dom/me, and request more.
115. Submissive must verbally announce when they are sexually aroused.
116. Submissive accepts curfews, bedtimes, diet, and exercise decisions by Dom/me.
117. Submissive must ask permission to go out, i.e. leave home.
118. Submissive must always be on time.
119. Submissive must always return at time Dom/me designates.
120. Sub follows diet rules (i.e. no sugar without permission).
121. Sub sleeps at foot of bed.
122. Sub sleeps on floor beside bed.
123. Sub not allowed to move from where Dom/me placed them until given permission.
124. Sub is never to sit, stand,lie with knees together.

 

[artful]

Re: Re: Shadows

Art could You please give some examples of rules that a Dominant MIGHT set that would * necessarily* decrease a subs self worth and what the value would be in it?

Also the rules that would (realistically) be laid down that MIGHT endanger physical,mental and emotional well being?

Now that you are back with us Shadows,...and Richard has bumped the thread, I will elaborate.
A Master/slave relationship, (as with all other personal relationships), is unique unto itself.

I could probably make an inappropriate rule from *any* of the 124 listed by Richard, and use it WRONGLY in decreasing a subs self worth, and/or endanger their physical, mental, or emotional well being.

Yes,...it would be extremism to say the least, but "stupid is,...as stupid does".

 

[Ebonyfire]

*bump*

a goodie!

 

[Wizard]

Another great thread to bump back to the top...........