Rules to submit to

[Ebonyfire]

The First Time

It is interesting when you have to verbalize rules to a new submissive who has never heard them before.

And it is even better when the rules are understood.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: The First Time

It is interesting when you have to verbalize rules to a new submissive who has never heard them before.

And it is even better when the rules are understood.

and here comes the Mistress of Noseyness(sp)...
When You verbalize the rules to a sub that does understand is it not interesting to see all of the emotions travel through the eyes and the body?

The way the body relaxes as though it is home at last. The look of disbelief in the eyes when it is obvious that someone really does understand the dance of BDSM?

 

[Caitlynne]

Re: Re: The First Time

and here comes the Mistress of Noseyness(sp)...
When You verbalize the rules to a sub that does understand is it not interesting to see all of the emotions travel through the eyes and the body?

The way the body relaxes as though it is home at last. The look of disbelief in the eyes when it is obvious that someone really does understand the dance of BDSM?

I understand this from the other side. This is exaclty the way it is for me. As if His Domination calls out.. "Come home!"

The rules become comfort and provide the answers. IMHO they are not rules at all, they are the dance. Each rule calls out to me to follow. And although they must be obeyed, to me it is more following the lead of my partner in the dance.

It is just that simple--His Domination calls to me to follow!

~ Cait

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Re: The First Time

I understand this from the other side. This is exaclty the way it is for me. As if His Domination calls out.. "Come home!"

The rules become comfort and provide the answers. IMHO they are not rules at all, they are the dance. Each rule calls out to me to follow. And although they must be obeyed, to me it is more following the lead of my partner in the dance.

It is just that simple--His Domination calls to me to follow!

~ Cait

~~smile~~ that is a wonderful way of putting it. Every step of the dance is a twist of Rules a dip of Rituals. A bend of Control given and taken. A primitive mating call for those lucky enough to understand the nuances of all it takes to get from the dance floor to heaven.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

i am amazed

This thread made extremely thought provoking reading as well as bringing lots of personal memories to the fore. Long ago, when i was the Domme and not the least bit submissive in actions or in thought, I set rules for my slave which took him through his entire day. These rules included (but were not limited to) bedtime as well as awakening time, body care, how much exercise he required, greetings both in person and on the phone, the types of clothing he wore on any given day etc.
In his everyday life he was a very forceful, dominant male and he received as much pleasure from my micro managing as i did. Now that things have changed for me, i find that i also like haviing rules and rites that tell me exactly how i am supposed to act. It places me in a position of safety. However, i could never stand to BE micro managed and my *Owner* (whenever i have had one) made sure to allow me a portion of my day just for me. I think that with all things, different strokes for different folks. (Though i do wonder if i had the right Domme if i would relish the rites and rules more coming from Her.)

Anyway, thanks for the interesting thread
Pet

 

[Caitlynne]

Re: Re: Re: Re: The First Time

~~smile~~ that is a wonderful way of putting it. Every step of the dance is a twist of Rules a dip of Rituals. A bend of Control given and taken. A primitive mating call for those lucky enough to understand the nuances of all it takes to get from the dance floor to heaven.

Thank you very much.

Exaclty! It is both an intense, primitive mating call and the sublime of the spiritual. And I am truly grateful for each step of the dance I'm privileged to take...

~ Cait

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: The First Time

Originally posted by Shadowsdream

and here comes the Mistress of Noseyness(sp)...
When You verbalize the rules to a sub that does understand is it not interesting to see all of the emotions travel through the eyes and the body?

It is interesting that you mention the eyes. He is learning when to look at Me directly and when not to. When verbalizing rules I allow full eye contact to that he can see as well as hear what I am saying. I also have body contact and I can feel as well as see his response to what I am saying.

You can feel his fear of the unknown, and you can feel that fear seeping away as understanding takes over. It is so powerful.

The way the body relaxes as though it is home at last. The look of disbelief in the eyes when it is obvious that someone really does understand the dance of BDSM?

Yes you can see the minute the fear leaves, and anticipation of the future takes over.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Hunger

That's it. The word I was hunting for.

He hungers for more. And of course I hunger to give him more.

 

[NYCgirl26]

Ok I admit I have not waded my way through this wntire thread, but I wanted to know if anyone had any thought for rules in a long distance D/s relationship. I must also admit that i am a new Domme too. Any thoughts?

 

[Shadowsdream]

Ok I admit I have not waded my way through this wntire thread, but I wanted to know if anyone had any thought for rules in a long distance D/s relationship. I must also admit that i am a new Domme too. Any thoughts?

There are many possibilities that can tie a Domme and Her submissive into a shared moment.

a) The submissive could have the task of pushing SEND on an Email that has been given a certain theme...at a certain time...a Time when both can be online at the same time is nice but not necessary.
It is a good way to allow for the horrors of time zones. My slave and I are 9 hours apart when I am out of the Country.

b) I have also used the buddy phone system and a constant Internet hook up to have My slave under My control long distance. Simply a rule to have a microphone (sp) close to the bed that feeds into the computer. You can listen to if he is staying in bed...or having him setting the alarm clock for 3 in the morning to pee...Control and contact...as You see..only Your imagination will limit the possibilities.

Please remember that it will take a huge committment of time and energy and so it is vital to plan well and keep a rules schedule in place.

 

[NYCgirl26]

Thank you Shadow, those ideas are helpful. Do you have any other thoughts. I am open to any suggestions. As i said i am new so I like to take in as much information as i can so I can have a good base onto which I can experiment and build.

 

[Shadowsdream]

QUOTE]Originally posted by NYCgirl26
Thank you Shadow, those ideas are helpful. Do you have any other thoughts. I am open to any suggestions. As i said i am new so I like to take in as much information as i can so I can have a good base onto which I can experiment and build. [/QUOTE]

Rules are formulated for subs and their specific natures to a certain extent. Rules just for the sake of bossing someone becomes stale very fast..and stale for the Dominant faster than for anyone it would appear.

example of a Rule that will compliment the relationship for various reasons...

The submissive has a habit of being late for work....no more than 5 minutes but late none the less. he may never lose his job for this infraction as he is the Vice President of a small company. But it is noticed as he hurries in each morning, that he is not in control of his own work ethics so why should he be in control of others below him?

You know this drives him insane because he is his own hardest critic. It is a habit to have a lazy morning and to procrastinate too long over surfing the Internet and a second cup of coffee.

You create a rule that he must be out of bed 15 minutes earlier than was his original rising time. he must log onto his computer BEFORE even peeing. he must acknowledge his presense in ICQ (or) even if You are offline. It will show his time of arising...he will send You a message at least every 15 minutes for the next 30 minutes..proving he is still up. You will decide what time he will leave the house each day...

Why? Because these are rules that will show Your control and committment in a non sexual way that also shows Your desire to take the responsibility...The benefit to You is that his arriving ontime at work will relieve him of stress and low self esteem. When he raises his value in his own eyes his value is raised.

The rules actually affect more than a few minutes of his day and keeps you on his mind whenever he thinks of time and control.

 

[Impish]

just a recommendation

Ok I admit I have not waded my way through this wntire thread, but I wanted to know if anyone had any thought for rules in a long distance D/s relationship. I must also admit that i am a new Domme too. Any thoughts?

... take the time to read the thread. It will be well worth your time. Many have taken a lot of time to share and it's truly an excellent thought provoking thread.

Just a suggestion.

 

[NYCgirl26]

*comming up for air* Phew ok made it to the end of this thread finally. Thank you Impish for the suggestion...your right LOTS of interesting stuff here. Hmmm really gets the old creative juices flowing. Great posts everyone, very helpful for this nubie.

NYCgirl

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: i am amazed

This thread made extremely thought provoking reading as well as bringing lots of personal memories to the fore. Long ago, when i was the Domme and not the least bit submissive in actions or in thought, I set rules for my slave which took him through his entire day. These rules included (but were not limited to) bedtime as well as awakening time, body care, how much exercise he required, greetings both in person and on the phone, the types of clothing he wore on any given day etc.
In his everyday life he was a very forceful, dominant male and he received as much pleasure from my micro managing as i did. Now that things have changed for me, i find that i also like haviing rules and rites that tell me exactly how i am supposed to act. It places me in a position of safety. However, i could never stand to BE micro managed and my *Owner* (whenever i have had one) made sure to allow me a portion of my day just for me. I think that with all things, different strokes for different folks. (Though i do wonder if i had the right Domme if i would relish the rites and rules more coming from Her.)


Thank you for this wonderful and thoughtful post....

We Dommes do seem to micro manage more than most Doms I know..that does not mean I believe that is an unwritten law.

Would you mind giving some examples of micro managing..I often wonder how much more of that I do than I even realize.
~~smile~~

Anyway, thanks for the interesting thread
Pet

 

[Desdemona]

I followed this thread last year when it was new and in the early days of my relationship with Snooze. I must say, its very interesting to re-read it today within the context of our relationship. There were nuances I didn't catch the first time around. It makes me smile to know He isn't the only one who enjoys catching a submissive off guard with little changes. He has given me basic rules to follow while we live apart and has told me to expect an increase in intensity when we are finally able to move in together. I'll have to remember to read this again in a year or so and see how my perspective evolves.

 

[Shadowsdream]

One of the wonderful things about the D/s lifestyle is that it never stays the same..but the nuances become more pronounced. Watching the relationships begin and develope and change here on Lit is also a wonderful journey.

I followed this thread last year when it was new and in the early days of my relationship with Snooze. I must say, its very interesting to re-read it today within the context of our relationship. There were nuances I didn't catch the first time around. It makes me smile to know He isn't the only one who enjoys catching a submissive off guard with little changes. He has given me basic rules to follow while we live apart and has told me to expect an increase in intensity when we are finally able to move in together. I'll have to remember to read this again in a year or so and see how my perspective evolves.