Safe Words

[RavenSpirit2k4]

I like that. Too bad I can't snap my fingers :-/

In that case, you could hold one of those little clicker things between your fingers. They're small and light enough to not be difficult to hold onto even when your attention is... elsewhere.

 

[serijules]

In that case, you could hold one of those little clicker things between your fingers. They're small and light enough to not be difficult to hold onto even when your attention is... elsewhere.

This made me laugh out loud, not at the idea, its a good idea, but some morbid part of me got a giggle out of the thought of clicker training a top.

I deserve to be slapped for that one *grin*

 

[rosco rathbone]

It depends who you're doing stuff with. They are very overused-over-relied on in my opinion. To me, the point of a safeword is to have a way to signal "I am totally freaking out and virutually non-verbal and if this scene doesn't stop now I'm going to have to be hospitalized!" Or a way to say "hey, my trick knee is about to give out!"

I don't like to use them as a way to say "owwie, I'd rather you didn't...." And they don't get used that way. I feel, as a top, entitled to read and evaluate and vote on my bottom's "no, stop, don'ts"

Also, how often have I heard red? Once, and that was the point of the scene I was watching for the person to be group-verbally abused till he called red. I think that bottoms are loathe to call red to stop the scene particularly because it does feel like they have too much control, or will disappoint.

I often ask experienced bottoms what to look for, how they themselves know what their expressions are to be. I like hearing "I go really quiet when I'm happy" or "I go really quiet when I'm in a bad spot" and the more time I spend with someone, the more I know.

My partner gets a little catlike smile when he's enjoying pain, or braces and gets rigid when he's masochistically in a good spot. He curls in shoulders when he's experiencing the pain in a psychologically shitty way. We're all different.

This gets at part of what I am talking about.

On the other hand, a lot of peewhys probably LIKE having the guidance of the peewhy. That' the point I was trying to make; but I didn't realize it until just now. Nothing wrong with that, I just don't like guidance my own self.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yes! Thank you for pointing this out, Netzach. Not every scene with pain or whatever has to be a total domination trip for the top; .

For this top, it is. That's just me--and that's why I dislike words and such.

 

[RJMasters]

tapping out

Heck even in professional sports like westling or martial arts, tapping the matt or your thigh is a means to signal enough.

Safewords are a good thing, but as with all good things, they can be abused.

In training using different levels of SWs can be effectively used when learning limits for both top and bottom. I would think the goal is to work towards one or at most two SWs, once familarity has been reached. It can even be something the sub gives to the Dom as a means to communicate a deeper level of trust and surrender.

 

[heckle]

We have a safe word but have not reached that point yet that is has been needed. I do think that the funniest safeword that I have heard used during a scene was "what the fuck was that for!!". Talk about a bunch of pervs laughing our asses off!

 

[DreamsSurrender]

Honestly I am new to the lifestyle but my dom has been in the lifestyle for about 8 years, we don't have a safeword...but whenever he saw I needed him to stop...he would stop right away. We haven't reached a point where he would go against my limits....but I think a dom should be able to tell within the body language when to stop.

 

[serijules]

*snip*....but I think a dom should be able to tell within the body language when to stop.

I think this is a pretty unfair thing to expect of a dom unless you have been with them for a long time, and even then, not every situation is going to be clear cut, unless someone is boring as hell...

Yes, body language is a wonderful communication tool, being deaf, I rely on it more than any other form of communication other than lip reading. I have 26 years of practice reading body language of the people that I know and love the most, and there are still plenty of times when I misread them or simply don't notice things.

Especially with the highly emotional and often painful setting of BDSM play, where your emotional state and physical limits can drastically change in a moment, expecting a dom to be a mind and body language reader rather than simply establish a safeword is something I don't understand nor agree with.

Just my opinion, I realize this works fine for some people, but it seems to me that it would just make more sense to establish a safeword and be done with it. If you never use it, kudos to you, at least its there.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

My slave has never given me a safe word. He trusts that I will know when to stop. He did watch me with another person once, and told me later that he never wants me to go as far with him as I did with her...so I guess I know his limit without a specific word.

 

[esclave_PP]

Originally posted by Miss Oatlash
My slave has never given me a safe word. He trusts that I will know when to stop. He did watch me with another person once, and told me later that he never wants me to go as far with him as I did with her...so I guess I know his limit without a specific word.

That is wonderful! Master is the same way. He will quitely watch and observe and over the years he has learned to see what the limits are and on ocassion he'll push the envelope. Smiles, when he does that, I feel like I've been promoted somehow

 

[Guest]

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Safe Words

At the risk of being cast out into D/s wilderness, I didn't have a safe word.

Having said that, if I got involved in another D/s relationship, I would probably want one, mainly because the connection dynamics would likely be totally different.

By that, I mean I would be more likely to bottom to someone's top, rather than completely submit.

Hope that makes sense.

It's always so good to see you, fox. ;-)

I didn't have a safe word with my last Dom. Well, I had words, He just refused to recognize them. He believed limits were meant to be pushed and He seemed to know when He'd pushed far enough.