Sexual dysfunctions in the BDSM lifestyle

[KoPilot]

But it's not a matter of "a funky little exercise" to cure this, there is simply no operation available to cure it so it's either go through the physically excruciating and psychologically traumatic treatment (dealing with childhood abuse, for example), or don't be cured. I appreciate that your condition is painfully constant, and I wish you all the best in your search for cures

I didn't mean to sound rude... was just venting frustration. My apologies.

 

[KoPilot]

Stress, worries, physical exhaustion, they all decrease sex drive. Once the world normalizes, it will too.

Very, very true!

 

[where]

So is your condition purely psychological? I find that's why it works for me, the physical parts of my body know what they're supposed to do now but my mind gets in the way.

yeah. I can orgasm fine on my own, but being watched or with another person and I can't. also, to come I have to be really really still and focused, so as you can imagine if I ~do~ want to come with another person it makes me a spectacularly boring fuck for at least part of the time. that's kinda how I got into bdsm. shibari lets me get to the place i need to be in order to orgasm but it is also good for the other person and lets me lie nice and still and not feel the need to be moaning and writhing.

 

[Black_Bunny]

I didn't mean to sound rude... was just venting frustration. My apologies.

It's ok, i figured it was one of those things that looks worse in text than it would actually sound

So they are saying that it's a cerebellar issue. To get over that, I assume they just have you practice, practice, practice, practice. Probably with those kegels right.

Well, once you've got your psychological crap sorted out, yes then its the kegels, then its a number of vaginal dilators (thus the painful bit).

I would think your condition is such a reflex, probably a fear based, freeze, or clamp up, reflex that you have associated with sex.

It is, but its an unconscious one, I didn't even know I was 'clamping up' until I was diagnosed and read up on the condition. And a lot of women (me included) will never know why the condition started, my suspicion is childhood abuse that has been repressed from my memory. But not knowing exactly why your body has such a reflex makes it damn hard to 'undo'.

If that is the case, treatment like what they use for phobias would probably work. Then end goal being that you can engage in sex without your condition ever crossing your mind, at all, hence preventing the reflex. You could desensitize yourself. Get naked and explore each other without any expectation of sex, take that pressure out of the equation. You could watch lots of porn, no reading though, you could talk to your friends about it. Just make it into a natural everyday thing. Then when you have sex, constantly distract yourself, always have something on your mind, literally don't leave the space for bad thoughts to enter. Once you mind decides it's no big deal, you'll drop those bad associations and be care free.

It's not really a matter of not allowing bad thoughts, or keeping my mind on something else, because it's an entirely subconscious reaction. I do really appreciate your tips though YourCaptor, I'm not sure if I mentioned already but I do consider myself mostly cured. The thing about being 'mostly but not quite fully' cured is that the condition is truly the last thing on my mind when having sex.

Sorry, I sound like a bitch Vaginismus so often goes undiagnosed or is treated incorrectly, I wondered if anyone had suffered it too and if BDSM had been a key to their recovery