Simple Sexy Skills for the Erotica Writer

[Last_Rider]

Mystica, please continue to critique my samples, I have no problem accepting criticism when it comes from a good place as yours most certainly does. Oh, and feel free to just call me Rider, one of the reasons I chose my handle was because it shortens nicely.

Wait, you want fewer words? But I have built much of my personality, here and IRL, on my ability to simply sling more than enough verbage to confuse and annoy the people around me. In fact a friend of mine in high school said I could make Faulkner seem succinct. The fact that most of the knowledge I have in my memory banks is totally and completely useless helps with that. Never the less, as few words as possible this time.

Random word: fuzzy

Flower: Daisy

Emotion: Joy

1.
Daisy was normally a happy person, but the fuzzy kitten snuggled beside her inspired joy.

2.
A pair of fuzzy slippers, a romance novel, a boquet of daisies from her wonderful husband; the perfect setting inspired joy.

3.
Daisy petals actually have a slightly fuzzy texture when dragged across delicate skin, like the soles of her feet, the sensations making her laugh with false joy.

 

[ShyMystica]

Thank you, Mystica. Had I not wanted a critique, I would not have posted. Please do let me know your thoughts on my efforts.

Sorry Tio_Narratore, I shall do that now

Dinosaurs, poppy, love

Each poppy turned her thoughts to Flanders, and to her love, lost to the mechanical dinosaurs of the Great War.

Love soars as if lost in the dizzying sensuality of poppy-induced dreams and then falls, as earth-bound as the fossils of extinct dinosaurs.

The other dinosaurs shunned him for his love of poppy-flowers over fresh meat.

As I said earlier, your choice to use 'dinosaurs' to me was quite a difficult word. But you seemed to have pulled it off wonderfully and creatively.

For me, my favourite sentence was your second one as it radiated with beautiful imagery. It flows quite nicely too, but I wonder if you have used the word 'as' too much.

Love soars seemingly lost in the dizzying sensuality of poppy-induced dreams, and then falls becoming earth-bound as the fossils of extinct dinosaurs.

Forgive me, my brain has seemingly shut off today. I changed your first 'as' to 'seemingly' as I liked the alliteration. Your last comma threw me off a little. I have been trying to think of a better connection word to allow the last part of the sentence to flow seamlessly. I used 'becoming' but I am not 100% happy with that choice of word. But can you see what I was trying to achieve with replacing the comma?

Either way, I loved your sentences. I can't get the beautiful image of a poppy-loving dinosaur out of my mind...so cute! But, I would change 'poppy-flowers' to just 'poppies' for that is a tautology in my opinion. I have just posted a brief section on tautologies if you would like to quickly read over it.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=34706863&postcount=48

Thank you so much for sharing. I am sorry if my changes/critique didn't make much sense today, but my head is pounding brutally at the moment. Thank you again and I hope to see more posts from you soon

 

[ShyMystica]

Your comma comment it highlights my confusion of who exactly to listen to *smiles* I started writing with a new writer recently who told me I needed to add more commas, I do when I write with him and I guess it has stuck

The use of commas, like most grammatical devices, are as personal to each writer and helps to create their own style. For me, there is a fine line between seemingly endless descriptions with no 'pause' and so many commas that the sentence becomes choppy and hard to read. I would do what feels right for you. You can find many sources online, but most sites I have found go into such detail about the use of a comma that I tend to give up reading it, as there are more important things to do lol. The site below is a shortened, easy to read list that you might wish to read over. But in the end, it is your choice as to where, when and how you use them. Otherwise it will end up as if there were too many cooks stirring the same pot.

http://grammar.about.com/od/punctuationandmechanics/tp/commaguide.htm

To be honest I do prefer longer sentences in general because I feel they go well with my style of writing. I want to learn to hone my writing within a longer sentence structure if I may, do you think that is possible? or is at a rule all sentences should remain shorter?

No, it isn't a rule to always keep sentences short. Your style is beautiful and unique, and the lengths you use depend entirely on what you feel comfortable with.

As descriptive writer, I find even my short sentences are quite long in the grand scheme of sentence lengths. If I don't condense my ideas, my sentences often become a ramble of words that lose impact and just go on and on and on. And that is what this exercise is challenging people to do. To take three separate ideas and create a powerful sentence that doesn't ramble. Does that make sense? So, in short, there is no rule to sentence length as it is as individual as the writer. But keep in mind the more you throw into a sentence, the higher the possibility is that it will lose the impact you may desire.

I loved the sentence you came up with it was far superior to mine, though very different in intent than mine was.

Oh Yeishia, I am so sorry! I butchered your entire meaning and intent for your sentence! But, out of this horrible violation I have committed to you, you can see how simple it is to change the visualisation and meaning of a sentence with just a few little tweaks.

Susan listened intently yet nothing could be heard except the incessant tap, tap tapping of water dripping somewhere unseen in the darkness beyond the bed; wrapped in icy fear the thudding pulse at her neck caused the magnolia undertones of the sensual perfume she wore to waft around her like a loving blanket, one she clung to desperately like a lifeline.

Beautiful and greatly improved, in my honest opinion. There are a few little word changes I would make to shorten it a little.

Susan listened intently yet nothing could be heard except the incessant tap, tap tapping of water dripping somewhere in the darkness beyond the bed; wrapped in icy fear the thudding pulse at her neck caused the magnolia undertones of her sensual perfume to waft around her like a loving blanket, one she clung to desperately like a lifeline.

I just changed the word 'the' to 'her' so you could delete 'of her' as it seemed a little clunky. I also took out 'unseen' as it seemed like a needless word since you added 'somewhere' and 'darkness beyond the bed'. It just didn't seem necessary. Aside from that I wouldn't change a damned thing! Beautiful work Yeishia, and just more proof that you aren't the incompetent writer you claimed to be before you posted

 

[ShyMystica]

Wait, you want fewer words? But I have built much of my personality, here and IRL, on my ability to simply sling more than enough verbage to confuse and annoy the people around me.

Yes Rider, I am quite aware of this reputation you hold, as it is evident in how you write.

But my request was to see how you challenged your own reputation

Besides, if your intent was to confuse and annoy your reader continuously, then wouldn't you start to lose your readers? Your charming whit and ability to 'bullshit the confused' (as I have been called to do many times) is very unique, but if you use it constantly, you may diminish the very talent and reputation you have. Does that make sense? LMAO - probably not, I am not well currently, but I wanted to reply to the posts here and not leave people waiting. I shall read this again later and find better words to explain what I mean

Random word: fuzzy
Flower: Daisy
Emotion: Joy

1. Daisy was normally a happy person, but the fuzzy kitten snuggled beside her inspired joy.

2. A pair of fuzzy slippers, a romance novel, a bouquet of daisies from her wonderful husband; the perfect setting inspired joy.

3. Daisy petals actually have a slightly fuzzy texture when dragged across delicate skin, like the soles of her feet, the sensations making her laugh with false joy.

Your first sentence has me slightly confused. The use of the word 'but' suggests there should be a large difference between how Daisy is normally and how she is with a fuzzy kitten. But aren't joy and happiness the same? Perhaps she is a happy person because of the kitten? In which case I would use the words 'because of' instead of 'but.

I loved your last sentence, it actually made me giggle as I know the feeling of being tickled! Oh the hell of being ticklish! Anyway, the only thing I wonder is if the phrase 'like the soles of her feet' is necessary, because your description 'dragged across delicate skin' alone is powerful enough. In fact, I think the added 'like the soles of her feet' takes away its power.

Daisy petals actually have a slightly fuzzy texture when dragged across delicate skin; a sensation which often made her laugh with false joy.

What do you think? I also changed the 'tone' of your last phrase as I felt it matched the tone your sentence started with better. *shrugs shyly*

Aside from that, and as always, I love the creativity your posts hold. Don't stop, Rider! Your words are always a pleasure to read.

 

[Last_Rider]

The intent of my first sentence was to show that the fuzzy kitten could inspire even a normally happy person to true joy, and yes I believe both connotatively and denotatively there is a difference.

You're right about my last one, I almost might combine the two to create a better visual, something like

Daisy petals actually have a fuzzy texture when dragged across the delicate skin of her feet; a sensation which often made her laugh with false joy.

I will of course continue to post, I enjoy the challenge and the stretching of my "talents" (in quotes because sometimes that's an incredibly loose word for what I pound out of the keyboard)

 

[ShyMystica]

The intent of my first sentence was to show that the fuzzy kitten could inspire even a normally happy person to true joy, and yes I believe both connotatively and denotatively there is a difference.

Then, perhaps you could add 'pure joy' instead of just joy to create more of a distinction for those who are as brain dead as I?

 

[Last_Rider]

most certainly, though I don't care much for kitties so I'll have to swallow my personal feelings.

 

[ShyMystica]

Daisy petals actually have a fuzzy texture when dragged across the delicate skin of her feet; a sensation which often made her laugh with false joy.

Much better! I like it a lot!

And honestly, I am not one for kittens either. I am a puppy kinda gal

 

[Last_Rider]

hm, send another false shiver along your body in memory of past tickle sessions?

 

[ShyMystica]

hm, send another false shiver along your body in memory of past tickle sessions?

*gasps and giggles* Rider, Sir, you are a tease! Yes, just the thought of being tickled makes me giggle, that is how ticklish I am! *blushes deeply* And I fear you are using that against me

 

[Last_Rider]

Indeed I am, though not a cruel one I hope. I may have to devote my next "random" word to something ticklish just for you

 

[ShyMystica]

Indeed I am, though not a cruel one I hope. I may have to devote my next "random" word to something ticklish just for you

*gasps* The nerve you have! Hehe...and not cruel. Well, it can become cruel if it is relentless. But I hope you would ease up at some point

 

[Last_Rider]

hm, if you ask nicely I might

 

[BlazingStardust]

Random word: Cacophony

Flower: Iris

Emotion: Vulnerable

3. His hands tore through the bouquet, a bitter cacophony of abuse falling from his lips as he caused one iris to escape from the ribbon, coming to settle on the floor as she did, both vulnerable.

2. Cacophony played their last set of the night as Iris smiled at the drummer, feeling vulnerable in the dazzling lights.

3. Her iris widened as a cacophony of noise hid the flight of the arrow, leaving her vulnerable no more.

 

[ShyMystica]

Random word: Cacophony
Flower: Iris
Emotion: Vulnerable

1. His hands tore through the bouquet, a bitter cacophony of abuse falling from his lips as he caused one iris to escape from the ribbon, coming to settle on the floor as she did, both vulnerable.

2. Cacophony played their last set of the night as Iris smiled at the drummer, feeling vulnerable in the dazzling lights.

3. Her iris widened as a cacophony of noise hid the flight of the arrow, leaving her vulnerable no more.

Thank you, BlazingStardust for posting! I am not sure if you wanted me to comment on your sentences, but your choice of words definitely were on the harder scale. But you pulled off some amazing sentences! How did you find the exercise?

 

[BlazingStardust]

I don't mind you commenting at all, I very much appreciate it I loved the exercise, spent a minute picking out the words and those ones appealed to me because they all have a bit of a double meaning to them, although thinking up a single sentence without launching into a full paragraph was the hardest bit!

 

[ShyMystica]

hm, if you ask nicely I might

*pouts* I have to ask nicely for my own ticklish torment to cease? How mean of you But my curious side is screaming to let it be, for now. So I shall wait to see how intensely your words get to me

 

[ShyMystica]

...thinking up a single sentence without launching into a full paragraph was the hardest bit!

*giggles* I know! That is the hardest part for me too! That or the words won't come out the way I desire them to.

Random word: Cacophony
Flower: Iris
Emotion: Vulnerable

1. His hands tore through the bouquet, a bitter cacophony of abuse falling from his lips as he caused one iris to escape from the ribbon, coming to settle on the floor as she did, both vulnerable.

2. Cacophony played their last set of the night as Iris smiled at the drummer, feeling vulnerable in the dazzling lights.

3. Her iris widened as a cacophony of noise hid the flight of the arrow, leaving her vulnerable no more.

All very good sentences, and there isn't a lot to comment on as I love them all! Though, I have never heard of this band 'Cacophony'...do they exist or is that just me?

My favourite was your first one. "a bitter cacophony of abuse" actually sent shivers down my spine! It is actually the last part of your sentence that I feel doesn't flow as fluidly as it could be.

His hands tore through the bouquet, a bitter cacophony of abuse falling from his lips as he caused one iris to escape from the ribbon; the delicate bud plunging to settle on the floor as she did, both vulnerable to his will.

I tried to incorporate the second 'phrase' into the sentence in an attempt to make it flow. I am not sure if I have pulled this off. Forgive me as I am exhausted at the moment and my brain doesn't wish to work. I also added 'to his will' to try and round off the sentence to make it feel complete. Aside from that, your use of both aggressive actions and delicate imagery is very beautiful and creative. Thank you for sharing

 

[Last_Rider]

Well you could ask for someone else's ticklish torment to end, but I doubt that will get you anywhere.

Random word: brush

Flower: Carnation

Emotion: fear

1.

There were only two sounds and the smell of fear in the room; the soft buzzing of the electric toothbrush as it hummed up and down the carnation pink of her feet, and her uncontrollable laughter.

2.

The carnations petals brushed just under her nose, tickling a little as she inhaled it's fragrance; her eyes never left his, they soothed her fears and made her whole.

3.

The bouquet of carnations had got him through the door and eased her fears, now the possibilities of the evening were tickling the back of her mind.

 

[ShyMystica]

Well you could ask for someone else's ticklish torment to end, but I doubt that will get you anywhere.

Random word: brush
Flower: Carnation
Emotion: fear

1. There were only two sounds and the smell of fear in the room; the soft buzzing of the electric toothbrush as it hummed up and down the carnation pink of her feet, and her uncontrollable laughter.

2. The carnations petals brushed just under her nose, tickling a little as she inhaled it's fragrance; her eyes never left his, they soothed her fears and made her whole.

3. The bouquet of carnations had got him through the door and eased her fears, now the possibilities of the evening were tickling the back of her mind.

*squeals* You are a cheeky thing, Rider. And to me, your sentences are oozing with more confidence as you continue. Is that just me or is it true?

I shall take your first sentence as not only was it my favourite, but it is the that has me squirming and wishing to hide from the tickle monster at the moment.

There were only two sounds as the smell of fear wafted in the room; the soft buzzing of the electric toothbrush as it hummed up and down the carnation pink of her feet, and her uncontrollable laughter.

The first part of the sentence, *shrugs shyly*, I am not sure, just didn't read well to me. But that could be because my brain isn't working currently. So, the words I did add only served to heighten the ticklish torment you are putting me through! Aside from that, you have succeeded once again in creating some great sentences. Thank you for sharing again Rider

 

[Last_Rider]

I hope I'm getting more confident, I've been writing more lately both public and private, so it should be better on the whole.

As to your critique, you're right and I wasn't totally satisfied with the first part when I wrote it but couldn't figure out the best way to fix it. Thank you for doing so

 

[ShyMystica]

Exercise 2: Characterised sexuality and the approrpiate wording

Exercise 2: Characterised sexuality and the appropriate wording

It is clear from the amount of great posts from the first exercise that Literotica and the SRP forums are filled with gifted descriptive writers. But while sex and sensual descriptive phrases are the basis of most erotica, a truly powerful and memorable story entwines this with strong characterisation. A great erotica writer understands the characters they are writing. They reveal the characters’ thoughts, feelings, insecurities and desires, letting the reader learn about the character intimately so that when the sexual encounter occurs, it is if the reader is experiencing it for themselves.

But all that hard work and the skills you used to do exercise 1 can simply crash and crumble when it isn’t teamed with effective and consistent characterisation. The most common mistake that I have found (and my pet hate) is when writers, though immensely gifted, fall into what I call the trap of ‘mischaracterisation’. Basically this is when a writer looses touch of the character they are writing and the beautiful descriptive pieces clash with the temperament and spirit of the character they are writing. In short, the words do not match the character and destroy the moment. There is nothing worse for a reader than an inconsistently written character. While we are not looking into this now, it is important to note that your character’s behaviour must be consistent, unless you have explained why he or she might behave differently in the scenario you have created.

Anyway, back to topic, this whole delicate weaving of sexual phrases and characterisation all comes down to the use of words. To choose the right sexual wording for your character, it all stems from their background, experiences and temperament. For example, a horny and intoxicated college frat boy seeking a good, quick, meaningless fuck doesn’t fit the description of

‘his gaze frantically searched her heated stare in hopes that her most sensual desires would be revealed…’​

...because he really wouldn’t give a damn about such things. Similarly a timid, nervous, innocent woman who desires to be tenderly intimate wouldn't use words such as 'fuck', 'pussy', or other more dirty words.

Your character’s intent also helps you choose the words to fit the moment: are they sexually frustrated or are they looking for a quick fix? Are they lonely and just seeking affection? Are they insecure but drawn to a dark desire? Or are they battling an inner struggle to not give into the person before them?

The Exercise:
1. Select an image from the few below and choose 2-3 words that establish the mood/idea/theme it presents to you
2. Write a brief character summary of one of the people in the image.
3. Then write you are to write a paragraph (no more than 4 sentences) that you feel connects directly with that character at the moment the image was taken. Be careful of the words you choose and use your skills from exercise 1 to heighten the impact of your phrases.

If you have your own picture, please feel free to use it. Enjoy the exercise and let your imagination run wild! I look forward to seeing what people come up with.

Image 1

Image 2

Image 3

Image 4

Image 5

 

[Last_Rider]

You would choose something I'm incredibly bad at for the exercise just as I was starting to gain som confidence wouldn't you?

much put upon sigh

I should have something soon enough.

 

[slowrimmer]

Enjoy the exercise and let your imagination run wild! I look forward to seeing what people come up with.

My you are surprising at times aren't you . . . . this needs a little more thought though to get right, so . . patience heheheh

 

[Miss Sixxy]

Oooo love this exercise. I will definitely give this some thought.