Smart Doms-Intimidating or not?

[Snuggle Bunz]

*Arches a brow*

Are you serious? Inteligance is one of the msot atractive things about a person. And a Master who holds intelligance, maintains an air of respect about him and a fair heart is as much as anyone could ask for.

I can understand if your the Dom to younger women, perhapse they feel shown up, that they will eventually bore you so much you will dump them on their lil arse....

If your fair and as you said, make it a give/take relationship with learning then you should have no problem.

I hope you find better submissives...such a pitty...

 

[Primalex]

Where are the dumb PYLs and the dumb pyls in this thread? ("Hey, one just posted" is not a smart or creative comment, it's way too blatant). I mean, should I really assume that the Gaussian distribution does not apply to this forum? If women would just mate with intelligent or dumb men, mankind would most likely not exist any longer. And "intelligent conversation" usually just means: (S)he understands my jokes and we have topics that interest us both and keep the conversation going.

Anyway, your problem, dear thread creator, is most likely not your intelligence, but your attitude and that you didn't realize it is a sign of stupidity, except this here was merely a bad attempt to advertise, in this case it was a sign of stupidity to think nobody would notice it.

 

[Homburg]

Where are the dumb PYLs and the dumb pyls in this thread? ("Hey, one just posted" is not a smart or creative comment, it's way too blatant). I mean, should I really assume that the Gaussian distribution does not apply to this forum?

I'd had similar thoughts about lack of distribution. Eeeverybody here is smart

To a certain point, however, it makes sense. The less intelligent, and less lingually capable, types are not likely to take part in a medium in which one's ability to write and express onesself is the primary method by which one's worth is judged. Simply put, they'll self-select out.

So while I have some trouble with the idea that we're all so smart, I can understand why one end of the bell curve is not well represented here.

 

[midwestyankee]

There are plenty of perfectly intelligent people who have never sat through Woman in the Dunes or read the Odyssey and actually liked any of it or know how to find a good 13 dollar wine.

I cannot do basic addition in my head, understand the rules of most sports, read sheet music, or pick Britney Spears out of a lineup of her, Tara Reid, C. Aguilera, and a muppet, any muppet.

It's relative, but what you value is just what you value and makes a good partner for you. It doesn't mean everyone else is dumb. And it doesn't mean they're not either.

Intelligence/intellect is the most overvalued, overmystiqued, and simultaneously undervalued thing.

Hint: the muppets don't need underwear.

 

[rida]

.....
Anyway, your problem, dear thread creator, is most likely not your intelligence, but your attitude and that you didn't realize it is a sign of stupidity, except this here was merely a bad attempt to advertise, in this case it was a sign of stupidity to think nobody would notice it.

I am sure a lot of people had the same thoughts. I did. But I try to give the benefit of the doubt.

I'd had similar thoughts about lack of distribution. Eeeverybody here is smart

To a certain point, however, it makes sense. The less intelligent, and less lingually capable, types are not likely to take part in a medium in which one's ability to write and express onesself is the primary method by which one's worth is judged. Simply put, they'll self-select out.

So while I have some trouble with the idea that we're all so smart, I can understand why one end of the bell curve is not well represented here.

That is true for the BDSM forums. Posters here do seems to be clustering on one end of the curve.

 

[h_i_s]

With not having read the entire thread, and in replying to nothing more than the thread title's question:
I'd be intimidated in what I may concider as being all of the 'wrongs ways' by a dumb dom.

 

[MelancholyBaby]

I think more than intelligence/smartness it is the Dom's attitude about his intelligence that could influence whether a sub was intimidated by him/her or not. I think that the feeling of intimidation would, in some cases, also be a function of the sub's confidence in his/her own smartness. (I say this based on the times I have been intimidated by a smart Dom, but I know it isn't true for all subs.)

I guess my overall answer is yes, Smart Doms can be intimidating.

 

[NoLeafClover7]

......

 

[Blushing Bottom]

I have never found intelligence an intimidating factor. It is however a requirement for all doms I play with.

 

[Primalex]

they get intimidated when I suddenly show a really good knowledge of certain subjects we're talking about, and then feel like it might not work out because they don't feel like they can match up

Maybe they are tired of beating the dead horse in a subject they merely showed mild interest to get a conversation going? Maybe the question "How is the weather there?" should not be answered with "Well, there are some cirrocumulus clouds, the barometric pressure is fine, overall, the total solar radiation is comfortable." Maybe "Oh, fine." will do the trick.

 

[Primalex]

I have never found intelligence an intimidating factor. It is however a requirement for all doms I play with.

How do they fulfill this requirement? Do you have a BDSM version of the ACT or SAT test?

 

[Marquis]

How do they fulfill this requirement? Do you have a BDSM version of the ACT or SAT test?

Maybe she accepts the original scores.

 

[BiBunny]

How do they fulfill this requirement? Do you have a BDSM version of the ACT or SAT test?

Well, you know, most people can usually judge the intelligence of another after some conversation.

 

[BeachGurl2]

Really interesting question. For me, lack of intelligence is a deal breaker. I'm fairly intelligent myself, and if I can't have a meaningful conversation with my partner, then I'm not sticking around. In addition to that, as a sub, I want a Dom who is at least as intelligent as I am, preferably more intelligent. I'm not sure the online world is conducive to that, at least in my experience, thus the quality of many on places like alt and collarme. I finally gave up the search online, frankly because the gene pool there is just a little too diluted for my tastes.

However, I must agree with something someone said earlier about intelligence versus personality. If you are the sort to sit around pontificating about every subject known to man in order to showcase your IQ, then I'm not much interested in that, either. I don't consider it intimidating, but I can see how others might.

So I guess the question for you would be this. Are you choosing so poorly that the subs you encounter have such low intelligence that you truly do intimidate them? Or are you such a show off that they can't deal with it any longer? (yes, that was sarcasm, not an attack on the OP.)

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Why is this comment-worthy? Not an attack, just a question. Intelligence is power. If there is a significant difference in intelligence between a Dom and sub, in favour of the sub, how is the Dom going to maintain proper blanace of power, and, for that matter, maintain proper challenge levels?
I would consider it a compatibility issue, not one of intimidation.

I agree and for that reason, if the sub is significantly smarter than they are, most doms will consider that they are not well suited. It threatens their power and their ego.

A major part of the problem in these situations comes down to people not really paying sufficient attention to added complexity that the overal Power Exchange dynamic adds to the compatibility process. Not only does a person have to meet the normal, every day vanilla compatibility, they've also got to meet a complex set of power dynamic traits that set you off properly, and you've got to do the same. So just laying the blame on "spark of intelligence", while soothing to one's ego, is probably not really sufficient explanation for failure to connect.

That's true and also the main reason that intelligence was an important deciding factor when it came to how much I looked up to and respected my Master, even from the first date. The power exchange dynamic does add another layer of compatibility issues to meeting an long term partner but that's a good thing, it means that people who want a relationship based in BDSM that functions on all levels they need to be discerning. If they manage that successfully they end up with a partner with whom they are very compatible.

And none of this has any bearing on HNG's, predators, or their ilk. We're talking about serious players here. If your brains self-select you out of consideration for those types, it's a blessing.

I was thinking more of the swaggering pseudo-doms lurking on sites like collarme when I originally responded to Shy Vixon's post. It wasn't intended as an indictment of PYLs in general.

ETA: This is not directed at you, VelvetDarkness. Your comments just happened to cause me to start off in this direction. I'm not making comment about you here.

You mean it's not all about me?

 

[Primalex]

Well, you know, most people can usually judge the intelligence of another after some conversation.

I doubt this.

 

[graceanne]

How do they fulfill this requirement? Do you have a BDSM version of the ACT or SAT test?

Intelligent is one of those things where the definition probably changes per person. A genius probably would find all of us rather dumb, even if we're smart by another persons standards. I think the point is that everyone wants someone who's as smart or smarter than them.

 

[Primalex]

I think the point is that everyone wants someone who's as smart or smarter than them.

Just Subs or Doms, too?

 

[graceanne]

Just Subs or Doms, too?

Both.

 

[h_i_s]

Both.

This woman has the patience of a frigging saint, I swear.
Graceanne, if I had your snail-addy I would mail you REAL cookies.
You deserve some. heh

 

[graceanne]

This woman has the patience of a frigging saint, I swear.
Graceanne, if I had your snail-addy I would mail you REAL cookies.
You deserve some. heh

Oh, here it is. hehe

That said, primalex is just a devils advocate - he likes to argue. He'll wait to see which way the group's leaning and go the other way, just for pure fun. *shrugs*

So . . . when you get pissy and argue with him, you're making him happy - doing what he wants. Rather like a troll. Hm. Anyway, I don't get pissy with him, cause I won't play his game. *shrugs*

 

[NoLeafClover7]

.....

 

[SouthernDom]

I'm just curious as to what everyone's take is on a Dom who is considered to be somewhat intelligent. Is it seen as a bad thing, a good thing, or a non-issue either way? I really hope I don't sound like I'm blowing my own horn on that one, its just that a lot of people see that in me. And I've talked to some submissives and slaves who I was interested in, and they were interested back, at first. After a little while though, they said that they really liked me but it wouldn't ever work because they felt like my knowledge in a lot of areas was just a bit intimidating and they felt like they couldn't live up to what I wanted and felt like I would be better off with someone who was a bit more intelligent. Its not like I was going on about particle physics or anything ridiculous. I just wanted someone who wasn't dumb as a brick and who had a wide range of general interests, so maybe she'd learn from me, and I'd learn from her. Does it really intimidate a lot of submissives or slaves that much to be with someone who is reasonably intelligent and is always wanting to learn more? Or have I just had really bad luck of the draw on this one?

I feel your pain......................


The BDSM dating game is a helluva lot easier to navigate when you cull those from the list of longterm prospects who are not along the same intellectual plane long before feelings of attachment are allowed to take root and grow.

Due to the limited number of serious potential longterm prospects within the BDSM community, it makes the right fit with a potential partner very hard to find.

My best advice is to keep looking.................but not with your eyes. Your ears are much more important when it comes to choosing a partner.

 

[Netzach]

I honestly think that the men I've picked to serve me are smarter than I am or very evenly matched with me in that area. If they *insisted* on a Dominant more intelligent than they were I'd be SOL.

It would disappoint me to think that someone was with me only because of my intellect as much as it would disappoint a conventionally beautiful woman, I suppose, to know that that was the only reason she was with someone.

Intelligence is good for me for common ground, but it's not enough to feel like we're mentally on the right level alone.

 

[Homburg]

I agree and for that reason, if the sub is significantly smarter than they are, most doms will consider that they are not well suited. It threatens their power and their ego.

That's true and also the main reason that intelligence was an important deciding factor when it came to how much I looked up to and respected my Master, even from the first date. The power exchange dynamic does add another layer of compatibility issues to meeting an long term partner but that's a good thing, it means that people who want a relationship based in BDSM that functions on all levels they need to be discerning. If they manage that successfully they end up with a partner with whom they are very compatible.

This is the truth. It seems that when BDSM relationships work, they work very well. The flip side, however...

I was thinking more of the swaggering pseudo-doms lurking on sites like collarme when I originally responded to Shy Vixon's post. It wasn't intended as an indictment of PYLs in general.

Totally agreed, and I did not think that you were coing in that direction.

You mean it's not all about me?

Well, I can make some comments about you, if you'd like