Soliloquium: Reflections on my World.

[yeishia]

I pull him down beside me on the couch and feed him tiny mouthfuls of my smoothie mouth to mouth. In between each mouthful I suck playfully on his bottom lip

"Mmmmm you taste almost as good as my smoothie my love... good enough to eat."

My eyes tease his playfully as I run my fingers downwards along his chest undoing buttons as I do so...

 

[Last_Rider]

I smile as my lovely Angel shares her treat with me. She tastes better than the smoothie, and knows just how to tease me into putty in her hands. Her lovely nimble fingers are slowly undoing buttons, exposing my skin to her.

"You taste better than the smoothie my love."

This time I kiss her, soft and sweet as my hands rest on her hips.

 

[yeishia]

It looked like it was going to be another scorching day. I knew that I was destined to spend it alone. Perhaps I would pack a picnic and carry it into my secret garden, spend the day there. I hadn't visited my fishy friend in a while, perhaps they would lift my spirits this day.

First things first a long shower and then a vibrant smoothie....

 

[yeishia]

.

''

Today these beautiful roses grace my table.

I had brought them into this realm from my real world so that they could live for a whole year, the hardest part each year is watching them fade away.

It is bittersweet when they arrive each year their arrival always catchs me unawares you would think I would remember such an auspicious day surely? It was after all the day I was told I would die...three short months they gave me.

It was the day I mourned for the briefest of seconds that I would be leaving my small child without a family or a home.

It was to be the day I would decide to fight for my right to live .

It was also the day that I became determined to create a life for us both, to survive,

I said my fist very determined "NO," to a man. my oncologist. I am smiling as I think of that first no, it was a turning point for this submissive.

Yes today is bitter sweet.. it is my 'Momento Mori' . Is time running out? The more time God grants me the less I know remains...

Not a day to be maudlin I know still one cannot help but wonder what one had left undone?

This day brings a sense of urgency each year, what have I forgotten to do , what must I tend to, who have I hurt and not asked to perhaps forgive me yet?

I do hate wasting precious time, for in reality there may simply not be a tomorrow. Live in the Day!. Each time I forget to do that I mourn.

I am blessed I have raised my son almost to adult hood, even now he could tend to his own needs easily and I have found some happiness here on Lit with a few true friends and one or two who love me.

Still should I die it grieves me that I and my small threads will simply fade away.

Then I remember that my legacy is my son he shall carry on a potent reminder of whom I was. He carries me in his heart and in his Dna.​

I stand up and inhale the fragrant flowers smiling softly before heading to the small bowl that contains another fish...she is my namesake, Angel.

As my flowers were being signed for she was dying and now she would join her friends in the pond hidden in the secret garden

I heard the bang it was like a gunshot as Wendy ended her life, my tears were those of happiness and sadness intertwined.

One door opens another closes... this time on a small life.

Not bothering with shoes simply wearing a floaty sundress I opened the French doors and made my way to my pond. The garden smelled of honeysuckle.

I sat down curling my legs under me before gently taking my huge fish from the bowl, a small kiss and I released her happy to see that she begin to swim, no sign of her illness or the horrible tumor that has caused us to end her life.

Big Red swam up beside her pressing his flank along hers in greeting, I fancied I could see him smiling, he had rejoined his love.

My tears joined the water in the pool as I fervently wished when my time came that someone could carry me here.

It was the very first place I had felt loved

It was the first place I had experienced true passion

I had learned so much about who I was, I had found myself again in this most magical realm. Some had marred the experience but even they had contributed to my personal growth.

This was a place where I would wish to spend my eternity.

​

 

[MsAphrodite]

I do believe there is something you forgot to share little miss *taps her foot* Today I forgive you...expect a visit.

 

[yeishia]

I do believe there is something you forgot to share little miss *taps her foot* Today I forgive you...expect a visit.

Susan I am sorry I was not thinking this as always caught me unawares as it always does.. .I know I haven't phoned I have been ...I dunno hiding as always I guess. Feel free to phone or drop by later if you wish...I am alone.

Thank you for the cards it is simply beautiful.

 

[Last_Rider]

Today is a special day for my Angel, though I am well aware that this day brings mixed emotions. I see the lovely peach colored roses, pausing to inhale their fragrance before walking out the french doors and finding her sitting in her garden.

I sit beside her, one arm around her shoulders.

"Happy anniversary my love. I am so blessed that you chose to share yourself with me."

My lips touch hers, a soft gentle kiss for my most perfect Angel.

 

[yeishia]

I am happy that my love has joined me it is nice to know that someone cares that I exist, someone who loves me. My eyes flutter closed at the gentle pressure of his lips on mine. I say nothing simply relaxing deeper into the comfort of his arms. So what if my other friends remain silent me they have their lives I have mine...I have exactly what I need right here .

Count your blessings my grandmother would have said and I do... especially in moments like these.

 

[yeishia]

After our kiss ends I reach into the pocket of my dress and hand him a card which when I saw it made me think of him.

My special someone...

 

[Last_Rider]

After our kiss ends I reach into the pocket of my dress and hand him a card which when I saw it made me think of him.

My special someone...

I am truly touched and feel a lump form in my throat.

"You know that goes for me too my Angel."

 

[yeishia]

I pull him to his feet and along the winding path back towards Soll.

"Lets have a party ...no one will come, but you are right I shouldn't really care ...this is a special day it needs, music....dancing...fancy food!

I already have you so its sure to be a success ...come help me decorate."

I twirl under his arms several times as I pull him along.

"Should we have it here or in the Vassal club or perhaps in the real world? What do you think my love? My eyes are alight with happiness as I consider the possibilities.

 

[Last_Rider]

I cannot help but smile, when my Angel is in a good mood it is impossible to be anything other than happy.

"Here is fine, and you're right we should definitely celebrate. I would love to help you decorate."

As we re-enter the house my mind is already working, imagining what we will need to do.

 

[yeishia]

Fade to black.

It simply will not happen in this dimension...

My love and are celebrating together this night in a more private manner .

 

[yeishia]

My eyes drifted open and I winced a little smiling as I realized that I had a tad of a hangover. Last night had been truly amazing and the unaccustomed champagne had left me a tad fuzzy around the edges. I giggled as I made my unsteady way to the kitchen to drink a gallon of water and take something for my headache before heading for my bedroom.

Climbing into my bed the room still spinning slightly I smiled, last night has been an education in more ways than one.

I snuggled down under the covers strangely content...

 

[Ravenloft]

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[yeishia]

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Lol * giggles*. I have emptied it just for you

 

[yeishia]

I sit on my couch green smoothie in hand and contemplate my week ahead, it is going to be a busy one, new children starting my Preschool, taxes to prepare and on Sunday we have our graduation picnic...

My eyes travel to the gorgeous peach roses I had received in the real world brought here to preserve them for a complete year and I cannot help but smile. One for every year I survive they must be causing my son a fortune now.

It turned out I did not celibate it here with friends nor in the real world with my love, this fantasy world remained just that with only the most unexpected person acknowledging my small milestone...She made my day.

Instead my friend Susan in the real world dragged me to a neighborhood bar and as it turned out I had a wonderful evening. Lit is what it is and sometimes I have to remember that it simply is not real. I had fun with real people in real time and for once did not hide away in my beloved Soll. or the pages of my stories.

Everything happens for a reason...

All is well that ends well another year and I am still able to watch my young son grow to manhood.

I am truly blessed.

 

[Last_Rider]

We are all blessed by your presence my Angel, you brighten the world around you.

 

[yeishia]

Thank you my love...

I shall not speak for others but you certainly do brighten up my world.


​

 

[yeishia]

In the wee hours of the morning I find myself rattling around Soll alone and unable to sleep. More and more I am feeling like a ghost in this domain. I am wondering if I should move on what point is there to spending time here ... My mind is being pulled in a million differing directions this morning but one thing I do know is that I am sick of talking to myself here. It's fairly pathetic ...

I giggle thinking of the name I had chosen, it was a play on words.I did create this place so that I could talk to myself now didn't I ..I got my wish. Women are perverse creatures. I now find that talking to myself has lost its appeal. I feel like I exist in a vacumn and frankly I am bored out of my mind!

I feel like I am fading away to nothing piece by piece.Even my pathetic attempts at writing at not grounding me any more.

I am letting go of my life piece by piece...

I feel powerless.

 

[yeishia]

“Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn?

Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends?

Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked,

or the hush of a country road at night,

or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak,

or,

most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're alone in the whole house?

Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.”

Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth
​

 

[yeishia]

“Everything hurt.

I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek to the street, and waited.

What for, I didn't know.

To be rescued. Or found.

But no one came.

All I'd ever thought I wanted was to be left alone.

Until I was.”

Sarah Dessen, Just Listen
​

 

[Last_Rider]

I am sorry I haven't been around as much my Angel, but I'm going to make a concentrated effort to change that. I miss you terribly. Know that you are loved my Angel

 

[yeishia]

Its not looking good is it my love?

“There comes a time in every life when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your heart.”
Sarah Dessen, Just Listen​

 

[Last_Rider]

Its not looking good is it my love?

“There comes a time in every life when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your heart.”
Sarah Dessen, Just Listen​

I can only speak for my heart, and it says I belong with you