Some perspective/advice please?

[dirtyblonde69]

Oh, baby, you are a WEB-VIRGIN!

Okay, let me teach you the basic internet communication laws:

1) Asking a question does not mean to get the kind of answer you expect.
2) Asking a question does not mean to understand the answer you will hear.
3) The more you insist on getting a specific kind of answer, the more likely you will not get the kind of answer.
4) If you are looking for affirmation, the mathematical probability that at least one posting will not be affirmative is exactly 1.


And last but not least:
Dear dirty... blonde... 69...your sole purpose is my personal entertainment and there is nothing you can do about it. Now you can head back to your husband and ask him to forgive you for being such a dumb slut.

OK - I've had enough of you - you really are a self important wanker!!

Normally I wouldn't respond in this way - but I don't see why i should have to take this from you.

1) Don't call me baby, you have neither earned the respect or the right to do so - and don't even start me on slut (you're not worthy of licking my boots you arse!).

2) I never expected to have my ego massaged, but that doesn't give you the right to insult me or belittle me - I'm not your bitch and I have no desire to be - so go find someone who will take it lying down.

3) I'm not looking for a specific answer. All I asked for was advice or perspective, you have proffered neither, so in all honesty, I'm not sure what your purpose is!

You are a very aggressive & angry individual and quite honestly projecting it onto me, is no way to validate your existance within any community never mind BDSM.

 

[madetotakeit]

I'm glad some of the things I have posted in your thread have given you some things to think about. You have included me in good company IMO with Fury and Marquis. I spent many hours going through the old threads when I first joined and I looked forward to reading what they had to say. I agree , they do seem to be very balanced in their perspectives; and I have found their posts to be honest and made with the best intentions.

I am not to far ahead of you on the curve. Everything is still fresh enough that I can remember the confusion and excitement that comes along with the thought of what you have wanted/needed might actually be something you are able to experience. I found my balance by relying on what I do with every other aspect of my life. If I want to know, I ask. If I want to learn, I research. I slow down until I find my comfort zone. I communicate with my mind rather than my emotions. I think you will look back at some point and see that you have found your balance too.

In one of the multitude of posts I read somewhere that part of why we are here is to help others who seek advice. People were kind enough to do that for me and I am glad to pass on the favor. I have refrained from giving any advice in regards to the marital aspect of your situation. My situation is different. While I have been involved with someone who is adventurously vanilla, there is no life long commitment. In my case it is pretty cut and dry. The purely vanilla side of me was left somewhere on a riverbank. I don't miss it. I can still access it, but it is not enough on its own. I'm not going to try to advise on something I don't feel comfortable enough backing up what I say. But, taking the first big leap...that I can talk about from experience. I will admit I am guilty of being one of the romanticizing subs that JM spoke of. But for me it is how I feel. Some are bare bones when it comes to their tastes. For me, that connection does have a lot to do with what I am seeking.

Listen to who you will on the posts. I did the same when I started. I did read and consider those who had another perspective than what I imagined to find, and I did take some knowledge away from some. I don't believe it is a matter of only acknowledging those that hold the same opinion you do, but the posters ability to impart information in a way that you can relate.

Bear in mind there are people who relish in providing a good mind f***. They have honed the skill and it gives them great pleasure. They have counterparts who love receiving one as well. Think of it as a sadistic form of teasing. You may find that with the right one supplying it, it can be a good thing. But when it is not... and it is not welcomed or asked for, there is a simple solution. Don't take the bait.

 

[Primalex]

You still didn't get it? I need a drill.

I call you "baby", "slut", "girl-who-dreams-of-getting-ass-fucked-by-her-best-friend" - whatever I want.
I insult you or belittle you - whenever I want.

And this has actually nothing to do with BDSM and all this stuff. This is the right here that is granted everyone, from the vanilla fluff authors to the hardcore sadists. Yes, even you have the right to call me "slut", although most likely I will find it merely amusing ("wanker" only works as insult for horny net geeks by the way. There are so many things you need to learn.)

Regarding your respect... well, if guys like your husband have your respect, then I'm fucking glad I don't have it.

And yes, you came here for advice - tell me, why didn't you come here to ask how to handle the situation with your husband? After 10 years you finally decide to go to your husband and then to your friend and __then__ decide it might be a good idea to ask here for an advice? You risk your marriage without our godly advice when asking your husband about becoming someone else fuckslut, but hey, the off-chance of pissing of your friend is so important for you that you come here crying like a baby? And then you think you can make me believe this all is not about getting your pussy creamed by your friend? "My greatest fear is that I have damaged our friendship." I really hope your husband never reads this.

 

[dirtyblonde69]

You still didn't get it? I need a drill.

I call you "baby", "slut", "girl-who-dreams-of-getting-ass-fucked-by-her-best-friend" - whatever I want.
I insult you or belittle you - whenever I want.

And this has actually nothing to do with BDSM and all this stuff. This is the right here that is granted everyone, from the vanilla fluff authors to the hardcore sadists. Yes, even you have the right to call me "slut", although most likely I will find it merely amusing ("wanker" only works as insult for horny net geeks by the way. There are so many things you need to learn.)

Regarding your respect... well, if guys like your husband have your respect, then I'm fucking glad I don't have it.

And yes, you came here for advice - tell me, why didn't you come here to ask how to handle the situation with your husband? After 10 years you finally decide to go to your husband and then to your friend and __then__ decide it might be a good idea to ask here for an advice? You risk your marriage without our godly advice when asking your husband about becoming someone else fuckslut, but hey, the off-chance of pissing of your friend is so important for you that you come here crying like a baby? And then you think you can make me believe this all is not about getting your pussy creamed by your friend? "My greatest fear is that I have damaged our friendship." I really hope your husband never reads this.

A very over exaggerated, black and white interpretation of a situation which you only have a minute fraction of an understanding of. Un-necessary and sadly lacking in style or substance. Just because you have the right to say something, doesn't give you the right to say it. Stop hijacking my thread to get off on abusing me - get your kicks elsewhere buddy!

 

[JMohegan]

Don't take the bait.

Best advice on the thread.

The ignore function is your friend.

 

[Primalex]

A very over exaggerated, black and white interpretation

Exaggeration... black and white interpretation.. lack of understanding your feelings... funny that you didn't just say "totally wrong", maybe even answering a few of the really interesting questions, about this submissive..dirty..blonde..69.. that just comes here for innocent advice.

 

[JMohegan]

I will admit I am guilty of being one of the romanticizing subs that JM spoke of. But for me it is how I feel. Some are bare bones when it comes to their tastes. For me, that connection does have a lot to do with what I am seeking.

Just to be clear - If you and yours are happy and satisfied with whatever it is you're doing, then I'd say that "guilty" is an inappropriate word in this context. Wrap it up in whatever dressing or theory or perspective works for you - guilt free.

I would also like to point out that eschewing a romanticized vision of D/s itself is *not* the same thing as eschewing emotionally intense connections, or even romantic relationships.

 

[madetotakeit]

Just to be clear - If you and yours are happy and satisfied with whatever it is you're doing, then I'd say that "guilty" is an inappropriate word in this context. Wrap it up in whatever dressing or theory or perspective works for you - guilt free.

I would also like to point out that eschewing a romanticized vision of D/s itself is *not* the same thing as eschewing emotionally intense connections, or even romantic relationships.

Point well taken.

I am who I am and I no longer make apologies for that. I have come to terms and am perfectly fine in my skin. But what's so wrong with "feeling" guilty every once in awhile? As long as I carry no actual guilt, feeling a little guilty is quite fun.

 

[FurryFury]

One of the sad facts of Internet life is that there will always be someone who thinks being truthful and being offensive is the same thing. Take what you can use, let the rest fall off by the wayside. People who enjoy stirring things up HATE being ignored. It's like death for them. Fighting with them makes them happy.

 

[JMohegan]

Point well taken.

I am who I am and I no longer make apologies for that. I have come to terms and am perfectly fine in my skin. But what's so wrong with "feeling" guilty every once in awhile? As long as I carry no actual guilt, feeling a little guilty is quite fun.

Ha, ha - fair enough!

 

[BiBunny]

The fact that you make reference to a "journey", and give a quick thanks to the females but a more elaborate and deferential "Thank you sir, your words have offered me some peace of mind" to Twysted, and talk about how you need to be taught to submit by an experienced Dom -- taken together, that all tells me that you've read about or somehow been exposed to (and at least partially smitten with) one form of BDSM culture. This is a largely romanticized culture, in which Dominants in general are placed on a pedestal and D/s is discussed as if it involves quasi-mythical levels of trust, personal fulfillment, and erotic potential.

I don't have a problem with those who embrace the romanticized version of D/s. If it makes all involved feel special, assuages their fears or stress or insecurities in a confusing world, makes them happy, gets them off, whatever - no problem. I sincerely wish them well.

But that doesn't mean that I believe romanticized D/s is a good idea for all people, and in particular (given your stated goal of D/s with your husband), I don't think that embracing a romanticized view of D/s is a good idea for *you* at this time.

Therefore, I urge you to set aside your hurt feelings and resentment at the discussion here. Re-read the thread and think carefully about everything that was written. If you really want to pursue kink with your husband, then the ones whom you think aren't doing you any favors may, in fact, be saying *exactly* what you need to hear.

Oh, sweet Lord Jeebus, JM's making sense again!

Thank you for saying almost exactly what I was going to say in a much nicer way.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Now you can head back to your husband and ask him to forgive you for being such a dumb slut.

You certainly do get a thrill out of shaming women for their sexuality, don't you? It would almost be cute if it wasn't so damn fucking old.

 

[Primalex]

You certainly do get a thrill out of shaming women for their sexuality, don't you?

Not quite, I have bets running how many posts it takes, till you can't resist the urge to reply to my posts again. Keep up the good work.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Not quite, I have bets running how many posts it takes, till you can't resist the urge to reply to my posts again. Keep up the good work.

Sweety, if you can amuse yourself, I can amuse myself as well. I like you. You're cute.

 

[FurryFury]

Sweety, if you can amuse yourself, I can amuse myself as well. I like you. You're cute.

I will never, ever understand find that sort of agitating cute or likable but I see it a lot.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I will never, ever understand find that sort of agitating cute or likable but I see it a lot.

Eh - that's one of the problem with this medium. You can't hear my condescending tone.

But I do actually find guys who screems slut and whore or whathaveyou at women to be cute in this kind of pathetic way: it speaks so loudly of their own insecurities, you almost feel like petting them to reassure them that yes, they are a big manly man, rawr.

 

[Marquis]

Recently I've been reminiscing on the barefaced misogyny of my harder times with great fondness.

Insecurities or not, I still got laid, quite often and easily in fact.

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

Eh - that's one of the problem with this medium. You can't hear my condescending tone.

But I do actually find guys who screems slut and whore or whathaveyou at women to be cute in this kind of pathetic way: it speaks so loudly of their own insecurities, you almost feel like petting them to reassure them that yes, they are a big manly man, rawr.

I keep thinking they're gonna puff up so much they'll explode.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Recently I've been reminiscing on the barefaced misogyny of my harder times with great fondness.

Insecurities or not, I still got laid, quite often and easily in fact.

Sigh. Misogyny is indeed appealing to many women. Like capitalism is to the working-poor. Or colonialism to the colonized.

I'm sure it helped that you're cute though.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I keep thinking they're gonna puff up so much they'll explode.

Now that would be awesome. Like firework.

 

[FurryFury]

Eh - that's one of the problem with this medium. You can't hear my condescending tone.

But I do actually find guys who screems slut and whore or whathaveyou at women to be cute in this kind of pathetic way: it speaks so loudly of their own insecurities, you almost feel like petting them to reassure them that yes, they are a big manly man, rawr.

Oh!

That I can get into!

 

[Primalex]

But I do actually find guys who screems slut and whore or whathaveyou at women to be cute in this kind of pathetic way: it speaks so loudly of their own insecurities, you almost feel like petting them to reassure them that yes, they are a big manly man, rawr.

This sentence from a person who labels herself Bitch just to hide her insecurities - this is just perfect irony. Thanks for the smile of the day

 

[DeservingBitch]

This sentence from a person who labels herself Bitch just to hide her insecurities - this is just perfect irony. Thanks for the smile of the day

I could go on about reclaiming identities and such, but that would be BS in this case.

The difference between you and me sweety is that I try to be self-aware of my insecurities/anxieties/desires rather than repressing them and projecting them onto other people.

 

[Homburg]

Damn, I find myself hoping for another JAMESBJOHNSON sighting. At least he had style.

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

Damn, I find myself hoping for another JAMESBJOHNSON sighting. At least he had style.

Hmmmmm. His Archie Bunker avatar was so fitting.

I could do without.