"Space" Poetry Contest!

[perks]

So many
Possibilities
And thoughts streak through my mind
Causing ache
Excruciating without you

 

[TheDR4KE]

So many
Possibilities
And thoughts streak through my mind
Causing ache
Excruciating without you

I am but a child
dreaming I am a man -
would that I were with you.

My hand in yours,
we would travel
the paths of freedom.







_

 

[_Land]

Divorce

I wrote this one last night as i was filling divorce papers, Perhaps its not all that good but i think it has potential. any suggestions?
_Land

Looking in to your uncaring face
Lines of hatred none of grace
tasting bile in the back of my throat
as i watch as your served with this little note

Ten long years I tried to endure
Hoping some how I'd discover a cure
Finding a way to bring you a smile
and now that I've gone that extra mile

I have decided to reverse my stride
As hard as it hurts to swallow my pride
Im pushing away with all of my thrust
Ive never been able to gain your trust

Im tired, lonely and cant take any more
You happinees my burdon, my unbending chore
I give up, I give in
I dont give a damn if it's a sin

Looking in to your uncaring face
searching for one little sign of grace
finding none I quicken My pace
Looking forward to having some space

 

[perks]

Land, your rhyme scheme makes the depth of this poem disappear.

There is too much emotion for us to have to read it in a sing song fashion.

I think the way you describe things is common. How many times have you heard the hurt of humanity described in exactly the same way?

I want to see a rewrite of this poem. Don't rhyme and describe how you feel on the surface. Do it so I know what you mean, but in a way I've never heard the words put together before.

example your line "I've never been able to gain your trust"

how many times has "gain your trust" been used in conversations and writing? Soooooo much it's almost a cliche.

Also, may I suggest you use a spell check program?

other than that, I'm sorry for your pain, sugah. I know it is good to get it out so all those feelings don't fester. But once you get the feelings out, explore them, reach their depths objectively and then go for the poetry.

sincerely,
perky

 

[_Land]

Rewrite?

Land, your rhyme scheme makes the depth of this poem disappear.

There is too much emotion for us to have to read it in a sing song fashion.

I think the way you describe things is common. How many times have you heard the hurt of humanity described in exactly the same way?

I want to see a rewrite of this poem. Don't rhyme and describe how you feel on the surface. Do it so I know what you mean, but in a way I've never heard the words put together before.

example your line "I've never been able to gain your trust"

how many times has "gain your trust" been used in conversations and writing? Soooooo much it's almost a cliche.

Also, may I suggest you use a spell check program?

other than that, I'm sorry for your pain, sugah. I know it is good to get it out so all those feelings don't fester. But once you get the feelings out, explore them, reach their depths objectively and then go for the poetry.

sincerely,
perky

Perky i dont liek to edit to much but alas I tore the original apart........ although i must confess i have a slight fetish for rhyming here is another version of the same emotion Hope you enjoy and as always feel free to give advice or tweak my nipples I mean my work

The Look of your uncaring face
Lines of hatred deeply set
Stinging words, bitterness
all that’s left


Ten long years
pain and treachery
what is love
nothing given

I’m tired
lonely
deep in need
trapped in some twilight zone of marital bliss

Goodbye bitch
what’s left to say
get lost
I’m though with you

I pack my bags
I go out the door
Finding freedom
drifting space

 

[WickedEve]

Last day to enter a space poem for the contest. If you have more than one poem, let me know which one you want voting on.

 

[_Land]

I have to choose? LMAO Wicked

Thats funny, I dont think any of them are good enough to vote on, but i did enjoy writing them. I spose i will have to go with the last one i submitted.................*scratches head*

 

[WickedEve]

Yes, you have to choose one. Follow the rules, or I'll take a paddle to you.

(please don't follow the rules, please don't follow the rules... *heavy breathing, sweaty hands stroking paddle*)

 

[_Land]

Please flog me Wicked

Yes, you have to choose one. Follow the rules, or I'll take a paddle to you.

(please don't follow the rules, please don't follow the rules... *heavy breathing, sweaty hands stroking paddle*)

I have a hard time being submissive, I never would have made it in the military LMAO so I refuse to choose............
*bends over waiting anxiously*

 

[TheDR4KE]

If you have more than one poem, let me know which one you want voting on.

the one title 'space', not the one that was my response to perky

Quack

the D

 

[perks]

he can't resist me, Eve, you'll have to cut him some slack

 

[WickedEve]

Time's running out. Any more? Is this it? If you have poem to submit -- Hurry!

(After I paddle you land, I'm going for Drake and Perky next. I want to see if I can make them quack. )

 

[_Land]

As long as

Time's running out. Any more? Is this it? If you have poem to submit -- Hurry!

(After I paddle you land, I'm going for Drake and Perky next. I want to see if I can make them quack. )

Youd dont blind fold me i think I shall enjoy the entire scenario _Land

 

[Nomadic Lady]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
there is vast space above me
each shimmer of the stars
puts a smile on my face

there is a need for my space
where I go to grow
puts a smile on my face

there is a space that yearns for you
come my love
put a smile on my face
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know poetry has to follow certain guidelines before it is considered poetry... but hey, we all can't possess that gift so here is my submission anyway.

 

[OT]

critical spaces

critical space

at the table
in your heart

growing closer
drifting apart

elbow room
room to think

room for dessert
on the brink

park and read
between the lines

(no vote required)

O.T.

peruse my muse

 

[WickedEve]

OT, I wish you would have gotten here sooner! Voting has started.
If anyone else wants to add a space poem to this thread, keeping doing so!

 

[TheDR4KE]

(After I paddle you land, I'm going for Drake and Perky next. I want to see if I can make them quack. )

* turns to look at perky * Do you think she's really game to start something like that? Does she know how carried away you get once you get quacking?



Qua**

the teasing D

 

[WickedEve]

* turns to look at perky * Do you think she's really game to start something like that? Does she know how carried away you get once you get quacking?



Qua**

the teasing D

Uhh... just how carried away does the little duckling get?

 

[REDWAVE]

Thanks, Eve!

Thanks for running this contest, Eve. It's been fun. And may the spaciest gal or dude win!

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Thanks, Eve!

Thanks for running this contest, Eve. It's been fun. And may the spaciest gal or dude win!

You're welcome, my REDlicoriceWHIP.

 

[stargirl32]

Uhh... just how carried away does the little duckling get?

how carried away does perky get ?

let me put it this way ,,,,, shes not a duck for the looks , lol she has been known to flood the place out ,,, i just hope that eve can swim ,,, lol love ya perks babe,,, grin.... hee hee

 

[WickedEve]

how carried away does perky get ?

let me put it this way ,,,,, shes not a duck for the looks , lol she has been known to flood the place out ,,, i just hope that eve can swim ,,, lol love ya perks babe,,, grin.... hee hee

Okay, I have some yellow rain gear -- boots, hat, jacket. I have a row boat and an oar -- just in case. Oh! Perky just grabbed the oar! Oh my god! You won't believe what she's doing with it!

 

[WickedEve]

Is everyone voting on the space poems? You only have until Sunday night. Just a little reminder.

 

[stargirl32]

Okay, I have some yellow rain gear -- boots, hat, jacket. I have a row boat and an oar -- just in case. Oh! Perky just grabbed the oar! Oh my god! You won't believe what she's doing with it!

knowing the perkster ,, i proberly would ,,, grin...

you might need a life jacket eve.. just a thought,.... lol

 

[Tequila Sunrise]

I know this is late, but it sounded fun to try. You may judge this if you like. But I just had fun writing it.

Tequila Sunrise

Her Study of Space

When she ponder her luckless race
And tears adorn her tired face,
She stares into the star filled sky,
And asks herself the question, "why?"
And stares, and stares into the sky.

The emptiness she sees in space
Reminds her of the human race,
Whose spacious hearts are locked and barred,
And whose empty souls are pocked and scarred.

So there she sits the whole night long
Wondering where mankind went wrong.
All alone throught out the night,
Delighting in her lonesome plight.