Spirit song: the elven wanderer finally has a home.

[The_gladiator]

The shock of it was like a punch to the gut. Angelica tried to keep her composure, to hold the tears back, but she just had no strength left. She looked up at Glad, the tears falling freely, "I'm sorry...I just learned that one of my heroes has died. She fought for so long, and it feels as if it was all for nothing." She slipped her hands from his and buried her face in them, crying quietly.

He pulls her close. “I’m so sorry. I too heard,” his hand wasstroking her back now. “Surely they will not let him appoint another justice before the election.” He kisses her forehead softly. “Such a loss to our homeland.”

 

[The_gladiator]

He had found his way into the panio again. He closed his eyes as he started to play another song. His voice finding the words to start the song, the first verse flowing from him.

What if I told you that I didn't feel good enough and I'm broken
What if I said that I'm losing my faith and been struggling coping
Been stuck for a while when I look at the clock man I feel like it's frozen
Then again time is just flying too quick and I'm losing devotion
Truth is I feel no emotion
Bottle it up and all I feel is rage
And I would be lying if I looked at you and said I'm not afraid
What if I never get through this shit what do I do if I can't find my way
And I know that my father has been counting on me to carry our name
Speaking of him man I gotta be honest
We ain't really speaking these days
I'm just scared that I won't get to know him before the day he fades away
My family fought a lot when I was growing up what can I say (What can I say)
What can I say by fighting there really ain't nothing to gain
I know that the sun is out there somewhere but I been living in rain
Can we quit playing games I'm standing right here and I'm ready to change


the lyrics of Lucidious's moment of silence though not completely fitting where he was in life or his own history, it was the emotion that spoke to him, the pain and confusion, the worry that it would never get better despite all the efforts to change.



as he worked his way through the second verse there was more that did not specifically fit him, as Lucidious talked about his own life and experiences, but there were words that stood out to him in this verse too, he made sure he song those the clearest.

Forget all the bullies that make fun of you it's just for their amusement
Let go of negatives seek out the light
Develop yourself you should journal and write
Speak with integrity treat women right
And you don't gotta drink every typical night
Being popular really ain't everything nah don't give in to that hype
And it's okay to forgive the people that hurt you but don't give in twice



the elf wended his way into the third verse with more words standing out to him that he could take from the song

Give me a second I owe an apology to a few people
I regret a few things and I made some mistakes when I gave in to evil
To all of my exes I'm sorry I know I was often deceitful

as the third verse wended on there were more standout lyrics that glad identified with

I'm sorry to all that I pushed away when I fell deep in depression
I never gave enough attention to people I loved so I just started ruining friendships
I guess that I've taken the easy way out now by rapping confessions
This a passion of mine and the only way that I can deal with my stresses




The piano in this song, combined with the cello was utterly breathtaking to the elf, he had found the song by accident, but it was speaking to him this night especially. Especially that first verse. So much of it was true for him.

As the last notes faded, the elf slowly closed the cover to the piano keys, and sat there head bowed. He needed to stay strong, but in many ways this was where he came both to be weak and to display his strength. He would not give up though some days it felt like he might. There was so much in music that moved the elf. It truly was one of the things that made him want to go on, to live.

 

[Little_Tease]

After kitty is done singing and enjoying the sun she turns around on her belly playing with a finger in the grass as she hums some.

After some time she closed her eyes just to take it all in what's around her and falls asleep in the peaceful noises all around her, her head resting on one arm.

 

[The_gladiator]

He wasn't sure how he was still alive. Last night had been so frightening. He just hoped he could get the help he needed, could get better. He was greatful that she had come last night so he wasn't alone. Even if it was mostly just them sleeping together, at least he was not alone. The elf felt so alone. He suspected he needed more help than he was currently reaching for. He saw a therapist this evening. She would be able to help him make that decision.

He had reached out this morning to try to make amends, to let someone know how sorry he was for the hurt he had caused.He was sad that sorry did not fix some wounds. But life was too short to not let people know how much they were appreciated. He just hoped that he wasn't making his final goodbyes.

So many songs filled his mind today, but this one was most prominent and he sang softly, guitar in his hand, back on the swing. It could apply in so many ways.


If I can't let you go will darkness divide?
For the fiction of love is the truth of our lies
We were playing for keeps, but we both knew the cost
Now the only way out's in your heart shaped box

But I hate that it seemed you were never enough
We were broken and bleeding but never gave up
And I hate that I made you the enemy
And I hate that your heart was the casualty
Now I hate that I need you

As we rest here alone like notes on a page
The finest to compose could not play our pain
With a candle through time I could still see your ghost
But I can't close my eyes, for it is there where you haunt me most


I hate that it seemed you were never enough
We were broken and bleeding but never gave up
And I hope that I sing through your memory
As we echo through time in the melody
Now I hate that I need you

And I hear you now when you said "It hurts, but it had to fall apart to work"
As I see you now in what's left of me
Is it too late to plead insanity?

'Cause I hate that it seemed you were never enough
You were broken and bleeding in the name of love
And I hope that we meet in another life
I don't hate that I need you

 

[Little_Tease]

Kitty wakes hearing music near by again she stretches and rubs her eyes some as she sits up wrapping her arms around her knees looking in the directions where the music was coming from. She sets her chin on her knees and thinks about going to him hearing the song and the way he is singing it thinking he is very sad still but afraid he might want to be alone and stays sitting there on the blanket listening.

 

[The_gladiator]

The elf finished the song and after a long moment of contemplation fell into a song he had loved for years, one that complimented his voice fairly well, and the notes of Jake Owen's ghosts floated out into the air.

He said he had to stop
He hadn't had a drop of anything
Stronger than coffee
In ten months, three weeks
And one long day

He pushed away his plate
Said it's better late than never done
When it comes to getting right
It took a while but I saw the light

He said some things that cast long shadows
That I never will out run
And every day I spend living

With ghosts of all the things that I've done wrong
Grab a chair 'cause the list is long
I can write you a country song
About the reasons I'll be going home
To a house full of memories
Things I wish I'd done differently
And when I'm feeling weak they keep me strong
Ghosts of all the things that I've done wrong


He said there's a spot of paint
And it just ain't the right shade
But it covers up the hole I made
Where I broke my wrist the night she left
And there's a lot of friends
That I ain't seen in a lot of years
But some are still hanging around
In old pictures I can't take down

He said some things that cast long shadows
That I never will out run
And every day I do battle

With ghosts of all the things that I've done wrong
Grab a chair 'cause the list is long
I can write you a country song
About the reasons I'll be going home
To a house full of memories
Things I wish I'd done differently
And when I'm feeling weak they keep me strong
Ghosts of all the things that I've done wrong

I got a heart full of memories
Things I wish I'd done differently
And when I'm feeling weak they keep me strong
Ghosts of all the things I've done wrong

He said he had to stop
He hadn't had a drop of anything
Stronger than coffee
In ten months, three weeks
And one long day




He smiled even as he sang, there was just so much emotion in music for the elf, even the sad music affected him so strongly. There was almost no doubt that he was alive because of music.

 

[The_gladiator]

Inspired tonight the elf took a deep breath and began to sing a new song he had just recently found. The notes of the intro to Sixx AM's maybe it's time, so similar in many ways to those opening notes of stairway to heaven.


All the scars, all the lines
On my face they show the times
I've abandoned my own life
I can't breathe, I can't eat
So I just drink myself to sleep
And embrace this morbid price

But maybe it's time to heal, maybe it's time to try
Maybe it's time to deal with all the pieces in my life
Maybe I'll sober up, maybe before I die
Maybe I'll finally deal with all the wreckage in my life

I'm older now, I'm breaking down
My regrets they turn to dust
And soon enough they'll blow away
When I was young, I was dumb
I was never strong enough
I wish I had the guts to say

Maybe it's time to heal, maybe it's time to try
Maybe it's time to deal with all the pieces in my life
Maybe I'll sober up, maybe before I die
Maybe I'll finally deal with all the wreckage in my life

And this was self-inflicted
Yeah I was on a mission
To ruin everything in life
But now I'm so damn ready
Just take my hand and steady
And we will make it through the night

Maybe it's time to heal, maybe it's time to try
Maybe it's time to deal with all the pieces in my life
Maybe I'll sober up, maybe before I die
Maybe I'll finally deal with all the wreckage in my life

Maybe it's time
Maybe it's time


Though alcohol or drugs were not the elf's addiction, one could be addicted to pain, drama and strife sometimes. Change seemed so daunting because staying the same was easier painful it could be but it was familiar. Could he be strong enough, was it time?

 

[Little_Tease]

Kitty didn't know why really but she just sat there hoping he could feel her that he wasnt alone. She might not be hurting and pretty much always be very joyful but hopefully sometimes not to joyful, she can feel with someone.

She looked in the direction of the nice porch she sat on earlier and couldn't help but sing mostly quiet but somehow towards the porch for him.

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show........


She saw a ant crawling on the blanket and smiled holding her hand dow so it crawls on it as she then watched it crawl over her hand.

Hi little guy...

She whispered and having to giggle finding herself silly talking to a ant....

 

[The_gladiator]

He was at his piano again. to play a tribute to one of the greatest to ever make music, so much of modern music owed everything to this man and he by god would pay tribute. As if his week hadn't been hard enough with his personal life striking at him this week, feeling on such uneasy ground, this happened too. This year just wouldn't quit. He hoped things would work out between he and the person he couldn't get off his mind, sick with worry about them and where they stood. But for this moment he would lose himself in the music again and pay tribute to Mr. Eddy Van Halen. With Van halen's song right now. "Rest in peace," he whispered.


Don't want to wait 'til tomorrow
Why put it off another day
One more walk through problems
Built up, and stand in our way, ah

One step ahead, one step behind me
Now you gotta run to get even
Make future plans, don't dream about yesterday, hey
C'mon turn, turn this thing around

Right now, hey
It's your tomorrow
Right now,
C'mon, it's everything
Right now,
Catch a magic moment, do it
Right here and now
It means everything

Miss the beat, you lose the rhythm
And nothing falls into place, no
Only missed by a fraction
Slipped a little off your pace, oh

The more things you get, the more you want
Just trade in one for the other
Workin' so hard, to make it easier, whoa
Got to turn, c'mon turn this thing around

Right now, hey
It's your tomorrow
Right now
C'mon, it's everything
Right now
Catch that magic moment, do it
Right here and now
It means everything
It's enlightened me, right now
What are you waitin' for
Oh, yeah, right now

Right now, hey
It's your tomorrow
Right now
C'mon, it's everything
Right now
Catch that magic moment, and do it right, right now
Oh, Right now
It's what's happening?
Right here and now
Right now
It's right now
Oh,
Tell me, what are you waiting for
Turn this thing around

 

[The_gladiator]

Kitty didn't know why really but she just sat there hoping he could feel her that he wasnt alone. She might not be hurting and pretty much always be very joyful but hopefully sometimes not to joyful, she can feel with someone.

She looked in the direction of the nice porch she sat on earlier and couldn't help but sing mostly quiet but somehow towards the porch for him.

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show........


She saw a ant crawling on the blanket and smiled holding her hand dow so it crawls on it as she then watched it crawl over her hand.

Hi little guy...

She whispered and having to giggle finding herself silly talking to a ant....

He comes to her in the grass, sitting beside her. he reached out to touch her, hand resting on hers. “I feel very alone right now, may I sit with you?” I ask softly.

 

[Little_Tease]

she was talking to the ant and humming some as she giggled while it crawled over her hand, suddenly she saw him again he came over and sat next to her.

She smiled at him showing him the ant just a simple ant holding his hand back she just said.

"Did you know that a ant can carry up to 5,000 more then their own weight.... but they are so tiny but still so strong...isnt that amazing...?"

She tries to distract of him being lonly, she then held his hand up not letting it go and let the ant walk over her free hand over to their hands as she smiled just watching...

 

[The_gladiator]

she was talking to the ant and humming some as she giggled while it crawled over her hand, suddenly she saw him again he came over and sat next to her.

She smiled at him showing him the ant just a simple ant holding his hand back she just said.

"Did you know that a ant can carry up to 5,000 more then their own weight.... but they are so tiny but still so strong...isnt that amazing...?"

She tries to distract of him being lonly, she then held his hand up not letting it go and let the ant walk over her free hand over to their hands as she smiled just watching...

“Yes, that would be like humans carying around cars,” he says softly. “Many things in nature are facinating. Sometimes I think I have such a beautiful home filled with nature here because I don’t know how to be one with it in my real world.” He frowns a bit, “I think it’s something I always wish I knew how to learn.

 

[Little_Tease]

She frowns some listens to him she tried to think of something to chear him up some so she stood up taking both his hands pulling him up.

" come with me I want to show you something...I saw it when I came here accidentally..."

She doesn't let him say no as she pulls you towards some trees standing under a certain tree she smiles looking up closing her eyes and whispers.

"Can you hear the wind going threw the leafs and this little bird calling for its mother....and the...ahhh listen"

There are many sounds some you can hear out what it is but others not really.

She whispers

" you have such a beautiful home just hear it being alive it doesn't matter how small you are or big you arent alone in this world or the outside world there is so much life around you each and everything has a beating heart you just have to take a.deep breath and listen and just notice how much is around you....."

Talking about heart beats she takes his hand putting it to her chest not sexually but so that he can feel her heart beating as

 

[The_gladiator]

She frowns some listens to him she tried to think of something to chear him up some so she stood up taking both his hands pulling him up.

" come with me I want to show you something...I saw it when I came here accidentally..."

She doesn't let him say no as she pulls you towards some trees standing under a certain tree she smiles looking up closing her eyes and whispers.

"Can you hear the wind going threw the leafs and this little bird calling for its mother....and the...ahhh listen"

There are many sounds some you can hear out what it is but others not really.

She whispers

" you have such a beautiful home just hear it being alive it doesn't matter how small you are or big you arent alone in this world or the outside world there is so much life around you each and everything has a beating heart you just have to take a.deep breath and listen and just notice how much is around you....."

Talking about heart beats she takes his hand putting it to her chest not sexually but so that he can feel her heart beating as

He lets his hand rest over her heartbeat as he closes his eyes. He listens to the sounds the mentioned. “I speak so much, move so quickly, I miss things,” he breathes softly. His eyes open to see what he is hearing, but then goes back to just listening, to feeling. He is aware of her under his touch, but it was not a sexual touch to him either it was a human connection. The elf needed that right now. She seemed to be offering it so freely, without reservation without condition, he needed that.

“Just once I want to be good enough for someone,” he whispers, “So much of my life I have tried to be something to someone, so much of my value is tied into the connection with others. People tell me to live for myself and know what makes me happy, but that usually does make me happy, it also can cause great hardship and pain when I don’t live up to expectations.” He speaks, his eyes still closed trying to express what’s in his head.

 

[Little_Tease]

She stood there smiling looking up towards the sky with her eyes closed and holding his hand against her chest as she listened to him.

She then frowned some looking at him watching him as she listened, she then whispers back.

“Why do you think you have to live up to someone else’s expectations… I know the people around one is sometimes important but still you should only have this feeling of having to live up to certain expectation when it is your own… “

Taking his other hand, she rested it on the tree as she put her hand right next to his hand as she then whispers.

“do you think this tree grew to someone’s expectations or the wind do you think it blows threw the leaves or the world because someone told it had to ….”

She put both of his hands on the tree and she walks around on the other side humming softly matching some birds as she then sings softly. She leaned back against the tree as she then talks to him.

“no living creature should ever feel the pain of having to be something for someone it just cant be or just isn’t but why do so many think they can bend it and move it like they want it instead of seeing it in its full beauty and just taking it for what it is.,….. “

She sighed some and laughed softly as a leaf fell on her face and then said.

“There are so many things in this world they would be glad to take a tree or a rock or even a single grass the way it is with each knot or wrinkle or dirt spots it has knowing it lives the way it needs to and not how someone told it to and has a beauty others don’t have because it is naturel and not fake….”

She then moved back around the tree moving between his hands that were on the tree just standing there breathing watching him and his reactions wondering what she could do to cheer him up some and let him enjoy what is around him and not that what someone tells him he may enjoy.

 

[The_gladiator]

he listened to her words. He could not really say why he felt so compelled to be what people wanted him to. But so far he had been epically failing everyone. He was so upset right now he was trembling. He was not honestly sure that he was safe right now. He took a breath trying to tell himself he was. tell himself he could be ok, he didn't have to go away didn't have to run. he took long deep breaths pressing closer to the tree making a soft sound almost a plea for help.
the thought that someone could castigate him for who he had reached out to for help made him sick. When he was this depressed, he was just impressed he had reached out at all.

 

[Little_Tease]

Kitty watched him for a second seeing she couldn't turn his grey to at least a bit greener so she stopped talking and just hummed some song that came to mind took a step forward and hugged him she hoped he didnt mind but she had this feeling he needed it she hugged him not saying a thing and just held him


She couldn't help it as she whispers I'm sorry I'm sorry that I cant show you that there are people that dont want you to change people that wish they could do more or better to let you see your not alone in this world and if you were not in it that this world would be so empty without you.... I'm sorry

 

[The_gladiator]

“Don’t be sorry,” he whispered holding her close, stroking her hair, “I just keep getting dumped on, it is not your failing it’s just a bit overwhelming to me right now.” He stroked her hair softly. “Forgive me, you’ve been a real help so far, something else hit me tonight and it just made it all worse.”

 

[Little_Tease]

But I am sorry I'm sorry that there are so many I dont even wish to say the word for such people that just cant takenthenworld for what it is and the people in it and just be friendly and enjoy the small things in life NO it always has to be better it always has to go in a certain direction....

She hugs him a bit tighter as she tries not to let her self get soft with his stroking she the leans her head back and looks up to him

What could I do right now to make you smile to make you laugh...I would do anything even a handstand well ok not a hand stand never could do one of those I just cant hold myself...

She giggles some at the thought of her last time trying

Maybe a joke...? Umm let's see... what does a snail say while riding on a shell of a turtle...... well... weeeeeee...

She giggles again knowing that isnt really funny but maybe just maybe it would bring a smile to his face

Sorry I can be silly sometimes I just cant help it

 

[The_gladiator]

He hugs her tighter and cracks a faint ssmile. “Cute,” he says softly. “Thank you for trying to cheer me up. It was just hard last night to have something new added to the rw stuff. It in many ways paralleled it, I couldn’t handle how I had done everything wrong again. It feels like in just a few days my world and support system is shrinking again. I’m trying to breathe remind myself I’m not alone but its just so much.” He leans his back to the strong tree, wishing he was stronger himself like that tree, so solid. “You know when I was a kid, one of my friends told me I was annoying and to go climb a tree, not knowing it was an expression I went and did it, I remember me telling him to tell me when I could come down. I didn’t think of myself as that literal of a person until I was playing cards against humanity the other day, and a friend kept getting me to pick her cards, she said because she knew my humor was very literal thought it was interesting, didn’t think of myself as that way but it must have worked.” He laughed I’m kind of rambling, sorry.

 

[Little_Tease]

she giggles listening to him

You really climbed the tree.... oh nooo... well that could have been me as well... do you know how the most people say the rearly bird gets the worm... well as a small child i heard that once and i was so afraid for the worms that i got up as early as i could went outside to try and find the worms to save them fromt he birds.....

she blushes some giggle some more shaiking her head some she then added

no your not rambling and who cares if you are if you want to ramble please be my guest ill ramble with you...

she sticks out her tongue and then tries to think of another joke and starts laughing before she could tell it and tries to tell it anyways.

where do ghost go for a vacation................ Boodapest.....

 

[The_gladiator]

He laughs. “I was like 5 or 6 in my defense but I totally did, thank god he didn’t tell me to go play in traffic.” He snickers.

“Ok fine, a friend told me one the other day. How can you tell when there’s a blind guy on a nude beach...” he smirks and pauses... “It’s not hard.”

 

[Little_Tease]

Kitty listens and then cant hold her self and laughs taking to catch herself says

ok ok Why are eggs not very much into jokes?.......

she giggles

Because they could crack up.

she laughs some more and sighs

Im sorry im not that funny i find myself funnier then i am i know i cant tells jokes really...but hey im glad your laughing.,....

 

[The_gladiator]

“You’re fine, you’re plenty funny,” he said after smiling at her latest joke. “I’m better with stories than jokes personally.”

He sat down at the base of the tree leaning his back to it.

 

[Little_Tease]

Kitty giggles some more as she sits down infront of him and then lays back in the grass to look up at the tree

yeah i believe i should stay with storys to and not as a comedian....

she smirks and sticks out her tongue some more to herself then anything

i believe from all the laughing im going to have belly aches tomorrow....