Spirit song: the elven wanderer finally has a home.

[The_gladiator]

"Give me one more," he said even as he felt her cumming around his cock, clenching and pulling. He looked into her eyes, "When I go you go," he kept his eyes intense as he moved in and out faster losing his rhythm, "Promise me kitten, when I cum inside you you'll cum for me,"

He was tipping over the edge rapidly. His green eyes looked down into hers, not looking away. He was in his true form here, not the blonde blue eyes of the avatar but the dark hair and green eyes of his high elven persona, how he saw himself. He finally broke the intense eyecontact to throw back his head and close his eyes lost to the pleasure as he came deep inside her.

 

[SandS13]

“I promise.”

The movements of their bodies were so well matched that she was made that promise knowing it would be fulfilled easily. She kept the eye contact as well and only when he broke it did she close her eyes, giving herself to him again.

She came with him. As the first pulse of his release occurred she cried out. The sounds of their breathing, their moans filled the air.

Her muscles contracted and released over and over again. Her hands strained a little against his, not because she wanted to be let go but because her body needed to buck and tense with her orgasm.

Breathing hard she slowly came back to herself. Her eyes fluttered open to watch his face.

 

[The_gladiator]

He felt her tense against his hands as he pinned her there. It made him smile. It was exactly the same thing he did on the bottom himself, and god he loved it, both doing it and feeling her do it. It meant she was lost to her pleasure.

He kept his eyes closed as he came inside her, her body rithing and clenching around his hard cock that was spirting inside her.

He let his gaze meet hers a lazy contented smile crossing his lips. "I think we skipped the part where I cum in your mouth, you know if we were doing things in order, first in your hand, logic dictates that in your mouth would have come next." he was clearly teasing her. "I kind of like this no rules, just pleasure approach," he said leaning down to kiss her softly. He Got his knees under him and sliding his arms down he scooped her up, spilling them both back into the water. Sitting in the shallows with her cradled in his lap, urging her arms and legs around him.

 

[SandS13]

She had to smile as he teased. She was going to remind him that it was he that initiated this but frankly, it did not matter. She had wanted this as much as he had and if he hadn’t well...it was going to happen.

Her body was warm and relaxed, basking in the aftermath of such a wonderful connection. “I prefer no rules as well. If we had to tick all the boxes and did things in a set order there would be no passion and we both know that isn’t how things work with us..”

She gasped in surprise, giggling as he brought her with him, entering the water once more. It took little on his part to get her wrapped about his body. She nestled in his lap and kissed him softly, slowly. First his lips, then his jawline, then his neck.

“Tell me, my sweet elf...do the seasons change here or is it always perfect for swimming?”

She pulled her face up from his neck to look at him.

 

[The_gladiator]

As they slid into the water together, she willingly wrapped her limbs around him. He melted into her kiss moaning softly. His hand cradled her head against his neck as she kissed lower.

He seemed to be considering her question. “Typically, yes, it does. However, it obeys my commands. You have given me an idea. I hope you would indulge me in the first season change my home has seen. I would be honored if you would spend Christmas with me.” He lifted his hand to stroke her cheek.

Standing he helped her out of the water. He pulled her close wrapping her up in his arms. “Let us go change into more appropriate clothing before I make the change.”

(the next session written with Lily’s permission to set up the new scene)

It was a little while later when they were sitting on the covered porch. They sat on the swing his arm around her, cuddling her against him. “It’s time,” he whispered kissing her softly on the forehead.

He took a deep breath and began to sing.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Take a look at the five and ten, it's glistening once again
With candy canes and silver lanes that glow
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Toys in every store
But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be
On your own front door
A pair of Hop along boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben
Dolls that'll talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Grand Hotel, one in the park as well
It's the sturdy kind that doesn't mind the snow
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the bells will start
And the thing that'll make 'me ring is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Toys in every store
But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be
On your own front door
Sure, it's Christmas once more


As he sang the temperature began to drop, the snow began to fall, and it slowly turned into a winter wonderland around them. He couldn’t help but to smile at the sight, at the sparkle of blown snowflakes on her lashes as he looked down into her eyes. “I guess that it’s not always warm enough to swim,” he said with a slight smile. He stood, “Come come if I don’t miss my guess there is a Christmas tree that is just waiting for us to decorate it. Will you join me?” he asked taking her hand and tugging her playfully towards the home.

 

[The_gladiator]

The pain came and went in waves. He sat huddled by a fire he had lit in the harth he didn't even know his home had until he had made the weather winter. Stupid holiday all it had brought for too many years was too much pressure and pain. He always had such high hopes and every year found him self distructing like this all over again. Couldn't he stop the fucking cycle. Fuck, who was he kidding, this was his life this was the same shit he dealt with all the time. So what it was worse this time of year, that he deluded himself to think thatthis time was different was stupid. It was only worse by degrees. He couldn't escape though.

Perhaps the hospital wouldn't have been a bad idea for him in his real world. He didn't know. He never knew. He always talked himself out of it though. He told himself though he wanted to end it all he wouldn't do it. He never had being the explanation of how today couldn't be the day. However, how many more not todays did he have left? He only had to fail to resist the urge once. A perminant solution to a temporary problem everyone said. Yet, it sure didn't feel like a temporary problem. Just a melodramatic motherfucker he was being. But his soul was crying out for help, he didn't know what to do. He could go to bed but the problem would still be there in the morning.

He dashed at the tears that flowed freely. Sometimes it was cathartic to write here, to visit here, this place of his heart. and he guessed it helped turn the pain from numbness and anxiety, panic into these infernal tears that now seemingly wouldn't stop. Were the tears really better? He didn't know. He wished though that he could make them stop. He felt so alone.

He looked to where the tree he had expected would be there should be, there was no tree there. For now his home here mimicked the home of the real world with no Christmas tree or decoration out. In the real world there was no one to share that with. Of course he knew he wasn't alone here, but that didn't stop the pain. His mind did this told him he was alone when he wasn't it played tricks on him, it was the enemy.





I tried it once before, but I didn't get too far
I felt a lot of pain, but it didn't stop my heart
And all I really wanted was someone to give a little fuck
But I waited there forever and nobody even looked up

I tried it once before, and I think I might have messed up
I struggled with the veins, and I guess I didn't bleed enough
But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die
But nothing very special ever happens in my life

Take the blade away from me
I am a freak, I am afraid that
All the blood escaping me won't end the pain
And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me
I died to be the white ghost
Of the man that I was meant to be

I tried it like before, and this time I made a deep cut
I thought about my friends and the way I didn't give enough
And I should've told my mother, "Mom, I love you" like a good son
But this life is overwhelming, and I'm ready for the next one

Take the blade away from me
I am a freak, I am afraid that
All the blood escaping me won't end the pain
And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me
I died to be the white ghost
Of the man that I was meant to be, yeah

I tried it once again, and I think I might black out
I should've left a letter, but I had nothing to write about
My blood is all around me, I get dizzy if I stand up
The cutting part was easy, but regretting it is so fucked

Take the blade away from me
I am a freak, I am afraid that
All the blood escaping me won't end the pain
And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me
I died to be the white ghost
Of the man that I was meant to be

I tried it once again and I think I went too far
The man that I was meant to be
I cut a little deeper, and the pressure stopped my heart
The man that I was meant to be
I couldn't tell my mother that I love her, I'm a bad son
This life is overwhelming, and I'm ready for the next one
(ghost by badflower)

The lyrics, so raw, embodied Josh's pure pain, and they spoke to him on so many levels. He felt like a freak, and he just hoped what was described in the song never happened to him. The singer had fought through it so could he. Though honestly he didn't think he could sometimes. "This life is overwhelming," he whispered, the tears falling some more as he stared ahead, sinking back into the numbness.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

You were right. It was best that I talked with you before reading this. Take care, dear heart.

 

[SandS13]

She wrapped a blanket around him. Warm and soft, big enough for two.

But not yet. There was much to do. She kissed the top of his head and moved to stoke the fire. She was gone briefly, out into the newly chilled air and snow. When she returned it was with branches of spruce. She wove them and draped it over the mantle, the smell filling the air.

Next a mug of hot chocolate placed into his hands. She said nothing to break the silence. The only sound was the crackling fire. She stepped outside once more. This time returning with short branches that had red berries. She didn’t know what they were but they were pretty. These she tucked into her makeshift garland.

Then she sat next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. “A merry Christmas Eve, dear.”

 

[The_gladiator]

He slid his arm around her, tucking her in close to him. “Thank you,” he whispered. He sipped from the hot chocolate before setting it down on the table beside him, to then let his hand, warmed by the liquid stroke the side of her face, still chilled from being outside.

He tilted up her chin to kiss her softly, tenderly. His touch said what he didn’t know if his words could. He had been fighting off the pain for days, and to have her near helped to push back the darkness, at least a little.

His eyes lifted to what she had done and smiled. He tucked the blanket tighter around them. His fingers unconsciously wound their way into her hair. Finding comfort being close. His lips brushed over hers again.

As he held her close the tree appeared in the corner, and the lights sparkled to life, magical lights there being no electricity here. “When should I give you your present?” He whispered after a moment.

 

[SandS13]

She kissed him back, snuggling against him under the blanket.

She smiled against his lips as the tree appeared. “This isn’t my present? It feels like it is. Here with you, warm and snuggled up. The tree, the fire...”

She sighed contentedly. “Whenever you wish, my sweet elf.”

 

[The_gladiator]

Her response was perfect and made him smile. “You are too good to me,” he whispered. “I’m not the best company ever, but I am very glad you are here with me,” he said softly.

Soft music began to play and he stood pulling her into his arms. Blanket still surrounding them, he didn’t care if they looked funny or not. “Dance with me kitten,” he whispered. Sliding his arms around her waist, pressing her until her curves molded to him.

 

[SandS13]

She pressed against him as they danced.

“Allow me to pick a song? This one is in my mind and reminds me of you...”

The lamp is burnin' low upon my table top
The snow is softly falling
The air is still in the silence of my room
I hear your voice softly calling
If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter night with you
The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead
My glass is almost empty
I read again between the lines upon each page
The words of love you sent me
If I could know within my heart
That you were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter night with you
The fire is dying
Now my lamp is growing dim
The shades of night are lifting
The morning light steals across my window pane
Where webs of snow are drifting
If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter night with you
And to be once again with you

 

[The_gladiator]

tears flowed freely and unashamedly down the elf's face at the lyrics of the song. She could have no idea how much she had touched him with the simple song, the simple lyrics, that he knew spoke to both of them. He wanted to dash the tears away and feel shame for the raw genuine emotion, but he wouldn't do that, he could not hide from her in this moment.

He silently took her hands in his holding them even as he held her close. He didn't want her to leave his arms so gracefully turned her so her back was to his chest and held her close that way, his hands lacing with hers pressing them to her stomach holding her tightly to him. He tucked his cheek against the top of her head. It seemed like a goofy position, but he hoped she would recognize it was the only way to hold her hands and also hug her at the same time.

He nuzzled his face into her hair and smiled. He loved this loved holding her. He was so full of emotion. "Thank you," he breathed.

 

[SandS13]

She was glad he did not hide his emotions from her. She had not meant to cause him to cry but her choice had been purposeful. They were so far away from each other and yet, here in his home they were together.

Her back pressed to his chest and she melted into his arms, his hold on her. Her head rested back against him. He held her hands and she squeezed his a little.

“No thanks are needed. I wish to be here, with you like this. I wish you to know I think of you.” It was a sweet and protective hold he had on her. It felt right and comfortable. “Can we lay in front of the fire?”

 

[The_gladiator]

A smile creased his lips. He could not go too long without lightening the mood just a bit. "Of course, on one condition." She could hear the teasing tone to his voice. "Only if I can make love to you while we lay before the fire." he said.

He drew her down onto a pile of blankets that had appeared befor ethe fireplace. He slid one arm under her left hand automatically cupping her left breast from below, his right arm curving over her unconsciously finding the other breast.

He held her to his chest like that her back pressed along his front, a classic spooning position. He even bent his legs to press them up along hers.

 

[SandS13]

She smiled. “As if that is a hardship that I must consider.” She shook her head, chuckling softly. “That is hardly a condition but a desire, sweet elf.”

She laid out with him on the soft, warm pile of blankets. Snuggling close her backside was nestled back into his hips, her back to his chest. Her hand reached out to lay on his, covering it where he held her breast. A silent ask to hold her tight, keep her close.

She adjusted her head, allowing her hair to shift so as not to be directly in his face. As much as he enjoyed it being strangled with it or finding it in his mouth was likely less appealing.

“This is wonderful. A warm fire, your warm body, soft blankets. You make me feel spoiled.”

 

[The_gladiator]

"I was going to say that you make me feel spoiled." he whispered. It had been a long time since he had cuddled like this, never before the fire like this. Her hand cupping his covering his hand, encouraging him to hold her. Her touch made him feel so welcome.

He could feel her hair under his cheek, and nuzzled it.As she shifted it it gave him access to kiss along her neck, and he took advantage. He pressed close taking in the scent of her. His tongue flicking out to taste her skin. He kissed tenderly along the soft flesh of her neck. He hoped this was ok, that she wouldn't object.

 

[SandS13]

Her body molded with his, curving and settling perfectly against him. "Do you have any idea how much I enjoy this. Being close to you, letting you explore...I am an open book for you my sweet elf.."

She inhaled, chest expanding. Her head stretched to try and give him more access to her neck. "Please..." She was his to touch, taste and feel.

 

[The_gladiator]

“I guess I don’t know how much you enjoy this, yet, I am very glad you do love it,” he whispered against her skin kissing and nibbling that spot just below her jaw. His right hand cupped her breast fingers circling her nipple. They were still clothed but he could feel the nipple harden under the shirt, he longed to touch bare flesh.

Slowly, he slid his hand away from her breast down her stomach to creep under the hem of the shirt. It wasn’t long until his palm lay flat against her stomach, against the bare skin under her shirt. He slowly moved his right hand on that journey back up. They both knew her breast was his goal, and he actually shivered with anticipation of touching her. “God I want this so much,” he whispered as he slid his touch up over her ribs and finally cupped the weight of her breast.

So soft, it fit against his palm so naturally silken softness, yet firm. He made a low noise of appreciation. He loved touching her, adored that she let him touch her. “Thank you,” he whispered.

 

[SandS13]

"Then you will have to keep doing it so I can show you how much I like it.." She moaned softly as his hand travelled.

"Thank you." The exhale let her breast settle firmly into his hand. She smiled and then rolled so she was on her back, he on his side. She then reached for his hand and drew it back under her clothes. "There, now you can touch both..."

 

[The_gladiator]

"I could touch both before, though there are more options like this like this," and he pushed up her shirt and covered her right nipple with his mouth, even as his right hand caressed and cupped her left breast. "God you make me want you, always, it never fails." he lowered his mouth back to her breast and let teeth scrape over her.

 

[SandS13]

"But now I am also not so restricted.." She breathed out the words as his mouth found her nipple. Her back arched a little, pressing up and urging him to keep going. Her hand moved to cover his as he held her other breast.

Her hips unconsciously moved, writhing slowly as she reached her other hand down between them to find his thigh.

The blankets were soft and comfortable underneath them, the fire kept the room warm.

"We should have undressed..."

 

[The_gladiator]

even as he was twined with her in that stolen moment, so beautiful, full of joy, there was a part of the elf's mind that was far away from there.

there was the part of the elf that was still a wounded animal. He had come so far, and yet still felt right where he was this day a year ago when she had left. He knew that he needed to see the positive in his life focus on where he was how well he had done but sadly all he could focus on for now was being the king of misery. And somewhere out down by the river, the lonely elf sang the song by Saul. He didn't know how anyone could handle him, could put up with his moods and what he was going through. He felt so selfish. He needed to change. He needed to find the hope the song hinted at, that change needed to come for him.



King of misery

The things that I learned
It's a different kind of hurt
Must hold the crown, can't give up now
But I'm losing my ground

So bent and broken
I should have spoke then
Save your breath for now and take a bow
The king has spoken

I don't
Wanna rule the world
I gotta save the world as I go (as I go)
Push comes to shove
Comes to light
Comes to life
Comes to light

Don't mind me while I circle this drain
Round and round 'til I wash away
Don't follow me down, it'll bring you pain
I'm the king of misery
It terrifies me that you're willing to stay
Round and round 'til we wash away
Don't follow me down, it'll bring you pain
I'm the king of misery

So far from okay
I'm better off lonely
It's circling, like a hurricane
But I can maintain

I don't
Wanna rule the world
I gotta save the world as I go (as I go)
Push comes to shove
Comes to light
Comes to life
Comes to light

Don't mind me while I circle this drain
Round and round 'til I wash away
Don't follow me down, it'll bring you pain
I'm the king of misery
It terrifies me that you're willing to stay
Round and round 'til we wash away
Don't follow me down, it'll bring you pain
I'm the king of misery

Change will surely come
Change will surely come
Change will surely come
Change will surely come

Change will surely come
Change will surely come
Change, it needs to come
Change

Don't mind me while I circle this drain
Round and round 'til I wash away
Don't follow me down, it'll bring you pain
I'm the king of misery
It terrifies me that you're willing to stay
Round and round 'til we wash away
Don't follow me down, it'll bring you pain
I'm the king of misery


he sang the lyrics emotion filling his voice until he was shouting change when it got to there. It was his desire not to ruin anyone else. He felt like he was burning alive inside and didn't want to hurt others with his self distruction. And mayb ehtat is what stayed his hand last night. When he wanted to end it all last night, he thought of those who cared for him, his loss would hurt others, not just him. Yet anyone that followed him into this fire would surely be hurt anyway. He rested his head on his hands and wetp, Guitar forgotten in the grass beside him.

 

[The_gladiator]

"But now I am also not so restricted.." She breathed out the words as his mouth found her nipple. Her back arched a little, pressing up and urging him to keep going. Her hand moved to cover his as he held her other breast.

Her hips unconsciously moved, writhing slowly as she reached her other hand down between them to find his thigh.

The blankets were soft and comfortable underneath them, the fire kept the room warm.

"We should have undressed..."

his mind returned to him, to her in this moment.
He moaned as he sucked her nipple, felt her hand in his hair welcoming him to her body encouraging him . then she covered his hand with hers and her other hand slid down to his thigh.

He loved her body, loved this interaction between them. He loved how she responded to him. So welcome. When she mentioned undressing. He lifted his head and smiled. "Yes, strip for me kitten. Then, help me undress and we shall try this again." it wasn't quite an order, but an encouragement, a plea, a suggestion.

 

[The_gladiator]

Late night thoughts. Strike the elf and again his spirit his mind drifts from that perfect moment with her. All is not perfect in his mind.

Minds. Such trecherous bastards, though honestly unclear if it is them or feelings that are worse. His footsteps carry him along the beach. Here was a time of renewal, rebirth. On the shore something was constantly ending, constantly beginning, it was an endless cycle of waves. He understood that things life came to an end, some more unexpectedly than others, it still never made things any easier for someone like him. He’d felt the cruel whip of abandonment fears for many years. They’d flaired to life again with a vengence this past year as so many left him. The paths of the loss had been varried, death in a couple of cases, divorce, anger and confusion. This whole year had left him feeling like he was rheeling from one punch to another. He should be used to opening up to someone new on lit and having them just leave his life, lord knows it had sure happened often enough on here. He wasn’t sure frequency ever made it easier though. So close to the anniversary of when she in the real world left it stung much more than he expected and alone in the evening with his thoughts he couldn’t get it off his mind.

Of course that wasn’t his only issue, fear and insecurity had made him lash out at the ones he loved, one in particular. He wasn’t sure that he could really ever let her know how sorry he truly was for how his anxiety had fueled their arguments over the past week. He felt like anakin skywalker, the prime example of fearing something so much you actually risk bringing it about yourself. He was greatful she hadn’t given up on him, so many would, but as another wise friend said one always wonders when they forgive you for lashing out yet again, is this the last time they’ll forgive, is this the last time they’ll care. He didn’t really know. He felt so much like he was on a rollercoaster this week. Yesterday he had thought he was putting himself back together and today he was knocked back a few paces. He had to keep climbing though. Unfortuantely he was too close to the last time he wanted to die, just mere days ago. He couldn’t let that happen. He was stronger than that, he was better than that. He hated that he was so fucking sensative. Yet his sensativity is one thing he liked about himself and somethings others said they liked about him. Frustrating truth be told to have one’s greatest strengths also be their greatest weaknesses. That was also true of his stubbernness too, though he supposed that was a train of thought for another day.

Life kept battering him with waves but he wouldn’t go under. At least he hoped not.

He walked out into the water again and his voice rose over the waves as it had over a year now ago, at another time he wanted to die. Again, not that the song really was exactly fitting, it was the power of the words, the emotion that pulled at him, and the way his voice could soar when he sang it over the specific meaning of the song.

Hello darkness my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again...