Spotlight on...

[Tathagata]

You are occasionally pure evil. An auditory memory like mine suffers twice as much as a normal one with stuff like that.

I will now sing 60 choruses of "I'm Henry the 8th I am" for you.

That'll teach you.

bijou

Aren't we all?


I understand
I woke up with " A Well Respected Man " by the Kinks in my head today
all i keep hearing is:

"And he's oh, so good,
And he's oh, so fine,
And he's oh, so healthy,
In his body and his mind.
He's a well respected man about town,
Doing the best things so conservatively.'

Henry the 8th I am would be a blessing at this point

 

[WickedEve]

I will do more than write a poem about a big gay Swedish dildo salesman. I will actually dress as one and show up at your house with a suitcase full of mind-boggling erotic machinery, which I would normally sell door to door, but which I will give to you free of charge for the pure privilege of sitting outside the door and listening to you try them all out.

Fuller Dildo Man, at your service.

bijou

Ooooh, marry me.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Ooooh, marry me.

To whom?

(mischievous grin icon of some sort)

I'm performing a wedding in about 3 weeks. I got all confused for a moment.

Do you mind having two other husbands and a business partner who is basically another wife?

(it's our running joke: she orders me around, I give her all my money, and when she's mad about something I generally take the brunt of the venting, whether or not i had anything to do with it. She must by definition be my wife.)

bijou

And by the way
YES. Yes, darling, yes!
Will it be a big cathedral affair, or something small and romantic on a tropical beach at sunset?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

i feel a lot like Sara does – i find you so easy to like that i’d rather just horse around with you and swap poetry. you’re writing is terrific and you’re the queen of monkey business (with due respect to King Tath).

Tath wants to be the queen of monkey business?

Hell yes, I'm all about horsing around. (Shanglan? You out there anywhere?)

In fact, ahem: (in noblest ministerial tones):

Let Us Play.

but just to go along with the spirit of the thread, i do have one question (i think you answered this for me already, but it didn’t penetrate this granite skull of mine) –

why remote, land-locked Kansas?

you were raised in centers of culture, and your writing and intellect seem ideal for one. and never mind your jewelry business – in the heart of Time’s Square, you’d be beating customers away with a stick, or one of the bullwhips i’m sure you have stashed in a closet somewhere.

i’m quite sure Lawrence is a great town, and its people too. but i find people everywhere remarkable – that’s why I like being surrounded by millions of them – and the question probably reflects my own preference for big cities and seashores, so strip me of my prejudice.

make me love the land of Dorothy. make me click my heels.

Gods, Sprinkles, you know I adore you and all but you are such a SNOB sometimes.

My initial instinct is to let you continue to be one.

Yeah yeah. cities are "centers of culture". (snerk - I lived in them, remember? Not buying it). Oceans and mountains are way cooler than tallgrass prairie. The High Plains are boring treeless expanses that are best seen at 80 mph or from 30,000 feet up. Kansas is an intellectual wasteland filled with uneducated farmboys addicted to chew, tractor pulls and Keystone Light. My writing and intellect are wayyyy too good for these clueless rednecks. It's flat and boring out here, and full of cows and Bab-tists. There are no fine arts, no literature, very few high school graduates, and not one reasonable bottle of scotch to be found for 400 miles in every direction.

I'm inclined to let the portrait stand. I like the fact that people think Kansas is like that. Keeps it clean and uncrowded for those of us who like it here. Perhaps one thing to say is this, and this is true: it's pretty damn easy these days to be a polyamorous bisexual wiccan minister who runs a witch store and dresses funny if you live in a (double snerk) "cultural center" like Chicago or Boston. People like me are a dime a coven in places like that.

It's a little harder to hold space for this sort of thing, the way I look and dress and think and live, in the Heartland. It's an actual challenge. You have to walk the walk, stand up under scrutiny. I have to be more than lime green hair and a couple of neato ideas about Saving Mother Earth. I have to know what the hell I'm talking about, and I have to be willing to understand every possible alternative point of view.

I know city witches and urban art fag rebels. And my cow-owning, beer-drinking, Christmas-and-Easter church-going, suspender-wearing neighbor Larry has, in one little finger, more of a clue about the true value of the Earth and what real harmony with the environment looks like and how to stand up for something you truly believe than most of the Urban Left combined.

The thing is, my goals are not to be famous or to make scads of cash selling jewelry. I build jewelry and sell rocks as a service to a particular community. I am quite contented just getting by, making sure that anyone who wants a shiny thing can find it and afford it. I write for God and God sees me even in this trackless cultural wasteland.

But okay, I offer you this.

Where I live, I can see this and this and this whenever I want to.

But I can also see this or this or this or this

Nuff said. I don't want to make it seem too cool.

bijou


I'm going to amend this once to say this:
Certainly there are stereotypes here. (I know you don't have any of those in the big city). There are conservative Republican buttheads and religious fundamentalists and ignorant doublewide trailer buggins. But the first time I look at or listen to someone, and judge by his religious stance or the size of his NASCAR belt buckle that he has nothing to teach me, I hope god takes me out with a nice efficient bolt of lightning, because on that day I will officially be taking up too much space on the planet.

 

[TheRainMan]

Tath wants to be the queen of monkey business?

Hell yes, I'm all about horsing around. (Shanglan? You out there anywhere?)

In fact, ahem: (in noblest ministerial tones):

Let Us Play.



Gods, Sprinkles, you know I adore you and all but you are such a SNOB sometimes.

My initial instinct is to let you continue to be one.

Yeah yeah. cities are "centers of culture". (snerk - I lived in them, remember? Not buying it). Oceans and mountains are way cooler than tallgrass prairie. The High Plains are boring treeless expanses that are best seen at 80 mph or from 30,000 feet up. Kansas is an intellectual wasteland filled with uneducated farmboys addicted to chew, tractor pulls and Keystone Light. My writing and intellect are wayyyy too good for these clueless rednecks. It's flat and boring out here, and full of cows and Bab-tists. There are no fine arts, no literature, very few high school graduates, and not one reasonable bottle of scotch to be found for 400 miles in every direction.

I'm inclined to let the portrait stand. I like the fact that people think Kansas is like that. Keeps it clean and uncrowded for those of us who like it here. Perhaps one thing to say is this, and this is true: it's pretty damn easy these days to be a polyamorous bisexual wiccan minister who runs a witch store and dresses funny if you live in a (double snerk) "cultural center" like Chicago or Boston. People like me are a dime a coven in places like that.

It's a little harder to hold space for this sort of thing, the way I look and dress and think and live, in the Heartland. It's an actual challenge. You have to walk the walk, stand up under scrutiny. I have to be more than lime green hair and a couple of neato ideas about Saving Mother Earth. I have to know what the hell I'm talking about, and I have to be willing to understand every possible alternative point of view.

I know city witches and urban art fag rebels. And my cow-owning, beer-drinking, Christmas-and-Easter church-going, suspender-wearing neighbor Larry has, in one little finger, more of a clue about the true value of the Earth and what real harmony with the environment looks like and how to stand up for something you truly believe than most of the Urban Left combined.

The thing is, my goals are not to be famous or to make scads of cash selling jewelry. I build jewelry and sell rocks as a service to a particular community. I am quite contented just getting by, making sure that anyone who wants a shiny thing can find it and afford it. I write for God and God sees me even in this trackless cultural wasteland.

But okay, I offer you this.

Where I live, I can see this and this and this whenever I want to.

But I can also see this or this or this or this

Nuff said. I don't want to make it seem too cool.

bijou

good answer, High Priestess.

makes me want to order up a pair of ruby slippers. you carry any?

i know Larry better than most of us snobby, city slickers. i spent a whole lot of time with him, did a lot of growing up, topped a whole lot of tobacco, fed a whole lot of hogs on a farm not all that far east of you. different name, but much the same guy, i'm sure. solid.

good men, those Larrys. mine taught me a lot of things, things meant to be remembered. i may have forgotten some, but not most.

 

[Tathagata]

Larry : " I smell somethin' awful"
Moe " Well don't brag about it"


I had a "Larry" up in Maine where Ange is
Alden Pratt
Smartest man and most sensible man I ever met

 

[unpredictablebijou]

good answer, High Priestess.

makes me want to order up a pair of ruby slippers. you carry any?

i know Larry better than most of us snobby, city slickers. i spent a whole lot of time with him, did a lot of growing up, topped a whole lot of tobacco, fed a whole lot of hogs on a farm not all that far east of you. different name, but much the same guy, i'm sure. solid.

good men, those Larrys. mine taught me a lot of things, things meant to be remembered. i may have forgotten some, but not most.

Thanks, darlin'.

Rubies I got. But not in slipper form.

But the secret is, all you really have to do is close your eyes and click your heels together and say, "Take me home to Auntie Em."

bj

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Larry : " I smell somethin' awful"
Moe " Well don't brag about it"


I had a "Larry" up in Maine where Ange is
Alden Pratt
Smartest man and most sensible man I ever met

Here are some wonderful phrases I learned from Larry.

"Spinnin' like the knob on a shithouse door"

"Rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock"

and the best: once he showed me his wallet pictures of his two grown daughters. He was bragging proudly about them: "Lookit. They're beautiful, aren't they? Beautiful, and," and here he swelled up very proudly: "MEAN. Really mean. They will fuck you up like Polio."

Wow, man.

bj

 

[WickedEve]

(mischievous grin icon of some sort)

Arg, ack, whatever. I forgot and used the damn ---> icon with you. I'm some such a retarded forum hick. Aren't you the one that hates the emoticons?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Arg, ack, whatever. I forgot and used the damn ---> icon with you. I'm some such a retarded forum hick. Aren't you the one that hates the emoticons?

I hate no one, not even emoticons. However, I may indeed admit to being the one who has Formed and Expressed Opinions about the emoticons. I fail, sometimes, to relinquish opinions quietly. But I do not use them myself. I like to think of it as a challenge to be really effective in print so that I'm not misunderstood. That is not actually a policy that has always worked, but I continue to strive.

I hold nothing against those who use them. Particularly the bananas. I have to admit they're damn funny, those bananas.

They're insidious, though. Earlier, I tried to hysterically punctuate something by ending it with a colon and then a close parenthesis. It was a little out of control, that sentence, I will admit. The machine automatically assumed that I wanted a smiley face there. A regular dweeboid plain smiley face, even. Eeeek! Good thing I previewed that post.

bijou

 

[Angeline]

Here are some wonderful phrases I learned from Larry.

"Spinnin' like the knob on a shithouse door"

"Rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock"

and the best: once he showed me his wallet pictures of his two grown daughters. He was bragging proudly about them: "Lookit. They're beautiful, aren't they? Beautiful, and," and here he swelled up very proudly: "MEAN. Really mean. They will fuck you up like Polio."

Wow, man.

bj

Here's one from Maine that I never, ever heard until I came here:

"Drier than a popcorn fart."

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Here's one from Maine that I never, ever heard until I came here:

"Drier than a popcorn fart."

*snort*

My business partner uses that one - she grew up around here. Although she sometimes adds, "...in the desert." First time I heard her say that, there was suddenly coffee all OVER the place.

bj

 

[WickedEve]

But I do not use them myself. I like to think of it as a challenge to be really effective in print so that I'm not misunderstood.

bijou

The emoticon is like a microwave dinner for me.

 

[TheRainMan]

The emoticon is like a microwave dinner for me.

ever put you know who in the micro for 20 seconds or so, a quick warming?

no, not your ex, the sock puppet . . . rest his soul.

you know who i mean. what's his name, the one that takes multiple D batteries?

 

[Angeline]

*snort*

My business partner uses that one - she grew up around here. Although she sometimes adds, "...in the desert." First time I heard her say that, there was suddenly coffee all OVER the place.

bj

And then there's "colder than a witch's tit," but everyone has heard that and you seem delightfully warm to me.

<emoting without icon just for you>

 

[Angeline]

PS I meant to ask this. You perform wedding ceremonies? Is it legal? Want to marry a few poets I know?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

PS I meant to ask this. You perform wedding ceremonies? Is it legal? Want to marry a few poets I know?

I'd love to, but I'm already married.

har.

Yes I do legal weddings. I am a minister under several categories, but the license I value most is the one from that wacky Universal Life Church.

In Kansas, if three or more people acknowledge you as their clergical representative, you are automatically considered legal clergy and can perform marriages.

But I got the license anyway.

bj

 

[Tzara]

The lovely Bijou has graciously consented to answer all your questions in this thread. You can ask her anything. Anything. She doesn't have to answer unless she wants to, but she has assured me that she doesn't offend easily and that poetry and sex are her favorite subjects. And of course you'll be marginally kind in your questions because a) you really want to know what she thinks and b) it'll be fun.

Really? OK, then:

• What's this G. M. Hopkins fetish about?
• "Trochee" is a trochee. Why is "iamb" a trochee and not an iamb? Why is "anapest" a dactyl?
• When you sit down at one of those table settings with the multiple forks, what's the one at the top of the plate for?
• If I have $5000 in a taxable account, are TIPS a better investment than an S&P 500 index fund? Over what time frame?
• What's that knocking at the gate stuff in Macbeth really about, anyway?
• Is there ever a good time to draw to an inside straight?
• Is the set of all sets that are not members of themselves a member of its own set or not?
• Why do I dislike Wordsworth's poetry so much?
• Who is John Galt?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

And then there's "colder than a witch's tit," but everyone has heard that and you seem delightfully warm to me.

<emoting without icon just for you>

shucks. Thank you.

It's an understandable confusion. People assume that just because the nipples are perpetually hard, the witch in question must be cold.

Although those brass bras do get a bit nippy, if you know what I mean.

bj

 

[unpredictablebijou]

HEY.

What's everybody going to be for Halloween?

 

[Tzara]

HEY.

What's everybody going to be for Halloween?

Drunk, I hope.

I usually costume myself as an astonishingly accurate simulacrum of me. I recreate with stunning accuracy my walk, my accent (or, ahem, lack thereof), my dress, my political opinions, my bank account, my vaccinations, my suavitlessness, my sheer burning coolness, AKA my (q.v.) self-importance.

In fact, I am the very model of the modern Tzarist poetical.

So, hey. You gonna answer my questions or not?

The first one is serious. The others are gravy. (If you can answer number seven, please tell me via PM. El would want to publish a good answer to that.)

 

[champagne1982]

Drunk, I hope.

I usually costume myself <snip> with stunning accuracy <snip> my dress <snip> my (q.v.) self-importance.

<snip> I am the <snip> model <snip>

You're going as an FBI agent. How cool is that?

 

[TheRainMan]

HEY.

What's everybody going to be for Halloween?

a rectal thermometer.

 

[The_Fool]

Bijou, stay the hell out of my Scotch....


Jacobs Liquor in Wichita is where I most of the mine...


Matter of fact I have an unopened bottle of Glenmorangie Port Finish calling my name...

 

[Guest]

..............