Standards, anyone?

[A7inchPhildo]

Yes welcome Jeanne,

I too hope you will stay. Reading your profile "Scatalogical satirist" that is good! You should fit right in here.

Perdita your the best!

 

[sweetnpetite]

TANSTAAFL!

(There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch)

This should be number two, right after "Women and Children First" as Number One.

No! Don't take away the free lunch!

One of my cardinal rules for living is: Never refuse free food.

 

[Weird Harold]

No! Don't take away the free lunch!

One of my cardinal rules for living is: Never refuse free food.

TANSTAAFL doesn't take away free lunches" it simply acknowledges that:

a) somebody paid for it, even if you didn't

b) the person who did pay for the "free lunch" didn't charge you cash for it because they ae getting repaid in some other way.

c) you should always look for the hidden costs when it looks like you're getting a good deal.

 

[Seattle Zack]

A Heinlein reference, kudos to Weird Harold.

"If something seems too good to be true, it usually is."

"The area of the square built upon the hypotenuse of a right triangle is equal to the sum of the areas of the squares upon the remaining sides."

"Brevity is the soul of wit."

"One knee equals two feet."

"Payback's a bitch."

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Hey Zack!
Great to see you. I was starting to wonder where you went to. I know it was just me feeling left out by missing your posts.

Nice to have some of that Zack wit back!

Phil

 

[damppanties]

"The area of the square built upon the hypotenuse of a right triangle is equal to the sum of the areas of the squares upon the remaining sides."

First day of the year and just two hours of sleep. That one put my mind in a knot.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

c) you should always look for the hidden costs when it looks like you're getting a good deal.

Kinda like my reaction when I hear that someone got a REALLY good deal on something:

"What's wrong with it???"

Svenskaflicka
Suspicious

 

[gauchecritic]

"The area of the square built upon the hypotenuse of a right triangle is equal to the sum of the areas of the squares upon the remaining sides."

I'm just wondering how we'd live without this rule? There isn't any alternative is there?

Gauche

 

[shereads]

"Simplify, simplify, simplify."
--Thoreau

"Why three 'simplifies'?"
--Woody the bartender on "Cheers"

 

[Gary Chambers]

"Simplify, simplify, simplify."
--Thoreau

"Why three 'simplifies'?"
--Woody the bartender on "Cheers"

Sher, you're a hoot. A fickle hoot, but a hoot just the same. Where do you get this stuff? Do you have a book of Best TV Oneliners or what?

You can have it all right now except for California, Arizona, and 'New' Mexico and some fringes of their borders that all belonged to Mexico in the first place.

Perdita

But Perdita, you want to keep all the best bits. Ben Franklin already pulled that one and we’re not falling for it again, but we’ll met you half way. We’ll trade you Arizona for Saskatchewan; New Mexico for Manitoba, and we’ll give you Ontario for California plus throw in Labrador to sweeten the pot. Got your winter woolies on?

"And Harm Ye None, Do As Ye Will!"

As one fleshy Buddhist sack to another, I am in full agreement.

...we had a tea party along time ago in Boston...

Yes, we know. And so does anyone else who has had a cup of tea along an Interstate Highway. I swear you’ve been dredging the stuff up off the bottom of the harbour ever since.

I'm just wondering how we'd live without this rule? There isn't any alternative is there?

Gauche

DING!!! Gary grabs Gauche’s hypotenuse and attempts to twist it into a seemingly impossible example of theoretical physics.

 

[Guest]

We’ll trade you Arizona for Saskatchewan; New Mexico for Manitoba, and we’ll give you Ontario for California plus throw in Labrador to sweeten the pot. Got your winter woolies on?

No deal. Winter woolies, what are those?

DING!!! Gary grabs Gauche’s hypotenuse

Ooh, share. Let me touch it, puhleeeeeeeeze...

Perdita

 

[shereads]

"Simplify, simplify, simplify."
--Thoreau

"Why three 'simplifies'?"
--Woody the bartender on "Cheers"

Originally posted by Gary Chambers
Sher, you're a hoot. A fickle hoot, but a hoot just the same. Where do you get this stuff?

Woody. The bartender. On Cheers.



BTW, the fickle hoot was last spotted in its prairie habitat in 1986. It's thought to be extinct in the wild, and the single surviving female refuses to lay eggs, in support of gauche's assertion that eggs don't exist.

 

[shereads]

As one fleshy Buddhist sack to another, I am in full agreement.

What did Buddha say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

 

[Seattle Zack]

That Pythagorean thingie, as axiomatic as it seems now, was a theorem at one time. And, as such, had to be proven. Ask Math Girl.

Seems relevant in this day and age when everyone "gives 110%" without considering the ramifications of the physics of such an accomplishment. The laws of physics and mathematics seem to be ignored as a matter of course. "How do you feel" is a more important question than "what is true."

Which segues neatly into one of the questions of the ages.

When you drop a buttered slice of bread, it always lands buttered side down ... and, a cat always lands on its feet.

What would happen if you took a piece of bread (buttered side up), strapped it to a cat, and dropped it from a rooftop?

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back.

If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right, you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard in most George Lucas films is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. The cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, because right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off stormtroopers crash on top of them.

Still, a² + b² = c²

 

[A7inchPhildo]

What would happen if you took a piece of bread (buttered side up), strapped it to a cat, and dropped it from a rooftop?


This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

The loud humming heard in most George Lucas films is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

Whoa! Give me whatever he is drinking! And give me one of those smokes laced with that Pythagorean stuff! Swwwah! Very goodly stuff, I felt smarter already I did.

(physics) the basis of quantum theory; the energy of electromagnetic waves is contained in indivisible quanta that have to be radiated or absorbed as a whole; the magnitude is proportional to frequency where the constant of proportionality is give by Planck's constant.

That must be the butter bread strapped to the cat theory!

(physics) an equation that expresses the distribution of energy in the radiated spectrum of an ideal black body

That must be the kitty, I did not know it was a black cat. Maybe it was wheat bread.

(physics) the law that states any two bodies attract each other with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them

Ah, this must be when the kitty can eat the bread.

(physics) the mass of a body as determined by the second law of motion from the acceleration of the body when it is subjected to a force that is not due to gravity

That must be the scraping off of butter or kitty legs.

(physics) the property of being isotropic; having the same value when measured in different directions

Oh, I think I know this is the bread theory.

(physics) any of several kinds of apparatus that maintain and control a nuclear reaction for the production of energy or artificial elements

Certainly this is the starship!


Sorry it is late I can't think of any more laws or theory right now.

 

[shereads]

Zack's buttered pussy theory is easier to understand than the Improbability Drive used in the Hitchhiker's Guide series.

Note to self: buy dairy cattle futures.

 

[snooper]

... This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent. ...

In practice, as any engineer will tell you, adding butter is sufficient. You theorists may not be able to explain it, but engineers can make it work.

... The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. ...

Again the engineers will tell you that cats rarely eat bread, however, they LOVE butter.

 

[gauchecritic]

Zack's buttered pussy theory is easier to understand than the Improbability Drive used in the Hitchhiker's Guide series.

And Sher has inadvertantly stumbled upon the (very secret) starship drive which can not be made to work.

As we all know, astronauts are men (except Valentina Tereskova who was a cosmonaut [Russia got first pick for naming spacemen and chose the correct nomenclature]), starships are crewed exclusively by men (except in fascistic, mysoginist literature e.g Starship Troopers) and therein lies the problem.

As far back as 1817 it has been common knowledge amongst the female population that 'live yoghourt' is a simple effective remedy for vaginal thrush.

Michael Faraday (the inventor of lightning) who himself was invented by Sir Humphrey Davey (the inventor of coal) whilst experimenting with various sexual apparatii with a lab assistant, played by Sarah Michelle Geller, herself the inventor of vampirism and great friend of Bram Stoker (boilerman on The Great Eastern and the Bridge Over The River Kwai with Alec Guiness [These are not the droids you want]) found, to his great consternation, that he had contracted thrush.

The assistant informing him of the method required to rid himself of the infection led him to try various other dairy products on the girl herself, as means of disinfection and as a by-product useful lubrication during his electrical stimulation experiments.

Eventually Faraday tried butter and was astounded to find that the assistant actually rose several inches from the floor of the laboratory when her pussy was liberally coated with best butter.

Unfortunately, the very next day (Thursday), Faraday's laboratory exploded under mysterious circumstances and all his notes were lost, along with Schroedinger's cat which he had been 'babysitting' for a physicist friend.

And to this day, no one has been able (allowed?) to duplicate his experiments and we have no economically viable method of star travel.

Gauche

 

[MathGirl]

I'm just wondering how we'd live without this rule? There isn't any alternative is there?

Dear Gauchie:
It's actually a very handy rule. It's nothing more than the old Euclidian rule about right triangles. a sqared + b squared = c squared.
Geometrically,
MG
Ps. I found your discussion of Faradary, Davey, Stoker, etc. quite fascinating. You have given me a new perspective on the history of science.
Pps. I thought Ben Franklin invented lightning.

 

[gauchecritic]

.
Pps. I thought Ben Franklin invented lightning.

Benjamin Franklin actually invented the reproductive organs of the human species, a film of his crusade for naming of same was made with Goldie Hawn in the lead role: Private Benjamin.

Gauche

 

[Guest]

As far back as 1817 it has been common knowledge amongst the female population that 'live yoghourt' is a simple effective remedy for vaginal thrush.

Brilliant wit again, Gauche. It still surprises me what will recall a memory on this board.

A ballet dancer friend once was stranded in a village in Italy and realized she'd come down with a yeast infection. Having no recourse to the usual medical solution she borrowed a pint of yogurt from a local, contorted herself so that her legs were raised high in a 'V' and her hips nearly perpendicular to the bed (ballerina, recall) and slathered and filled her vagina with the creamy stuff. It worked.

I can picture her as if I were there, lovely creature she was.

Perdita

 

[oggbashan]

[she borrowed a pint of yogurt from a local, contorted herself so that her legs were raised high in a 'V' and her hips nearly perpendicular to the bed (ballerina, recall) and slathered and filled her vagina with the creamy stuff. It worked.

I can picture her as if I were there, lovely creature she was.

Perdita

I can picture the local's face when she returned the borrowed, now used, yogurt.

Og

 

[Guest]

Ogg, that was very, very bad. And it's only Jan. 2 of the new year.

Perdita

 

[snooper]

... Pps. I thought Ben Franklin invented lightning.

Yes, he did. The whole electricity business is based on a fraud which his experiment exposes. Electricity travelled down a wire to him.
Nowadays the electricity authorities insist that you have TWO wires to your house and that all the electricity they send you down one wire goes back to them along the other one. It is a fact that almost no new electricity has been created for years. They simply send you the same bits of electricity time and time again, but they charge you AS IF IT WAS NEW.
If you try to get round this by removing the wire it goes back on, they detect this PDQ and cut off your supply.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Ogg, that was very, very bad. And it's only Jan. 2 of the new year.

Perdita

I agree perdita, Ogg that was very poor taste for only the 2nd. Gosh it is going to be a good year!


Snooper,
How does one remove such a wire? I was up on a metal ladder in the rain. Don't wory, I had it firmly planted into the ground so it would not slip (safety first!). Pulling hard on those big thick cables but they just would not come off the house. Should I cut it with a pair of bolt cutters? Or use a hack-saw?

hodoscope - (physics) scientific instrument that traces the path of a charged particle.
Yea, I have heard of this I think I can hood wink the Power company if I can just get the damn cable off!