Sub and Super-sub

[James G 5]

Your original question Dr. M, was non-judgemental. The above to Catalina, however, WAS, IMO, judgemental, and untrue. No-one likes feeling on the defensive, hence my "veiled animosity". Niteshade had a good point though--

I'd have to agree w/Dr.M to a point here Anelize.The tenor of the board's broken down a bit lately with a couple of nasty disgareements going on in a few threads between 4 or 5 of the regs and a seeming polarization between people at different levels of this way of life
I didn't read his statement as hostile, veiled or otherwise, just as an honest assesment of some of the conversation we've seen here lately
Heck, I've been letting it get to me to the point that I threw out a snide remark that pissed someone off last night
Maybe we all need to go to the corner for a day or two LOL

 

[Desdemona]

I'd have to agree w/Dr.M to a point here Anelize.The tenor of the board's broken down a bit lately with a couple of nasty disgareements going on in a few threads between 4 or 5 of the regs and a seeming polarization between people at different levels of this way of life
I didn't read his statement as hostile, veiled or otherwise, just as an honest assesment of some of the conversation we've seen here lately
Heck, I've been letting it get to me to the point that I threw out a snide remark that pissed someone off last night
Maybe we all need to go to the corner for a day or two LOL

Frankly, I've noticed the same thing.

 

[James G 5]

Frankly, I've noticed the same thing.

*phew* for a minute, I was worried it was just me turning in to a curmudgeonly jackass

 

[Desdemona]

*phew* for a minute, I was worried it was just me turning in to a curmudgeonly jackass

LOL. Maybe we need a "time-out" thread in the cafe.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Damn. I need a copy of the femsub rule book! Where is it?

Buried!!!!..very deep, never to be found again!! Shhhhhh.

Catalina

 

[James G 5]

LOL. Maybe we need a "time-out" thread in the cafe.

YOU gonna put all the arrogant Alphas around here (I include myself in that group, BTW) in time out, little girl?

 

[Netzach]

I shun most labels, and 24/7 is something that I don't think fully catches the time/space continuum. For me anyway.

I gravitate toward subs who don't need the power dynamic to be ever-asserted or ever-on-the-conscious level, but who thrive when it's a subconscious kind of wallpaper to the house, that can be brought to the fore any time.

That takes development and some breaking down of walls, the ones I keep winding up with grab hard at control and I can't just brutally smack their hands away, it's got to be subtle.

I look for those who I think have potential, not those who come to me "looking for 24/7." I think there's a very specific, preformulated need there just via that statement which doesn't jive with my love of ambiguity and home-grown freakiness.

I mainly want to make my own.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Ah! Now I see!

I said:

"...In fact, it seems to me that I've noticed a kind of reverse discrimination: that 24/7 people look down on part-timers, whom they see as BDSM dilletentes and dabblers."

I really should have said "...some 24/7 people..." Really, that's what I meant. I didn't mean to say that all 24/7 people were like that.

My mistake. I apologize.

---dr.M.

 

[lilredwolph]

i read this thread a couple times yesterday, and thought about it and came to "sexual nothing more nothing less"

well something happened last night that didn't involve my Daddy in anyway, but when things settled down my first reaction was to call Him because i needed His voice to ground me again. needless to say i got His service, so i just left a messege asking Him to call me.

this morning He gets the messege and calls asking what is wrong i explain the situation to Him and not only did He get me grounded again He also took the next few steps of fixing the problem into His own hands because He knew i still wasn't in any shape to do it.

so my answer would be "when W/we need eachother W/we are what W/we are"

 

[BrightFlower]

I had to take a good look at my situation before posting here, as I really never thought about it before. I am definitely a "sexual sub" not 24/7. My life situation would not allow that and my partner has never shown any interest in it. I have great respect for those in that lifestyle, the subs there have to be quite strong. Most of my submissiveness is in the bedroom arena and most all of that includes some sort of bdsm. It works for us.
I can't help thinking of all the sub, super sub and super deluxe sub talk reminds me of the commercial, now with expanded innuendo:

Sub-way
Eat Fresh
lol

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I think respect comes from honesty about what you do, and recognizing that the different ways of doing this really are different. I have little advice for a cyber-only person, and I don't think they have much to say to me about my problems; it's just the nature of things.

 

[Netzach]

Pardon my unrelated fantasia, but I am picturing a portly, respectable gentleman in his middle years, no doubt a man on the accelerated track in life, a lawyer or something like that....

FORCED into a spandex uniform...with flowing cape....and hidden panties and assplug, no doubt. MADE to sing embarrassing ditties to the "mighty mouse" theme....

supersub!

 

[Desdemona]

YOU gonna put all the arrogant Alphas around here (I include myself in that group, BTW) in time out, little girl?

Uh uh. I thought that would be YOUR job. I just want to watch.

 

[Desdemona]

Buried!!!!..very deep, never to be found again!! Shhhhhh.

Catalina

I feel so left out.

 

[MissTaken]

I am not "24/7", but am not entirely sexual in my D/s. Some aspects of the entire relationsihp are tinged by the power exchange but not guided.

I naturally defer to strong men in my interpersonal relationships, professional relationships and casual relationships. It gets me the description as being a "kind and thoughtful" person, but in reality, I do believe it is a manifestation of submissive tendencies.

As for the rest of the, now past, arguement, no one's kink is better or worse than another's.
In fact, it is only a matter of what is right for each one of us, not who practices "real" D/s.

However, you all covered that nicely!

 

[FungiUg]

Ah! Now I see!

I said:

"...In fact, it seems to me that I've noticed a kind of reverse discrimination: that 24/7 people look down on part-timers, whom they see as BDSM dilletentes and dabblers."

I really should have said "...some 24/7 people..." Really, that's what I meant. I didn't mean to say that all 24/7 people were like that.

My mistake. I apologize.

---dr.M.

The reverse discrimination does exist. But I agree -- certainly not all 24x7 lifestylers are discriminatory. In fact, one of the reasons I love Lit is that the people here tend to be more open minded and willing to talk and listen both!

I haven't seen the "mean spirited" conversations, but I tend to blink and miss these things. It's all pretty normal though -- people go through periods of intense discussion and often heated discussion, then they calm down again... and then rinse and repeat.

 

[FungiUg]

FORCED into a spandex uniform...with flowing cape....and hidden panties and assplug, no doubt. MADE to sing embarrassing ditties to the "mighty mouse" theme....

supersub!

Isn't the rule that you have to wear the panties on the outside of the costume?

 

[FungiUg]

this morning He gets the messege and calls asking what is wrong i explain the situation to Him and not only did He get me grounded again He also took the next few steps of fixing the problem into His own hands because He knew i still wasn't in any shape to do it.

I think we are never one thing purely. And we dominants do tend to be rescusers and organisers. The "alpha male/female" kind of personality. So it's not at all surprising to me that you can turn to your Daddy and have him help out with fixing a problem.

I know with the submissive I share with my lover... she is a person first and foremost. Her submissive side is a part of her, not the entirety of her. You have to add a sense of humour, ambition, competency, career, etc.

People are a dynamic mix of many things. So trying to pin down just one part of ourselves is, well, in many ways pointless. Even though for me D/s is a sexual thing, my dominant side still shows in other areas. Like when I use my "dom voice" (as my lover calls it) to tell the dog to sit, or organise people at work, or step into a project and put my hand in the air and say "this isn't working", or take a personal problem and pull it apart...

So I am always me. And that includes my dominant nature. Whether or not I am involved with D/s play.

 

[Talulahred]

I am new here, though I have been lurking for some time.

I am a sexual only submissive. For me personally, learning to assert myself in my relationship and life is a sign of major growth but as far as sex goes, I am a sub with a masochistic bent. I have done 'switch' on my partner and it was so hot I thought about that experiance and nothing else for about 4 days.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[StevenWill]

Just Politics

We sure do like to create categories and labels and, as soon as we do, some people feel left out, some feel superior, some feel angry. We love rules and definitions. So we have some people who have orgasms being told by other people that they have the wrong kind of orgasm and some people being told they are the wrong kind of sub or wrong kind of slut or just the wrong kind of person.

No one is going to come down from the mountain with the tablets engraved with the commandments of proper submissiveness.

What next, the super subs and super subs delux will invade the sexual subs looking for weapons of mass destruction?

Just be, just share, just love in whatever way works for you. It is a continuum, not discrete categories.

I'll have a super sized super sub with a tart on the side, thak you.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Just Politics

I'll have a super sized super sub with a tart on the side, thak you.

Such wisdom Prof, ... we are doing what feels right for us and love it...try it you might like it!!

Catalina

 

[James G 5]

LOL @ Netzach.

Geeze, all these labels are making me dizzy.

Someone just tie me up already.

I wonder if I can get my rope in my carry-on, or if I need to check it....

 

[FungiUg]

I wonder if I can get my rope in my carry-on, or if I need to check it....

Damn, you're closer than I am...