sub/slaves and perfectionism

[Desdemona]

And quite frankly that is just the kind of sub that interests me the most. It is the little imperfections that we all have that make us interesting.

Thanks Eb. As imperfect as I am sometimes, I must be pretty interesting. LOL

sub princess, thanks for starting the thread and thanks for the welcome back.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thanks Eb. As imperfect as I am sometimes, I must be pretty interesting. LOL

sub princess, thanks for starting the thread and thanks for the welcome back.

Since all of us are human beings, and we all are imperfect, we sure are interesting.

I believe that perfection equals stagnation. Imperfection gives room for growth.

 

[Richard49]

Since all of us are human beings, and we all are imperfect, we sure are interesting.

I believe that perfection equals stagnation. Imperfection gives room for growth.

Well said Sister EB
Can we have an Amen?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Well said Sister EB
Can we have an Amen?

AAAAAAmen!

 

[Richard49]

AAAAAAmen!

Now Brothers and Sisters as the basket passes
please give and give generously

Ope that wallet

Open those purses and give

Amen !!!!

 

[MoonduskSub]

"God please grant me the strength to not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that right?)"....
There is no better way of ....describing me. LOL I get ALOT of grief about being a perfectionist, and it does affect my life greatly, even my submission. Is it self serving?
Yes, when it comes down to the brass tax of the matter. Phrase is something that I need in tremendous levels. I know this about myself. I know my Sir knows it. Sometimes it can be aggravating... Sometimes it can be borderline OCD. Thing is that I have always been like that, and it is partly a learned trait. Does it affect me to a point that it becomes dangerous....no.
I'm very glad I found this thread, and just happened to see it as I was combing through the others.
I sometimes wish I could let go as you put it sub princess, but sometimes that is difficult. Other times it is what keeps me levelheaded and focused (which isn’t bad). Sometime it is balanced, other times it is not. It all simply depends on how others view it. I TRY not to listen to what others say about my perfectionism because that is when it actually becomes a problem (but I make sure that others know it is a part of me)...I'd love to hear any responses to this post It is a struggle indeed and can be scary. The surrendering is hard at times, but once I let go it is like a dame has been opened up. Thanks all and thank you again sub princess...


Moonie

submissives/slaves, do you find yourselves seeking perfection?

The reason i ask is because i am relatively new to D/s, and i do have a Master. In the beginning of my training i would exhaust myself to please Him, perhaps at times going far beyond what the average submissive would do. i craved new tasks and disciplines, there was no such thing as "to much" to me. i spent much of my time thinking about what i could do to surprise and delight Him..... but i myself never saw it as good enough. He often worried about my unrealistic need for perfection, yet i still did not see that the aspirations that i had were unrealistic.

This all changed one day, when in a moment of terrible emotional stress and mindlessness i disobeyed Him worse than any other ever had. Now it seems that i cannot get back to my own standards of a "good slave".... and moreover i seem to be disobeying in even the simplest of circumstances.

Have any other submissives/slaves faced this? Do you find yourself looking to be perfect, or at least perfect in your own mind? How does one get over this, and move on? When you make a mistake or disobey, do you have a harder time forgiving yourself than Your Dom/me, Top, Master does?

Thanks,
s.p.

 

[sub princess]

Re: Re: sub/slaves and perfectionism

"God please grant me the strength to not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that right?)"....
There is no better way of ....describing me. LOL I get ALOT of grief about being a perfectionist, and it does affect my life greatly, even my submission. Is it self serving?
Yes, when it comes down to the brass tax of the matter. Phrase is something that I need in tremendous levels. I know this about myself. I know my Sir knows it. Sometimes it can be aggravating... Sometimes it can be borderline OCD. Thing is that I have always been like that, and it is partly a learned trait. Does it affect me to a point that it becomes dangerous....no.
I'm very glad I found this thread, and just happened to see it as I was combing through the others.
I sometimes wish I could let go as you put it sub princess, but sometimes that is difficult. Other times it is what keeps me levelheaded and focused (which isn’t bad). Sometime it is balanced, other times it is not. It all simply depends on how others view it. I TRY not to listen to what others say about my perfectionism because that is when it actually becomes a problem (but I make sure that others know it is a part of me)...I'd love to hear any responses to this post It is a struggle indeed and can be scary. The surrendering is hard at times, but once I let go it is like a dame has been opened up. Thanks all and thank you again sub princess...


Moonie

Thanks Moonie.... i am so glad to know that there are so many of us out there! Maybe we should start a support group... ~snicker~ When you say "Phrase is something that I need in tremendous levels".... all i can think of is how the phrase 'good girl' sends a chill through me everytime Master says it, and i am quite certain that He too knows it.

Today was a good day, i felt more relaxed, more focused on His words and the tasks at hand. i didn't even run through my usual "what could i have done better?" commentary in my head tonight. This thread has really made me think. Thanks again Moonie, and to E/everyone else who has posted here.

s.p.

 

[sub princess]

Imagine if we all were perfect -- what a boring world it would be!

A tremendous thread...begun by a wonderful girl.

Of all the insightful comments on this topic, zipman7's struck the deepest chord: listening is truly an art. Sadly, it seems to have become that, an achievement rather than a common practice. I know I have spent years (and hours of frustration) re-learning how to listen. It can be a dangerous and isolating practice because much of the truths that one begins to hear more clearly can be frightening and alarming.

But what an advantage we have in a D/s relationship, that W/we exchange power rather than vie for it vainly. What loving Master wants to see His precious slave suffer from trying too hard? And what devoted slave, deep down inside, does not want her Master to know her/him so intimately that she/he is not judged by expectations of performance, but rather is loved simply for who she/he is?

Perfection? It's a grieving veil that hides the truth from others. Its futility inevitable. Its limited satisfaction a very lonely and fleeting reward. Imperfection, frailty, fear -- who is without any of these? No human I have ever known. Tears were mentioned --perhaps these and a smile and an open palm outstretched to someone hurting and a laugh, perhaps these are the closest approximation of human perfection. But why bother judge them when they can be freely given, shared and enjoyed?

Neither you nor I are perfect, My delicate, fearful s.p. W/we're just growing by giving what W/we Each dare to so desire. Dare to be perfect? Haha! I assure you, My girl, I have much more pleasant plans for all that energy!

Delighted by the help from A/all. Thank Y/you

Thank You Master (SirTain) for responding to this thread, and congratulations on it being Your first post.

Thank You too for Your kind words. In reading Your post, and posts of O/others, i have definitely learned a lot. i see that it is the communication process itself, that for me, is perhaps where the breakdown is. i see that i tend to focus more on the task or discipline itself, rather than the specifics of it, trying to get it done, and missing a slight, though important, detail. i simply need to think about it, read every detail, carry it out as instructed, and know that in doing so, that will be pleasing (to You).

i of course know that i am not perfect, LOL, far from it, but i also see now that it is the imperfection that makes me who i am, and that perfection is not expected or even wanted from me.... giving my best, giving myself-- heart, mind, body and soul is what i need do..... "surrender." (thank you Lark) And i am sure that my energy WILL in fact be better spent that way.

Welcome to Lit Master!

 

[Richard49]

None of us are perfect .. weather we be submissives, Doms or Dommes ......... we are human with all that that means .... positve, negative and nutral ....

Maybe if we remembered that we would stay together when things are not wonderful ......

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Re: Re: hmmm...

YOu are perhaps equating faking it in this context with insincerity.

When shaping behaviour, you cannot always possibly know what is going on in someone else's head. I do not care to mind read.
But I can measure my sub's behaviour. So in training, the motto is practice makes perfect.

An example would be pretending not to be frightened when one is scared shitless. If you behave as if you are not afraid, one day you may wake up and find your fear has been conquered. YOu have in fact, faked it until you made it.

I went away but now I am back and I must say, thanks Eb for answering my question. Actually i was in the mind set that it meant to lie...now i understand just what you meant...makes it easier for me to digest...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: hmmm...

I went away but now I am back and I must say, thanks Eb for answering my question. Actually i was in the mind set that it meant to lie...now i understand just what you meant...makes it easier for me to digest...

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Re: Re: Re: Re: hmmm...

awww it seems i was blessed with a smile from the ebony goddess herself....thank you once more eb...my owner throws in a thank you as well...since he has been reading this particular thread with interest....

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: hmmm...

awww it seems i was blessed with a smile from the ebony goddess herself....thank you once more eb...my owner throws in a thank you as well...since he has been reading this particular thread with interest....

You are both welcome. Hopefully your Owner will post he thoughts on some of the threads.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Re: hmmm...

You are both welcome. Hopefully your Owner will post he thoughts on some of the threads.

I have been trying to talk him into doing so...but he is more of a lurker, not a talker (?) have a good evening...

 

[TwistaFate]

I do not lurk, i just sit back and observe the goings on, but sometimes i do post, so there.......

 

[sub princess]

I do not lurk, i just sit back and observe the goings on, but sometimes i do post, so there.......

Hello TwistaFate, apet's Owner i presume? glad that You posted... but please don't give anymore punishment ideas about my disobedience, Master may see them.... lol

 

[TwistaFate]

I will try my best, but it may be difficult for the most part, but i will never the less try.......lol

 

[sub princess]

I will try my best, but it may be difficult for the most part, but i will never the less try.......lol

Thank You, though i know that He needs no help in the punishment dept.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I would say not...

Thank You, though i know that He needs no help in the punishment dept.

He is as healthy in punishment as my owner...i can tell these things...(lmao) just wanted to drop you a line ms. princess...hope your night is going well...

 

[sub princess]

Re: I would say not...

He is as healthy in punishment as my owner...i can tell these things...(lmao) just wanted to drop you a line ms. princess...hope your night is going well...

Hi apet, my night is going well.. how are you? Seems a little slow on here tonight, must be the holiday..... Was the Easter Bunny good to you? lol

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Re: Re: I would say not...

Hi apet, my night is going well.. how are you? Seems a little slow on here tonight, must be the holiday..... Was the Easter Bunny good to you? lol

NO my owner had to leave town today...father passed away...so i have been lonely and in need of a gr8 big bite!!!! Other than that, i am fine...(and no the that darn bunny hopped right past me and was hit by a car while i was on my way to work!!!)kisses

 

[TwistaFate]

even though I may be out of town, Iyou are still within my reach, don't you think love?.....