Suffering

[ecstaticsub]

Drama and suffering aren't the same in my mind. I can suffer for someone without excess drama. And I really, really don't want to get into the "you have a choice" debate because it's been done way too many times here.

I could say the same kinds of things about pain, however. You can't call it pain if you like it. It only counts as pain if you've fallen down the stairs and broken your leg, not if the person you're in a relationship with canes your ass. I don't know. I don't buy that. I've had unintentional pain, and I've had intentional pain. My brain doesn't process the two that differently.

Have you ever done something you didn't want to for your PYL? You hated the idea, but he wanted you to do it, so you did it, anyway? Does your "choice" to do whatever that thing was negate your distaste for it or the displeasure you felt while doing it?

I think we're headed down a slippery slope of logical fallacy.

Of course I've done things that my PYL has ordered me to do but I hated it. But that is not suffering. That is just sucking it up and do what I am suppose to do. That sort of situation doesn't just apply to BDSM type of relationships.

I've done more things that I've hated being married to a military person than my D/s relationship. I never thought about it but since you asked, yes I think that since I do have the choice to either, for example, up and move my family yet another time or separate from my husband- does make the so called suffering less.

It applies to my D/s relationship too. I was asked to do something a couple of years ago that I really didn't want to do. It was close to a deal breaker for me, but I made the choice and agreed to it because I chose to stay in the relationship. Having that choice really did decrease the horribleness, scariness of the situation. It made it easier for me to get into the mindset that I needed to be in.

I agree with you about pain to a certain extent. When I have had my surgeries I was in intense wicked pain. When I get my pussy flogged the pain is pretty close to the same. But for me, knowing that I am there by choice makes my mind process the pain into an enjoyable situation unlike post surgical pain. (either one I would not call "suffering" )

 

[intothewoods]

It seems to me that the word suffering can encompass varying degrees of anguish, so that using it to describe a crappy dentist visit would be okay. I don't see it the way I see the word opression, for example, which to me shouldn't be used to describe the market presence of mysogynistic porn or something.

On the subject of drama versus suffering, I will suffer, and like a certain amount of emotional/humiliation/whatever in the moment, but drama is really not part of my relationship. I like a man who's strong and takes care of shit and is in charge when he needs to be. That's the flavor of my D/s. But I'm not able to sustain an emotional roller coaster, and take care of what I need to take care of in my life. Of course, ymmv and it all depends on what we're talking about. Some may define drama has hot, intense sex. Well, I like that. Duh.

 

[Harmony_1985]

Suffering is relative.

What might be suffering to one person, may not be to another.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Suffering is relative.

What might be suffering to one person, may not be to another.

Yep, Suffering means different things, different emotions to different people.

It seems to me that the word suffering can encompass varying degrees of anguish, so that using it to describe a crappy dentist visit would be okay. I don't see it the way I see the word opression, for example, which to me shouldn't be used to describe the market presence of mysogynistic porn or something.

On the subject of drama versus suffering, I will suffer, and like a certain amount of emotional/humiliation/whatever in the moment, but drama is really not part of my relationship. I like a man who's strong and takes care of shit and is in charge when he needs to be. That's the flavor of my D/s. But I'm not able to sustain an emotional roller coaster, and take care of what I need to take care of in my life. Of course, ymmv and it all depends on what we're talking about. Some may define drama has hot, intense sex. Well, I like that. Duh.

I agree. I am very into humiliation and emotional degradation in the moment but I don't want to act the long suffering martyr role. That's not me.

Even in the moment, I still don't consider it suffering. I don't let it. I prefer to turn that suffering feeling inside out and relish in it. The same as during childbirth. It hurt like hell but I got into a certain mindset and really embraced the pain and enjoyed it.

 

[nh23]

Wow, lovely av, you guys look great together, and you're just beautiful. Can I ask you the same question I posed to BiBunny? Why?

Awww..thank you so much! That just made my day!

To answer you question. This is really hard for me to explain. It's a topic that BiBunny and I have discussed several times, but I think it's hard for other people to understand sometimes. I'm as much as an emotional masochist as I am a physical. If Master cuddles me, and kisses me, and pets me. Well I'm not going to say I don't like it, but I don't have the same reaction that other people do. I don't feel loved from those acts. On the other hand, if he hurts me, beats me, fucks me, humiliates me... I feel loved.

It's all tied in to how I feel as a person I suppose, and a lot of dysfunction brought on by my past I'm sure. I have an overwhelming fear of never being good enough..for anyone. And if he makes me suffer, and I'm worthy of him making me suffer, making me hurt, then I'm worthy of his love. And a part of me feels like yes, I can be good enough. I don't really expect anyone to understand all that..lol. But, it's me being honest.

 

[eastern sun]

It may just be my definition of the word, but I've always seen suffering as the act of holding onto pain, or dwelling in pain (physical or emotional), rather than letting it pass.

And I used to like to suffer more than I do now.

After my mother died, I felt like the world would give me enough new opportunities to feel pain that I didn't need to hold onto the pain of the past.

 

[Fuckette]

Hi there! Lovely to see you again. Yes, and how does this gel then? I guess I'm being too analytical, looking to assign meaning where there might be none.

You know when you are about to have the big o and he knows it so
he switches gears.
he does it to you all night until finally...