Tales from the front lines

[DeservingBitch]

Bumpage because at the rate I'm going, I'm starting to seriously consider the pro-Domme route. Any advice?

While waiting for Netz to come with some wise words, here are a few things I'd recommend from my experience:

If you haven't already, go read Mistress Matisse archives on her blog. She has a lot of post on sex work/pro-domming which are very interesting/insightful.

Do your research: go read the laws about prostitution and sex work. Make sure you understand the risks and the loopholes in the law. In your case, being aware of the laws and regulations for responsibilities in case of injuries would probably be a good idea too.
Find escort review boards online (they usually have a BDSM section) and read the reviews and discussions in the lounge: it will tell you A LOT about what clients' expectations are and what other SP provide in terms of service, rates, and a bunch of other 'insider' stuff.

Are you thinking of going indy or with a professional dungeon?

 

[DeservingBitch]

And while we wait for more advices on how to go the pro-domme route, a rant from yours truly (cross-posted on CL) for your amusement:


Gentlemen,

Most of you are respectful, great guys, and a pleasure to spend some naughty time with. But there are a few of you that could use a lesson or two in good manners when visiting/having a lady come over. So, for those of you who make me close my eyes and think of england, the following would help a long way in ensuring that you'll get good return on your investment:

1. For fuck sake (bad pun intended), get friendly with the soap before I get there. I don't care how many times you showered already today, if it's been more than one hour since you've scrubed your balls, you need to get under the water. Particular attention should be paid to the following body parts: cock and balls, ass, arm pits, mouth.

2. If you'd like me to kiss you or let you go down on me, you better be closely shaved. Relatedly, the amount of time and the quality of the attention paid to Jr. will be inversely proportional to the amount of hair covering the region.

3. A clean place, clean and fresh bed sheets, and a clean bathroom with clean and fresh towels also increase exponentially the quality of the service you'll get from me.

4. Asking me to reveal my real name tells me two things: first, that you have no respect for my private life, and second, that you're a fucking moron who doesn't understand the simple concept of a scene name. Neither puts me in a mood to fuck your brains out.

5. Despite what your buddies and/or porn may have told you, 'no' really means 'no'. Repeatedly asking for something I've already made clear was not on the menu and/or not respecting stated boundaries automatically puts you on the douchebags/no-repeat list. It also drastically increases the odds of me transforming from a sultry GFE into a castrating bitch.

6. You'd think that guys would be cautious about what they do when their dick is between someone's teeth, but for the record, make sure I'm OK with it before grabbing my head and pushing it on your cock. Just sayin'.

7. We both know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the cash. But if you'd like to keep the illusion going and keep me in a good mood for sex, bitching about the money and/or trying to cheap me out on my rates is NOT a good idea. A tip however goes a long way in getting you a memorable experience.

8. Leave the guilt at home with your wife. I'm hot, smart, resourceful, over-educated, well-adjusted, healthy, mentally and emotionally stable: I don't need you nor want you to 'save' me.

9. Yes, of course, I got into this business for the cash. Like you and most people I know, my decision to work was heavily influenced by the fact that it brings me money. The difference between you and me is that I get laid out of it.

10. What is the fascination with how many clients I do, what the other guys are like, how many creeps I've seen, etc.? You have a hot naked chick laying beside you, and what you want to talk about is the other dudes??? What about what gets me off instead?

11. The only acceptable comments about my body are positive, appreciative ones. Telling me that I could use a boob job invites comment on your beer belly, hairy back, and/or small dick. Try remembering who's paying to get laid.

12. Asking me if I'm 'clean' is not only offensive, but also a stupid question. Do you really think that if I was unethical enough to work while having some STDs, that I would tell you? On a related note, I don't care how 'clean' you claim to be, I'm a professional and I care more about my health than your orgasms: that thing is going nowhere near me without a condom on it.

13. Finally, quit asking me if I 'really' came. If I had to fake it, it would defy the purpose to then tell you, don't you think?

 

[Dreamliner]

DB
I like your candor and articulate manner in how you discuss this topic.

All credit to you.

 

[BiBunny]

While waiting for Netz to come with some wise words, here are a few things I'd recommend from my experience:

If you haven't already, go read Mistress Matisse archives on her blog. She has a lot of post on sex work/pro-domming which are very interesting/insightful.

Do your research: go read the laws about prostitution and sex work. Make sure you understand the risks and the loopholes in the law. In your case, being aware of the laws and regulations for responsibilities in case of injuries would probably be a good idea too.
Find escort review boards online (they usually have a BDSM section) and read the reviews and discussions in the lounge: it will tell you A LOT about what clients' expectations are and what other SP provide in terms of service, rates, and a bunch of other 'insider' stuff.

Are you thinking of going indy or with a professional dungeon?

I think I'd have to go the indie route right now. Part of me wants to do it, but part of me sees so many roadblocks that I don't know if it'll be worthwhile or not. But, like you said in your other post, there is the money to consider.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I think I'd have to go the indie route right now. Part of me wants to do it, but part of me sees so many roadblocks that I don't know if it'll be worthwhile or not. But, like you said in your other post, there is the money to consider.

What roadlocks?

So, a few more tips:

1. You're running a small business, not a charity. Don't allow bargain on your price, availability, limits, etc. Deal with it like any other business. Also, be prepared to put about 80% of your time on running the business part of it (advertisement, communication, scheduling, etc.), and 20% on spanking bums.

2. Invest the time and money into building a professional looking website. You don't want to go through the pain and trouble of weeding out all the jerks from advertising sites such as Craigslist. Professional pictures also go a long way.

3. Make the small investment to advertise on review boards and others adult entertainer advertisements sites. It pays off.

4. If you have a bad feeling about someone, listen to your guts.

5. Most indies use the reference system when dealing with new clients (providing/asking for reference from other SP/pro-dommes). Potential clients should be willing to provide you with full name and contact information.

6. If you're going to do this at your place, you need to be particularly discreet. Pissed off neighbours are a sure way to have the cops showing up at your door.

That's all I can think of right now. Maybe more later.

 

[Netzach]

As discussed, I am a very very cautious safety in #'s person. I worked in houses met them in public and made them take me to lunch whenever possible was super picky about who and what and lived like a girl scout in rubber.

Also if there's no one or nearly no one doing this in your state there are probably good LE related reasons. I know that's a downer, but it's a large part of why I preferred to work when I went to NYC.

I hate to be a pill, but that's my suspicion. If I lived where you live I'd use the phone to screen them at length and let them send me to Atlanta and rent space there from another Domme. If they want it bad enough they'll pay for the whole thing.

 

[BiBunny]

As discussed, I am a very very cautious safety in #'s person. I worked in houses met them in public and made them take me to lunch whenever possible was super picky about who and what and lived like a girl scout in rubber.

Also if there's no one or nearly no one doing this in your state there are probably good LE related reasons. I know that's a downer, but it's a large part of why I preferred to work when I went to NYC.

I hate to be a pill, but that's my suspicion. If I lived where you live I'd use the phone to screen them at length and let them send me to Atlanta and rent space there from another Domme. If they want it bad enough they'll pay for the whole thing.

That's kind of what I was afraid of. I hate this state.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I can't talk dirty in french.

One of my client last night was french-canadian. It kind of threw me off for a moment, put me outside of my zone of comfort.

But the most interesting/disturbing part of my date with him is that I just couldn't speak dirty to him while having sex. It felt too... dirty.

Weird uh?

 

[DeservingBitch]

Some interesting 'dates' in the last month or so:


Mr. Big Shot:

Got a call to a really nice upscale hotel downtown, and I am met in the lobby by the 'personal assistant/body guard' of the dude. The client is a high-ranking official for the government, and his personal assistant is there to instruct me on the 'rules' of the encounter. A little bit awkward.

Can't say much about the date without compromising our agents on the ground , but I'll just say that I love me some power-reversal play!


Mr. Holy-Fuck-I-Know-This-Guy:

As soon as the door of the hotel room opens up, and that I see the guy, the only thing going through my brain is "Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!". The guy standing in front of me is the dad of an ex of mine, from about 6 years ago.

He doesn't seem to recognize me -- I look much different now than I did then -- but I'm not sure if he's just a very good actor or if he really didn't recognize me. I politely excuse myself to the bathroom, text my driver that I'm coming down in 2 minutes, and get out to tell the guy that my periods have just started, apologize for the inconvenience, and ask him to contact the agency if he wishes for someone else to come over. And I bolt out of the room.

I'm still unsure whether or not he recognized me. It is very unlikely that he would out me, as he has much more to lose than me from it. But it's quite disturbing nonetheless.

I bought my first strap-on with his daugher.


Ms. Blurring-the-Lines:

I get a call from the phone-girl. She tells me that she has a special request: a woman has called the agency, enquiring if any of the girls working is 'truly' queer and would consider meeting with a somewhat butch-woman. If you recall from a previous post, my only paid-experience so far with a woman wasn't ideal, and I had decided not to see women alone anymore. But I'm bored that night, and I'm thinking that fucking a woman beats fucking a dude, so I accept the call.

And holy fuck am I glad I did. Standing before me is this uber-cute boi, a little older than me, stylish with an edge, nice cut arms with beautiful ink, a great shy-ish smile... and packing! Wow.

We sit down to have a drink and chat a little. Turns out she's from out of town, staying at a friend's place, super horny, and that calling an escort has always been one of her fantasy. Admist some fondling and kissing, we talk some more about our respective turns-on, take a break from the heavy pedding to smoke a join, and somehow turned up both naked fucking each others' brains out for an hour.

I'm usually really good at keeping track of time with a client, but this time, when my driver calls me to say that time's up, I'm not exactly ready to leave. She asks me if we can extend, and I'm more than happy to tell my driver that I'll stay for two extra hours. We resume our fucking for another hour, and spend the extra hour left eating, drinking, smoking and talking naked in bed.

I left after we exchanged contact info. Why does she have to be from out-of-town?

 

[ownedsubgal]

wow on the "Ms. Blurring the lines"...i'm guessing the way you do things you don't typically give contact info to a client?

can relate tho...i have an especially wonderful time with some of my clients, sometimes i worry that i may like it a little too much.

there's one regular i have who sees me for no less than 4 hours at a time, we talk about everything under the sun, laugh, commiserate, in between me sucking and him fucking me like crazy. He's extremely energetic sexually...freakish stamina, he never seems to get tired or need a break, unlike me! but i hang in there with him and try to make him as satisfied as possible. i saw him last friday for 6 hours, and i'll be seeing him again this thursday, for our longest "date" ever, 24 hours. he's taking me to some fancy hotel in baltimore and says he doubts he'll let me eat or sleep (and he might not be kidding). i really dig him though...we talk on the phone nearly everyday, sometimes for an hour or more, and at this point i actually consider the two of us to be friends. but he worries that he's too attached to me, because supposedly i've made him feel all of these things he's never felt before, never thought was possible, etc...he says that no matter how long he's with me he always feels like it was too brief, that's why he wants to try the 24 hours. he's married and runs his own business, how he can pull off just disappearing for a day and night i don't know. usually the money involved helps keeps the boundaries clear, but in his case when he pays me it almost feels like getting an allowance from my mate. like..."here you go, sweetie, you have fun with that" (pat on head). he has no discomfort or awkwardness with the issue at all...most guys have just a touch of embarassment when they plop down the envelope or stack of green bills. but he's almost loving about it, i get the sense he feels like he's taking care of me or something. hopefully things won't cross the line, i know Daddy is starting to get a bit wary of him and will probably cut him off if it gets any deeper.

 

[BiBunny]

If there are any men reading this who actually call phone sex operators, for God's sake, call on a landline. It is SO FUCKING RUDE to call a PSO and bitch because you can't hear what I'm saying or I can't hear what you're saying because you're on your shitty T-Mobile phone out in the middle of bum-fucked Egypt with not even a bar of service, shouting into my ear.

I SWEAR TO GOD, THE NEXT ONE OF YOU FUCKERS WHO CALLS ME ON YOUR CELL, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU TO SHOVE IT SIDEWAYS UP YOUR STUPID, BASEMENT-DWELLING ASS AND BLOCK YOUR GODDAMNED NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I feel better now.

 

[DeservingBitch]

wow on the "Ms. Blurring the lines"...i'm guessing the way you do things you don't typically give contact info to a client?

You guessed right.

But this chick? She's dating-material, not client-material.

can relate tho...i have an especially wonderful time with some of my clients, sometimes i worry that i may like it a little too much.

*snip*

I see red-flags in the horizon...

Sounds to me like this guy is not falling for you, but that he already fell. The daily phone call, the declarations, the slowly but steadily increasing amount of time he wants to spend with you, the claims that he found something in you he hasn't found anywhere else... all signs to me that he's already involved in a way that goes beyond good client-provider relationship.

It's easy I think to start believing in the illusion created. And I certainly can't blame this guy for wanting to believe in an illusion that involves you naked.

As for your own feelings about it, it's for you and your Daddy to tell where's the line and whether it's been crossed.

 

[DeservingBitch]

*snip Bunny screaming rant*

Ok, I feel better now.

Haha. It makes me think of dudes complaining that I can't get them hard, when they are obviously so wasted that they can't even walk straight from the bed to the toilet.

Yes, the problem is me dumbass.

 

[BiBunny]

Haha. It makes me think of dudes complaining that I can't get them hard, when they are obviously so wasted that they can't even walk straight from the bed to the toilet.

Yes, the problem is me dumbass.

I get the drunk, coked-out fuckers usually around 2 am. They do pretty much the same thing. If you're falling asleep while we're talking, I'M not the reason your stupid ass can't get off.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Bunny, i just can't believe that there are men out there who have the gall to call up a woman on a phone sex line and then whine and complain...i mean what the flockity?? do they really think that's going to lead to a favorable experience for them, ticking off the operator?

the cell phone thing though i can understand...i can't see many married guys being able to make secret naughty calls on their home phone. but yeah, common sense should tell you to make sure you have a really really good connection first.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Bunny, i just can't believe that there are men out there who have the gall to call up a woman on a phone sex line and then whine and complain...i mean what the flockity?? do they really think that's going to lead to a favorable experience for them, ticking off the operator?

the cell phone thing though i can understand...i can't see many married guys being able to make secret naughty calls on their home phone. but yeah, common sense should tell you to make sure you have a really really good connection first.

Problem is that common sense seems to be even more scarce than blowjobs.

 

[ownedsubgal]

You guessed right.

But this chick? She's dating-material, not client-material.


I see red-flags in the horizon...

Sounds to me like this guy is not falling for you, but that he already fell. The daily phone call, the declarations, the slowly but steadily increasing amount of time he wants to spend with you, the claims that he found something in you he hasn't found anywhere else... all signs to me that he's already involved in a way that goes beyond good client-provider relationship.

It's easy I think to start believing in the illusion created. And I certainly can't blame this guy for wanting to believe in an illusion that involves you naked.

As for your own feelings about it, it's for you and your Daddy to tell where's the line and whether it's been crossed.

you're probably right, things probably have gone a bit too far. but i will admit that for me it's difficult to maintain the proper distance. not that i necessarily become emotionally attached to everyone, but my general empathy for people and strong desire for them to be happy translates often into just caring a bit to much. but, Daddy didn't whore me out with the intention of things being strictly business...in fact he encourages me to develop a true connection with the men i see and care deeply about their needs. phone calls just to shoot the breeze are cool, but yeah everyday is a bit much.

i think the main reason Daddy hasn't cut off this guy R. yet, is because R. obviously admires him and tries to show him lots of respect. He'll email Daddy directly asking for permission to do something special, apologizing for taking up so much of my time, showing gratitude for allowing him to see me, etc. what i forsee happening is Daddy limiting R.'s visits to maybe once every two months.

but one of the things that has amazed me most about this whole experience, and i'm sure you can relate to this DB...are all the men who come to me and have led this sheltered, narrow, almost directed lives, just doing what was expected of them or what they were taught was the way, and never really questioning it. then they come to me and they're thrilled, but they start to get confused and unsettled as well. like...there's another way to live? i don't have to put up with a woman who bosses me around and disrespects me? once a millenia crappy blowjobs and a cold, chapped pussy while she just lies there and says "go ahead"? they had never let themselves even entertain the thought that a woman could really listen to them, talk with (not to) them, and be concerned about their needs. if she has a good job and doesn't argue more than a couple of times a week, or takes good care of the kids, or stuck with them through some hard times, then they can't justify putting up a fuss. it's like R., he's said to me a few times, "i always thought i was happy, now you have me all messed up." but i think it's a good thing, to re-examine your life and the choices you've made, hopefully he can chart out a path to greater fulfillment. hopefully one that doesn't involve me as his woman though, lol.

 

[DeservingBitch]

OSG:

I guess my comment about this client of yours was inspired by my more 'traditional' experience with the world of escorting, where business is business (except in my case for cute boi with escort fantasy). But I can see now that this is not exactly your approach and the one encouraged by your Daddy.

As for guys opening their eyes to a different perspective on the world... well, I guess you haven't missed how you and I have a completely different, if not opposite perspective on the world and especially gender relations. So, I can't say that guys who come to me leave me with the kind of feeling that you describe in your clients: for the simple reason that I do not give them what you do. Sure, I provide them with a comforting illusion that all I care about is their pleasure and comfort, but I don't think that they really believe in it more than I do, and certainly no longer than for the duration of our short encounter. But I'm also more of the aggressive, it's-my-show kinda gal. I don't think that many of the guys I've seen would have been fooled into thinking that I could be the kind of caring, devoted, submissive woman/partner you describe. And if they open the door for it, they will get confirmation that I do talk-back!

The one 'shocker' that I seem to evoke with some guys, especially the younger ones or those newer to the scene, is that I'm over-educated, smart, and that I don't hide it. But they usually get over that after seeing a few escorts, especially those in the 'higher-end' market in which I work.

But yes, I too am amazed to see how many people are ready to live lives that make them unhappy. I can't picture myself marrying someone or staying in a marriage/relationship where I wouldn't get my sexual needs met, or where I'd have to cheat and lie to have those needs met. Why no more of those people question the whole idea of monogamy is beyond me.

 

[Homburg]

But yes, I too am amazed to see how many people are ready to live lives that make them unhappy. I can't picture myself marrying someone or staying in a marriage/relationship where I wouldn't get my sexual needs met, or where I'd have to cheat and lie to have those needs met. Why no more of those people question the whole idea of monogamy is beyond me.

Not that I am in the business, but I have seen this far too often. What happened that somewhere along the way so many people forgot about being happy?

I keep the people in my life that satisfy me and make me happy. If they don't do that, they don't stay in my life (barring my kids). In my romantic relationships, I keep people that satisfy me and make me happy. Same thing.

It bothers me that so many people are willfully miserable for no other reason than they think that is what they are supposed to be.

 

[ownedsubgal]

yes it's a sad thing indeed, all of those who seem to choose a life of unfulfillment and misery. but what i've been exposed to more in dealing with my clients, are those who would not describe themselves as unhappy. who would say they are content, have a good life, can't complain, etc. and then they get to know me, see me once or twice, and get all confused and angst-ridden. without any significant introspection or self-discovery, they had created a vision of what was happiness, what was fulfillment, and were (seemingly) satisfied once they achieved that vision. but i present a new picture to them, a picture that they never even imagined existed, and it gets them to thinking, questioning their whole life paths sometimes. it just makes me wish that we all lived in a society which encouraged exploration, questions, an open mind, so people wouldn't end up with these issues to begin with.

 

[BiBunny]

Bunny, i just can't believe that there are men out there who have the gall to call up a woman on a phone sex line and then whine and complain...i mean what the flockity?? do they really think that's going to lead to a favorable experience for them, ticking off the operator?

the cell phone thing though i can understand...i can't see many married guys being able to make secret naughty calls on their home phone. but yeah, common sense should tell you to make sure you have a really really good connection first.

Girl, I KNOW! I don't understand it, either. But you can bet that I take notes on the ones like that. If you're rude to me and then end up calling me back...I make sure to be as difficult as possible the next time.

I actually don't mind cell phones that much. It's just that yesterday I had several calls from guys who had the worst connection ever. Of course, they complained about how bad MY connection was. Sorry, honey, I'm on a landline. The crappy connection is all you.

Problem is that common sense seems to be even more scarce than blowjobs.

Ain't that the truth?

But yes, I too am amazed to see how many people are ready to live lives that make them unhappy. I can't picture myself marrying someone or staying in a marriage/relationship where I wouldn't get my sexual needs met, or where I'd have to cheat and lie to have those needs met. Why no more of those people question the whole idea of monogamy is beyond me.

Not that I am in the business, but I have seen this far too often. What happened that somewhere along the way so many people forgot about being happy? .

It bothers me that so many people are willfully miserable for no other reason than they think that is what they are supposed to be.

yes it's a sad thing indeed, all of those who seem to choose a life of unfulfillment and misery. but what i've been exposed to more in dealing with my clients, are those who would not describe themselves as unhappy. who would say they are content, have a good life, can't complain, etc. and then they get to know me, see me once or twice, and get all confused and angst-ridden. without any significant introspection or self-discovery, they had created a vision of what was happiness, what was fulfillment, and were (seemingly) satisfied once they achieved that vision. but i present a new picture to them, a picture that they never even imagined existed, and it gets them to thinking, questioning their whole life paths sometimes. it just makes me wish that we all lived in a society which encouraged exploration, questions, an open mind, so people wouldn't end up with these issues to begin with.

DB, H, OSG, these things hit home deeply in a way that has nothing to do with the sex industry and everything in the world to do with my own life.

 

[Netzach]

I get the drunk, coked-out fuckers usually around 2 am. They do pretty much the same thing. If you're falling asleep while we're talking, I'M not the reason your stupid ass can't get off.

My coked up and or drunk callers are the most fun, but that's part of the fetish. Holy shit, what did I just do? Won't remember it tomorrow. Although coked up bottoms are the most repetitive motherfuckers in the world. I need to make a tape to play when I get one of those.

 

[Netzach]

That's a large part of why I got out of in-person too. My painful levels of empathy with people who were "otherwise happy other than the sex thing" began to dry up for people I'm not personally in love with and invested in. The altruism gap grew. The lack of empathy with people who would trade their nuclear family approval-stamped materially fit life for one in which they have to buy experiences I have to turn down for wealth of them - I lost a lot of patience and I used to have infinite, used to really make me feel sad.

 

[FurryFury]

Let's say someone tells you they are unhappy sexually with the person they are married to. You think, oh how sad. Everyone should be sexually happy. WTF is wrong with people that they stay and are miserable.

Maybe what you missed was not a sense of duty but the rest of the relationship that this person treasures but has no reason to mention to a sex worker? Is that possible?

 

[Netzach]

Let's say someone tells you they are unhappy sexually with the person they are married to. You think, oh how sad. Everyone should be sexually happy. WTF is wrong with people that they stay and are miserable.

Maybe what you missed was not a sense of duty but the rest of the relationship that this person treasures but has no reason to mention to a sex worker? Is that possible?

I'm not talking about those people. I am talking about people who openly tell me they're torn and miserable. Who want my sympathy as this long drawn out part of our coming down from the scene we just had. Who want to bend my ear about how very hard it is to be them.

To which my stance has become that's nice. Grow a pair or don't. Own your shit. Compartmentalize. Cheat. Whatever - quit blaming your wife, quit whining and stop wasting your life.