Tales from the front lines

[SweetGigi]

I have always wanted to do escort work on a strictly non-sexual basis. I don't think there is a call or market for it though. *shrugs* I'll just stick to nannying, but I TOTALLY admire all of you so very much and I am throughly enjoying this thread.

 

[ownedsubgal]

personal safety is one of those things i worry about sometimes in this biz as well. when we experimented with the whole whoring thing in the past, 90% of the time it was outcall, with Daddy dropping me off at a hotel room and being there to pick me up the instant the guy's alotted time was up.

this time around, it's 98% incall, with people coming to our home usually during the day when my Master is not here. because i take some time to try and get to know each man a bit before a meeting ever takes place, the vast majority of my experiences have been danger and drama free. but there have been a few occasions where i was seriously worried about my welfare...i've always likened a man in great lust to a man in great rage, because the demeanor, behavior, overall vibe is sooooo similar. so when i can tell a guy has crossed that line from regular safe "i'm lovin it" horniness into totally blissed-the-flock out "your a** is mine" lust, i get nervous. you don't know whether they're going to grab your face and give you a deep french kiss or toss you against the wall and screw you bloody. then too there is the issue of some clients getting emotionally attached, thinking they are "making love" to you, starting to act like a BF, etc. then you have a crazed stalker on your hands.

so a risky biz for sure, but then if it were totally safe and secure i'm sure my Master wouldn't bother putting me through it...that's just the kinda perv he is.

 

[Netzach]

My lazy ass isnt going to look for it but I think DB said something about having a driver go with her. Thats a common practice for escorts, isnt it?

Cause I gotta tell you, I know a lot of Dommes dont take that precaution whether they are incall or outcall.

I knew people who did stuff that way that I didn't as a matter of course. I never took hotel sessions or outcall - I did one, it was great, I think that's ahead of the game and I stopped. I did stuff on my turf, and always felt very weird if I was the only one there. It's what I liked about renting space at Arena in NYC - I was never alone.

It's good for them, too - what if I passed out and they were tied up? For someone who did some really wild crap I'm a nervous nellie in a lot of ways.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Ditto. I love my job, but you have to blow off steam some way. I've always said that when you're faced with something, you can laugh hysterically, or you can cry hysterically. I prefer laughing hysterically if at all possible.

And I'll probably come back to the gender/race/class later. I got a call in the middle of typing this, and I have no idea where I was going to go with it now, LOL.

Does ANYBODY have a job where they dont use humor to get through things. I never heard of one.

Exactly.

And I think it is especially the case for any caring/reproductive work: which includes nannies, therapists, nurses, teachers, sex workers, etc.

 

[midwestyankee]

Exactly.

And I think it is especially the case for any caring/reproductive work: which includes nannies, therapists, nurses, teachers, sex workers, etc.

I will second this idea. I've worked in health care and as a teacher and it seemed only natural to vent off the internal pressure that builds up when you get so close to people who still screw up, die, or otherwise disappoint you.

 

[SweetGigi]

.....And I think it is especially the case for any caring/reproductive work: which includes nannies, therapists, nurses, teachers, sex workers, etc.

I agree completely. When you're put in situations where you are dealing with high stress and lots of emotions, you can't help but learn how to roll with the punches and deal with things on your own level. I've had a few mothers get upset with me because I don't panic or over load and sometimes even laugh things off. I tell them with the things I've seen and experienced you have to learn to never sweat the small stuff.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I said the same thing only you were articulate. hahaha

Eh - when I'm not whoring, thinking and writting about this stuff is what I do for a living. Well, I'm actually NOT making a living out of it (otherwise I wouldn't be whoring), but you get my point.

My lazy ass isnt going to look for it but I think DB said something about having a driver go with her. Thats a common practice for escorts, isnt it?

Cause I gotta tell you, I know a lot of Dommes dont take that precaution whether they are incall or outcall.

Yes, I do have a driver. Being with a driver and an agency does a lot in terms of providing security. The guys know that there's someone who's going to come looking for me if I'm not out by the time I should be. I also have to call my driver between the first 5-10 minutes of getting in the place to confirm that everything is fine, the money is there, and there's not 5 other unexpected guys in the room. If I don't call, don't answer my phone, or I call and use my safeword, the driver comes looking for me. The guys know that as well.

Of course, something bad could still happen. But I don't need to get naked in a room with a guy for something bad to happen to me -- walking around with a pussy is in itself a risk.

 

[ownedsubgal]

DB, a question, and if's it's totally inappropriate and you don't wish to answer i'll understand completely and hush up about it.

do you like men, in general? i mean really, really like them, at their core?

 

[DeservingBitch]

DB, a question, and if's it's totally inappropriate and you don't wish to answer i'll understand completely and hush up about it.

do you like men, in general? i mean really, really like them, at their core?

That's an interesting question.

The easy and short answer would be I like human beings. Most of the time.

But I'm assuming you meant something else than that. So, here's my story (or one of them):

I've been fucking guys for the majority of my sexual active life. And unless they were crap in bed, I usually enjoyed it. But a few years ago, I started fucking women more regularly, and then exclusively. I have been doing SM with the same gender non-discriminatory policy as EG and will continue to do so I think. Right now however, I do not see myself wanting a sexual or 'romantic' relationship with a man. Not in my personal life obviously.

I have a love-hate relationship with men that I don't have with women. As individuals, I like men. But as a group... I don't trust them. With women, I'm more ready to give my trust, to give it earlier, and to give it more 'freely' if you will. Which of course doesn't mean that the trust is always deserved. Men however have to work to get my trust. I won't grant it by default and I'm more likely to be on my guard for a bad sign and to set up some kind of 'tests' for them. This has nothing to do with the kind of pink bits I'm dealing with however, but rather to a history of men fucking women over.

As for your question in relation to escorting, I would say that so far, 7 time out of 10 I'm actually enjoying myself at some level or another. 2 out of 10 I'm either 'meh' or happy when the time is over. 1 out of 10, I can't believe I'm being paid for that kind of fun. I like playing dress up, I'm exhibitionist and narcissistic, I like to feel power: more often than not, and as vanilla as it can get, it is very clear to everyone who in the room is controlling who. I like that. And I like taking advantage of the relative power that comes with controlling the access to the pussy. I really enjoy the fucked up power dynamic that money brings into the equation.

And then, there are those pearls: the paying foot-boys. I can honestly say that I LOVE those ones. It's pure, raw love that I have for them, for the moment that it lasts.

Did I answer your question?

 

[ownedsubgal]

hi DB...yes you answered my question, thanks for taking the time to satisfy my nosey overly analytical curiousity. oddly enough, some of what you said regarding your feelings towards men i can understand, because i feel much the same way toward women. at least in this culture (west, modern, pro-oprah), it's always been extremely difficult for me to be able to relate to most females. i just don't feel natural and cozy around them in general, and i can't think of anytime in life where i have trusted a female to any significant degree. otoh with men it's easy for me to relax, be myself, and just generally feel this almost spiritual connection. i have such great empathy for them, i feel that men in our culture are as a group so unfairly judged and treated, so neglected and just plain screwed with. from birth they're socialized in a way entirely contradictory to nature, and constantly being expected to live up to conflicting ideals. be strong but not aggressive, be fearless but sensitive, cater to a female's every whim but don't be a punk, etc.

but it's all in one's perspective isn't it? where one person sees male bashing, another sees female oppression. in some strange way i think we both may be right.


now as far as the escorting...the power thing is something i've heard many escorts name as one of the things they love about the biz. more than likely this may be because i'm coming from the subbie/slave side of things, but i feel quite helpless and powerless when it's just me and a horny testosterone-fueled client itching to get some relief. yes they are paying for it, but they also pay the woman at the laundromat to wash and press their shirts and the barber to cut their hair. that is all i am really, another service in the course of their day. they have a need, they pay me to take care of it so they can then go on about their lives. a pit stop, like in NASCAR. it's a very objectifying feeling, and of course that's one of the things that makes it enjoyable for me.

 

[FurryFury]

I used to feel that way about men vrs women as well. However with time and yes, age, the tide has turned a bit. Now I can be very trusting and comfortable with either sex pretty quickly. I have more in common with other women now too and in fact, with all people.

Women used to scare me. They seemed too complex and untrustworthy. The two were not unrelated in my mind.

Men on the other hand seemed far more straight forward and linear thinking. I found that reassuring. I always understood what they wanted from me. Over time I've found men are much more complicated internally than they first appeared to me.

In the end, I believe people are just people.

IMO, society has not screwed men over more than it has women. It's not a contest but I think we are somewhere around even societal roles wise if not in power and money.

People are fabulous. We are all beautiful complex contradictions with various attachments and holes. We tend to hate people who are most like ourselves and love what we wish we were.

This all reminds me that I rather like Piers Anthony's novels for one central ideal. If we truly knew and understood the other person's thoughts we couldn't help but love them regardless. I don't absolutely agree with his ideal but I think it has much merit.

 

[Wyldfire]

Furry needs to join us in our Poly happiness!

I think Furry is one of my favorite people right this second.

 

[YourCaptor]

I have a love-hate relationship with men that I don't have with women. As individuals, I like men. But as a group... I don't trust them. With women, I'm more ready to give my trust, to give it earlier, and to give it more 'freely' if you will. Which of course doesn't mean that the trust is always deserved. Men however have to work to get my trust. I won't grant it by default and I'm more likely to be on my guard for a bad sign and to set up some kind of 'tests' for them. This has nothing to do with the kind of pink bits I'm dealing with however, but rather to a history of men fucking women over.

Wow, DB, your are reading my mind almost perfectly.

Only a few slight alterations.

With the feminine, I'm more ready to give courtesy and respect, to give it earlier, and to give it more 'freely' if you will. Which of course doesn't mean that the respect is always deserved. The masculine however have to work to get my respect. I won't grant courtesy or respect by default and I'm more likely to be on my guard for a bad sign and to set up some kind of 'tests' for them.

But I got to disagree too.

However I have always thought of an escort differently. If I was to higher one, they would then be providing me with service, I could tell them to do anything I pleased. If you don’t like it get out, but if I’m not satisfied I’m not paying a cent.

 

[DeservingBitch]

hi DB...yes you answered my question, thanks for taking the time to satisfy my nosey overly analytical curiousity. oddly enough, some of what you said regarding your feelings towards men i can understand, because i feel much the same way toward women. at least in this culture (west, modern, pro-oprah), it's always been extremely difficult for me to be able to relate to most females. i just don't feel natural and cozy around them in general, and i can't think of anytime in life where i have trusted a female to any significant degree. otoh with men it's easy for me to relax, be myself, and just generally feel this almost spiritual connection. i have such great empathy for them, i feel that men in our culture are as a group so unfairly judged and treated, so neglected and just plain screwed with. from birth they're socialized in a way entirely contradictory to nature, and constantly being expected to live up to conflicting ideals. be strong but not aggressive, be fearless but sensitive, cater to a female's every whim but don't be a punk, etc.

but it's all in one's perspective isn't it? where one person sees male bashing, another sees female oppression. in some strange way i think we both may be right.

Well I can certainly agree that most men also get screwed up by the world we live in, and that like 'femininity', 'masculinity' is a set of unatainable and contradictory expectations. But I couldn't disagree more with your general perspective of the world and gender relations. There's however no point in getting into it here. Maybe for another conversation.

now as far as the escorting...the power thing is something i've heard many escorts name as one of the things they love about the biz. more than likely this may be because i'm coming from the subbie/slave side of things, but i feel quite helpless and powerless when it's just me and a horny testosterone-fueled client itching to get some relief. yes they are paying for it, but they also pay the woman at the laundromat to wash and press their shirts and the barber to cut their hair. that is all i am really, another service in the course of their day. they have a need, they pay me to take care of it so they can then go on about their lives. a pit stop, like in NASCAR. it's a very objectifying feeling, and of course that's one of the things that makes it enjoyable for me.

I can totally see what you mean here. And for sure, sex is just another service that is being performed. And I think that you are right that it probably has a lot to do with where we're sitting respectively on the D/s continuum.

I cannot say that I've ever felt powerless and helpless with a guy (in the context of escorting of course). I don't think I would stay there if I felt that way. I need to feel in control of the situation. Which of course I can never be completely. But everything in my state of mind, in my attitude, in my demeanor, in what I say and do and how I say it and do it, this all come into play into taking control of the room. I know that I have a body that guys like, I know how to walk, sit, cross my legs, etc. to make them hot, I am good at reading the guy and giving him the performance he's looking for, and I know how to fuck a guy's brain out. That gives me a sense of power and control. And the feedback I get from this performance also give me a sense of control. It's a give and take. The money doesn't always play a part in it, but sometimes it does. Like this guy paying me for two hours of massaging my feet, giving me a pedicure, and licking my toes. The guy pays 250/hour for me to sit pretty, relax, and have someone catering to my strongest fetish. In this case, the money certainly play a role in making me wet.

The objectification thing... it's a tricky one. No doubt that I'm being objectified. But that feeling is never stronger than my own power trip, and I probably objectify the client at least as much as they objectify me. Of course, the objectification I engage in is going on mostly in my head.

The best example I have of this tension is giving a blow job. I can count on my hand the number of blow jobs I gave that I felt in a submissive position while doing it. And almost all involved me sucking another girl's cock. When I blow a guy, I feel in total control over him - I am the one directing the action, I am the one performing, and I can play with him however I want and get the reaction I want. Face fucking is obviously not on the menu, which is not to say however that it can't get aggressive.

Oh - and queening a guy is actually not that bad. Can be fun in the right circumstances.

 

[DeservingBitch]

However I have always thought of an escort differently. If I was to higher one, they would then be providing me with service, I could tell them to do anything I pleased. If you don’t like it get out, but if I’m not satisfied I’m not paying a cent.

The way it works is that you pay, and then we get to the fun. If you are not having the fun you want, I can leave, but whether you get money back is up to me.

What you describe would be the type of client that I dislike. The ones that give you a frickin' script. Meh.

Talking of which, I had the oddest client tonight. Lets call him Billy.

So, I get to Billy's condo. My first look at him and exchange of politeness tells me he is socially challenged, awkward, obsessive-compulsive, odd, shy, probably very well read, and he certainly doesn't get laid for free very often. I have pinned him down as submissive. He had this vibe going on.

So, we chat a bit, all my first impressions are confirmed. Fast forward to when everbody's naked, and the guy is giving me a detailed script of what to do how to do it where to do it, as well as giving a running commentary of the performance going on. Coupled with his complete lack of sexual skills, he is starting to annoy the shit out of me.

But he's mostly confusing me -- he is sometimes giving me a strong submissive vibe, and at other times not at all. He is all about being soft and slow and gentle, but then he wants me to squeaze his dick. And a bunch of other things like that which don't add up to something that makes sense to me. Middle session, he ask if I would be freaked out to put a toy up his butt. Me, of course, I'm glowing. Finally, we're talking! But not really. He continues giving me a fucking script along the way, wanting everything to be super soft, and just generally being a finicky kid sorta. Fast forward to the end of the session, we're running out of time, and Billy still has yet to come. I finally grew out of patience, and my Domme voice came out, and I'm there telling him to cum, now! The guy exploded right away.

So, I'm not completely wrong. There's a submissive in there. But probably the most aggravating submissive and do-me-bottom I've ever met.

I have a feeling he'll want to see me again. Trouble is, I'm not sure whether a) I never want to take this guy again; or b) I really want to see him again, just to figure him out and maybe get that submissive thing out of him and go with nobody else's script but mine. Weird, no?

 

[intothewoods]

*stalking DB*

 

[Netzach]

The way it works is that you pay, and then we get to the fun. If you are not having the fun you want, I can leave, but whether you get money back is up to me.

What you describe would be the type of client that I dislike. The ones that give you a frickin' script. Meh.

Talking of which, I had the oddest client tonight. Lets call him Billy.

So, I get to Billy's condo. My first look at him and exchange of politeness tells me he is socially challenged, awkward, obsessive-compulsive, odd, shy, probably very well read, and he certainly doesn't get laid for free very often. I have pinned him down as submissive. He had this vibe going on.

So, we chat a bit, all my first impressions are confirmed. Fast forward to when everbody's naked, and the guy is giving me a detailed script of what to do how to do it where to do it, as well as giving a running commentary of the performance going on. Coupled with his complete lack of sexual skills, he is starting to annoy the shit out of me.

But he's mostly confusing me -- he is sometimes giving me a strong submissive vibe, and at other times not at all. He is all about being soft and slow and gentle, but then he wants me to squeaze his dick. And a bunch of other things like that which don't add up to something that makes sense to me. Middle session, he ask if I would be freaked out to put a toy up his butt. Me, of course, I'm glowing. Finally, we're talking! But not really. He continues giving me a fucking script along the way, wanting everything to be super soft, and just generally being a finicky kid sorta. Fast forward to the end of the session, we're running out of time, and Billy still has yet to come. I finally grew out of patience, and my Domme voice came out, and I'm there telling him to cum, now! The guy exploded right away.

So, I'm not completely wrong. There's a submissive in there. But probably the most aggravating submissive and do-me-bottom I've ever met.

I have a feeling he'll want to see me again. Trouble is, I'm not sure whether a) I never want to take this guy again; or b) I really want to see him again, just to figure him out and maybe get that submissive thing out of him and go with nobody else's script but mine. Weird, no?

Oh God. Billy. I think every Domme has Billy times 10 or 20. Substitute the fucking for tying teasing getting to know you games, and it's the same gig.

I played with them till I got really sick of it. It's fun for a while, but you can't really get anywhere unless you ARE also a shrink, and I'm not. But work it till you can't, don't be afraid to dance with the slightly annoying till the scales tip - they'll either get less annoying or way more annoying.

 

[Netzach]

However I have always thought of an escort differently. If I was to higher one, they would then be providing me with service, I could tell them to do anything I pleased. If you don’t like it get out, but if I’m not satisfied I’m not paying a cent.

Wow, is that how you pay for a vacation? Or a car? Or groceries? Or the spa? I gotta get in on this new economy. I'm very seldom satisfied with anything.

I think if men had the hourlong haircuts and got a manicure regularly or their butts waxed they'd be less uptight about paying 250 to get laid or for a personal service. I tossed out any client who had a hang up about the money, unless it was a great play hang up, because frankly if you're too uptight to spend money on YOURSELF and risk it being remotely different from what you want, you're not the right client. You don't hire a realtor or a shrink and then give them a script. You don't tell the hairdresser how to snip, just the look you want.

 

[FurryFury]

Furry needs to join us in our Poly happiness!

I think Furry is one of my favorite people right this second.

Thank you!

 

[SweetGigi]

Wow, is that how you pay for a vacation? Or a car? Or groceries? Or the spa? I gotta get in on this new economy. I'm very seldom satisfied with anything.

I think if men had the hourlong haircuts and got a manicure regularly or their butts waxed they'd be less uptight about paying 250 to get laid or for a personal service. I tossed out any client who had a hang up about the money, unless it was a great play hang up, because frankly if you're too uptight to spend money on YOURSELF and risk it being remotely different from what you want, you're not the right client. You don't hire a realtor or a shrink and then give them a script. You don't tell the hairdresser how to snip, just the look you want.

This makes a lot of sense to me. Linking it to what I do, (sorry, but it is my only way of relating. If it is annoying please tell me and I'll go back to lurking. This is all just so fascinating to me how closely it is to my job- just on a different end of the spectrum.) I've had plenty of new mothers who've never even held a baby before much less fed them, changed them, or burped them get nit-picky over every little thing I do and how I do it. This sort of attitude makes me want to say, "Look you are paying me to do a job and teach you how to do these things. While you are the parent and I want to follow your needs and requirements, you need to let me do the job you hired me for. I didn't get ten years of experience at this by just standing by twiddling my thumbs. If that is what you want to pay me for... fine by me, just let me know before hand."

 

[Homburg]

This sort of attitude makes me want to say, "Look you are paying me to do a job and teach you how to do these things. While you are the parent and I want to follow your needs and requirements, you need to let me do the job you hired me for. I didn't get ten years of experience at this by just standing by twiddling my thumbs. If that is what you want to pay me for... fine by me, just let me know before hand."

I haven't wanted to say this. I've said this. The one lovely thing about my job is that the industry accepts the fact that the customer is clueless. So when I get one that is an obnoxious dipshit, it is acceptable for me to educate them. So long as I don't get blatantly rude, the client will be okay with it.

"Pardon me, sir, but how many estimates have you written? Serious question. I know that in my ten years in this business, I've written somewhere around two or three thousand estimates. Now if you've done this a coupla thousand times too, I'll be glad to pay heed to what your saying, but you telling me how to do my job is about as worthwhile as *looks on the side of his truck* me telling you how to prune trees. Now, if you want to invite me to your next job site so I can play supervisor, we can talk about how you think this sheet should be written." He gets pissy and says that he doesn't like my attitude. "I understand, sir. And if you will let me do my job, you will be exposed to less of my attitude."

Later, the client calls up asking me what happened and saying the customer was ranting at her. I explained the conversation in depth. Client's response? "You know, he was an ass to me too. Okay, thanks for the quick turnaround on this one!"

Moments like that are one of the perks that almost make up for the crappy pay these days.

 

[SweetGigi]

It is attitudes like this that makes me wonder why some people even bother hiring professionals to do 'anything' for them... esp if they are a self proclaimed 'expert'.

 

[intothewoods]

It's all service, really. You have to manage your clients, and educate them. Well, I do anyway, because I want them coming back to me, and telling their corporate friends too.

 

[Homburg]

It's all service, really. You have to manage your clients, and educate them. Well, I do anyway, because I want them coming back to me, and telling their corporate friends too.

While I don't mind educating my customers, I despise having to educate my clients. My clients are ostensibly in the same industry as I am, and should know their freakin jobs. The problem is that their employers do not see fit to give them even a cursory education in what fieldwork entails. So my side of the fence is this bizarre, outdoorsy mystery to them.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Wow, is that how you pay for a vacation? Or a car? Or groceries? Or the spa? I gotta get in on this new economy. I'm very seldom satisfied with anything.

I think if men had the hourlong haircuts and got a manicure regularly or their butts waxed they'd be less uptight about paying 250 to get laid or for a personal service. I tossed out any client who had a hang up about the money, unless it was a great play hang up, because frankly if you're too uptight to spend money on YOURSELF and risk it being remotely different from what you want, you're not the right client. You don't hire a realtor or a shrink and then give them a script. You don't tell the hairdresser how to snip, just the look you want.

Talking about money assholes:

My first call last night was in the richest gated neibouhrood in town. The guy lives in a few millions worth mansion, apparently all by himself. So, I get in, exchanges politeness, take off my coat, chit chat while I follow him to the living room.

Normally, that's the time when the guy gives me an enveloppe with the money, which I count discretely and then call my driver to confirm that everything is OK. But no, this guy is going to have me ask for the money. I hate when they do that. So, I asked him if we could take care of the business stuff so that I can call my driver and we can focus on having fun. He goes all surprised "oh yes yes of course!". Give me a break -- I know he's a regular client and therefore that he knows the drill.

So, he start counting the money, one 20$ bill at a time. I'm counting along in my head, and when he hands me the money, I know that there's 20$ missing. So, I count it not very discretely in front of him, and tell him that there's 20 missing. He gives me the surprised and confused look again. For fuck sake -- do I look stupid to you? Once I get all my money, I call my driver and go on with the date.

But seriously, why pull that kind of shit? You're hiring someone to fuck you, and you're cheaping out on her rates? Do you really think it's a good way to put me in the mood to give you a good time asshole?