Teach-in .... a choice

[Angeline]

I always start with the end words first (the same with the Sestina) place them in their proper places and then write to them!

Yes, it makes it much easier, doesn't it? IF I ever write another sestina, I will keep that in mind. IF.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Yes, it makes it much easier, doesn't it? IF I ever write another sestina, I will keep that in mind. IF.

shhhhhhhhhhh don't frighten everyone off!

 

[Remec]

I always start with the end words first (the same with the Sestina) place them in their proper places and then write to them!

Yes, it makes it much easier, doesn't it? IF I ever write another sestina, I will keep that in mind. IF.

shhhhhhhhhhh don't frighten everyone off!

Heh....I know your plan. Sestina teach-in is coming for Halloween, right?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Heh....I know your plan. Sestina teach-in is coming for Halloween, right?

I wonder if anyone would bite? mind you can't see many bodies round this campfire either

 

[Neonurotic]

Mexican Monsoon - a boohoo triolet

Rashing in nether places are cause for certain madness.
I blame it all on humidity and a red dawn warning.
That's right as rain; I drip funk, lacking my ordain kindness.
Rashing in nether places are cause for certain madness;
is mine, itchy, bitchy me makes for downright meanness
Everyone says I will find relief too late, one later fall morning.
Rashing in nether places are cause for certain madness,
I blame it all on humidity and a red dawn warning.

 

[champagne1982]

Kyrie Eleison

In nature's sere cathedral sing Kyrie eleison
this dark continent mired in a blood soaked season
and to plead for God's mercy has no better reason

to blindly slaughter innocents has no decent reason
the mothers of freshly dead children plead Kyrie eleison
oh lord have mercy end this brutal season

We pray for release from this killing season
and why mercy is not granted I can see no reason
to withhold peace. Kyrie eleison

Kyrie eleison in this black season, have mercy o' Lord, see reason.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Mexican Monsoon - a boohoo triolet

Rashing in nether places are cause for certain madness.
I blame it all on humidity and a red dawn warning.
That's right as rain; I drip funk, lacking my ordain kindness.
Rashing in nether places are cause for certain madness;
is mine, itchy, bitchy me makes for downright meanness
Everyone says I will find relief too late, one later fall morning.
Rashing in nether places are cause for certain madness,
I blame it all on humidity and a red dawn warning.

Ouch! that sounds like it's written from the heart (or other places)

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Kyrie Eleison

In nature's sere cathedral sing Kyrie eleison
this dark continent mired in a blood soaked season
and to plead for God's mercy has no better reason

to blindly slaughter innocents has no decent reason
the mothers of freshly dead children plead Kyrie eleison
oh lord have mercy end this brutal season

We pray for release from this killing season
and why mercy is not granted I can see no reason
to withhold peace. Kyrie eleison

Kyrie eleison in this black season, have mercy o' Lord, see reason.

Another one raising the bar with rhyming Tritinas!! I blame Angeline! You made me Google Champ, which isn't a bad thing. Very thought provoking piece

 

[champagne1982]

Another one raising the bar with rhyming Tritinas!! I blame Angeline! You made me Google Champ, which isn't a bad thing. Very thought provoking piece

I love this piece of music and the images in the youtube video actually inspired me more than Richard Page and Ringo... Kyrie Eleison by Eric Lagerström

eta: You were right to blame Angeline for the rhyme

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I love this piece of music and the images in the youtube video actually inspired me more than Richard Page and Ringo... Kyrie Eleison by Eric Lagerström

eta: You were right to blame Angeline for the rhyme

I found that when you sent me googling!

 

[Remec]

Last Words

I have thought about it, but have given up hope
that anything remains in your soul or heart
besides emptiness. But they say them’s the breaks.

Guess they might be right; you’ve had so many breaks,
second chances and do-overs sparking hope
that you might find space for me within your heart.

That was when I thought you had that sort of heart,
open, loving, and willing to avoid breaks
in others. A wellspring of care as well as hope.

When all is said and done, I hope your heart breaks.

~~~~~

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Last Words

I have thought about it, but have given up hope
that anything remains in your soul or heart
besides emptiness. But they say them’s the breaks.

Guess they might be right; you’ve had so many breaks,
second chances and do-overs sparking hope
that you might find space for me within your heart.

That was when I thought you had that sort of heart,
open, loving, and willing to avoid breaks
in others. A wellspring of care as well as hope.

When all is said and done, I hope your heart breaks.

~~~~~

Nicely written but ........... ouch!

 

[todski28]

Sorry teach work has been beating me like an unwanted stepchild!!!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Sorry teach work has been beating me like an unwanted stepchild!!!

Well I'm the Wicked Stepmother (of two) and if I tell you to bend over you won't like it ......... or maybe you will :caning:

 

[runningonblade]

Peter's Discovery

It was around the stroke of Midnight
That David got out of bed and
Walked into the living room.

There, he looked at the floor of the room
And saw something that the hour of Midnight
Was able to produce for Holly was naked and
Bound behind her back were her wrists and
Ankles with the appearance of being left in the room
Since the time that was way before Midnight.

After Midnight, he fucked her in the ass and her scream filled the room.

 

[Tzara]

Angel or Stranger

Who are you today—are you angel or stranger?
The first is too perfect to quite be a lover,
The latter, mysterious and possibly danger.
Who are you, today? Are you angel, or stranger,
Or Somebody Else, you delightful shape changer?
I’ll find out tonight, after dark. I’ll uncover
Whom you are today, be you angel or stranger
Or someone quite perfect—a wonderful lover.

 

[runningonblade]

Angel or Stranger

Who are you today—are you angel or stranger?
The first is too perfect to quite be a lover,
The latter, mysterious and possibly danger.
Who are you, today? Are you angel, or stranger,
Or Somebody Else, you delightful shape changer?
I’ll find out tonight, after dark. I’ll uncover
Whom you are today, be you angel or stranger
Or someone quite perfect—a wonderful lover.

I hate to tell you this.

But I think you got it mixed up.

I'm just saying.

 

[Tzara]

I hate to tell you this.

But I think you got it mixed up.

I'm just saying.

Please don't be shy to tell me I've screwed up. I screw up all the time, unfortunately.

I know I've altered the refrains some. Did I mess something else up? I was writing the form from memory, and my memory is not what it used to be.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I hate to tell you this.

But I think you got it mixed up.

I'm just saying.

Please don't be shy to tell me I've screwed up. I screw up all the time, unfortunately.

I know I've altered the refrains some. Did I mess something else up? I was writing the form from memory, and my memory is not what it used to be.

This shows how once you know the basics you can tweak the form to suit you and Tzara is allowed to tweak Triolets he's my guru

 

[UnderYourSpell]

It was around the stroke of Midnight
That David got out of bed and
Walked into the living room.

There, he looked at the floor of the room
And saw something that the hour of Midnight
Was able to produce for Holly was naked and
Bound behind her back were her wrists and
Ankles with the appearance of being left in the room
Since the time that was way before Midnight.

After Midnight, he fucked her in the ass and her scream filled the room.

think you need some commas in there for it to make sense

 

[Tzara]

This shows how once you know the basics you can tweak the form to suit you and Tzara is allowed to tweak Triolets he's my guru

That's very kind of you to say that, Annie, but I don't want to discount runningonblade's criticism. I intentionally changed the refrains, which is (strictly speaking) cheating, but not unusual in contemporary poetry. At least I think it isn't.

However, a really well constructed triolet uses the same wording in the refrains, yet changes the punctuation to alter the reading of the line (see the Hardy example).

So I admit the fault of altering the refrains. My question is, did I screw something else up?

As I said, that would not in any way be unprecedented.

 

[Wintermute01]

One of each.....

Together
~~~~~~~
Your words haunt me, taking over my mind
Those marks on a page to which I add sound
Comfort my heart and make me feel complete.

The pictures you paint, in prose so complete
Those imagined scenes, so fragile yet sound
Fill me with joy, when your words come to mind.

So let me repay you with my own sound
And give me the chance to make you complete
Together we'll write, with thoughts from one Mind.

One mind, one sound and together, complete.

Deviance
~~~~~~~
As you kneel right here, I show you my love
And give to you, such a delightful pain.
Beautiful you are, when viewed from above
So arousing that we share, the same love.
Others may question, and show their disdain
But they know not, of the pleasure thereof.
So together, alone, we'll share our love
And train each other, to enjoy this pain.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

One of each.....

Together
~~~~~~~
Your words haunt me, taking over my mind
Those marks on a page to which I add sound
Comfort my heart and make me feel complete.

The pictures you paint, in prose so complete
Those imagined scenes, so fragile yet sound
Fill me with joy, when your words come to mind.

So let me repay you with my own sound
And give me the chance to make you complete
Together we'll write, with thoughts from one Mind.

One mind, one sound and together, complete.

Deviance
~~~~~~~
As you kneel right here, I show you my love
And give to you, such a delightful pain.
Beautiful you are, when viewed from above
So arousing that we share, the same love.
Others may question, and show their disdain
But they know not, of the pleasure thereof.
So together, alone, we'll share our love
And train each other, to enjoy this pain.

Triolet
You're going to think I'm mean because I let Tzara get away with tweaking his lines but the 4th line needs to be the same as the 1st line and the last 2 lines the same as the first 2. This has gone too far away from the form I'm afraid

Tritina
you have the words of the 2nd stanza in the wrong order the end words should be complete/mind/sound

 

[Wintermute01]

Triolet
You're going to think I'm mean because I let Tzara get away with tweaking his lines but the 4th line needs to be the same as the 1st line and the last 2 lines the same as the first 2. This has gone too far away from the form I'm afraid

Tritina
you have the words of the 2nd stanza in the wrong order the end words should be complete/mind/sound

And I have learned that writing poetry on an aeroplane is even harder!

Back to the drawing board!

 

[Wintermute01]

And I have learned that writing poetry on an aeroplane is even harder!

Back to the drawing board!

Hopefully these are better:

Deviance
~~~~~~
As you kneel right here, I show you my love
And give to you, such a delightful pain.
Beautiful you are, when viewed from above
As you kneel right here I show you, my love.
Because I'm the left and you're the right glove
Our bodies will sing, to a shared refrain.
As you kneel right here I show you my, love?
And give to you such a, delightful, pain.

Together
~~~~~~
Your words haunt me, taking over my mind,
Those marks on a page, to which I add sound,
Comfort my heart making me feel complete.

The pictures you paint, in prose so complete.
Those imagined scenes, your words bring to mind,
Fill me with warmth so I feel safe and sound.

So let me repay you with my own sound.
Please give me the chance, to make you complete.
Together we'll write, with thoughts from one Mind.

One mind, one sound and together, complete.