Teach-in Ghazal

[Ashesh9]

Don't cheer me on yet. I have a lot of reading to do before I can wrap my head around this form!

Angie Ghazals are not exclusively on Love or Women , they can be on the Poet's love for Wine also or loneliness : here's a Ghazal on Loneliness by Shri Anup Jalota --
Deewaaro se mil ke rehena aacha lagta hai
Hum bhi pagal ban jaaounga aisa lagta hai !

Or on Woman vs Wine by Zafar Illahabadi --
Ek taraf unka Ghar , ek taraf Maiqada !
Mai kidhar jaauuu kuvh toh de Maashwara

Ek taraf unka Ghar , ek taraf Maiqada --
Mai kidhar jaauuu hota nahi yeh Faisala !

Ek taraf unka Ghar , ek taraf Maiqada !

This means " on one side is the Tavern , on the other is Her house
I am torn into Two , in which Direction should I go i cannot make up my mind
On one side is the Tavern , on the other is Her house
In which Direction do I go , please give some Advice !

 

[Tzara]

6th century Persian poem usually expressing the pain of loss and separation and the beauty of love despite of that pain. It consists of five or more couplets, each line having the same meter. The second line of each couplet ends with the repetition of a refrain of one or a few words (known as radif), preceded by a rhyme (known as qaafiyaa). In the first couplet, which introduces the theme, both lines end in the rhyme and refrain. There can be no enjambment across the couplets; each couplet must be a complete unit in itself, and could even be understood to be a poem on its own.

The creative writing class I took Spring Quarter had us all write ghazals. I thought that was a kind of difficult thing to ask of freshman and sophomore students (the class was at a local community college), but was quite pleasantly surprised by how well everyone completed the assignment. They were all pretty damn good.

Not sure why, and not sure what I'm trying to say about the ghazal, but what I have to say in any case.

Carry on. (Or Carrie on.)

 

[Remec]

6th century Persian poem usually expressing the pain of loss and separation and the beauty of love despite of that pain. It consists of five or more couplets, each line having the same meter.

lol sorry can't resist sounds a great insult. See that Remec he's a couplet short of a ghazal

Lol. You're such a biotch sometimes!

Remec, dear man, avenge yourself.

I'll see if anyone came to my rescue, but...as noted above...five or more couplets was the definition. I have five.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Angie Ghazals are not exclusively on Love or Women , they can be on the Poet's love for Wine also or loneliness : here's a Ghazal on Loneliness by Shri Anup Jalota --
Deewaaro se mil ke rehena aacha lagta hai
Hum bhi pagal ban jaaounga aisa lagta hai !

Or on Woman vs Wine by Zafar Illahabadi --
Ek taraf unka Ghar , ek taraf Maiqada !
Mai kidhar jaauuu kuvh toh de Maashwara

Ek taraf unka Ghar , ek taraf Maiqada --
Mai kidhar jaauuu hota nahi yeh Faisala !

Ek taraf unka Ghar , ek taraf Maiqada !

This means " on one side is the Tavern , on the other is Her house
I am torn into Two , in which Direction should I go i cannot make up my mind
On one side is the Tavern , on the other is Her house
In which Direction do I go , please give some Advice !

Do you think you could write that into this format?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I'll see if anyone came to my rescue, but...as noted above...five or more couplets was the definition. I have five.

wonder why I saw it as four? probably didn't want to waste a good insult

 

[butters]

reading all of these with interest, poeteers. my brain tends to freeze, though, when i attempt to write one

 

[Ashesh9]

Do you think you could write that into this format?

On one side is Her House, on the other is the Tavern
On which side should i go ? , i cannot take a Decision
On one side is Her House , on the other is the Tavern
On which side should i go , please give me some Advice !

We are dealin' with a horny , alcoholic gent/poet here !?!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

My understanding is that you can enjamb within but not between the couplets. Each couplet stands on its own, with only the theme and the refrain connecting them. I think it's easier (for me, anyway) to write a couplet and think of it as a two line poem and then write another and so on. I just need to find the right material to build it around. That's always the hardest part for me--coming up with the initial idea.

As as Cordelia pointed out in her thread (which Champ kindly linked), it is probably easier to count syllables than worry about stressed and unstressed beats. And don't spank me Annie but I know there are modern ghazals that don't follow meter or count syllables.

Sorry Tod ........ Angeline is right, enjambment is allowed within each couplet but not from one couplet to the next.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

A broken trust, impossible to sleep tonight
and so my eyes can only weep tonight.

You with your foul mouth undermine
my contentment, this is what I reap tonight.

Knowingly you vent your filth on those
less able, aimed to cut deep tonight.

Wonder why I ever called such a one friend
or let your hurt into my life seep tonight.

But finally my mind rests, eyes grow heavy
as I realise, it wasn't me looked cheap tonight.

 

[butters]

Here is one of my favorite modern ghazals. I love this poem and it is one of the reasons I want to try to write one.

Edited to add: There is additional info here that I find helpful.

that's some poem right there. love it. it feels natural, unforced, like the form supports rather than constricts. and what we're left with, the overall impression, is the music and the hips. especially the hips. thanks for posting that, A

 

[UnderYourSpell]

that's some poem right there. love it. it feels natural, unforced, like the form supports rather than constricts. and what we're left with, the overall impression, is the music and the hips. especially the hips. thanks for posting that, A

Just to be awkward although I like the poem, I was always under the impression that the Ghazal was about loss and pain and then the coming to terms with it and to my mind there is none of that in the poem posted

 

[Wintermute01]

Crunching Gears​

I miss you as you fly to dreams,
I wish us to dive into dreams.

My heart feels such loss in this void,
I know that love can grow through dreams.

I long to hold you so closely,
Perhaps we'll share many new dreams?

But instead I must love alone,
'till you decide to eschew dreams?

Please wake, join me in this real world,
Bringing me many 'come true' dreams.​

I'm not finding this form very easy

 

[butters]

Just to be awkward although I like the poem, I was always under the impression that the Ghazal was about loss and pain and then the coming to terms with it and to my mind there is none of that in the poem posted

there's sorrow in the music embedded in the phrase 'watch my sistas throat the heartbreak' and the 'crying 'bout getting old' - so a poem about awareness, youth and vitality to be lost, a 'dance now while you can' kind of thing? a slanty kind of ghazal, then, maybe?

 

[todski28]

Crunching Gears​

I miss you as you fly to dreams,
I wish us to dive into dreams.

My heart feels such loss in this void,
I know that love can grow through dreams.

I long to hold you so closely,
Perhaps we'll share many new dreams?

But instead I must love alone,
'till you decide to eschew dreams?

Please wake, join me in this real world,
Bringing me many 'come true' dreams.​

I'm not finding this form very easy

I haven't written a line yet it is some kind of puzzle box.

 

[Angeline]

that's some poem right there. love it. it feels natural, unforced, like the form supports rather than constricts. and what we're left with, the overall impression, is the music and the hips. especially the hips. thanks for posting that, A

It's such a brash, real poem. I read it over and over.

Just to be awkward although I like the poem, I was always under the impression that the Ghazal was about loss and pain and then the coming to terms with it and to my mind there is none of that in the poem posted

We see this a little differently, but that's fine. Differences are good! I think it would be difficult to write this form if I tried to write overtly about loss and pain. I look for ways to make the form work with the way I write so that is where I go with it, whether I break the official rules or not. I always try to understand the rules first though because if I don't follow them I want it to be because I made a different choice and not because I didn't understand the form.

Crunching Gears​

I miss you as you fly to dreams,
I wish us to dive into dreams.

My heart feels such loss in this void,
I know that love can grow through dreams.

I long to hold you so closely,
Perhaps we'll share many new dreams?

But instead I must love alone,
'till you decide to eschew dreams?

Please wake, join me in this real world,
Bringing me many 'come true' dreams.​

I'm not finding this form very easy

I think if you try enjambing within the couplets it'll give you more freedom. Just my opinion.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Crunching Gears​

I miss you as you fly to dreams,
I wish us to dive into dreams.

My heart feels such loss in this void,
I know that love can grow through dreams.

I long to hold you so closely,
Perhaps we'll share many new dreams?

But instead I must love alone,
'till you decide to eschew dreams?

Please wake, join me in this real world,
Bringing me many 'come true' dreams.​

I'm not finding this form very easy

It's my fault for saying no enjambment and I stand corrected because without it within the couplets this comes across as a bit stilted, but you've got the bones of it and I'm sure can do better next time!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

there's sorrow in the music embedded in the phrase 'watch my sistas throat the heartbreak' and the 'crying 'bout getting old' - so a poem about awareness, youth and vitality to be lost, a 'dance now while you can' kind of thing? a slanty kind of ghazal, then, maybe?

thanks I'll go back and reread

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I haven't written a line yet it is some kind of puzzle box.

you need to pick a good rhyme something you don't have to rack your brains to find 6 (2 first couplet and one for the rest) If you have trouble try Rhymezone

 

[butters]

thanks I'll go back and reread

not saying i'm right, just that it's how i found the piece to feel - an underlying sorrow with maybe a hint of desperation about aging. dunno

 

[Wintermute01]

It's my fault for saying no enjambment and I stand corrected because without it within the couplets this comes across as a bit stilted, but you've got the bones of it and I'm sure can do better next time!

Next time???

 

[Angeline]

Posted it in poem a week as I must keep up my count, but here is my ghazal. Phew.

Minton's Ghazal

The dream was sepia. It was a velvet tone poem,
a minor key, a smoky ennui all alone poem.

Picture a crowded stage, a barroom haze and mirrors
gazing at the crowd, bewitched, spotlight on a moan poem.

Tenor man says "Take another helping," then he winks,
steps to the shadow, lets the thin man play his bone poem.

Am I blue? I'm telling you darling you're mean to me--
when you sing soft and low I hear a should have known poem.

The record pops and skips, suddenly the past recedes
and yet the song plays on in me for it's my own poem.

 

[Wintermute01]

Posted it in poem a week as I must keep up my count, but here is my ghazal. Phew.

Minton's Ghazal

The dream was sepia. It was a velvet tone poem,
a minor key, a smoky ennui all alone poem.

Picture a crowded stage, a barroom haze and mirrors
gazing at the crowd, bewitched, spotlight on a moan poem.

Tenor man says "Take another helping," then he winks,
steps to the shadow, lets the thin man play his bone poem.

Am I blue? I'm telling you darling you're mean to me--
when you sing soft and low I hear a should have known poem.

The record pops and skips, suddenly the past recedes
and yet the song plays on in me for it's my own poem.

Ah! So that's how it's done!

 

[Angeline]

Ah! So that's how it's done!

Thank you. I felt like I needed a drink by the time I reached the fifth couplet lol. It helped, I thought, to count the syllables and keep the lines the same. And first I chose the word I want to emphasize--poem--and then looked to make sure there were enough rhymes for words that could logically precede it.

 

[Wintermute01]

Thank you. I felt like I needed a drink by the time I reached the fifth couplet lol. It helped, I thought, to count the syllables and keep the lines the same. And first I chose the word I want to emphasize--poem--and then looked to make sure there were enough rhymes for words that could logically precede it.

Thank you, I tried the same approach. Specifically, I selected a refrain word, and used a rhyming dictionary to build a list of rhyming words. I also used a syllable counter. But trying to make the lines stand-alone lead to an incoherent muddle.

I'm surprised by how something so apparently simple, is actually so very difficult.

Oh thanks for the tip about the drink, next time I may do that part before I start.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Posted it in poem a week as I must keep up my count, but here is my ghazal. Phew.

Minton's Ghazal

The dream was sepia. It was a velvet tone poem,
a minor key, a smoky ennui all alone poem.

Picture a crowded stage, a barroom haze and mirrors
gazing at the crowd, bewitched, spotlight on a moan poem.

Tenor man says "Take another helping," then he winks,
steps to the shadow, lets the thin man play his bone poem.

Am I blue? I'm telling you darling you're mean to me--
when you sing soft and low I hear a should have known poem.

The record pops and skips, suddenly the past recedes
and yet the song plays on in me for it's my own poem.

You've raised the bar - talk about needing drink......