tell me whats wrong. I cant fix it. If I dont know whats broken.

[lovecraft68]

My first post was for the benefit of anyone new here who could be taking this seriously.

Now I'll go with:

This is good performance art.

Nice work.

Its General Board-esque

 

[mildlyaroused]

Nor do you.....this is the dmbest shit I've ever seen.

It wouldn't be if you proofread your own messages.

 

[onehitwanda]

It wouldn't be if you proofread your own messages.

proofreading is for lesser beings, everyone knows the great artists yeet stuff into production.

 

[outlawitokiri]

next one is

work of fiction. all persons above 18. Im new all feedback is welome. I ignore proper grammar for pacing were not here for an English lesson.

College is a bitch. Girls are....yeah. Spent my time studying and exercising. I wanted to do my single Mom proud....I,,,,,,dont know who my dad is but who cares when I have her.

I called mom I was on vacation coming up and I missed her.

" heyyyy mom how are you whats up!"

" Is that how you speak to your mom?"

" Im sorry. I wanted to come see you, Ill be off on vacation"

".....go see your girlfriend or such im busy. "

"...mom...."

" i am single"

" HOW!? ugh whatever"

" Fine come home we can have dinner. Ill make something for you. What would you like?"

I paused...I, didnt really care about food. how do I respond....I gave up.

" You "

I think I felt mom rolling her eyes. "Fine green beans and chicken it is. When will you be here"

"ahhh is tomorrow okay the dorms empty but I can always just stay "

" wait, youre there alone?"

" um thats kind of what empty means mom "

" stay there Im leaving now. "

"wait what...."

" shut up, Ill be there in 40'ish with dinner "

Moms always been extremely overbearing since dad left ages ago its just sometimes hard to know how to deal with it. Shes Mom. Is always my go to reasoning. She may do whatever she wants.

She showed up with chinese food...a dress that was so beautiful thank god no one was around to see. She had her hair up and I was...just lost.

"Its great to see you mom but are you ok?"

giggle, " is that anyway to speak to your mother hmmmm. "

I could smell the alcohol and was so mad at her, " Mom youre drunk! I can just get....anything take out why! ".

" I took an Uber whats the big deal.. "

i was so mad and then it melted....Mom started to sob and I rushed to Immediately hold her.

" mom im so sorry "

" no youre right im so sorry I... I can find a hotel or "

" absolutely not youre staying here with me. "

" but why"

I interrupted her

" 0 buts youre here. with me. "

Mom smiled and nodded. We agreed on some re-runs of a tv show....well she agreed on it. I just played along. Her smiling was enough anyway I didnt care about the show.

" you....dont have a beer do you... ones fine"

" gimme a sec I think I do. "

I had 3 left but whatever mom seemed upset and if I can help her relax Ill manage. I got up and grabbed her one and she opened it and just took a sip.

" im going to grab you some water mom just in case. "

Mom giggled and said, " Ill always love you"

Then something hit me....I have one bed and I cant tell my own Mom to leave or sleep on the couch....

She laughed as we talked. It was really nice. Seeing her smile was so beautiful. she kept rubbing my leg as she did whiiiiiiiiiich was causing a bit of a reaction. I think she noticed or was doing it on purpose. She had her eyes on my...... and pulled away all flushed. I thought maybe its time to call it a night.......

" mom Im tired, take my bed Ill just sleep here"

" hmmm ok thank you love "

I nodded off asleep on the couch for...not long im guessing. When I felt the wet warmth around my dick.

"uh----huh.. what"

I felt a hand on my chest push me down and warm lips sucking on me. no way no way who, who is this the doors locked the only one here is.....omg my mom has my cock in her mouth

" ma...mom you cant. "

My eyes were open now and I could see

she smiled as she stared me in the eyes.

" I made you, I can. now hush and let me savor you. "

Mom went back down swallowing me til it hit her throat. I was confused and in ecstasy

" m..m..mom I Im so close stop"

she didnt even respond she grasp my cock harder and stared up at me as she sucked my dick. I couldnt take it.....

" mom fuck mom!, mom I I Im cumming"

mom giggled on my cock as I began cumming. I felt itd never stop. My eyes went black all I could feel was moms mouth and she never let go. When i finally stopped I heard a laugh.

" someones pent up you trying to drown your mother "

" Im Im so sorry"

I felt a hand pull me in and hush me and a gentle kiss.

" i love you"

" you owe me now, and you tasted amazing"

Work of fiction. all people are over 18. Im going to keep this shorter. I take liberal english grammar guidelines for pacing and flow and for the readers. Im new. feel free to judge critique in any way.

I knew.....Dad knew, mom knows we knew.....she was cheating.

Dad kept up the facade and held it in to protect me.

He was my everything...to know he was secretly hurting made me hurt.

I wasnt a kid anymore and I wasnt going to let my love, my dad suffer in silence.

It was a quiet night....I curled up on the couch putting my head in dads lap.

"hun, little close.."

" oh hush" I whispered

"honey whats up whats wrong you can talk to me about anything"

"....you know what...moms going to get a *work call* here in a few minutes. and you know what that actually means....."

Dad breathed deep and sighed. " I know. but what should I do. I dont want you without a mother"

" shes not my mother "

" dont say that, we love you "

" If she loved us shed never do this to.."

the phone rang....

" son of a btch why why again. Im sorry. I made dinner Ill be home by morning some dumb intern messed up the filings and Ive got to go fix it. Im sorry hun "

My heart hurt as dad responded.

" drive safe Im sorry you have to deal with this "

He knew what was going on but to protect me he just ignored it and gently pet my head.

" back soon as I can make sure Allie eats"

I sobbed in to his thigh....how could she do this to such a great man.

Something clicked.....If she wont be his wife. I Will.

I didnt want to startle him too much so I nuzzled his thigh and started rubbing it.

" its ok honey well be ok dont worry "

even in pain......all he thought about was me........I love Dad so much I want to make him feel loved...my love.

I brought myself up to him and placed my finger on his lips.

" dad....do you love me.."

" you know i do why ask "

" dad, now,ssshhhhh, no talking allowed. im now your real wife "

" wait hon..."

" I said shhhh"

I straddled him grabbing his jeans to find the zipper. Took to long my heart was racing. I finally got his cock out and I gasped a little. I wanted him so so bad but I wasnt sure I could handle this thing.

"someones sure hard for his own daughter hmmmmmm....ah ah, No talking"

" hmmmm Daddy youre.....a little much please be gentle."

I worked him against me. it felt so good, he held me around my shoulders. I loved his arms around me.

" dad....please.....I love you....accept me. "

He didnt say a word he gently pulled me in and kissed me. I slowly moved back and forth trying to accommodate his dick

" I lov "

" no talking" I smiled and kissed my loving father again as I kept slowly taking him in to me.

The couch was destroying me knees,,,,,,

" daaaaaad, can we please move or swap "

" h...hon"

" III said no words. taaaaaake me "

and oh my lord did he. picked me up so softly, kissed me and proceeded to walk me like a princess to my room.

He slowly laid me down and pet my face...as if asking if it was ok. I smiled.....you gentle fool. I reached around to grab his hip with one hand and his dick with my other. Pulling him in to where I wanted him.

"baby i i ca"

" no talking. just take me. its ok youve no idea how bad ive wanted this "

" hone" I smiled as I silence him again.

I whispered in his ear as he was fcking me so incredibly, " let go cum. cum inside me. "

he tensed his arms squeezed me and I then felt what Ive wanted....He throbbed and was cumming into me and I lost it as well I began spasming in orgasm feeling my dad, my love cum for me, in me. Ive never cum so hard.

Ass tried to pull out, " oh no you dont. stay in me "

" hu"

" no talking"

" let me enjoy this ok"

" I love you"

" hehe ok that ones allowed", " will....you hold me."

" sweet heart id die for you. come here. "

He wrapped me in to his chest and quietly asked, " may I speak now?"

I smiled, " im sorry, yes dad"

" I love you"


I get I dont go nuts on grammar because its a for entertainment style. Ive never lost my erection because something wasn't capitalized. Plus the recommended* system is terribly inaccurate anyway. It's not always "you're" and i don't even know what, "cummings" is.

yeah wow I thought I saved the fixing of the first one cause thats terrible thats def. on me. I thought I saved the fixes.

 

[Bamagan]

proofreading is for lesser beings, everyone knows the great artists yeet stuff into production.

An editor trying to decide where and how to start with fixing that thing:

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

Oh yay the drugs kicked in

 

[outlawitokiri]

lol its a forum im not wasting my time to do impeccable grammar.

 

[outlawitokiri]

Oh yay the drugs kicked in

gl with that

 

[onehitwanda]

Oh yay the drugs kicked in

sorry, babe, I did warn you.

 

[outlawitokiri]

Here, I've never heard of such stupidity. When, ever, in a porno has a director stopped everything because someone said, " O oH my Da, Dav Hun Oh". Its sex. Broken "E"nglish is the turn on, sex is in of itself erratic. If you're not a virgin you'd know that. Well, that or any good at it. Again, Short stories. You don't pay me. It's meant to be brief, fun and uncluttered. Sure, you can whine about grammar. Be real, thats, not why anyones here. No ones here for an "e"nglish lesson.

 

[Bramblethorn]

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I don't think that even Reddit would have been okay with the excerpt you posted
It's not about impeccable grammar, it's about basic grammar and punctuation. Your story needs to be readable. If you really want to post stories on Literotica, I suggest you heed the advice you were given in this thread. Decide if posting your stories here is worth the effort to edit and apply basic grammar and punctuation rules.
Unlike LC, I think you are genuine; proper trolls are usually more articulate. Who knows though

 

[outlawitokiri]

Here, I've never heard of such stupidity. When, ever, in a porno has a director stopped everything because someone said, " O oH my Da, Dav Hun Oh". Its sex. Broken "E"nglish is the turn on, sex is in of itself erratic. If you're not a virgin you'd know that. Well, that or any good at it. Again, Short stories. You don't pay me. It's meant to be brief, fun and uncluttered. Sure, you can whine about grammar. Be real, thats, not why anyones here. No ones here for an "e"nglish lesson.

first one abssssssssssssss needed fixing and I did and I didnt save properly. Thats on me.Yo homies got pizza!?

View attachment 2354279

 

[Bramblethorn]

Im new all feedback is welome.

 

[outlawitokiri]

I don't think that even Reddit would have been okay with the excerpt you posted
It's not about impeccable grammar, it's about basic grammar and punctuation. Your story needs to be readable. If you really want to post stories on Literotica, I suggest you heed the advice you were given in this thread. Decide if posting your stories here is worth the effort to edit and apply basic grammar and punctuation rules.
Unlike LC, I think you are genuine; proper trolls are usually more articulate. Who knows though

I admitted first one was hole ridden. The rest I'm not sorry sex isn't a grammar war. It's sex. I can be punctual easily. That's not the point of the stories. No one watches porn because they give a shit about the actress.

 

[AlinaX]

Mmm, grammar war...
Also, I care.

 

[outlawitokiri]

Here, I've never heard of such stupidity. When, ever, in a porno has a director stopped everything because someone said, " O oH my Da, Dav Hun Oh". Its sex. Broken "E"nglish is the turn on, sex is in of itself erratic. If you're not a virgin you'd know that. Well, that or any good at it. Again, Short stories. You don't pay me. It's meant to be brief, fun and uncluttered. Sure, you can whine about grammar. Be real, thats, not why anyones here. No ones here for an "e"nglish lesson.

First one abssssssssssssss needed fixing and I did and I didnt save properly. Thats on me.

 

[onehitwanda]

First one abssssssssssssss needed fixing and I did and I didnt save properly. Thats on me.

Hey, you capitalised the first letter in the sentence. Is the mask slipping?

 

[outlawitokiri]

Mmm, grammar war...
Also, I care.

I again am sorry the first one was a l....loooot out of bounds. Thought I saved the fixes. I didnt and thats on me. The dialogue though? Thats how humans talk during sex.......I dont even know how the hell you'd make a grammatical session for your sex talk.

 

[outlawitokiri]

Hey, you capitalised the first letter in the sentence. Is the mask slipping?

and you spelt it wrong. how are you people judging.

 

[onehitwanda]

and you spelt it wrong.

Not by the standards of the people who invented the language but by all means, do carry on.

 

[outlawitokiri]

and you spelt it wrong. how are you people judging.

Literally is judging my grammar as, they spell things wrong.

 

[AlinaX]

"Apostrophe," I murmur.

"Huh?"

"Apostrophe. Comma. Colon."

"Mmm... Don't stop."

"No stops. Just exclamations. Semicolon..."

"That's just dirty. Stop teasing and get that em dash out. Spank my quotations. Cover me with ellipses!"

 

[TheLobster]

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

and you spelt it wrong. how are you people judging.

@onehitwanda you're such a hippolyte