The Dom Lounge

[mousetro]

Agreement with Lance

I agree whole hartedly with lance nothing more sound siad then that.

 

[Sandia]

Lance: I have noticed that the people who feel the most vulnerable are the quickest to lash out.

 

[Richard49]

Lance: I have noticed that the people who feel the most vulnerable are the quickest to lash out.

I would AMEN this
also I have found that one behavor of denial is attacking

 

[Lancecastor]

Okay then, Mousetro, Richard49, WriterDom and Sandia...we seem to be seeing the same things here.

Would you say it's more prevalent here than IRL.....and how do you recommend dealing with it?

(I think it's more prevalent here and with a few notable exceptions I tend to ignore the posters who do it.)

Lance

 

[zipman]

Okay then, Mousetro, Richard49, WriterDom and Sandia...we seem to be seeing the same things here.

Would you say it's more prevalent here than IRL.....and how do you recommend dealing with it?

(I think it's more prevalent here and with a few notable exceptions I tend to ignore the posters who do it.)

Lance

Hey all,

Help me out with this one because I'm just not getting it. Are you saying that the subs here are too outspoken? Not respectful of you as a Dom? I'm really trying to understand this issue.

Zip

 

[Lancecastor]

No Zip, I'm not saying that...I'm saying that there are a few who labled themselves Sub who are quite domme in their communication style in the Forum.

I have found that personally amusing and wondered out loud what it meant, if anything...and I think you may have a sense of the reaction I've received to that thought, which, as you might guess, feeds on itself after a while, as I've not said it in nearly two months.

This has led to the question(s) which basically boil down to "Why do people get so pissy and defensive about this?"

I for one don't suggest or maintain that submissive women here (or anywhere) address me or act a particular way...in fact, I actively discourage it, as I save that stuff for My 1 and Only, when I'm in a relationship.

On the other hand, when I see a "sub" playing "cutesy" in threads with the grrls, but verbally eviscerating men in various ways, from subtle passive aggression to full blown "You are an asshole!!!" rants.....sorry, but I just gotta wonder what that means, so I ask.

And then the Tenderness begins anew....

Lance

Hey all,

Help me out with this one because I'm just not getting it. Are you saying that the subs here are too outspoken? Not respectful of you as a Dom? I'm really trying to understand this issue.

Zip

 

[zipman]

No Zip, I'm not saying that...I'm saying that there are a few who labled themselves Sub who are quite domme in their communication style in the Forum.

<snip>

On the other hand, when I see a "sub" playing "cutesy" in threads with the grrls, but verbally eviscerating men in various ways, from subtle passive aggression to full blown "You are an asshole!!!" rants.....sorry, but I just gotta wonder what that means, so I ask.

And then the Tenderness begins anew....

Lance

Lance,

Thanks for the reply. I don't think that eviscerating men in various ways makes a woman less submissive, I think it is something else. Whether that is being anti-male, passive-aggressive or just rude, I'm not sure. It certainly wouldn't be appropriate behavior on any level.

Now if a sub said in a post something about her relationship with her master - i.e. topping from the bottom, that might make me question their submissiveness.

Of course, there might be some on this site that would question how Dom I am since I do not want a 24/7 and I haven't collared my sub. I don't think that it makes me less Dom, I think that I have chosen to have BDSM be a less integral part of my life. And I do feel that the attitude that I just described does exist.

Someone else said something once that it was like a bad kung-fu movie where one person says to the other, my BDSM is stronger than yours. That is the attittude that I don't like.

Zip

 

[Lancecastor]

kung-fu movie where one person says to the other, my BDSM is stronger than yours. That is the attittude that I don't like.

Zip

I am same as you, grasshopper.

(bowing)

 

[zipman]

I am same as you, grasshopper.

(bowing)

You're a hairy bald guy too!!!! Ohh, now I get you -

I didn't mean you Lance. I mean come on, it is within the realm of possibility for someone other than you to write something that pushes some buttons.

Seriously though, I have experienced that attitude from others here at times and it did/does tick me off.

Zip

 

[Lancecastor]

With respect, ZipMaster, I too find ticking off in superior attitude of some participants in humble Forum, but not in that of most honourable Zipman.

(bowing)

You're a hairy bald guy too!!!! Ohh, now I get you -

I didn't mean you Lance. I mean come on, it is within the realm of possibility for someone other than you to write something that pushes some buttons.

Seriously though, I have experienced that attitude from others here at times and it did/does tick me off.

Zip

 

[zipman]

Here's a question for the lounge

Was I too hard on Rose in her opinions thread?

I thought not at first, but I think she was really upset afterwards.

 

[artful]

Re: Here's a question for the lounge

Was I too hard on Rose in her opinions thread?

I thought not at first, but I think she was really upset afterwards.

I thought you expressed your thoughts in a responsible manner.(JMHO)

 

[zipman]

Re: Re: Here's a question for the lounge

I thought you expressed your thoughts in a responsible manner.(JMHO)

Thanks Artful,

I was annoyed, mostly because I have tried to be supportive of Rose.

I know that she was upset and I do feel bad about that though.

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: Re: Re: Here's a question for the lounge

Speaking in a general way, with nobody in mind, I observe that this place is sometimes like a school dance....new grrls who get attention from the boys can get shunned or attacked by the grrls from the sorority house and from the cheerleading squads.

Don't blame Rose, just because she's beautiful.

"Where is my beautiful house? Where is my beautiful wife? (Same as it ever was.)"

Lance

Thanks Artful,

I was annoyed, mostly because I have tried to be supportive of Rose.

I know that she was upset and I do feel bad about that though.

 

[James Blandings]

No Zip, I'm not saying that...I'm saying that there are a few who labled themselves Sub who are quite domme in their communication style in the Forum.

I have found that personally amusing and wondered out loud what it meant, if anything...and I think you may have a sense of the reaction I've received to that thought, which, as you might guess, feeds on itself after a while, as I've not said it in nearly two months.

This has led to the question(s) which basically boil down to "Why do people get so pissy and defensive about this?"

I for one don't suggest or maintain that submissive women here (or anywhere) address me or act a particular way...in fact, I actively discourage it, as I save that stuff for My 1 and Only, when I'm in a relationship.

On the other hand, when I see a "sub" playing "cutesy" in threads with the grrls, but verbally eviscerating men in various ways, from subtle passive aggression to full blown "You are an asshole!!!" rants.....sorry, but I just gotta wonder what that means, so I ask.

And then the Tenderness begins anew....

Lance

It's not that hard to understand if you are actually willing to listen to them. Most of the active female submissive posters are not young women who are sure of their emerging sexuality, but a bit older, in there late twenties in some cases, but mostly in their thirties and forties. Most of them are coming to terms with this aspect of themselves for the first time, and it can not be easy, at a point in life when most people have settled into a comfortable version of themselves, to accept that you are someone radically different from who you had been brought up to be, and in a manner taboo to most of society to boot.
So here they are, seeking affirmation and understanding, and a place where they can express this new found aspect of themselves with a feeling of comfort and security, and you come along , and because you don't care for their manner of expressing themselves, or they don't fit your concept of proper online socialization, you make comments that they feel call into dispute those very tough life choices that brought them here. Whether your comments were meant to do so or not is irrelevant. It is obvious that they are taken that way, and the honorable thing to do would be to not press the point once you see it causing pain.
But you persist and since they went through a lot of emotional and psychological struggle just to get to the point of coming here and identifying themselves as submissives, it is small wonder they react with anger and defensiveness. They would have to be saints to behave elsewise.
This is not only why they react strongly against you, and it is also why they contribute to those "huggy" threads you hold in so much contempt. Of course, when you make your comments about those threads, you only reaffirm to them the notion that you are attacking not their words or their ideas, but their conception of their core being.

That's the truth, go ahead and make your snide comments now, it won't change the fact that that's the truth.

 

[Ebonyfire]

It's not that hard to understand if you are actually willing to listen to them. Most of the active female submissive posters are not young women who are sure of their emerging sexuality, but a bit older, in there late twenties in some cases, but mostly in their thirties and forties. Most of them are coming to terms with this aspect of themselves for the first time, and it can not be easy, at a point in life when most people have settled into a comfortable version of themselves, to accept that you are someone radically different from who you had been brought up to be, and in a manner taboo to most of society to boot.
So here they are, seeking affirmation and understanding, and a place where they can express this new found aspect of themselves with a feeling of comfort and security, and you come along , and because you don't care for their manner of expressing themselves, or they don't fit your concept of proper online socialization, you make comments that they feel call into dispute those very tough life choices that brought them here. Whether your comments were meant to do so or not is irrelevant. It is obvious that they are taken that way, and the honorable thing to do would be to not press the point once you see it causing pain.
But you persist and since they went through a lot of emotional and psychological struggle just to get to the point of coming here and identifying themselves as submissives, it is small wonder they react with anger and defensiveness. They would have to be saints to behave elsewise.
This is not only why they react strongly against you, and it is also why they contribute to those "huggy" threads you hold in so much contempt. Of course, when you make your comments about those threads, you only reaffirm to them the notion that you are attacking not their words or their ideas, but their conception of their core being.

That's the truth, go ahead and make your snide comments now, it won't change the fact that that's the truth.

With all do respect james that is the "truth" as you see it. Be clear on that.

Ebony

 

[Lancecastor]

James, I've always been aware of the limitations imposed by people like you on expression here due to the preponderance of fragile people in attendance.

That being said, I have no intention of tip-toeing around those too fragile to be in an internet BBS environment.

This is a supportive place, yes....but not a hospital for the broken.
I often offer clear, crisp, support and advice to those I know and those who ask.

If your vision is to be their Florence Nightengale, groovy...go for it!

But don't expect me to share it and don't slam me if I don't....because some of the half-assed advice offered around here will one day bring harm to someone and I'll have no part of that, thanks.

So, if I see someone saying things that suggest the need for medical attention....I'll say it, or I'll say nothing.

And to the armchair Dr. Freuds....I'll likely be sarcastic and insulting for being so short sighted and selfish.

I admire your desire to help others James; we just share differing views on what is actually helpful and what is damaging.

Lance

It's not that hard to understand if you are actually willing to listen to them. Most of the active female submissive posters are not young women who are sure of their emerging sexuality, but a bit older, in there late twenties in some cases, but mostly in their thirties and forties. Most of them are coming to terms with this aspect of themselves for the first time, and it can not be easy, at a point in life when most people have settled into a comfortable version of themselves, to accept that you are someone radically different from who you had been brought up to be, and in a manner taboo to most of society to boot.
So here they are, seeking affirmation and understanding, and a place where they can express this new found aspect of themselves with a feeling of comfort and security, and you come along , and because you don't care for their manner of expressing themselves, or they don't fit your concept of proper online socialization, you make comments that they feel call into dispute those very tough life choices that brought them here. Whether your comments were meant to do so or not is irrelevant. It is obvious that they are taken that way, and the honorable thing to do would be to not press the point once you see it causing pain.
But you persist and since they went through a lot of emotional and psychological struggle just to get to the point of coming here and identifying themselves as submissives, it is small wonder they react with anger and defensiveness. They would have to be saints to behave elsewise.
This is not only why they react strongly against you, and it is also why they contribute to those "huggy" threads you hold in so much contempt. Of course, when you make your comments about those threads, you only reaffirm to them the notion that you are attacking not their words or their ideas, but their conception of their core being.

That's the truth, go ahead and make your snide comments now, it won't change the fact that that's the truth.

 

[artful]

My Own Crusade

In my opinion, Lance didn't author "How to Win Friends and Influence
People",...but his communicative skills are very superb.

There seems to have been a few people that took his posts out of context when
he first began contributing in this Forum, and the "Flaming" erupted.

Personally,...the same thing happened to me when I first started posting here.
Thankfully,...RisiaSkye stepped forward and gave me an out, where I could exit
with *Honor*. When Artful's dream started a NEW thread, we again faced less
than welcoming gestures,(PM's and such)

There are times when this happens. For ANY of us to DENY that,...would be to
deny the TRUTH. The problem lies not in the sticky,...the Moderators,
...or Literotica.

The problem is in jumping in, and pointing fingers at a *person*, in caustic and
abusive, words and intents, causing THAT person, to FEEL rejected.

Retaliating, or reponding to those posts, (To defend ones self, is only natural).

When FRIENDS of one person, (likely to BE people who have a vested interest in
PROTECTING one of their own), jump in to SPEAK for someone else, or DEFEND
anothers position, is where the "Flame", breaks out into a "WAR".

Lines are drawn,...sides are formed,...and needless casualties ensue. Well
meaning people get THEIR emotions stepped on,...their feelings get hurt, and the
fire spreads.

Newbies SEE this,...and it DOES inhibit them from posting in this Forum. Hell,...it
would inhibit them from posting in ANY Forum.

I have MANY friends who STILL, will not post in this Forum because they saw
what happened to Dream and I when we FIRST came here. THOSE are just the
people *I* know.

What are the true numbers ? Your guess is as good as anyone elses. As I stated
above, the problem is NOT the sticky, the Moderators, nor Literotica.
The problem is WE posters.

Until people decide to back off, and not respond to the, *possibly* inflammatory
posts, this Forum will likely continue on with these type of NEEDLESS eruptions of
*FLAMES*, and THAT'S why, I sit on the fence with my finger up my ass.

(Just in case anyone missed this post on another thread)

 

[zipman]

Ever Get that feeling of Deja Vu?

Well it's not deja vu, it's Artful's crusade.

Your subtlety may be lost here Artful!

 

[artful]

Re: Ever Get that feeling of Deja Vu?

Well it's not deja vu, it's Artful's crusade.

Your subtlety may be lost here Artful!

Thanks for the mention Zip. I just have nothing better to do at the moment, and I don't really have any constructive thoughts to post a thread. This my way of advancing my post total to 10,000 so I can be one of the BIG guys on Lit.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Ever Get that feeling of Deja Vu?

Thanks for the mention Zip. I just have nothing better to do at the moment, and I don't really have any constructive thoughts to post a thread. This my way of advancing my post total to 10,000 so I can be one of the BIG guys on Lit.

So--- is it about time for a game of Backgammon then? Give me 30 mins.....You know where to meet me. Bring a pillow for that ass-kicking I intend to give you. (I love ya, pal)

Love,
Rose

 

[artful]

ADR

So--- is it about time for a game of Backgammon then? Give me 30 mins.....You know where to meet me. Bring a pillow for that ass-kicking I intend to give you. (I love ya, pal)

Love,
Rose

Speaking of ass kicking,...is yours sore from yesterday? Hmmmm?-LMAO-

(Oh Yeah, just like the song-"I'll,...BE there"!)

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: My Own Crusade

In my opinion, Lance didn't author "How to Win Friends and Influence
People",...but his communicative skills are very superb.

There seems to have been a few people that took his posts out of context when
he first began contributing in this Forum, and the "Flaming" erupted.

Personally,...the same thing happened to me when I first started posting here.
Thankfully,...RisiaSkye stepped forward and gave me an out, where I could exit
with *Honor*. When Artful's dream started a NEW thread, we again faced less
than welcoming gestures,(PM's and such)

There are times when this happens. For ANY of us to DENY that,...would be to
deny the TRUTH. The problem lies not in the sticky,...the Moderators,
...or Literotica.

The problem is in jumping in, and pointing fingers at a *person*, in caustic and
abusive, words and intents, causing THAT person, to FEEL rejected.

Retaliating, or reponding to those posts, (To defend ones self, is only natural).

When FRIENDS of one person, (likely to BE people who have a vested interest in
PROTECTING one of their own), jump in to SPEAK for someone else, or DEFEND
anothers position, is where the "Flame", breaks out into a "WAR".

Lines are drawn,...sides are formed,...and needless casualties ensue. Well
meaning people get THEIR emotions stepped on,...their feelings get hurt, and the
fire spreads.

Newbies SEE this,...and it DOES inhibit them from posting in this Forum. Hell,...it
would inhibit them from posting in ANY Forum.

I have MANY friends who STILL, will not post in this Forum because they saw
what happened to Dream and I when we FIRST came here. THOSE are just the
people *I* know.

What are the true numbers ? Your guess is as good as anyone elses. As I stated
above, the problem is NOT the sticky, the Moderators, nor Literotica.
The problem is WE posters.

Until people decide to back off, and not respond to the, *possibly* inflammatory
posts, this Forum will likely continue on with these type of NEEDLESS eruptions of
*FLAMES*, and THAT'S why, I sit on the fence with my finger up my ass.

(Just in case anyone missed this post on another thread)

Can I have a pic of your finger in your ass? Please?

BTW, An excellent post, Bro.

Sis

 

[Richard49]

I thought what I was agreeing to was that people
weather subs,Doms,Domme or nilla
when they act out in a passive/agressive way
are acting out in fear

Since fear is a secondary emotion
the primary is some form of denial

But hell what do I know
I can't seem to hang on to a sub these days

 

[James Blandings]

James, I've always been aware of the limitations imposed by people like you on expression here due to the preponderance of fragile people in attendance.

That being said, I have no intention of tip-toeing around those too fragile to be in an internet BBS environment.

This is a supportive place, yes....but not a hospital for the broken.
I often offer clear, crisp, support and advice to those I know and those who ask.

If your vision is to be their Florence Nightengale, groovy...go for it!

But don't expect me to share it and don't slam me if I don't....because some of the half-assed advice offered around here will one day bring harm to someone and I'll have no part of that, thanks.

So, if I see someone saying things that suggest the need for medical attention....I'll say it, or I'll say nothing.

And to the armchair Dr. Freuds....I'll likely be sarcastic and insulting for being so short sighted and selfish.

I admire your desire to help others James; we just share differing views on what is actually helpful and what is damaging.

Lance

Neither I, nor anyone else is putting a limitation on your expression here. I believe that is obvious to anyone who peruses a few of your threads.
I do not disagree with you on the non-insulting parts of your post. BDSM is not therapy, either in real life, nor on a message board. But I believe it is hyperbole to claim that the support that goes on amongst the female subs here reachs the level of therapy, and I do not believe that those who are grasping to find their footing are necessarily, as you put it "broken".
I would applaud you if I saw you advising someone who needed serious help to get it. And I do not believe that you think that I , or cym, Risia, or Artful, WD, Caroline, Christa, Miss T, etc.etc., would not advise then to either. We have good people here, we really don't need one self appointed White Knight.
But Lance, can't you see that calling these women bitchs, skanks, morons, etc negates any realistic chance that you can be of any help to any of them? can't you see that every time you insult caroline, other women feel threatened by it as well?Don't you understand that the most well meaning reasonable advice you might give will be eyed with suspicion under the prevailing conditions?
I know, I know, you think they started it all, you insist on massive retaliation when you are wronged, etc. but I hope that you will consider what I've said and not merely go off on another tear about who you don't like and why.