The *Perfect* Match

[Desdemona]

Thanks Art. I do understand what you're saying.

What I failed to convey was the feeling that perhaps my *perfect match* was really something that was too good to be true. Maybe my definition of what is perfect is changing. Learning not to compare new partners to past partners is hard, but should pay off in the end. At this point, I'm trying hard not to romanticise anything about a BDSM relationship. If love comes, it can come later.

 

[Shadowsdream]

The perfect match in BDSM. Where is it? Who has it? Have you seen it? What does it look like? Can you get it? Is it chasing a fantasy? Paint me a picture with your words, tell me what you think.

The CHALLENGE:

Open up your truth, bare your souls honestly. Do it in a serious manner.

The DISCLAIMER:

These *are* trick questions,...it *is* loaded, so beware of what you post. I will come back later, and paint my own picture, using my own brush, and my own colors.

The perfect match in *BDSM* is the one that fullfills You. The one that allows You to be who You are without the need to recreate Yourself through the eyes of Your partner.
It is all around Us.
Those who have it are the O/ones You see basking in mutual respect and honesty.
I have seen it, touched and tasted it in more homes than just My own.
It looks like empathy and sounds like communication. There is no dodging of responsibility nor unrealistic expectations of a relationship that will not have its ups and downs.
If You want it badly enough or fate wishes You to have it it is within Your reach. It is a vision of smoke and mirrors only if You make it one.
BDSM begins in fantasy to keep it a fantasy is Your choice...a freedom of choice. Each step of all journeys can only begin with Your own foot. You may sit down at every twist in the path and daydream or move forward steadily to the destination You choose.
*trick*? No there are no trick questions here unless that trick is to get confirmation of One persons way.

Even here there is no right or wrong answer...perfection is in the eye of the beholder...and imperfection in the eye of the world.

 

[MasterKensbeany]

Originally posted by artful
"The perfect match in BDSM. Where is it? Who has it? Have you seen it? What does it look like? Can you get it? Is it chasing a fantasy? Paint me a picture with your words, tell me what you think.

The CHALLENGE:

Open up your truth, bare your souls honestly. Do it in a serious manner.

The DISCLAIMER:

These *are* trick questions,...it *is* loaded, so beware of what you post. I will come back later, and paint my own picture, using my own brush, and my own colors."
___________________________________________________

I've been thinking about this question a lot today. There was a time, not so long ago, when I thought there was no "perfect match" for me. I had given up completely, living my life alone for many years rather than settle for something less (I'd already done that). Then, into my life walked this man who saw into my heart, knew what I needed and made me his own. Just like that and I'm still astonished by it.

Is he perfect? No, he's not. Am I perfect? Oh hell no. Do we love one another with all our warts showing? Yes, we do. And that is perfection.

Respectfully
beany

 

[Guest]

Re: True Love is The Perfect Match

I am cym

I knew it ....

BTW it's Nurse Chapel, you ignorant.

 

[WriterDom]

Every match is perfect in my opinion. Even the God awful worst relationships contain lessons we need to learn. While I do believe in soulmates, I don’t necessarily believe that we are destined to connect with one in every lifetime.

 

[Desdemona]

temporary hijack

Art, your mailbox is full. Hijack over now.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Perfection is a fantasy

While you are looking for perfection, you miss the reality of what is right in front of your face.

You can have what is real, but perfection will elude you at every turn. Live is short. I do not intend on wasting it chasing a fantasy. But that is Me. YMMV.

Ebony <Maybe it's a black thang>

 

[lark sparrow]

An interesting thread

Any second thoughts, or new additions?

The perfect match in BDSM. Where is it? Who has it? Have you seen it? What does it look like? Can you get it? Is it chasing a fantasy? Paint me a picture with your words, tell me what you think.

The CHALLENGE:

Open up your truth, bare your souls honestly. Do it in a serious manner.

I think we sometimes see perfection in things we don't have, or things we've lost... it can be seen in the things we dream about and strive for... how about your perfection right now, the perfection of the moment in terms of BDSM and where it fits in your life?

Lots of good thoughts and different perspectives in this thread... worth a bump.

 

[Bijoux]

The perfect match in BDSM. Where is it? Who has it? Have you seen it? What does it look like? Can you get it? Is it chasing a fantasy? Paint me a picture with your words, tell me what you think.

Why does it have to be limited to BDSM? Wouldn't any perfect match involve two persons discovering a matching sexuality, mindset, and goal base?

------

The perfect match is built on failure. Failure to communicate and confide. Failure to sense and respond to difficulties. Failure to love someone else before yourself. Its easy to love someone for their good qualities, its harder to love them for their bad.

In the first few months of a relationship a person loves harder than they can handle, lives beyond themselves and not for themselves, and puts their heart up, for the last time they think, for measure. It can't last. The body weakens, the heart falters, the love simmers. This is the period when the perfect match prevails.

When you pass on dinner because of a hard day, when just a month ago you would have went sleepless to be near them....will they forgive you? When you turn away with a weak smile and a "not right now", will they understand? When you just CAN'T get away for a few minutes, when before every day was theirs, will they remain faithful? And if they do, can you do the same? If so, congratulations, you've found the perfect match.

In the perfect match your Lover becomes the sum of everything beautiful and right in your life. Perhaps society would label them heavy, bland, boring, homely, extreme or any number of other terms that compare them to the plethora of lithe, fairskinned, high-breasted, strong boned, pre-pubescent youths running bare skinned about us in a world of omnisexual existence - but it wouldn't matter. The rest of the world bleeds together into a sea of black suits in which you have to really LOOK at a person to see them - and then see only their cosmetic beauty and a black heart. You could paint no image of happiness or beauty without your lovers face, their thoughts, their body. When each thing that makes you smile makes you think of them because they always make you smile, when each moment of lonliness is met with a desire to see them, so they may ease that pain....thats the Perfect Match.

The Perfect Match is a fantasy...but so are alot of things that really happen. It can be seen every day, in D/S and out. In every pair where, to outsiders, they seem so ill-fit save for their total adoration of one another there is a love that knows nothing but itself and sees only the inside.

Its seen in the newlyweds who, although not fashion plates, glow with happiness and joy and their own beauty when they see each other. Its seen in those long wed, their bodies having long forsaken them as childbearers and supporters, who still see each other as they were 30 years ago and still think on each other as the perfect expression of what is 'right' in the world. It can be seen in the aged couple, one lying on the edge waiting for the drawn and dried skin to finally roust them from its confines, while the other looks on, pain and love shining fully from their eyes as they see their beloved, not as they are, but as they were, as they ARE within their minds - perfect, loving, wonderful.

The perfect match ignores reality and creates its own, where each person is what the other needs and faults become strengths, fears become points of courage, and doubts become the stepping stones for an intimacy most of us will never have the pleasure of owning.

---

I have only just reached the crossroad of failures with my beloved. I do not feel that our D/s at all determines whether we will be a sucess or not...any more than finding someone I find intellectually stimulating or who enjoys the same TV shows. Only our abilities to accept one anothers every fault will decide if we are the "perfect match"

But I will say that I believe in IT, the one and only, the emotional magick the fairy tales tell us about. I just think maybe they got it wrong. Too much emphasis is on the person being perfect...not on the people being perfect TOGETHER.

Fate travels a winding path, and hurrying her pace merely leads to misdirection. I never doubt her footsteps, but often my own, and hope she comes knocking shortly.

I apologize for my long-windedness, but here it is.

~
B

 

[naaki]

Re: Re: The *Perfect* Match

Why does it have to be limited to BDSM? Wouldn't any perfect match involve two persons discovering a matching sexuality, mindset, and goal base?.....

beautiful answer. But one thing needs to be added; all of these characterisitics of the perfect match need to be felt mutually. Cause OH LORD, if it's not mutual it is just agony to feel those things about somebody else.

 

[His_sugar]

perfection..

i may never be perfect, the situation may never be perfect, but i might just indeed be perfect *for* Him..

*smiling*

 

[naaki]

Re: perfection..

i may never be perfect, the situation may never be perfect, but i might just indeed be perfect *for* Him..

*smiling*

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need!"

 

[bunny bondage]

perfection is what i try to be for Him. i know i'll never get there (for instance, i don't think i'll EVER stop biting my nails no matter WHAT he does to my hand) but it is the struggle that makes it worthwhile. it is my path toward perfection that makes me a good match for Him. i think the truth is that there is no true "perfect match" only two people who TRY to be good to eachother and understand their partner's needs and inner workings.

 

[~Dream~]

Re: Re: The *Perfect* Match

Why does it have to be limited to BDSM? Wouldn't any perfect match involve two persons discovering a matching sexuality, mindset, and goal base?

------

The perfect match is built on failure. Failure to communicate and confide. Failure to sense and respond to difficulties. Failure to love someone else before yourself. Its easy to love someone for their good qualities, its harder to love them for their bad.

In the first few months of a relationship a person loves harder than they can handle, lives beyond themselves and not for themselves, and puts their heart up, for the last time they think, for measure. It can't last. The body weakens, the heart falters, the love simmers. This is the period when the perfect match prevails.

When you pass on dinner because of a hard day, when just a month ago you would have went sleepless to be near them....will they forgive you? When you turn away with a weak smile and a "not right now", will they understand? When you just CAN'T get away for a few minutes, when before every day was theirs, will they remain faithful? And if they do, can you do the same? If so, congratulations, you've found the perfect match.

In the perfect match your Lover becomes the sum of everything beautiful and right in your life. Perhaps society would label them heavy, bland, boring, homely, extreme or any number of other terms that compare them to the plethora of lithe, fairskinned, high-breasted, strong boned, pre-pubescent youths running bare skinned about us in a world of omnisexual existence - but it wouldn't matter. The rest of the world bleeds together into a sea of black suits in which you have to really LOOK at a person to see them - and then see only their cosmetic beauty and a black heart. You could paint no image of happiness or beauty without your lovers face, their thoughts, their body. When each thing that makes you smile makes you think of them because they always make you smile, when each moment of lonliness is met with a desire to see them, so they may ease that pain....thats the Perfect Match.

The Perfect Match is a fantasy...but so are alot of things that really happen. It can be seen every day, in D/S and out. In every pair where, to outsiders, they seem so ill-fit save for their total adoration of one another there is a love that knows nothing but itself and sees only the inside.

Its seen in the newlyweds who, although not fashion plates, glow with happiness and joy and their own beauty when they see each other. Its seen in those long wed, their bodies having long forsaken them as childbearers and supporters, who still see each other as they were 30 years ago and still think on each other as the perfect expression of what is 'right' in the world. It can be seen in the aged couple, one lying on the edge waiting for the drawn and dried skin to finally roust them from its confines, while the other looks on, pain and love shining fully from their eyes as they see their beloved, not as they are, but as they were, as they ARE within their minds - perfect, loving, wonderful.

The perfect match ignores reality and creates its own, where each person is what the other needs and faults become strengths, fears become points of courage, and doubts become the stepping stones for an intimacy most of us will never have the pleasure of owning.

---

I have only just reached the crossroad of failures with my beloved. I do not feel that our D/s at all determines whether we will be a sucess or not...any more than finding someone I find intellectually stimulating or who enjoys the same TV shows. Only our abilities to accept one anothers every fault will decide if we are the "perfect match"

But I will say that I believe in IT, the one and only, the emotional magick the fairy tales tell us about. I just think maybe they got it wrong. Too much emphasis is on the person being perfect...not on the people being perfect TOGETHER.

Fate travels a winding path, and hurrying her pace merely leads to misdirection. I never doubt her footsteps, but often my own, and hope she comes knocking shortly.

I apologize for my long-windedness, but here it is.

~
B

___________________

straight out of a fairy tale but it was beautiful , none theless , wonderful even

 

[~Dream~]

You said the perfect match. What if you had it,but didn't know it. You let him go. Didn't even know you had it, till it was to late. Someone else was able to submit to him.

_

_________________

listen to YOUR heart sexy sis and do what is best for YOU not anyone else and do it NOW , before its too late...

 

[Lancecastor]

listen to YOUR heart sexy sis and do what is best for YOU not anyone else and do it NOW , before its too late...

Yes, make sure you take your relationship advice from ~Dream~.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Yes, make sure you take your relationship advice from ~Dream~.

ROTFLMAO!!!

Eb

 

[Gorath_00]

This is going to be short and sweet, but for most, bitter.

Perfection can never be achieved. Ever. Once you achieve former goals, you always want more. Its not anyone's fault, it is what it is to be human. If you seek perfection, you will fail. Utterly. It isnt wrong to seek perfection.. but you will always make mistakes along the way.. as Ben Franklin said..

It is human to err, to repent, devine, to repeat (forgot the word he used right there.. hmm)) devilish.

 

[Bijoux]

Yes, make sure you take your relationship advice from ~Dream~.

Your tongue is razor sharp Lance...that's what I admire about you

 

[Desdemona]

Your tongue is razor sharp Lance...that's what I admire about you

His wit is even sharper.

 

[maddi]

When I am perfect life will be so much easier...

but the problem is until I end up in Heaven perfection is not attainable (but the standard is still there)...

Be Ye Therefore perfect, even as your father which is in heaven is perfect.... Matthew 5:48

So all I can do is strive to love like 1 Corinthians 13 and depend a lot on grace. The grace of my Dom/Husband and the grace of God..that I will learn from my mistakes and become a better person.

To me a couple that is always working toward perfection, yet realizes that only one person was ever perfect, comes as close perfection as possible on this earth.

Love is a powerful thing and it has so many shades from friendship to adoration and the perfect BDSM relationship to me lives somewhere in between.

Maddi

 

[~Dream~]

lmfao @ Lance

AKA the one who doesnt have the *balls* to post under his own name when he stalks me!!

God something smells in this thead oops I can thinkof a good reason .. LANCE IS FULL OF s***!! LMAO OH PLEASE do RESPOND , YA KNOW YA WANNA ... ROF " judge not lest ye be judged people" , remember that.... or do ya read?

 

[~Dream~]

lmfao @ Lance

AKA the one who doesnt have the *balls* to post under his own name when he stalks me!!

God something smells in this thead oops I can thinkof a good reason .. LANCE IS FULL OF s***!! LMAO OH PLEASE do RESPOND , YA KNOW YA WANNA ... ROF " judge not lest ye be judged people" , remember that.... or do ya read?

 

[~Dream~]

lmfao @ Lance

ROF @ idiots

 

[P. B. Walker]

Can ya keep it down to one frickin post? Just what we need... 3 times as much nonsense and stupid ass sig.

PBW "You know you wanna suck it..."