The Predators Among Us

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

http://fldoc.gov/ActiveInmates/Detail.asp?Bookmark=1&From=list&SessionID=381076352

I took this nasty boy into custody 12 years ago. Good looking guy, charming as can be.

 

[graceanne]

Naaah. Its always the guys who are too nice. The rest of us dont give a shit, and so we let it all hang out. The killers always look like Pat Boone.

That's my point. People, like pat boone give me the whillies, you gotta wonder what they're hiding. After all, statistically, the average serial killer is a white male from a lower-to-middle-class background, usually in his twenties or thirties . . . etc. They're normally charming people, who everyone likes.

 

[Netzach]

Serial Killers may camoflauge themselves but it's cool that dickheads tend to broadcast it pretty loud and proud. I seriously begin to wonder what gives when a lot of women are amazed that this guy who was kind of an asshole when they began dating remains one or intensifies his act.

 

[midwestyankee]

Serial Killers may camoflauge themselves but it's cool that dickheads tend to broadcast it pretty loud and proud. I seriously begin to wonder what gives when a lot of women are amazed that this guy who was kind of an asshole when they began dating remains one or intensifies his act.

As to your second point, don't you think there's something to the notion that a lot of women choose their mates from a desire to be the Angel of Change?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

GRACEANNE

And they're at church every time the doors are open....fighting back Satan.

No one ever mentions it, but I think your average Baptist and Pentecostal look creepy. I have the same sentiments about priests and nuns.

I had a nun for a client. She got pregnant (twice) and tried to murder one of the kids. The kids went apeshit during court-ordered visits with her.

NETZACH

Dickheads are a different species. We're more nuisance than lethal.

 

[Netzach]

As to your second point, don't you think there's something to the notion that a lot of women choose their mates from a desire to be the Angel of Change?

Oy.

Yes.

Also, I'm amazed at how few women or people in general, actually, have a bad experience and do the "how could I do this differently next time?" moment and actually do anything differently rather than stay mired in "that asshole that bitch" mode forever and ever and just go find another version of that person a soon as they can.

Again, I'm not into victim blaming here, but I think there's some blame to be had when people might as well have "victim" T shirts on.

 

[FungiUg]

I'm amazed at how few women or people in general, actually, have a bad experience and do the "how could I do this differently next time?" moment and actually do anything differently rather than stay mired in "that asshole that bitch" mode forever and ever and just go find another version of that person a soon as they can.

Actually, I think you would be quite valid to generalise that to people and relationships, irrespective of gender or orientation. I've ben doing some relationship counselling of late (receiving), and apparently one of the common things is for people to repeat the same relationship mistakes over and over.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I know a woman, she's on her 4th marriage. All of her husbands were assholes because they left her. But here's what she does.

She gets in relationships because she cant handle being alone. She has crying fits when she's by herself. So she grabs the first guy who gives her attention. She's smart and attractive and a lot of fun. But once her fears abate, she starts looking around for a better guy. Then she sneaks around for coffee or a drink. And swaps emails and phonecalls when hubby is away.

And eventually hubby finds her out, and leaves her.

 

[midwestyankee]

Oy.

Yes.

Also, I'm amazed at how few women or people in general, actually, have a bad experience and do the "how could I do this differently next time?" moment and actually do anything differently rather than stay mired in "that asshole that bitch" mode forever and ever and just go find another version of that person a soon as they can.

Again, I'm not into victim blaming here, but I think there's some blame to be had when people might as well have "victim" T shirts on.

This is a very common behavioral pattern. Think of folks who know that they're overweight and harming their health due to personal habits and choose not to change. Think of folks who know all about the likely damage that smoking does to them who don't do anything about quitting. There's a very good book coming out (I've read chunks of it that were posted in a business blog) on this pattern. People know what they're doing wrong, they know what to do to change and they know how to do what they need to do to change, and yet they persist in their destructive or dysfunctional behaviors. Organizations behave in the same way, which is the author's focus as a consultant.

If we examine ourselves closely enough, I suspect that most of us would see some form of this avoidance behavior in our lives. I know I can see some in mine.

 

[pleasantville]

I am new to posting in Lit and wonder how am I percieved when I jump into an established thread? Not looking for any developments in my posts just lonely and want to chat.

 

[FungiUg]

I am new to posting in Lit and wonder how am I percieved when I jump into an established thread? Not looking for any developments in my posts just lonely and want to chat.

I'll send you a PM.

 

[Krinaia]

The serial killer thing is well... there are so few so while it's good to watch out for the true crazies... let's not forget that most women are raped by people they thought they knew and could trust. At least that's the stat I've heard.

I know I've date a few jerkfaces - and played with one or two. Usually it happens when the loneliness goes to my head and I allow a lapse of judgement.

Less than two years ago... I had gone through a phase of complete loneliness. I just was feeling really vulnerable. I went out with this fellow two times. He was about a decade older. He was truthful that he didn't think the age difference could work for him so he enjoyed going out with me but he didn't think a relationship would work... ie, fuck buddies. And I was horny and lonely. And the second time we made out - I had let him know I was into it a little bit rough, that I had "toyed" with "s&m"... at he wanted sex and I didn't want to go that far. but he held me down and kept pushing it and I said no and he wouldn't let me up. And I freaked but he thought because I had "toyed" with s&m that no meant "yes" all of a sudden. I finally went completely still and said, "no" with a tone of voice that would have stopped an avalanche in its tracks. He let up and I tossed him out never to see him again. But it made me reassess my actions BIG TIME. I had come so close to being taken advantage of.

Before those of you who know me REALLY freak out and scold me.. I was using a safecall that night and I had a safeword set up with my safecall. My call came seconds after I had this guy zipping up his pants. Scared the shit out of me and put proper fear into me.

So here's something to add to this thread... base on my shared story. While watching for red flags - never forget the safety chat with the new playmate. Only come out to people who deserve to be trusted with the knowledge.

Pleaase don't let me regret sharing my experiences here.

 

[Netzach]

The serial killer thing is well... there are so few so while it's good to watch out for the true crazies... let's not forget that most women are raped by people they thought they knew and could trust. At least that's the stat I've heard.

I know I've date a few jerkfaces - and played with one or two. Usually it happens when the loneliness goes to my head and I allow a lapse of judgement.

Less than two years ago... I had gone through a phase of complete loneliness. I just was feeling really vulnerable. I went out with this fellow two times. He was about a decade older. He was truthful that he didn't think the age difference could work for him so he enjoyed going out with me but he didn't think a relationship would work... ie, fuck buddies. And I was horny and lonely. And the second time we made out - I had let him know I was into it a little bit rough, that I had "toyed" with "s&m"... at he wanted sex and I didn't want to go that far. but he held me down and kept pushing it and I said no and he wouldn't let me up. And I freaked but he thought because I had "toyed" with s&m that no meant "yes" all of a sudden. I finally went completely still and said, "no" with a tone of voice that would have stopped an avalanche in its tracks. He let up and I tossed him out never to see him again. But it made me reassess my actions BIG TIME. I had come so close to being taken advantage of.

Before those of you who know me REALLY freak out and scold me.. I was using a safecall that night and I had a safeword set up with my safecall. My call came seconds after I had this guy zipping up his pants. Scared the shit out of me and put proper fear into me.

So here's something to add to this thread... base on my shared story. While watching for red flags - never forget the safety chat with the new playmate. Only come out to people who deserve to be trusted with the knowledge.

Pleaase don't let me regret sharing my experiences here.

I'm glad you're OK. And you sound like a perfect example of someone who IS incorporating awareness, and changing your game plan without flagellating yourself over the past.

 

[Krinaia]

eh it was one dumb mistake.

but the thing i think people forget is that not all abusers are going to kill you in some fantastic gruesome way. sometimes they'll just ripe out a bit of your heart... or take advantage of you finacially, or emotionally, or physically.

and it's important to watch for red flags even in the men you think you already know not just the ones who are new to you.

 

[ecstaticsub]

The serial killer thing is well... there are so few so while it's good to watch out for the true crazies... let's not forget that most women are raped by people they thought they knew and could trust. At least that's the stat I've heard.

I know I've date a few jerkfaces - and played with one or two. Usually it happens when the loneliness goes to my head and I allow a lapse of judgement.

Less than two years ago... I had gone through a phase of complete loneliness. I just was feeling really vulnerable. I went out with this fellow two times. He was about a decade older. He was truthful that he didn't think the age difference could work for him so he enjoyed going out with me but he didn't think a relationship would work... ie, fuck buddies. And I was horny and lonely. And the second time we made out - I had let him know I was into it a little bit rough, that I had "toyed" with "s&m"... at he wanted sex and I didn't want to go that far. but he held me down and kept pushing it and I said no and he wouldn't let me up. And I freaked but he thought because I had "toyed" with s&m that no meant "yes" all of a sudden. I finally went completely still and said, "no" with a tone of voice that would have stopped an avalanche in its tracks. He let up and I tossed him out never to see him again. But it made me reassess my actions BIG TIME. I had come so close to being taken advantage of.

Before those of you who know me REALLY freak out and scold me.. I was using a safecall that night and I had a safeword set up with my safecall. My call came seconds after I had this guy zipping up his pants. Scared the shit out of me and put proper fear into me.

So here's something to add to this thread... base on my shared story. While watching for red flags - never forget the safety chat with the new playmate. Only come out to people who deserve to be trusted with the knowledge.

Pleaase don't let me regret sharing my experiences here.

Thanks for sharing. That is a great reminder to only tell those who we can really trust about our s&m tendencies.

 

[FungiUg]

eh it was one dumb mistake..

The thing about "dumb mistakes" is how often we go on to repeat them. Making a dumb mistake is very human. Not repeating it is smart.

Talking about this stuff and raising each other's awareness is how we go about learning to avoid making the same dumb mistakes over and over.

 

[graceanne]

GRACEANNE

No one ever mentions it, but I think your average Baptist and Pentecostal look creepy. I have the same sentiments about priests and nuns.

You and me both, but that might just be the fakeness that gets me. I hate people who ask me how I am, but dont' really want to know.

 

[graceanne]

The thing about "dumb mistakes" is how often we go on to repeat them. Making a dumb mistake is very human. Not repeating it is smart.

Talking about this stuff and raising each other's awareness is how we go about learning to avoid making the same dumb mistakes over and over.

Humans are creatures of habit. If they don't spend everyday concentrating on doing something different (until *different* becomes their habit) they will automatically return to their habit?

Think about it, in highschool - did you do the same thing (or sit at the same table) every day? Do you have a favorite spot to sit at in your house? If you aren't paying attention will you find yourself on 'auto pilot' while driving, and go to where you normally go instead of where your'egoing that day?

Well, it works for relationships, too. If it's the norm for you to have abusive relationships it's going to take a lot of work and self honesty to change that patter, that habit.

 

[im_a_voyeur]

Humans are creatures of habit. If they don't spend everyday concentrating on doing something different (until *different* becomes their habit) they will automatically return to their habit?

Think about it, in highschool - did you do the same thing (or sit at the same table) every day? Do you have a favorite spot to sit at in your house? If you aren't paying attention will you find yourself on 'auto pilot' while driving, and go to where you normally go instead of where your'egoing that day?

Well, it works for relationships, too. If it's the norm for you to have abusive relationships it's going to take a lot of work and self honesty to change that patter, that habit.

Preach, my sista, preach!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

GRACEANNE

What you say is true for the most part. Most of us are pretty habituated.
BUT! There are a few people out there for whom every event is a novel event, and they are incapable of connecting one set of circumstances with an identical set of circumstances from yesterday or last week. AND most people forget that roses come with thorns. If you want the rose you gotta count on thorns.

I had an old dog who hated my sister-in-law. He was wise. And she insisted she and SugarBear were gonna be friends. Except that SugarBear wanted no part of it and bit her when she tried to pet him. He musta bit Joyce a dozen times. But she never got the part about SugarBear hated her.

 

[Krinaia]

You and me both, but that might just be the fakeness that gets me. I hate people who ask me how I am, but dont' really want to know.

i think you would enjoy reading Xenophobe's guide to the Americas. (its obviously non-fiction but it's as easy and fun to read as those silly Crazy Law books if you remember them).

 

[Evil_Geoff]

The White Knights usually set off all my alarm bells, too. You know, if something seems to good to be true, then it usually is and all that. I've always been suspicious of people who are out to 'rescue' others. What's in it for the rescuer?

*He stands, feet planted firmly, shoulder width apart, his fists on his hips, back straight, head turned slightly to the side and chin raised at a jaunty angle, cape blowing in the breeze, a broad grin on his face...*

Faster than a speeding golf cart...
More powerful than a trolling motor...
Able to leap mummified submissives in a single bound!

Look! Down in the dungeon!

It's a rat!

It's an executioner!

Noooo it's UBERDOM!

Fighter of fantasy!
Defender of Truth, Justice, and the 1500 Year Old Secret European House of Domination Way!

Hhhhheeeeeeeere I come to save the daaaaaayyyyyy!

Gracie... the rescuers, the real one's, do it for the same reason a lot of people go into law enforcement, or firefighting, or nursing or other "giving" professions. It allows them to feel like they are doing something worthwhile, that they are helping, that they are making a difference to someone... anyone. It gives their own life meaning, something that they may otherwise lack.

I know. I used to be one. I finally burned out on it, rescuing others put _ME_ at risk, used up my emotional energy, drained my resources. While I am still a "giver" I no longer feel the obligation (or desire!) to rescue every damsel in distress. I save it for those I care about, and I know care about me.

YIK,
- Geoff

 

[Netzach]

*He stands, feet planted firmly, shoulder width apart, his fists on his hips, back straight, head turned slightly to the side and chin raised at a jaunty angle, cape blowing in the breeze, a broad grin on his face...*

Faster than a speeding golf cart...
More powerful than a trolling motor...
Able to leap mummified submissives in a single bound!

Look! Down in the dungeon!

It's a rat!

It's an executioner!

Noooo it's UBERDOM!

Fighter of fantasy!
Defender of Truth, Justice, and the 1500 Year Old Secret European House of Domination Way!

Hhhhheeeeeeeere I come to save the daaaaaayyyyyy!

Gracie... the rescuers, the real one's, do it for the same reason a lot of people go into law enforcement, or firefighting, or nursing or other "giving" professions. It allows them to feel like they are doing something worthwhile, that they are helping, that they are making a difference to someone... anyone. It gives their own life meaning, something that they may otherwise lack.

I know. I used to be one. I finally burned out on it, rescuing others put _ME_ at risk, used up my emotional energy, drained my resources. While I am still a "giver" I no longer feel the obligation (or desire!) to rescue every damsel in distress. I save it for those I care about, and I know care about me.

YIK,
- Geoff

Totally.

It's a neurosis. I can count on two hands the D/s relationships between a dude and a femsub that went explodie because he was a rescuer, rescued her, then had to continue rescuing every messed up puppy in town, claiming "poly" in the name of the quest. Oy, again.

 

[midwestyankee]

Totally.

It's a neurosis. I can count on two hands the D/s relationships between a dude and a femsub that went explodie because he was a rescuer, rescued her, then had to continue rescuing every messed up puppy in town, claiming "poly" in the name of the quest. Oy, again.

You know what Bubba the Dom said at last week's munch in East Rebelyell?

"Poly wants a cracker."




Sorry....just couldn't pass up the chance.

 

[FungiUg]

It's a neurosis. I can count on two hands the D/s relationships between a dude and a femsub that went explodie because he was a rescuer, rescued her, then had to continue rescuing every messed up puppy in town, claiming "poly" in the name of the quest. Oy, again.

Looks guilty

I hope I have stopped doing it. The last couple of "applicants" I had I said no to because they would have been in that category.

I can say that none of my current "involvements" fall into the "rescue" category, and for me that's a huge improvement. Doesn't mean I don't get caught up in the moment and have to stop myself on occasion though.