The Real JBJ Fan Club

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Link please.

Its coming. Be patient.

 

[subdued_passion]

My consolation are America's Great Literary Masterpieces, almost all of them call a spade a nigger or coon or jiggaboom. Its like a granite monument filled with the sweet words of God. Gods and genius don't like niggaz or fairys. I was reading tonight how fairys during the depression traded sandwiches for butt.

- JBJ, responding to allegations of turning the GB into LiterotiKKKa.



Personally, I find this allegation unfair because JBJ seems to piss on most any one 'cept himself.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

- JBJ, responding to allegations of turning the GB into LiterotiKKKa.



Personally, I find this allegation unfair because JBJ seems to piss on most any one 'cept himself.

I practiced on me till I got it right then used the skill on the general public.

 

[subdued_passion]

DOES NOT COMPUTE.

I just had an epiphany.

I have epiphanies about every day.

Ninety-nine percent of them pertain to gardening.

Thirty years ago I had epiphanies about logic. No one on planet Earth believes that Jim Johnson is logical but logic is one of my highest aptitudes. It and geometry, statistics, and visual-spatial modeling (that is, making images in my head). But the logic fools everyone.

Forty years ago I had epiphanies about engineering problems.

Anyway, lately I'm thinking about sex because almost all sex scenes get it wrong. If you watch as many amateur vids as I do it becomes plain that what we do and what we say we do aren't the same thing. The sex writing is bull shit. The best porn there ever was is when Olivia De Haviland is talking to Mammy and Scarlet and see's Ashley turn off the road to walk up the drive to Tara. The 1000 yard stare that only lovers and the dead experience. She goes apeshit and flees to him. Scarlet, on the other hand, is after another trophy, like plenty want another orgasm.

But the gut wrenching yearning makes your feet move and your eyes light up and your arms say, 'howdy!' It cant be contained.

- JBJ on *scratches head* ummm... let's go with writing convincing sex scenes.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Hey guys! Here's some new poop for the seduction game.

She'll touch you first if she wants it. If she doesn't touch you toss her back, she's there for the popcorn and raisinettes.

 

[subdued_passion]

Hey guys! Here's some new poop for the seduction game.

She'll touch you first if she wants it. If she doesn't touch you toss her back, she's there for the popcorn and raisinettes.

Ahem. Wrong thread JBJ. But I do appreciate you saving me the trouble of quoting.

 

[subdued_passion]

I contend no one knows what theyre blabbering about when they speak of PASSION.

Do you mean obsession? Compulsion? Anger? Lust? Joy? Rage?


Long ago passion was an intense, uncommon experience like the execution of Jesus. Or Picketts Charge at Gettysburg. Or the destruction of the Texans at the Alamo.

Now its a boner. Or watching Miley twerk.

- JBJ, on whether Passion is overrated.

 

[subdued_passion]

Barbie Clones do nuthin for me, I mean, I appreciate their beauty, but the beauty is like the crap girls gotta feed guests at their weddings. $100 a plate grass clippings, baked potatoes, and mystery meat. I'd rather enjoy a steak & fries kinda woman, or corned beef & cabbage gal.

If shes a little too much to love, paint her hips with bakers grease and push her thru the door.

Like one old country boy told me, if shes big enuf you can use that pussy for a sleeping bag.

- JBJ, on the subject of cosmetically enhanced beauties.

 

[subdued_passion]

AH is like geezer daycare.

- JBJ, on the Author's Hangout Board

 

[subdued_passion]

This one is a true gem

Guys? Here's the real list.


1. Never diss her mother.
2. Don't get involved in her fights with her family, be there with the towels and teeth guards and encouragement but stay outta the ring.
3. She comes first before your momma or sisters. Kill mom if you gotta.
4. It doesn't hurt to notice chores and do them before she asks.
5. Its OK to put your foot down and make her do what she really wants to do. It lifts the guilt burden off her. HE KNOWS WE CANT AFFORD TO EAT AT CHEZ TEXACO, AND I WAS PERFECTLY FINE GOING TO THE SPAMORAMA. BUT NO!!!!! DADDY WARBUCKS INSISTED ON CHEZ TEXACO. HE'S SO STUBBORN. Or the newest iPad or whatever. If she mentions it, she wants it.

6. Tell her, THERES NO WAY IN HELL YOU LOOK 30,40,50, 60, 70, whatever. And if she asks, tell her I DUNNO, YOU COULD PROLLY STAND TO GAIN ANOTHER COUPLE POUNDS.

- JBJ's checklist for pleasing a women.



Thar's gold in them thar words. *nods*

 

[subdued_passion]

JBJ's response to a whiny poster crying about how he sits fapping in front of his computer screen while the rest of us go about having hawt steamy sex lives.

LIT is no premium passion pit for the love lorn, and nuthin to write home about. I estimate 1/3 of members are teens, 1/3 are geriatrics, and 1/3 are turd tappers pretending to be females.