THE STALKING

[KillerMuffin]

RAIDERS FREAKIN SUCK!!!!!!!

Icky yucky blah and all those icky gagging words. I abhor the Raiders. Rotten rat finks, almost as bad as the *horror* the San Fransisco Fairies..oops, 49ers. PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS!!!!!!!!!! I am a die hard cheese head. All my smooooochies to that gorgeous womanlover... mebbe sum lickins too. hmmmmm

 

[Womanlover]

Womanlovaire, he like black shiny jacket!

Ah, la belle Muffeen, Womanlovaire putting on cologne to get ready for dose smoochie, an he say to tell sweet darlin' American honey pie, he never heard of any Raider when he bought jacket eh?.......some guy in da store in USA say, Eh,...(no, he never say, eh) he say, "Huh, you look good in that jacket, I'll knock 20 per cent of that for you huh" And so dat Womanlovaire, he bought dat, eh?" But he say, he nevaire watch dat football because he say dey got no "blue dot" to help heem follow where dat ball is eh? Dat harder to follow dan hockey puck!"

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmm!

Hey! Womanlovaire bodysheck me again!

Get off that keyboard you goofball! Hi sweet darlin American honey pie! Smoochies to you!

XXXXXXXXXXXX

 

[Womanlover]

Nice Soft Pretty Toes!

Dat WomanLovaire tol me dat he hope La Belle Muffeen have nice soft pretty toes because he liking very much to lick an suck on dem, eh? He very much love da whol wooman, even da toes............maybe he love da weemen too much dat guy.....eh??? What you theenk chere muffeen?

 

[Womanlover]

Jean Claude writes a song for la MUFFEEN

Eh? womanLOVAIRE!

What......!!!

Eh, I was tinking bout dat darleeng MuffEEN an ya know I rote a song for elle.....her.....an' it goes like dis,

AMERICAN WOMAN, CUM AN' UMP WID ME HEE...........

AMERICAN WOMAN, MAMMA UMP WID ME HEE!!!

Pretty good, eh?

THAT SONG'S ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN YOU TWIT! GUESS WHO WROTE IT!

I dunno Womanlovaire, who?

NO, dummy, GUESS WHO is the name of the group!

I tol you dat I don't know, already, you def!

RANDY BACHMAN BURTON CUMMINGS FOUNDED THE GUESS WHO YOU FUCKIN DUMB FROG!!!

An' JEAN CLAUDE TELL YOU HE DON"T KNOW!!! WHY YOU ASK ME HOVER AND HOVER DA QUESTION I DON"T KNOW!!!!!

I BODY CHECK YOU RIGHT OVER DA CENTER HEISS BORD IF YOU HASK ME ANY MORE TO GUESS WHO WROTE DAT SONG!!

I give up.........anglophones and francophones are on different wave lengths!

 

[KillerMuffin]

The Dr. Is in

That'll be 5 cents.

And how long have you been having these voices you say?

 

[Womanlover]

For a vewy, vewy long time.......he he he he he! Also do a pretty good Yosemite Sam! Are you getting tired of Jean Claude darling Muffin?

I kan unt I vill svitch to Helmut Kraus! eef You vish.......he hass been vatching Jean Claude viss krate chealosee! Unt he vood like fairy much to meet zee muffeeen!

 

[Womanlover]

How bout a new story......c'mon muffin, more Billy Bob or Bobby Joe, or whatever you called him....

 

[Womanlover]

Muffin is attractive

Muffin, I've thought it over......it MUST be your seraphical disinclension that is the alluring factor responsible for the teeming throngs coming to read these tangled threads......keep answering Pleeaaaaasssssee so my thread can remain popular and also, give me some licks and kisses and let me suck on your toesies!

 

[Womanlover]

Just a frennly remindAIRE to all you reader of dese tread, dat Jean Claude remin you to read dat story da STALKING if you like to ear about da STALKER pickin on da WRONG VictEEM, eh? EH, dat big altaired female she make mince meat outa dat guy, eh? She don even bodder wid da body shecking or anyting.........she give heem good lickING, ha ha! He deserve dat for erting wimmens!

Muffffffffeeeeeeeeeeenn! Where is you??

 

[KillerMuffin]

*wiggles her toes*

Beg me baby.

 

[Womanlover]

PANT PANT PANT PANT.....BEG BEG!

Sluuuuuuuurrrrrrrp! Yummy!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Since ya'll begged so purty but didn't tell me what for I'll make it up...

Umm could you please have Jean Claude explain this whole body shecking thing. I just don't understand what the devil he's supposed to be talking about. He is a he isn't he? The only Jean that comes to mind is Jean Stapleton. The british actress. No wait! I know a Jean... Jean Claude Van Dammit, otherwise known as that Preening Prancing Pouting Primadonna. He makes me think of Jean Stapleton too. Whats with all this body shecking? Is it like shedding?

 

[Womanlover]

Chere Muffeen!

you remember back when I firs intro doos myself eh? An I tol' you I play ockey wid dem Canadien eh? Well dere I tol' you dat a big deFENSman he Body Sheck me over da board......into your lap! Dat mean e hit me wit da body........he Sheck me.......an' knock me over da board! Well dat is like da tackle in football eh, onlEE we call dat a body sheck in ockey, eh?

Ah oui, I am eider a man........or I make a very uglee woman eh?? ha ha ha! La Muffeeen she so cute!

 

[KillerMuffin]

oOOOOooooOOOOOOooOO I understand

You mean body checking. Okay, I get it. I thought body shecking was something to do with smooching.

*La Muffeeen body shecks Jean Claude over the boards straight into Jean Stapleton's lap!!!! The crowd goes wild!!!! GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

 

[Womanlover]

Oh ya, eh? Dat was da Franch Canayen accSENT dat confoos you! Ya, dat is because sometime we say "sh" soun for da "ch" eh?

I like dat how you say "y'all" eh? in Franch, we do dat one too, we say........."VOUS TOUS" you all and "NOUS TOUS" dat mean "we all"

smooshies from Jean Claude! And dat is like John Claude, eh?

 

[KillerMuffin]

Heh heh heh

Karoochi?

Uddun shigan naga yunguhro malmote heh. Neh? Nappun romanization ssusehgeeman, naga hangookin anieh, kooreego, naga just wings it.

 

[Womanlover]

Eh, Muffeen...........???? What does dat meen........

"Naga just Wings it" ???

But WomanLOVAIRE say all da res of dat sennece is very clear, and your gramma is fine, whatever he meen by dat!!! He don menshon your grampa at all He also say, wiggle dem toesies again for sucking! He like dat!

[Edited by womanlover on 08-25-2000 at 10:40 AM]

 

[KillerMuffin]

Well, actually, upon retrospect, the grammar is incorrect and driving me absolutely insane. It should actually read:

"Hangookin anisuh, naga it just wingsheh."

After all, this isn't English, is it?

*wiggles her toes for womanlover*

conjugations of be:

bzzzzzzzz

 

[Womanlover]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........*suck,suck,lick,lick, nibble,nibble, nibble, slurp, slurp.....smmmmooooochies!*

Actually sweet darlin American honey pie, I thought you were starting another Southern Cracker story, and that was Billy Bob's opening dialogue with Cousin Elly asking for a friendly poke!!!

 

[KillerMuffin]

*stealing one of womanlover's lollipops (how many licks does it take to get the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop anyway?) from the bag*

slurrp lick lick slurp

Thats not exactly English either, is it?

slurrp lick lick CHOMP

 

[Womanlover]

Howdy Muffin darlin, how 'r' y'all? M' names Beverly Davis, and Ahm, ritin t' ya from this dad burned compooter that this frenchy Canuck an' a weirdo name o' woman luver 'llowed me t' youse. Ahm a visitin up here in Caynada, an' I cain't hardly unnerstand these Canuckleheads........that's when Ah met this french guy and the woman luvver an' they tol' me bout y'all and said maybe y'could hep me a bit. Y' see, Ah had ma skis all nahsly on ma roof rack an' was lookin ford t' some good august skiin here in Vancouver an' y'know, these ignoramusses can't tell me war t' fin it??? Now's that the hospitallitee they bin braggin bout in them BROshures? Now kin y'all hep me to kummoonicate with these morons........NOW WARS THE DAD BURNED SNOW!!!!!! TELL ME TELL ME TELL MEEEEEEE!!!!


Eh, Muffeen, I ope you don min' we interdoose Baverly to you eh? He vary upset whenever he don' get to ski......we try to tell eem, cum in December but 'e, say someting like......Ah don' git ma dat burned holidays in December.......!

Oh an Muffeen, eh? Dat Woman luver perfer your toes, to dat looly pop dat you menshon!

[Edited by womanlover on 08-25-2000 at 09:57 AM]

 

[Womanlover]

Just a reminder from your friendly Womanlover that you can find THE STALKING under the non consent heading, even though consent finally, and thankfully does come at the time of the big CUM!

Sweet darlin Muffin.........that was a "Footsie Roll" I was sucking!


[Edited by womanlover on 08-25-2000 at 10:36 AM]

 

[KillerMuffin]

What's your middle name Beverly? Can't jes refer to ya by your first name, taint nachral.

Skip that thare snow stuff, itz fer them wacky canuckleheads who like that there body sheckin business. Like to have nocked a body clean offa their seat iffn ya know what I mean.

Load up th truck and getcha sum mud. Waterskiin thru them swamps is fun two. Jes hitch up th rig to granpappy n tell him the revnoors is after his still agin.

 

[Womanlover]

HOT DAMN

HOT DAMN! It's good t' har sumun who kin tawk American fer a chayenge! These Yanks up har.......! Don't eat possum ana onie thang "shine" means to em is what the sun dont do too damn much of ina winner! Middle nayems Lee.....honny........I got named affer a sex maniac, smart alecky, know it all, INGLISH EXPERT relative name o Dixon Cawtah Lee! That's why I don say my all three nayems too much onacounta folks thanks I'm a stutterin when I sigh em.....Beverly Lee Davis. Y'know what else a happen t' me? This lunatic name o' JOE came up t' me.......he smelt bad o beer 'n' looked four sheets t' the wind an' he sayez.........I AM JOE AND THE LETTER IS ZED DAMMIT ZED ZED ZED ZED ZED.........!!!! Poundin' his feeusts on the groun' ana cryin' we wont Gretzky bayack, we wont Gretzky bayack.......whot a saht to see I wonna tell ya.........Well thayat Womanlover's backin' up fer a run at may, and so's that Frog Gene Klod,..........I awready got body shecked by em twice now so, I gotta run now honny......be maahhhhhty faaaaahn t' talk to a genawin American gal......

* runs wildly away singing like Elmer Fudd* "Wow, away down souf ina wand o cotton o times dah are not forgotten wook away, wook away, wook away, dixiewand!!!!!!"

[Edited by womanlover on 08-25-2000 at 02:49 PM]

 

[KillerMuffin]

LOL ya damn canuck, that has to be the absolute worst hick accent that I have ever seen. Heheheheheh. Jes goes t show what ya'll know bout softenin consonants, addin syllables to words that only have one or two, and dropping syllables from words that have more than three. *snicker*

Thas funny, really.