The Tristesse2 Tapes

[Angeline]

Thank you. I know the one you mean, "Between the Covers" about a child reading in bed but I only have a really bad copy of the sketch and I no longer have the original. The poem by itself is pretty bland.

Between the Covers

It’s a place I loved,
Love,
Even now.

Snug in the circle of warm light
Bent knees
A lectern holding a world
I’d never see
But visited every night.

The secret skiff to carry me there
Lay moored
By my bedside
Sweetly fresh from my bath
I would scramble between
Cool sheets
The vessel opening obligingly
Inviting me on board
Sweeping me away.

Today no one calls
“Lights out”
No need to plead for
“One more minute”
I sail on until eyes get heavy or
I wake later
With the rudderless vessel
Stranded
On my chest.​

It was better with the illustration because it was a good marriage of image and words. They supported each other really well. I know we didn't invent illustrated poems on this forum, but I remember when a bunch of us started trying to do them. I always thought this was a great example of what many here were trying to achieve. Anyway it's still a good poem. I think you could revisit it and flesh it out just some and that would make up for not having the drawing (just a brain fart I just now had lol).

I did try and am hoping TPTB will make the whole sequence a series for me. I do see what you mean in your comment about the barman's voice not being present in the Interior poem and will rethink it. I will also revisit the Regulars for a bit of a buff.

Thumbs up to that. I am looking forward to reading the whole series again, in the order you want them read, when you are ready.

diffidence - Redux

Where will I take this poem?
To a dusty drawer of whispering
older sisters, a leather-bound
book with tiny lock,
gilt-edged pages or
to your unenthusiastic ear?

If I read it will you hear,
understand
or will I seem obtuse,
a stranger to you? (I’m leaving this as is, I think the tone indicates it’s someone close to the writer and someone who matters)

Perhaps the words will languish,
shallow-breathing
in the dark until
the paper yellows and the words fade
to silence. (here I was trying to play on “fade” – getting fainter, both the writing and sound-wise.)

I guard it in my heart
deciding not to share.
For a moment I ache.

I do think your suggestions improve it, the ideas I havent adopted I do appreciate but prefer to leave as is. Many thanks for your help with this and I hope it's helpful the others seeking to improve.

I'm glad I could contribute something useful. I love you, too.

Now here is a poem that I imagine only a visual artist could write.

Charcoal on Paper.

It's beautiful writing ("cinereal"!) that manages to move beyond the words to evoke visual and tactile senses for the reader. Was that your intent when you wrote it?

I also have a general question about what poetry you read/are drawn to off Lit? You talked a bit about the Imagist School, but who influenced you? (Imagist or not...)

(I hope I'm not asking too many questions. Please take your time or ignore if I am!)

 

[Angeline]

The Tristesse Tapes are a success and will be held over for a second week (Broadway and a national tour to follow).

Tess is getting a lot of feedback and I'm finding, as I hope you all are, that asking/reading questions and reading her responses is providing insight into how a poet conceives of, conducts and revises her work. It's sort of a mini poetry workshop, focused on one poet at a time.

If anyone else would like to offer him- or herself and their poems up for a similar experience, please let me know. We can keep this going with others here. If you do volunteer to be interviewed, you'll get intensive feedback and a chance to see your poems through others' eyes.

And now back to the program.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Now here is a poem that I imagine only a visual artist could write.

Charcoal on Paper.

It's beautiful writing ("cinereal"!) that manages to move beyond the words to evoke visual and tactile senses for the reader. Was that your intent when you wrote it?

Cinereal - I'm in danger of giving away my methods here but you all probably do the same, or versions of it.

This poem is about images in black and white so I go to the Thesaurus and glean as many "useful" words as possible, cinereal being one of them.

From what you say my aim was true, charcoal is a very tactile form of medium. I wanted to convey that plus the monochrome result.

I also have a general question about what poetry you read/are drawn to off Lit? You talked a bit about the Imagist School, but who influenced you? (Imagist or not...)

My list of three favourite poets, Larkin, Crozier and Ondaatje still stands but I also enjoy Leonard Cohen, Lorna Crozier's husband Patrick Lane and - wait for it - Billy Collins.

If you look through my poems you can tell I really don't have a style, I've written about puking (in verse), thick ankles, and some more attractive subjects, mostly in free verse. I have to be in the right frame of mind to write form poems, unless goaded by Lauren.

 

[bronzeage]

We Are The Old Guard by wakingDown
This is an interesting piece about disabled veterans who wish to return to the battle. It has a nice sentiment, but misses the mark.

 

[butters]

We Are The Old Guard by wakingDown
This is an interesting piece about disabled veterans who wish to return to the battle. It has a nice sentiment, but misses the mark.

unless written by tess under a pseudonym, i'm missing your point, bronze

 

[butters]

your bee poem, tess - it has me asking why 'he' right from the start. i was trying to see it as the metaphor, and that works better imo, but i keep finding myself returning to that nagging 'aren't all the worker bees female?' thing. unless it's a bi-bee....


Returning with peculiar maps
of nectar itinerary,
really like that

in a spastic shimmy.
and this. pc or not it's solidly visual

startled open by reflected heat,
azalea and iris, jonquil and crocus.
very much like the use of 'startled' here - it suggests the burst of unexpected warmth after lingering cool, damp grey days. of course, there's all that sound-work tying this together neatly - all those 'l's, the 's's . . . and naming the iris opens the image by linking it further to the physical eye, how it opens wider when startled . . . makes me imagine a bevy of young and beautiful women all turning to look, wide-eyed.


Perhaps the sun woke him
from his honeyed slumber?
Brisk and eager
before the summer drowse.
the drowsy is underlined with your use of the almost white-noise of uhn/uhmmm, contrasting well with the brisk and eager. nice contrasts.

Was his effort worth the early rise
or are the blooms still dreaming,
hoarding pollen for a later date?
some will hoarde, some with squander, and some will spend their summers attracting the fumbling of pollen-happy bumblers. there are all these gentle tones of erotica which make for a summered read - so that's why i'm getting annoyed about how my brain keeps asking that same stupid question like a stuck record.

 

[bronzeage]

unless written by tess under a pseudonym, i'm missing your point, bronze

A misplaced post, intended for the review thread.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

your bee poem, tess - it has me asking why 'he' right from the start. i was trying to see it as the metaphor, and that works better imo, but i keep finding myself returning to that nagging 'aren't all the worker bees female?' thing. unless it's a bi-bee....

Poetic license? It will be an easy thing to change if I were to submit it but the poems for that challenge are done in more of a hurry than ones ready for submission. I know, excuses, excuses but I did get the gender right for Bee on a Snowdrift so I do know better. Thanks for reading and catching it.

Returning with peculiar maps
of nectar itinerary,

really like that

Thank you.

in a spastic shimmy.

and this. pc or not it's solidly visual

poltically incorrect? really? have you seen the bee's dance?

startled open by reflected heat,
azalea and iris, jonquil and crocus.

very much like the use of 'startled' here - it suggests the burst of unexpected warmth after lingering cool, damp grey days. of course, there's all that sound-work tying this together neatly - all those 'l's, the 's's . . . and naming the iris opens the image by linking it further to the physical eye, how it opens wider when startled . . . makes me imagine a bevy of young and beautiful women all turning to look, wide-eyed.


Perhaps the sun woke him
from his honeyed slumber?
Brisk and eager
before the summer drowse.

the drowsy is underlined with your use of the almost white-noise of uhn/uhmmm, contrasting well with the brisk and eager. nice contrasts.

Was his effort worth the early rise
or are the blooms still dreaming,
hoarding pollen for a later date?

some will hoarde, some with squander, and some will spend their summers attracting the fumbling of pollen-happy bumblers. there are all these gentle tones of erotica which make for a summered read - so that's why i'm getting annoyed about how my brain keeps asking that same stupid question like a stuck record.

Sorry if tor create an annoyance.....you're a hard task-mistress to take such issue with my half-baked poetry. I corrected the blooper.

 

[butters]

Poetic license?

why not, we all take liberties with it

poltically incorrect? really? have you seen the bee's dance?

yes, and that's why it works so perfectly. the whole 'p.c' thing is about not using the very word that is there to define the nature of the movements - so i'm glad you chose to use it.

Sorry if tor create an annoyance.....you're a hard task-mistress to take such issue with my half-baked poetry. I corrected the blooper.

i blame nature: if the drones did some work as well, the issue would have never arisen and i didn't mean to sound picky. i was just trying to show you where my mind went, and it doesn't reflect on how others might read it. and, to be fair, i didn't even realise it was a blooper - meaning i thought i was missing something that others might get. oops.

 

[HarryHill]

I have some questions.
First, You said that MS has damaged your ability to paint using graphic visual media, does the changed focus to writing poetry seem enhanced now?

Next, do you ever have that Wow moment when you look at something you've written?

 

[Angeline]

Cinereal - I'm in danger of giving away my methods here but you all probably do the same, or versions of it.

This poem is about images in black and white so I go to the Thesaurus and glean as many "useful" words as possible, cinereal being one of them.

From what you say my aim was true, charcoal is a very tactile form of medium. I wanted to convey that plus the monochrome result.



My list of three favourite poets, Larkin, Crozier and Ondaatje still stands but I also enjoy Leonard Cohen, Lorna Crozier's husband Patrick Lane and - wait for it - Billy Collins.

If you look through my poems you can tell I really don't have a style, I've written about puking (in verse), thick ankles, and some more attractive subjects, mostly in free verse. I have to be in the right frame of mind to write form poems, unless goaded by Lauren.

Holy cow, I remember the puking poem! It grossed me out as I recall so it must have been a good (i.e., effective) poem.

You turned me on to the poetry of Philip Larkin. I need to read more of the others. Well except Billy. I do know me some Billy. He has a way of growing on one.

I can't find the puker. Is it gone? (I'd understand: my disco zombie sonnet fled long ago, and a good thing, too). Instead I'll leave with a more appetizing offering, while making a ham sandwich, one of the best erotic poems I've read here.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I have some questions.
First, You said that MS has damaged your ability to paint using graphic visual media, does the changed focus to writing poetry seem enhanced now?

Next, do you ever have that Wow moment when you look at something you've written?

Before abandoning graphic art I had never attempted to write poetry, I read it but neveir wrote. There's no question in my mind that having drawn and painted influences my stuff. If it is enhanced at all it is thanks to feed back and advice I had on this thread.

I'll sometimes come across an older poem and thing "that's not bad." That's a wow for me. I'd have more of that kind of moment with art, poetry is different, for me anyway.

Harry I'd like to thank you for delving into my old submissions.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Holy cow, I remember the puking poem! It grossed me out as I recall so it must have been a good (i.e., effective) poem.

You turned me on to the poetry of Philip Larkin. I need to read more of the others. Well except Billy. I do know me some Billy. He has a way of growing on one.

I can't find the puker. Is it gone? (I'd understand: my disco zombie sonnet fled long ago, and a good thing, too). Instead I'll leave with a more appetizing offering, while making a ham sandwich, one of the best erotic poems I've read here.

Thanks for that. Here it is but, to be honest, I think I’ve produced poems with more erotic content than this one. This one has a novel approach, slightly sick even. Several people have told me I’ve ruined sliced ham for them for ever. I found Puke but will spare the forum that.

Reflections on a shaved ham sandwich 

Small package
flimsily wrapped in transparency
carefully
he opens
and gently reveals
pink folds,
succulent and moist
lie waiting
making him salivate.

Tenderly
with two fingers
he separates the folds
tasting the saltiness.

Gently pulling, dividing,
he arranges the pink flesh
as he wants.
Licking his fingers
lowering his mouth to bite.

Spicy sea-taste
moistened sheen
creamy filled furrows
the act complete
he stoops to devour this

his lunch.

 

[Angeline]

Hmmm. Maybe the fact that I'm not a huge fan of ham made me not turn off to the connection. I really don't eat it very often. Ham, that is.

So which poem do you think is a good example of your erotic writing (and why)? There was another poem of yours that I really loved that I think was about a couple who had been together a long time finding the flame come alive again. Can't remember the name of it though and I didn't recognize it when I skimmed over your erotic poems.

I'd also be interested to hear which of your erotic poems others really like, although that sounds a bit pervy, doesn't it?

 

[HarryHill]

Well I officially hate you after seeing your four posts in Nps, so much talent.
Do your poems suggest the titles or do the titles write the poems

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Hmmm. Maybe the fact that I'm not a huge fan of ham made me not turn off to the connection. I really don't eat it very often. Ham, that is.

So which poem do you think is a good example of your erotic writing (and why)? There was another poem of yours that I really loved that I think was about a couple who had been together a long time finding the flame come alive again. Can't remember the name of it though and I didn't recognize it when I skimmed over your erotic poems.

I'd also be interested to hear which of your erotic poems others really like, although that sounds a bit pervy, doesn't it?

I can't think what poem you're thinking of. "Best" was my first erotic effort and grew from a SWC (same word challenge where a single word or phrase was used as a trigger - it was fascinating to see the various angles covered by the poets of the time) but that's not the story line you describe.

I always liked Blind Love, with the sighted woman making love to her blind lover but it is perpetual over haul. This might spur me to finally submit it.

I'm proudest of Copacetic Persuasion, resubmitted yesterday after rejection by Clean Sheets , an erotic (hopefuly) acrostic.

I'll post some of my faves - kinda if I tell you mine, you tell you yours.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Well I officially hate you after seeing your four posts in Nps, so much talent.
Do your poems suggest the titles or do the titles write the poems

You're very kind HH but please don't hate me.

Both really. Sometimes challenges have set the title, sometimes the poem dictates it as in the on-going The Album series. i'm not very good at coming up with catchy titles.

 

[Angeline]

I can't think what poem you're thinking of. "Best" was my first erotic effort and grew from a SWC (same word challenge where a single word or phrase was used as a trigger - it was fascinating to see the various angles covered by the poets of the time) but that's not the story line you describe.

I always liked Blind Love, with the sighted woman making love to her blind lover but it is perpetual over haul. This might spur me to finally submit it.

I'm proudest of Copacetic Persuasion, resubmitted yesterday after rejection by Clean Sheets , an erotic (hopefuly) acrostic.

I'll post some of my faves - kinda if I tell you mine, you tell you yours.

Deal.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Oh lordy! What'd I get myself into? There are so many great erotic poems, it's impossible to choose.....I've picked these.

Carpentry by Tzara

By Nights Sweet Darkness by Judo the Queen of sonnets

Sparaculous by Angeline plus the Amante series

glutton by Champagne1982

Afternoon by jthserra

A while back there was some controversy about quoting others poems so I hope this is ok, if not let me know and I'll delete.

________________________________________
Field Fuck by denishale

In the
tall grass
I'll tap that

beautiful ass
till bees blush
and fall

splayed-legged
and chin snagged
on slick pollen petals
from watching us.

In the
tall grass
giddy

grasshopper voyeurs
clap and soar above our
backs blister-slivered
with lust sweat and
dandelion spores,

and even the
cricket critics

come

twilight
spent,

are hushed
and reverent-- taking
wagers on whether we
can possibly manage

just one more.

 

[Angeline]

My best-loved erotic poems

here at Lit are so numerous that it's hard to choose just a few. And of course some, like Wicked Eve's poems, are no longer here. But anyway here's a handful of them that I really like:

Cordelia
elements of nearness

darkmass
Of Goats and Goethe

Tamopo Noodle

eagleyez
Tree Line

EleanoraDay (aka me)
Amante II

karmadog
The Hallmark Quickie

Lauren Hynde
The Stylization of Self

Neonurotic
Cafe au lait Casanova

SA Storm
Rejecting Reuben

SeattleRain
wearing your face

smithpeter
A Dream of Never Leaving

The Longness of Liz

Stimulating Minty Effervescence

Tristesse2
Andromache comforts Hector

sado-seduction-Resubmission

Tzara
Three Dreams About Sex

Whew. I could have gone on, but that's a'plenty for now.

I would have added a few others from Tzara and Champagne, but you already had them listed, Tess.

 

[HarryHill]

This thread may melt down with such a concentration of erotic placed so close together. I feel close to critical mass.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

This thread may melt down with such a concentration of erotic placed so close together. I feel close to critical mass.

Your turn HH, show n' tell ertotic-style.

 

[HarryHill]

Your turn HH, show n' tell ertotic-style.

..
I'm afraid I'm not well read enough. I would be hard pressed to select even one over those above as an example. Ask me in a year because my post coital nothing box leaves me senseless. This is also called PCT; The definition of that term (found as I looked for a way to answer) is so shocking as to add a final ghostly gasp. The world is a ball of yarn, and I am hopelessly entangled, engaged, and enamoured.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

..
I'm afraid I'm not well read enough. I would be hard pressed to select even one over those above as an example. Ask me in a year because my post coital nothing box leaves me senseless. This is also called PCT; The definition of that term (found as I looked for a way to answer) is so shocking as to add a final ghostly gasp. The world is a ball of yarn, and I am hopelessly entangled, engaged, and enamoured.

This answer is poetry enough for me, thank you - and thank you for your comments on my various re-submissions.

 

[Angeline]

Just a few more days left

before I unstick this thread. That'll happen sometime on Thursday.

PoeTess, I have been fascinated to read and consider your poems in abundance. Now I have both more understanding of and better appreciation for your writing. We're all usually so busy rushing to respond to whatever inspires us and then write our own poems that it's easy to lose track of others' growth. There's real value for me in taking time to study another poet-colleague (for we are all colleagues), read a lot of their poems and try to get a feel for who they are and what, overall, they're trying to say.

I gotta say I get nothin' but good from your poems. No, the poems aren't 100-percent perfect (whose are?), but your themes and interests resonate with me: maybe cause they're universal, maybe cause we're more alike than different, maybe cause I read your poems and think "this is a good person." Whatever the reasons, it has been a pleasure to do this and get a better grip on how you've evolved as a poet. I think that from now on I'll read you with greater understanding.

How has this experience been for you? Have you spent much time revisiting your older poems? Seeing them in a different light? Will you do anything differently as a result of the kinds of feedback you've received? I sound like Roseanne Roseannadanna, sorry (!), but I'm curious what, if any, difference it has made to you to get a lot of perspective on how others see your poems.

s x 12 for fearlessness and general coolness.