The Tristesse2 Tapes

[GuiltyPleasure]

It's been both fascinating and frightening. Knowing that poets far more experienced and informed than I am will be examining my stuff is the frightening bit, the fascinating bit is seeing which poems others pick - and why. I very proud of only a handful of my poems, for a variety of reasons and this couple of weeks has caused me to look back at my work and see that there's hope for me.

I have resolved to add some, edit some, remove others. Looking at past poems was like a trip down memory lane, the challenges and other inspirations. It's been fun folks, thank you very much and thanks to Ange too, pressgang agent par excellence!

 

[annaswirls]

This this THIS!

This is one I remember even after the window has been closed for a long time, I can still see it.

Thank you for always ALWAYS being kind and inspirational. I have noticed through the years that you can keep your style and skill in the challenges. I barely stumble through them and do often do not even recognize what I have written, but you seem to be able to write on command. How do you do that???

This is so so so so good. I am so so so not good at saying why. It just pulled at me. Maybe because one of my sons can be a real jerk and I love him so much
Maybe because it makes them human, and I believe it.
No matter. So so good.

Baby Pictures of Famous Dictators
byTristesse2©
There are albums, yellowed by the ages,
lovingly amassed, anchored, leafed through
with affection for the villains the mothers never knew,
naiveté in eyes later jaundiced as these pages.

They squint in dappled sun or in front of painted stages
dressed in starchy clothing, only innocence askew,
unfamiliar with the carnage their later life will do
no signs of the perversions or latter insane rages

that tore up states, extinguished races.
Their legacy dread names in children’s books,
triumphant tales of their defeat

and did their mothers mourn those hated faces
clutching childish smiles, remembered looks
or was their fervent prayer for no repeat.

Survivor poem – Italian Sonnet – trigger 46

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

This this THIS!

This is one I remember even after the window has been closed for a long time, I can still see it.

Thank you for always ALWAYS being kind and inspirational. I have noticed through the years that you can keep your style and skill in the challenges. I barely stumble through them and do often do not even recognize what I have written, but you seem to be able to write on command. How do you do that???

This is so so so so good. I am so so so not good at saying why. It just pulled at me. Maybe because one of my sons can be a real jerk and I love him so much
Maybe because it makes them human, and I believe it.
No matter. So so good.

Thank you anna, you have inspired me also. I've always loved your poetic voice and find it hard to see you as you see yourself, "stumbling through", your poems have a strength and certainty that I feel mine lack. Maybe writing on command isn't such a good thing, like firing from the hip to use a gunfight metaphor (another is long over-due imo). My m.o is a bit like photography, take lots of shots and one in thirty might be a keeper, until Tzara's challenge I've kept them to myself. I think it also helps to have acted, taking on another persona, other emotions.

"Baby pictures" was fun to write, I just thought - even Hitler's mother must have loved him and it grew from there. That was a brutal challenge and form poems are not my first choice to write but we all survived - and grew.

You know, this idea of interviews has had such interesting results, in a variety of ways. First it induces self-examination, not a natural state for me. Then poets reveal themselves both in the chosen questions and in the replies. Finally works that have drifted to the bottom get stirred to the surface. It is a great learning tool for those that choose to use it. What a great place this is to gather in and learn from one another....for FREE.

I'm so happy you are here again. I'm betting your inspiration will return.

 

[theognis]

Tess

As you know, your poem Whale Station is one of my favorites. I think it may be your best poem. It's exceptionally well written.

Is the poem about a particular place, perhaps in Alaska, and if so how familiar are you with it?

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

As you know, your poem Whale Station is one of my favorites. I think it may be your best poem. It's exceptionally well written.

Is the poem about a particular place, perhaps in Alaska, and if so how familiar are you with it?

I'd like to reply later theo, if tha's ok. Tomorrow or Thurs at the latest.

 

[theognis]

I'd like to reply later theo, if tha's ok. Tomorrow or Thurs at the latest.

Definitely okay. Looking forward to it.

 

[butters]

Definitely okay. Looking forward to it.

me, too. Will you post the poem here as well, tess, since I've not read it yet?

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

As you know, your poem Whale Station is one of my favorites. I think it may be your best poem. It's exceptionally well written.

Is the poem about a particular place, perhaps in Alaska, and if so how familiar are you with it?

I'm so happy that that poem resonated with you, thank you for single it out, theo.

I wasn't writing about any one place, there are abandoned whaling stations here in B.C and on Haida Gwaii too, I think, but I have never actually been to one. I had recently seen a documentary about the Arctic which featured a long-ago deserted station which had just been left to rot. It stuck in my mind, both the derelict site, what must have been thousands of whales that were dismembered and the harsh, lonely life of the men working there.

The coast of BC is such that it is it easy to imagine how an abandoned coastal community would fare. As I came close to the end I felt the introduction of a whale might tie the whole thing up and indicate the resurgence of whales since harvesting them in huge numbers ended.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

me, too. Will you post the poem here as well, tess, since I've not read it yet?

Thank you, here it is.

 

[theognis]

I'm so happy that that poem resonated with you, thank you for single it out, theo.

I wasn't writing about any one place, there are abandoned whaling stations here in B.C and on Haida Gwaii too, I think, but I have never actually been to one. I had recently seen a documentary about the Arctic which featured a long-ago deserted station which had just been left to rot. It stuck in my mind, both the derelict site, what must have been thousands of whales that were dismembered and the harsh, lonely life of the men working there.

The coast of BC is such that it is it easy to imagine how an abandoned coastal community would fare. As I came close to the end I felt the introduction of a whale might tie the whole thing up and indicate the resurgence of whales since harvesting them in huge numbers ended.

Well, you fooled me, Tess. I would have bet good money the poem was about a real place, and one you were familiar with in reality.

For me, the end of the poem, with the whale, was the pièce de résistance.

Brilliant writing.

 

[HarryHill]

Well, you fooled me, Tess. I would have bet good money the poem was about a real place, and one you were familiar with in reality.
((( or suspension of))))
For me, the end of the poem, with the whale, was the pièce de résistance.
(((Missed that, another thanks Theo, once more for highlighting this poem.))))

Brilliant writing.

...................................

 

[butters]

Thank you, here it is.

Great. *goes off to read*

Although I think you could lose some additional lines that do some tell over show (can't we all? ), there are some superbly vivid images - potent enough to support the ideas that are the backbone of this piece of yours, tess. Absolutely love lines like these:

while the Sitka spruce trees
stride away from the memories
into damp darkness.

for the flenchers and the lacerated giants to arrive.

Wood has rotted to a feeling,

so original!

a smooth, dark back arches
out of the dappled swell

I think you could have ended it with this fabulous image and not lost a thing.

there's something profound about this write, something moving.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Great. *goes off to read*

Although I think you could lose some additional lines that do some tell over show (can't we all? ), there are some superbly vivid images - potent enough to support the ideas that are the backbone of this piece of yours, tess. Absolutely love lines like these:





so original!

I think you could have ended it with this fabulous image and not lost a thing.

there's something profound about this write, something moving.

Thanks, that last line is a bit redundant, I see that now.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

As a result of your comment butty, it occurs to me that the best intentions lead to too much embellishment. The last line of Whale Station was intended to invoke the sighing sound of a whale's breath as they surface as well as the re-establishment of the mammals and appears to be too much of a right angle from the original mood of the poem. Sight, touch and smell have all been mentioned but not sound, given the subject that is how it should be.

This is really an effort to understanding my shortfalls and to explain my thinking. Too much is, well, too much. KISS applies here.

I would like every one to be able explain their thought process during the composing of a poem under review. It would be a great learning tool.

 

[theognis]

As a result of your comment butty, it occurs to me that the best intentions lead to too much embellishment. The last line of Whale Station was intended to invoke the sighing sound of a whale's breath as they surface as well as the re-establishment of the mammals and appears to be too much of a right angle from the original mood of the poem. Sight, touch and smell have all been mentioned but not sound, given the subject that is how it should be.

This is really an effort to understanding my shortfalls and to explain my thinking. Too much is, well, too much. KISS applies here.

I would like every one to be able explain their thought process during the composing of a poem under review. It would be a great learning tool.

The last line of the poem bothered me a little when I first read it, Tess, but the combined image and sound of the whale arching out of a peaceful ocean and sighing with relief is an important note to end on, I think.

 

[theognis]

The last line of the poem bothered me a little when I first read it, Tess, but the combined image and sound of the whale arching out of a peaceful ocean and sighing with relief is an important note to end on, I think.

This is what I thought might be better, but hesitated to suggest, since the poem is so incredibly good, as it is:

Out to the placid sea, away from the sadness
a smooth, dark back arches
out of the dappled swell
sighing

 

[butters]

As a result of your comment butty, it occurs to me that the best intentions lead to too much embellishment. The last line of Whale Station was intended to invoke the sighing sound of a whale's breath as they surface as well as the re-establishment of the mammals and appears to be too much of a right angle from the original mood of the poem. Sight, touch and smell have all been mentioned but not sound, given the subject that is how it should be.

This is really an effort to understanding my shortfalls and to explain my thinking. Too much is, well, too much. KISS applies here.

I would like every one to be able explain their thought process during the composing of a poem under review. It would be a great learning tool.

We all do it, Tess, and it's one of the things I continue to have to work hard at and this place has helped enormously. With our own writes, and with other people's, it's often a case of the whole poem being there . . . like a sculpture inside a piece of wood or block of stone: only by whittling and chipping away at the extra material can we reveal what's already there.

These interviews have been pretty good for self-examination, haven't they?

And yes, I quite agree with you about that; it gives us that further level of insight into how a write gets put together, from inside out as well as outside in perspectives. A lot of places dismiss the explanatory stuff as superfluous, distracting, ego-driven, even weak . . . 'a poem should never be explained', 'too much talking about how you did it when you should be creating new material' etc..., etc..., etc.... It's not a viewpoint I share and can find it really interesting and useful to read how a poet got from A to B, with that journey being as interesting as the finished product.

 

[theognis]

This is what I thought might be better, but hesitated to suggest, since the poem is so incredibly good, as it is:

Out to the placid sea, away from the sadness
a smooth, dark back arches
out of the dappled swell
sighing

See, I'm still thinking about it:

Out to the placid sea, away from the sadness
a smooth, dark back arches
out of the dappled swell
and sighs

 

[HarryHill]

See, I'm still thinking about it:

..
Now you've got me thinking about it...

 

[theognis]

..
Now you've got me thinking about it...

That's not a bad thing, is it?

 

[HarryHill]

That's not a bad thing, is it?

..
No, no, but I'm hearing the sound a whale makes as it blows on the surface, just before filling lungs to dive again... and a sigh does not do justice to that sound. Blows a farewell?

 

[butters]

to throw in my sixpence-worth, harry, i 'hear' the sigh subliminally, as i kind of 'feel' the sound of the movement of the water as it's breached and moved through.

 

[theognis]

..
No, no, but I'm hearing the sound a whale makes as it blows on the surface, just before filling lungs to dive again... and a sigh does not do justice to that sound. Blows a farewell?

To me, Harry, that sound can mean a number of things, in the context of the poem. Memories, mourning, regret, sadness, relief, farewell, perhaps even forgiveness....

 

[theognis]

to throw in my sixpence-worth, harry, i 'hear' the sigh subliminally, as i kind of 'feel' the sound of the movement of the water as it's breached and moved through.

Butters, I hear the sound of the water being breached, along with feeling it.

 

[butters]

Butters, I hear the sound of the water being breached, along with feeling it.

which is exactly why that line works so well and, i feel, the last line superfluous.

there are a couple of other places where tess could drop a few words (imo) but this isn't the place to discuss them unless tess wishes to here.