The UK Kink Thread

[Malich]

Oh . Sorry your walk didnt work out.

Yes I understand about the black - my wardrobe is a good 90% black so I know I set the example!

But practicality has to be the order of the day - for 2 weeks abroad we have to let go and parade ourselves in 'holiday' colours before slinking back into comfort...

Aye, While and light is potentially order of the day.

 

[seven_of_nine]

Seven, how is the hunt going?

sighs heavily

First off, I really wasn't prepared for the number of responses I got. Being that most people on here are american, I wasn't expecting that much interest. Turns out there are a lot of guys who read the threads on Lit but con't ever post anything. I had LOADS of Americans and quite a few Asians looking for cyber or online-only too. In addition to that, I had LOADS of randoms just adding me on yahoo. Since most people have email addresses that bear no resemblance to their Lit username, it got thoroughly confusing for a while. Finally, just to be capricious, a significant number of guys didn't bother to contact me at all until immediately after I posted on the thread and said 'don't bother.'

Even with the ones who were in the UK and looking for an RL FWB thing, quite a few of them got VERY shitty and embittered when I said 'thanks but no thanks' after a few PMs or a YIM chat. I tried hard not to lead anybody on and to give anyone who wasn't a total moron a fair hearing but I wasn't at all prepared for the kinds of egos and internet personas I've had to deal with.

So after all that I'm down to 3 potentials, though none of them are particularly local. Two I've chatted to on yahoo and one has just been messaging me on Lit. Two have seen a picture of me but one may yet decide I'm unattractive, though I've yet to see a pic of him either. I'm pretty sure I know which one I'm going to meet first, just need to steel myself to actually do it. What I'll probably do is suggest a meet in public at a neutral town about equidistant, so that I can't get tempted to go back to his or mine.

Honestly? I really don't know how I'm going to go about establishing trust, because any psycho worth his hockey mask can manage to appear perfectly sane and 'safe' for the duration of a lunch or dinner date. I don't have a whole lot of faith in my instincts, because I'm fairly convinced my masochistic cunt really won't be satisfied until it's got me killed. I just get totally dom-struck; figuratively speaking, unless he's of a mind to belt me in the middle of a pub or restaurant.

whimpers

... and just like that, I'm gone. How the hell am I supposed to trust myself to make the right choices about my safety?

facepalm

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm pretty sure I know which one I'm going to meet first, just need to steel myself to actually do it. What I'll probably do is suggest a meet in public at a neutral town about equidistant, so that I can't get tempted to go back to his or mine.

Honestly? I really don't know how I'm going to go about establishing trust, because any psycho worth his hockey mask can manage to appear perfectly sane and 'safe' for the duration of a lunch or dinner date. I don't have a whole lot of faith in my instincts, because I'm fairly convinced my masochistic cunt really won't be satisfied until it's got me killed. I just get totally dom-struck; figuratively speaking, unless he's of a mind to belt me in the middle of a pub or restaurant.

whimpers

... and just like that, I'm gone. How the hell am I supposed to trust myself to make the right choices about my safety?

facepalm

Seven, please review the BDSM Library, starting with the appropriate listings within this group of threads, then go back and review *all* the listings in the Library, because I'm sure there are others that address safe first (and second and third, etc.) meetings but that didn't, for some reason, trigger that immediate association with whichever Librarian sorted these, but may with/for you.

 

[Mindfondler]

waves hello to MF

*waves back*

No pain so far today but a lot of horrible crunching when I turn my neck. Lot better than yesterday though...

Ouch! The only thing that should be crunching is your rhubarb crumble.

Glad to hear that it has improved, though.

MF how's the sports injury?

My knee injury isn't bothering me too much now, thanks. Indeed, yesterday, I ran my quickest-ever 5km time in Surrey (I still have a faster one in Kent, but on a much flatter course).

I just checked my diary and found out that I sustained the injury on 3rd March. That's even longer ago than I recalled, but the opinion of my therapist was that it's ligament damage, which takes a very long time to repair completely.

Seven, how is the hunt going?

sighs heavily

... I tried hard not to lead anybody on and to give anyone who wasn't a total moron a fair hearing but I wasn't at all prepared for the kinds of egos and internet personas I've had to deal with. ...

Sorry to read about your difficult experiences.

Honestly? I really don't know how I'm going to go about establishing trust, because any psycho worth his hockey mask can manage to appear perfectly sane and 'safe' for the duration of a lunch or dinner date. I don't have a whole lot of faith in my instincts, because I'm fairly convinced my masochistic cunt really won't be satisfied until it's got me killed. I just get totally dom-struck; figuratively speaking, unless he's of a mind to belt me in the middle of a pub or restaurant.

whimpers

... and just like that, I'm gone. How the hell am I supposed to trust myself to make the right choices about my safety?

facepalm

I don't think I have any useful practical experience to offer, but it occurs to me to ask whether you have a RL friend whom you could trust to act as your dispassionate sounding-board and klaxon (i.e. "DON'T DO THAT!"). They could even accompany you to meeting places (perhaps covertly) to look out for your personal safety, with an agreed set of signals ranging from "Help! Get me out of this one" to "I'm okay -- please let me take it from here".

EDIT: I have a feeling that Sir_Winston54 may have nailed the relevant advice in his posting above mine.
.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Lally, neck crunching is not good!! Owwww! Hope you had some joy on the shopping trip tho!

MF Well done for the fast time! Where was the race? The Surrey hills are hard work! How did the knee stand up?

Mal, sorry the walk didn't pan out and ((hugs)) about the online business

Seven, if you don't know many other subs I am happy to help you with a safe call if you choose to meet any of these guys. Keep your emails with them, read them back, then read them back again looking for red flags. Know as much as you can about them, do all the safety stuff, like parking close to the venue, have a timed call during the meeting where you can make excuses or use a codeword for "help call the police"
Go to a munch with them, and if they are active go to a munch that they frequent to get an idea of the person that they are.
I hope you find a good one, but they are few and far between

 

[Malich]

Lally, neck crunching is not good!! Owwww! Hope you had some joy on the shopping trip tho!

MF Well done for the fast time! Where was the race? The Surrey hills are hard work! How did the knee stand up?

Mal, sorry the walk didn't pan out and ((hugs)) about the online business

Seven, if you don't know many other subs I am happy to help you with a safe call if you choose to meet any of these guys. Keep your emails with them, read them back, then read them back again looking for red flags. Know as much as you can about them, do all the safety stuff, like parking close to the venue, have a timed call during the meeting where you can make excuses or use a codeword for "help call the police"
Go to a munch with them, and if they are active go to a munch that they frequent to get an idea of the person that they are.
I hope you find a good one, but they are few and far between

Thanks, these things are sent to try us

And yes, there are ways of keeping your self safe on a first meet up.

 

[unmitigated]

evening

 

[Malich]

evening

Good evening!

Welcome to the thread!

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Thanks, these things are sent to try us

And yes, there are ways of keeping your self safe on a first meet up.

Big hugs! 80 days eh? I hope that just flies by without any unexpected hiccups x

evening

Evening


Well Seb vettel won the grand prix, it is all getting a bit too easy for him. Really wish I could go to silverstone!

 

[Malich]

Big hugs! 80 days eh? I hope that just flies by without any unexpected hiccups x

Yup, 80 days as of today. I can survive that assuming life doesn't throw me any more curve balls... Alas I can't seem to find the instruction manual page for life (tm) where it says it will be fair.

 

[unmitigated]

Hello Mal. That manual's full of nothing but disclaimers. Burn it.

Hello Daisy.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Yup, 80 days as of today. I can survive that assuming life doesn't throw me any more curve balls... Alas I can't seem to find the instruction manual page for life (tm) where it says it will be fair.

You and I both know the meaning of life is 42 which incidentally I will turn on Friday, so if I suddenly get any miraculous insights, I will let you know.

 

[LallyH]

They must have forgotten to send me the meaning of life then - too busy trying to fit all the candles on the cake.....

Hi unmitigated

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Cake just makes me bloat, I prefer Devonshire ice cream!

 

[Malich]

No no no. 42 is the answer to life, the universe and everything. The meaning is still lost in time... so is the question

My user manual keep talking about "Do unto others.." and "Karma" and "If you want something enough it will come to you." So I am kind, I am loving, I do good deeds.

And I still can;t get who I want

I think I must be missing a simple step somewhere

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

No no no. 42 is the answer to life, the universe and everything. The meaning is still lost in time... so is the question

My user manual keep talking about "Do unto others.." and "Karma" and "If you want something enough it will come to you." So I am kind, I am loving, I do good deeds.

And I still can;t get who I want

I think I must be missing a simple step somewhere

Yes, the good Karma comes back to you in your next life so you may ascend to the next level but keep on being kind and loving, some people appreciate those qualities!

 

[LallyH]

No no no. 42 is the answer to life, the universe and everything. The meaning is still lost in time... so is the question

My user manual keep talking about "Do unto others.." and "Karma" and "If you want something enough it will come to you." So I am kind, I am loving, I do good deeds.

And I still can;t get who I want

I think I must be missing a simple step somewhere

On only a couple of occasions in my life, I've chucked the user manual away, stopped being my usual kind-hearted self, and been a complete bitch just because I'd been hurt. All that happened then was I felt awful about my behaviour once I'd calmed down - didn't help at all.

Doing unto others etc may not always result in getting who you want, but you will definitely feel more comfortable with yourself than you would if you didn't. If you see what I mean and can pick out some logic from such a garbled sentence...

 

[Malich]

On only a couple of occasions in my life, I've chucked the user manual away, stopped being my usual kind-hearted self, and been a complete bitch just because I'd been hurt. All that happened then was I felt awful about my behaviour once I'd calmed down - didn't help at all.

Doing unto others etc may not always result in getting who you want, but you will definitely feel more comfortable with yourself than you would if you didn't. If you see what I mean and can pick out some logic from such a garbled sentence...

@ Lally - Chuckle. a little bit yes

Just in a bit of a low mood today and felt the need to whine

@ Daisy - I have to wait for the next life for balance? Bugger, I missed that part. I'll not make some witty comment about "right them, time to get to the next life then!"

 

[LallyH]

@ Lally - Chuckle. a little bit yes

Just in a bit of a low mood today and felt the need to whine

@ Daisy - I have to wait for the next life for balance? Bugger, I missed that part. I'll not make some witty comment about "right them, time to get to the next life then!"

Well, whine away then - we don't mind Get it off your chest and hopefully you'll feel better.

And if that doesn't work, I know some truly awful jokes...

 

[Malich]

Well, whine away then - we don't mind Get it off your chest and hopefully you'll feel better.

And if that doesn't work, I know some truly awful jokes...

Awful but tasteful I hope?

 

[LallyH]

Awful but tasteful I hope?

Oh, always tasteful. I'd be too embarrassed to be anything else!

 

[Malich]

Oh, always tasteful. I'd be too embarrassed to be anything else!

Chuckle. Well that's ok then

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

@ Lally - Chuckle. a little bit yes

Just in a bit of a low mood today and felt the need to whine

@ Daisy - I have to wait for the next life for balance? Bugger, I missed that part. I'll not make some witty comment about "right them, time to get to the next life then!"

I don't think helping things along is allowed either

Buy some new shoes, they always make me feel better

 

[Malich]

I don't think helping things along is allowed either

Buy some new shoes, they always make me feel better

Not sure that would work for me. Though I do need a new pair of work boots at some point.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Not sure that would work for me. Though I do need a new pair of work boots at some point.

Nice shoes, shoes that you would wear that reflect you, something that maybe you would wear in your Domly persuits, after all, shoes maketh the man!
They change the way you walk and how you stand. A good pair of shoes will see you through. On top of that is the satisfation when you find them!