There are days when I am ashamed of who I am

[bytor2112]

that is truly horrible...but as i always have said...

the people involved in BDSM have psychological scars from abuse...you need professional help...

 

[Etoile]

See, I told you so!

 

[Slut_loves_pain]

HAHAHAHHA

My face just LIT UP when I got an email telling me you'd responded dear bytor.
Thankyou for at least having the decency to not be abusive as is your normal style.
Make sure you have a good day now, dont forget your Hail Mary's or to listen to Dr. Dobson or whatever you do to keep yourself above the rest of us deviates.
Take care

 

[bytor2112]

Re: HAHAHAHHA

My face just LIT UP when I got an email telling me you'd responded dear bytor.
Thankyou for at least having the decency to not be abusive as is your normal style.
Make sure you have a good day now, dont forget your Hail Mary's or to listen to Dr. Dobson or whatever you do to keep yourself above the rest of us deviates.
Take care

well it is truly sad that you can't even deal with your abuse and become a "real" person again....and by real i don't mean that BDSM is "bad" but it covers up the fact that you have psychological problems that you refuse to accept and get help for..

i don't have a problem with practitioners of BDSM, it's just sad that they can't accept the fact that they are mentally scarred through things that are probably not their own doing or fault...

 

[graceanne]

See, I told you so!

Well, y'all damn near invited him! After what you all said,and what I said, he had to at least say something! It was a matter of follow through atthis point. And at least he wasn't really horrible about it.

 

[robynwildchild]

ps: i ain't a psychologist..

wow.

i'm not sure how i care to comment about that..
the things we go through make up who we are and at whatever age you learned to deal with what or surrender to it and accept it. and in the process picked up the sensations, now unconscious, and they have formed into your core personality.. your habits aversions afflictions affections..

but wow. i'm glad your still alive and that to hear no matter what is behind you
hasn't destroyed you.

peace.

 

[dani_bi]

i don't usually lurk in this part of the board but i got side tracked into this thread and i just felt compelled to post.
SLP- the things you endured in your childhood are unbelievably horrific. words can't describe how shocked i was reading your post. i just wanted to say that i admire you for your strength and courage for living through such a horrible time and still managing to be a decent person (i don't know you personally, but the fact that you are not repeating history and inflicting the things you went through onto other people shows that you are decent). enjoying rough sex or a bdsm life style does not make you a bad person or a 'monster'- you have nothing to be ashamed of. if anything you should be proud of yourself for being able to be honest about your sexual desires after the awful things that happened to you. and it really doesn't matter if your chosen lifestyle is a reaction to your childhood, firstly because most of the choices you make are a reaction to something so its kind of unavoidable and secondly because not many people would still be around after being through what you have- i know that i would not have had the strength to survive half of the things you have.
i really hope that you can completely reconcile what ever issues you have left with your past and live a happy life with what ever choices you make.

 

[robynwildchild]

Till I figured it out. I was NORMAL.

If that hadnt happened to me, I would not like BDSM. I cant deny that.
So I feel guilty about being involved in BDSM.

Like its something I need to 'fix' OR worse, that will go away if I heal enough.

Frankly I dont want it to go away.

I LIKE it.

i had to come back to this post, it haunted me the whole weekend.. most likley because of the stresses you've endured i'm amazed and captivated actually.. but it revealed to me some of my own issues and patterns and made me think about some of the things that i enjoy but couldn't quite find the place or reason why they existed. i have now.

i feel the way you do in the last part of your drop.. but i don't agree with having to fix anything. i'm not a fixer.. i'm an enabler.. i know this.. and i like things just the way they exist. plus the fact that there are and should be a lot of things that exist that according to others.. don't make sense or aren't acceptable. its makes up the world in its vast reason to be alive. the tension. the satisfaction... the cycle of its release..

well in all .. i just came back to say thank you.

peace

 

[Slut_loves_pain]

wow

thanks Robyn, thats absolutely lovely what you wrote.
I'm so glad that my post helped you figure yourself out. Its a fun process isnt it!!

 

[bytor2112]

just had to bump this as maybe someone into BDSM will finally see that they don't have to punish themselves for who they are...and seek the help that will give them control of thier lives...

even though they think they have control...they don't and that is the sad part..

 

[dolf]

just had to bump this as maybe someone into BDSM will finally see that they don't have to punish themselves for who they are...and seek the help that will give them control of thier lives...

even though they think they have control...they don't and that is the sad part..

hon, some things can't be "fixed"...lots of us have tried.

it's how we feel about ourselves now that matters and i feel happier just letting myself be what i've become than i do trying to change and feeling guilty about my urges.

sure, it's a coping mechanism to me, but i harm nobody, i don't harm myself. i feel at peace with who i am now that i've stopped calling myself sick and simply accepted that this is who i am now.
xx

 

[Etoile]

Dude, the thread didn't need to be bumped. It was already active!

 

[bytor2112]

Dude, the thread didn't need to be bumped. It was already active!

it was down too low on the totem pole my little fine piece with the screwed on brain...

 

[bytor2112]

hon, some things can't be "fixed"...lots of us have tried.

it's how we feel about ourselves now that matters and i feel happier just letting myself be what i've become than i do trying to change and feeling guilty about my urges.

sure, it's a coping mechanism to me, but i harm nobody, i don't harm myself. i feel at peace with who i am now that i've stopped calling myself sick and simply accepted that this is who i am now.
xx

as long as you feel good about yourself that is the bottom line...

 

[dolf]

as long as you feel good about yourself that is the bottom line...

ty
xx

 

[robynwildchild]

Re: wow

somedays i wonder if life would be what it was
if it didn't include some kind of fucked up emotional schematic to make sense of.

i think i'll still be figuring it all out til i die.

thanks Robyn, thats absolutely lovely what you wrote.
I'm so glad that my post helped you figure yourself out. Its a fun process isnt it!!