things that sound incriminating but aren't...

[Quoll]

Quoll is not only a genius, but also one of the funniest people ever either alive or dead, I am humbled by his very presence.

Much better.
Don't forget to post in big colourful text when you start your nOob thread on the GB, and lot's of these too.

 

[Eilan]

Nobody laughed at my joke *cries* where's the validation people.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

 

[TBKahuna123]

Confucius and Eilan had the same view on anal sex!!! He said: "What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others."

He was also the genius who said: "It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop."

 

[Eilan]

My mom's a medical transcriptionist. When she mentioned transcribing notes from a new doctor, she said, "I could do him all day."

 

[midwestyankee]

A well meaning American colleague recently pointed out to me that my fanny was dusty, that means something totally different here in the U.K.

And this happened while you were on the job?







Yes, I do know what "on the job" connotes to Brits.

 

[midwestyankee]

My mom's a medical transcriptionist. When she mentioned transcribing notes from a new doctor, she said, "I could do him all day."

If this had been said in my presence, I'd be afraid that someone would soon need the services of a dry cleaner.

 

[Eilan]

If this had been said in my presence, I'd be afraid that someone would soon need the services of a dry cleaner.

Apparently she could do him all day because he dictates long notes.

Long notes make it easier for the transcriptionists to get into a "rhythm" and keep their line-count average in an acceptable range.

 

[silverwhisper]

wait...you mean sometimes it isn't about length?!

eilan, you're destroying my cherished preconceptions about you!

ed

 

[Eilan]

With medical transcriptionists it's always about length. The longer the better. Fucking size queens.

 

[silverwhisper]

whew...you had me worried there!

ed

 

[Eilan]

My husband's watching the Falcons-Saints game. On a long pass play, one of the refs threw a flag, but then it was later determined that there was no pass interference on the play.

In response to the no-call, one of the announcers (Theisman, maybe?) said something to the effect of, "The ref must have seen something to make him take it out of his pants."

There was a pause, and then he said, "The flag."

 

[bobsgirl]

My husband's watching the Falcons-Saints game. On a long pass play, one of the refs threw a flag, but then it was later determined that there was no pass interference on the play.

In response to the no-call, one of the announcers (Theisman, maybe?) said something to the effect of, "The ref must have seen something to make him take it out of his pants."

There was a pause, and then he said, "The flag."

I saw that! B is such a geek about football--he asked me what I was laughing at.

 

[silverwhisper]

i need a job that will let me watch MNF.

[sigh]

ed

 

[bobsgirl]

It was raining tonight when we left the restaurant, and B was fiddling with the umbrella and swearing under his breath. When I asked him what was wrong, he said: "I'm having a little trouble getting it up." Bummer.

 

[midwestyankee]

It was raining tonight when we left the restaurant, and B was fiddling with the umbrella and swearing under his breath. When I asked him what was wrong, he said: "I'm having a little trouble getting it up." Bummer.

Didn't you point out that if he just let it get a lttle wet then he'd have no trouble at all?

 

[bobsgirl]

Didn't you point out that if he just let it get a lttle wet then he'd have no trouble at all?

His finger kept slipping off the little button.

Talk about frustrating...

 

[midwestyankee]

His finger kept slipping off the little button.

Talk about frustrating...

Perhaps he should have used his teeth.

 

[Nightbird]

His finger kept slipping off the little button.

Talk about frustrating...

Ok, now THAT was FUNNY!!

 

[carrie-on]

The arm on my glasses was loose one evening when I was at work and I cracked everybody up by saying..."I have a screw loose". Only when they started laughing,did I realize what I said.

 

[Sarojaede]

from the other room of the house, my husband saying: "get your buns ready".

he's grilling bratwurst, and they are almost done.

 

[Eilan]

This afternoon my two oldest daughters went to see the optometrist.

The optometrist (who also happens to be my six-year-old's soccer coach) is a member of the country club that's across from our house. He said he'd noticed that we'd cut down a bunch of trees over the summer and was asking if we had all the stumps removed yet.

I told him that my husband rented a stump grinder for a weekend a couple of months ago, but it seemed too small to do the job quickly.

He gave me the name of a guy who removed some stumps for him and said, of the guy's stump grinder, "He's got a big one."

I think he was talking about the stump grinder.

 

[Sarojaede]

"It's man on man. Team on team....MMMMM...mmmm....mmmmmm..."



--said by Rachel Ray as she is talking about baseball.

 

[Munachi]

well more of a language mistake, so not sure it fits here - but this friend of mine was recently telling something about a vacation and trying to catch a bus. his native language is spanish, but we were speaking english that day. he kept saying they didn't want to be late - except what he said was "we didn't want to get late", and taht with a bit of an accent so the word late was pronounced not quite right...

 

[exhi2]

At a bowling alley today
"Awe, my balls all greasy."

 

[LovelyOnes]

I remember years ago I was with my two sisters, looking at music for a wedding.... I blurt out that I know this beautiful piece, but couldn't quite remember the name.... something about Air on a G string.....
couldn't figure out why they both burst into laughter, they had tears running down their face and were doubling over from laughing so hard.

But I had it right - Bach's - Air on a G String is an actual piece!!!