This was NOT what I meant by orgasm denial!

[BiBunny]

A Switch Card would be so very damned awesome. Dude, I would look into getting them printed up on heavy cardstock or something. Somebody give syou lip, you play the Switch Card and tell them to fuck off.

I want one sooooo badly now. I'll see what I can do, but I really need someone way more creative than I am with Paint/Photoshop/Gimp/whatever.

And that is all I personally hope for. I really don't care what someone calls themselves, so long as it is accurate.

I'll tell ya, the whole thing makes me twitch sometimes. I see people talk about how they "struggle with submission". I don't get it. You submit, or you don't. Struggle? Aroo? Maybe struggle with the decision to submit. Maybe struggle over whom to submit to. Certainly struggle with difficult orders. But struggle with submission overall? Why not just call yourself a bottom, get your ass spanked red, and be happy with yourself?

And I'm not talking about those days that everyone has where they struggle to maintain a properly submissive mien, or whatever. I'm talking about folks that struggle with submission chronically. Yeesh, call yourself a bottom. Simpler.

I can be submissive. It's just not an all-time thing. And sometimes I struggle with "Should I, or should I not?", but I generally stick with "bottom" as a general rule. Like you said, there ain't no shame in it.

Old?!? OLD?!? You... YOU...

*looks at all grey chest hairs*

Yeah, okay, I'm old.

I feel old. Does that count?

 

[notalwaysweak]

Gods, I did it again, I didn't give enough info. I posted here because he and I had been discussing orgasm denial, but we haven't yet worked out when and if we're going to use it, and I got a tad confused last night because I thought maybe he was trying to spring it on me without telling me. He's a switch and I'm mostly submissive, so he usually tops me unless we've got a particular scene worked out (I can be quite dominant sometimes).

However, we've talked about it since and he's admitted that he was just being a selfish thoughtless dickhead, and has told me that I get to choose when he goes down on me next, and that he'll do it for as long as I want.

Should it happen again I'm going to chase after him immediately and ask him what the hell is going on. My previous relationship made me a little too used to the notion that I don't get to have any say in sexual matters and I'm still training myself out of that mindset, which is why I didn't chase it up straight away last night.

*sighs* My communication skills can really suck at times, but I'm getting better!

 

[BiBunny]

However, we've talked about it since and he's admitted that he was just being a selfish thoughtless dickhead

Ok, you gotta love a man who can admit that. *Evil laughter*

*Clears throat* All righty, carry on.

*Tries to look suitably staid again*

 

[Homburg]

I want one sooooo badly now. I'll see what I can do, but I really need someone way more creative than I am with Paint/Photoshop/Gimp/whatever.

I use GIMP to resize, turn, and blur photos. Beyond that, I'm clueless. You'd think I'd have an easier time with something cnamed GIMP...

I can be submissive. It's just not an all-time thing. And sometimes I struggle with "Should I, or should I not?", but I generally stick with "bottom" as a general rule. Like you said, there ain't no shame in it.

To me, this is perfect. Better to describe yourself in the way you will be with the majority of folks out there. Like Chicklet above calling herself a masochistic bottom, though she does occassionally submit. I call myself a top because, frankly, I don't take the time to dominate with the vast majority of the folks I play with.

I feel old. Does that count?

No. I have underwear older than you =P

(Okay, I don't actually have underwear older than you, but, no, you aren't old.)

 

[Homburg]

Gods, I did it again, I didn't give enough info. I posted here because he and I had been discussing orgasm denial, but we haven't yet worked out when and if we're going to use it, and I got a tad confused last night because I thought maybe he was trying to spring it on me without telling me. He's a switch and I'm mostly submissive, so he usually tops me unless we've got a particular scene worked out (I can be quite dominant sometimes).

However, we've talked about it since and he's admitted that he was just being a selfish thoughtless dickhead, and has told me that I get to choose when he goes down on me next, and that he'll do it for as long as I want.

Should it happen again I'm going to chase after him immediately and ask him what the hell is going on. My previous relationship made me a little too used to the notion that I don't get to have any say in sexual matters and I'm still training myself out of that mindset, which is why I didn't chase it up straight away last night.

*sighs* My communication skills can really suck at times, but I'm getting better!

Aha, the Switch Card has been played! (BB, we need to get that graphic)

Thank you for the clarification.

 

[FungiUg]

Should it happen again I'm going to chase after him immediately and ask him what the hell is going on.

Good. That's the right way to handle it. I don't think it's a good idea to air your partner's faults in public. Imagine how you would feel if he did the same about you?

 

[intothewoods]

It does get hard to find a slot sometimes!

I'll tell ya, the whole thing makes me twitch sometimes. I see people talk about how they "struggle with submission". I don't get it. You submit, or you don't. Struggle? Aroo? Maybe struggle with the decision to submit. Maybe struggle over whom to submit to. Certainly struggle with difficult orders. But struggle with submission overall? Why not just call yourself a bottom, get your ass spanked red, and be happy with yourself?

Because I don't like to get my ass spanked red just for the hell of it? Oh, I struggle more with the decision to submit, so maybe I will get a Homburg pass. Can we make those up too? Lots and lots of hand-wringing. Actually, in the last week or so, I kind of had a lightbulb, oh I can trust him moment and have been less angsty about it. It also helps he doesn't have an agenda or want to mold me in some way. Unlike me, ha, he does not really like to philosophize about kink.

Related to the OP, I think there's a difference between articulated denial and bonehad behavior.

 

[Homburg]

It does get hard to find a slot sometimes!

Even drunk, I can find the slot. Follow the legs, eventually you will find that which you seek.

Because I don't like to get my ass spanked red just for the hell of it? Oh, I struggle more with the decision to submit, so maybe I will get a Homburg pass. Can we make those up too?

As this idea feeds my ego, I approve.

Lots and lots of hand-wringing. Actually, in the last week or so, I kind of had a lightbulb, oh I can trust him moment and have been less angsty about it. It also helps he doesn't have an agenda or want to mold me in some way. Unlike me, ha, he does not really like to philosophize about kink.

A rather bright friend of mine split trust up for definition purposes. When relating to a top/dom, the questions she asks are:

Do you trust his Intent?

Do you trust his Skills?

Do you trust his Affection?

Related to the OP, I think there's a difference between articulated denial and bonehad behavior.

Absolutely. At least he's honest enough to admit to being selfish and thoughtless.

 

[intothewoods]

Even drunk, I can find the slot. Follow the legs, eventually you will find that which you seek.

Ha ha. You offically rock.

As this idea feeds my ego, I approve.

We don't have to start a separate thread for him, do we?

A rather bright friend of mine split trust up for definition purposes. When relating to a top/dom, the questions she asks are:

Do you trust his Intent?

Do you trust his Skills?

Do you trust his Affection?

Good stuff.

 

[Homburg]

Ha ha. You offically rock.

Thank you

We don't have to start a separate thread for him, do we?

There really is no functional difference between what My Ego would say versus what My Co- ... versus what is said in that other thread.

(I am avoiding the mention of names, as it has gone quiet, and there is no need to summon the attention of You Know Who.)

Good stuff.

I thought it was particularly good stuff too.

 

[nh23]

Ok, so I'm in a mood today. But, I get so tired of that shit..this is submissive..this isn't..blah blah blah. Shut up and fuck.

 

[BiBunny]

Ok, so I'm in a mood today. But, I get so tired of that shit..this is submissive..this isn't..blah blah blah. Shut up and fuck.

OMG, quoted for posterity in my sig line. I you.

 

[Homburg]

Ok, so I'm in a mood today. But, I get so tired of that shit..this is submissive..this isn't..blah blah blah. Shut up and fuck.

Hahaha! True that

 

[notalwaysweak]

Good. That's the right way to handle it. I don't think it's a good idea to air your partner's faults in public. Imagine how you would feel if he did the same about you?

My communication skills are pretty shit. I'm aware of this and working on it. Obviously venting here is a part of that inappropriateness.

 

[nh23]

OMG, quoted for posterity in my sig line. I you.

you too darlin.

 

[intothewoods]

But, I get so tired of that shit..this is submissive..this isn't..blah blah blah. Shut up and fuck.

Have you been talking to my boyfriend?

 

[nh23]

Have you been talking to my boyfriend?

Well..I did make a new friend a few days ago..what's his yahoo id?

 

[FurryFury]

Ok, so I'm in a mood today. But, I get so tired of that shit..this is submissive..this isn't..blah blah blah. Shut up and fuck.

Awesome!

 

[intothewoods]

Well..I did make a new friend a few days ago..what's his yahoo id?

Ha ha ha...

 

[BeachGurl2]

Ok, so I'm in a mood today. But, I get so tired of that shit..this is submissive..this isn't..blah blah blah. Shut up and fuck.

Mood or not, great quote!

 

[YourCaptor]

I think the differences in male and female orgasms have a large roll in this.

The male orgasm seems to be more adapted to, any time any place, lets have a quickly, mind set.

While a female orgasm, or orgasms go more along the line of, lets call in sick and play around all day.

An orgasm isn’t my personal number one goal when having sex anyway, and if someone doesn’t have one, (yes that someone could be me), then that’s ok, next time. It all really comes down to the situation.

 

[nh23]

Hahaha! True that

Awesome!

Mood or not, great quote!

Lol. Thanks guys! I was totally expecting to get yelled at for that one.

 

[Chicklet]

I think the differences in male and female orgasms have a large roll in this.

The male orgasm seems to be more adapted to, any time any place, lets have a quickly, mind set.

While a female orgasm, or orgasms go more along the line of, lets call in sick and play around all day.

An orgasm isn’t my personal number one goal when having sex anyway, and if someone doesn’t have one, (yes that someone could be me), then that’s ok, next time. It all really comes down to the situation.

I have male orgasms. They're good, but afterwards I want to roll over and sleep, or else jump out of bed and do something else. After orgasm, frankly I lose most interest in sex.

The result of this is that I tend to communicate with partners (the ones I give a shit about) that if they want to continue, they'd better slow down when I get close, or switch position, because once I cum I'm more or less a lump in bed.

The guy I'm seeing now likes to torture me one of two ways: either not letting me cum at all, or making me cum right away and then continuing to use me while I'm super sensitive and really longing to be either asleep or somewhere else. Both make him happy, neither one makes me super happy, but at the same time the very fact that I dislike it and he likes it drives me up the wall.

 

[Homburg]

The guy I'm seeing now likes to torture me one of two ways: either not letting me cum at all, or making me cum right away and then continuing to use me while I'm super sensitive and really longing to be either asleep or somewhere else. Both make him happy, neither one makes me super happy, but at the same time the very fact that I dislike it and he likes it drives me up the wall.

I was with a woman that was like this for a while. Very frustrating for her, as she would safeword if she came and I kept going. She literally could not stand it.

 

[Netzach]

I'll tell ya, the whole thing makes me twitch sometimes. I see people talk about how they "struggle with submission". I don't get it. You submit, or you don't. Struggle? Aroo? Maybe struggle with the decision to submit. Maybe struggle over whom to submit to. Certainly struggle with difficult orders. But struggle with submission overall? Why not just call yourself a bottom, get your ass spanked red, and be happy with yourself?

Oh man, yeah. "I struggle with submission" is kind of an automatic disqualifier when I meet people who want to get some of my action.

I sure as hell don't flip over nice and easy, but if I say I'm going there, I'm going there. I'm not a switch, just an overachiever, perhaps. But I have no patience with people figuring their stuff as painfully as possible because they are scared they might not be seen as tough enough. Of course you're not going to hand over everything to me at once, but I do not jump through stupid hoops, egad.

If someone was pissy because he did not get fellatio because he went down on me, I think I'd be laughing for a month. Sometimes I read WHILE he's doing it.

But that is the peril with trying to apply other people's relational expectations to your own.