Tihmmnmmish's Very Laid-Back Summery Poolside Threadcast

[EroticOrogeny]

My voices talk to me just before I go to sleep ...... and that's not being flippant

That's when they're loudest for me, too.

And I think I'm responsible in part for their presence, based on past actions and feelings. Some sort of unintended programming of our neural circuity. But how do you remove them? Sometimes just touching them activates and reinforces them.

Have to focus on something else. If I'm not wanting to get to sleep writing )for me poetry, personal essays) can provide some relief , but not at bedtime - just keeps me up late and I have to get up early. For me, I find that trying to focus on some technical problem, perhaps like a program I'm working on, often works.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

That's when they're loudest for me, too.

And I think I'm responsible in part for their presence, based on past actions and feelings. Some sort of unintended programming of our neural circuity. But how do you remove them? Sometimes just touching them activates and reinforces them.

Have to focus on something else. If I'm not wanting to get to sleep writing )for me poetry, personal essays) can provide some relief , but not at bedtime - just keeps me up late and I have to get up early. For me, I find that trying to focus on some technical problem, perhaps like a program I'm working on, often works.

As I have mentioned before I have written some masterpieces in my head just on the brink of sleep only to have forgotten them in the morning! Ones husband would not appreciate the need to turn on the light and leap out of bed to write it all down! If I have a full head I find thinking of riding a rollercoaster sends me off the dreamland ....... yes I know weird!

 

[hmmnmm]

If you figure something out to eliminate negative inner voices, let me know!

An idea came this morning. It's something I want to try. Maybe you could consider it too.

I guess I'd begin by trying to remember to challenge the voice that is saying what it is saying. Challenge whether what it says is really true. It's usually an authoritative voice and it often makes a blanket statement as though what it says is an inarguable and absolute truth. If I can think of even one instance or case that challenges or forces a question as to whether the voice is speaking truth or untruth or outright lie...? Right? Then whatever that voice is saying is not true so it is not to be trusted, and it doesn't belong on the personal private property that is my Self, or Your Self. Or Anyone's Self.

Perfection and certainty share a close bond. But what a boring dead world it would be if everything was perfect and certain. Yuck. No thanks.

Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny: Are you sure about that five minutes?

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Well, the things my voices say to me are true, at least the recollections of my mistakes. The problem is when I am bombarded with memories, it really makes me feel awful. I have on ocassion been able to challenge these thoughts with "So?"

For example, one memory that is sometimes thrown in my face (by myself) is when I was about 4 or 5 and I wanted my foster brother to play with me. He was playing basketball in the driveway with one of his friends. I had been standing on the embankment above the driveway. I took a rock and threw it down onto the driveway. The rock hit the side of the embankment, popped up, and hit my foster brother's friend in the head. He had to go get stitches. Now, it wasn't like I was throwing stones at my brother or his friend, but my mind uses this memory against me.

I think that's the only memory that causes me problems in which someone got hurt. Most of the memories that I torture myself with are really trivial, stupid mistakes.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Whatever your voices say you can't be accountable for what you did when you were 5! I was once laying on the floor reading and my sister kept flicking my pages over until my patience ran out and I clouted her as hard as I could. Then she ran to Mummy telling tales about how I hit her but I'm gladdddd I did it!

 

[hmmnmm]

Well my old man will often remind me of that Martin guitar I allowed to get stolen, because its value was dear, just think what it's worth now; and you know, tsk-tsk, irresponsible inattentive Tim who'll never amount to anything, always fucking up. Just a friendly reminder.

What goes unmentioned is the fact that the guitar a friend donated shortly after that theft, I still have; I took care of it. Almost twenty years now. And it's fine-sounding and playing guitar. Then there's my dog, who's almost 15. Took care of him.

So it's not true. I'm not irresponsible or a perpetual fuck-up. Yeah, sometimes, many times, I've fucked up. But not always. Yeah, I've written some crappy stories and poems. Will write more crappy stories and poems this year and next year. But I've written some good ones too.

So when those kind of loops get started, they're simply not true. They are lies from voices not to be trusted.

And when they start up again, they should be challenged to provide provability to what they are claiming to be inarguable truths. Which they can't do, because we could find enough contradictory evidence to prove their claims are not true.

 

[wildsweetone]

there is only so much self torturing we can do before we either slam ourselves into the earth to never get up again, or to simply accept that the past is the past and that is part of the Whole Package that makes you, You.

if we can make ourselves get to the point where we accept our own Whole Package, where we can love who we are, then we're on route for a far more palatable future.

every single one of us has made mistakes, some continue to make them, but the best part is we can learn from them and move on to enjoy the act of living.

i've done stuff that would make your hair curl (or probably fall out), but so what? sometimes i didn't know any better, and sometimes i did. the thing is, it's what i do from this moment on that counts. and life is filled with 'this moment's.

your memories can be emotional blackmail - but we have a choice to let them be that, or to move on from them. for me, living is much more enjoyable when i'm moving on.

take a sheet of paper. in the lower half of the paper draw a palm sized circle. from the centre of that circle going up, draw a gently wavy line going two thirds up the page. put an arrow on the top of that line pointing upwards.

when you get into the 'woe is me' cycle, where those negative thoughts continue to occur no matter that you don't like them, when your mind continues working in a downward spiral where you believe you're no good as a person, or writer, or artist etc, take this sheet of paper. concentrate on the centre of the circle where the arrow starts and follow it upward with your eyes. train your mind to work its way out of the circle with questions like these:

what do you need to start thinking/feeling/doing to move up that arrow?

can you fix/improve/correct some thought that's keeping you in that circle?

can you just leave it all behind and walk your mind to the tip of the arrow and on to a completely different thought to continue the day?

you might be able to think of some other questions that will help you get out of that nasty circle. jot them down on the edge of the paper so you can jog your memory with them when it next happens. it's helpful having personal notes for yourself.

the key with this is to put it somewhere prominent. hang it on a wall, on the fridge, sticky it to the side of the computer screen. put it wherever it will be quickly to hand to use.

i used this when i had a manager who bullied me constantly in front of a dozen other staff. it helped my mind to focus on better things. when she bullied me it used to take me hours and hours to function properly again. when she bullied, she'd jump in and continue bullying as if she'd found a weak spot and wanted to poke it to see if how long it would take for a bruise to appear.

the circle and arrow worked. i would consciously pick up the paper and acknowledge the thoughts that were going through my head and recognise where i was placed on that page. from that point i could then look at the arrow and work my way up and out of that circle. the arrow was not straight for a reason, sometimes working my way out was a little bit zigzaggy, but i did work my way out.

if any of you try it, it'll help. i promise.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

there is only so much self torturing we can do before we either slam ourselves into the earth to never get up again, or to simply accept that the past is the past and that is part of the Whole Package that makes you, You.

if we can make ourselves get to the point where we accept our own Whole Package, where we can love who we are, then we're on route for a far more palatable future.

every single one of us has made mistakes, some continue to make them, but the best part is we can learn from them and move on to enjoy the act of living.

i've done stuff that would make your hair curl (or probably fall out), but so what? sometimes i didn't know any better, and sometimes i did. the thing is, it's what i do from this moment on that counts. and life is filled with 'this moment's.

your memories can be emotional blackmail - but we have a choice to let them be that, or to move on from them. for me, living is much more enjoyable when i'm moving on.

take a sheet of paper. in the lower half of the paper draw a palm sized circle. from the centre of that circle going up, draw a gently wavy line going two thirds up the page. put an arrow on the top of that line pointing upwards.

when you get into the 'woe is me' cycle, where those negative thoughts continue to occur no matter that you don't like them, when your mind continues working in a downward spiral where you believe you're no good as a person, or writer, or artist etc, take this sheet of paper. concentrate on the centre of the circle where the arrow starts and follow it upward with your eyes. train your mind to work its way out of the circle with questions like these:

what do you need to start thinking/feeling/doing to move up that arrow?

can you fix/improve/correct some thought that's keeping you in that circle?

can you just leave it all behind and walk your mind to the tip of the arrow and on to a completely different thought to continue the day?

you might be able to think of some other questions that will help you get out of that nasty circle. jot them down on the edge of the paper so you can jog your memory with them when it next happens. it's helpful having personal notes for yourself.

the key with this is to put it somewhere prominent. hang it on a wall, on the fridge, sticky it to the side of the computer screen. put it wherever it will be quickly to hand to use.

i used this when i had a manager who bullied me constantly in front of a dozen other staff. it helped my mind to focus on better things. when she bullied me it used to take me hours and hours to function properly again. when she bullied, she'd jump in and continue bullying as if she'd found a weak spot and wanted to poke it to see if how long it would take for a bruise to appear.

the circle and arrow worked. i would consciously pick up the paper and acknowledge the thoughts that were going through my head and recognise where i was placed on that page. from that point i could then look at the arrow and work my way up and out of that circle. the arrow was not straight for a reason, sometimes working my way out was a little bit zigzaggy, but i did work my way out.

if any of you try it, it'll help. i promise.

I may give that a try.
There's one aspect of my past that's returned, with a strong wish that things had worked out differently then. All of the other aspects from times back don't cause me any problems. With this one, I had 14 years with it, one way or another, followed by 25 without, and now another with. I've analyzed both then and now and think I have some understandings of why, but don't know how to make that part of my past just that - a part of the past. I've discussed it with my sponsor (AA) as well.

 

[wildsweetone]

I may give that a try.
There's one aspect of my past that's returned, with a strong wish that things had worked out differently then. All of the other aspects from times back don't cause me any problems. With this one, I had 14 years with it, one way or another, followed by 25 without, and now another with. I've analyzed both then and now and think I have some understandings of why, but don't know how to make that part of my past just that - a part of the past. I've discussed it with my sponsor (AA) as well.

i also find writing helps. using a (the) topic and writing from many many different angles. often i can get to the point of having written everything right out, a kind of cleansing, or perhaps somewhere inside is a subliminal understanding. whatever it is, it can help to get an improved perspective than when i began.

whatever is helpful, use.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Now sweethearts all, I am going on vacation tomorrow so I will be leaving my blankie for whoever should need it (although I hope no-one does) it is a special blankie with real curative properties. My email gets turned off so no messages will come through although if something happens you feel I should really know when I return Champ has an email address that stays open for any business stuff that comes through

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Now sweethearts all, I am going on vacation tomorrow so I will be leaving my blankie for whoever should need it (although I hope no-one does) it is a special blankie with real curative properties. My email gets turned off so no messages will come through although if something happens you feel I should really know when I return Champ has an email address that stays open for any business stuff that comes through

Enjoy your vacation and come back refreshed !

 

[wildsweetone]

have a great holiday

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Since the last post here was over a week ago, I see I am not the only one who has been crazy busy or ill, of which I have been both. Did anyone else have a crazy flu with an ear infection? I don't think I ever had a flu and ear infection together before. My daughter and I both had it. crazy.

Anyway, I have been incredibly busy. My one client who is an SEO expert helped me with my website- PTSDcentral.com and it is really something what he can do. In a matter of days, I want from nonexistent on Google to being in the top 10, sometimes the top 3 Google results for a few keywords. amazing what a little SEO tweaking can do.

Oh, well, back to work for me. Tonight, I am going to try to go to bed before 4 am.

 

[hmmnmm]

not ill or so busy here
check in a lot but can't think of much to say
concerned that I've allowed an addiction to develop with this site... trying to curtail time and mind, but the mind part is difficult. Part of what intensifies it is when a new idea comes along and my mind immediately begins to anticipate how it would play out on or be received on Lit. My mind habitually jumps ahead of the joy of getting deep into whatever the idea is itself and forgets to consider Lit as one among countless possibilities; even though Lit's wide parameters are friendly to chancy experiments; but since these ideas (even if they were ever presented in polished completed form; usually presented at the 1st-3rd or 4th draft when they have at least twenty more drafts to go) aren't generally what many readers are looking for (which I also always forget), and some of the more accomplished jump on the chance to remind me how substandard my writing attempts are (which I'm well aware of, which is why they are never finished), enthusiasm for the new idea tends to fizzle, until the next one pops up a few days later, and so the cycle continues.
hm, maybe it is an illness?

add/edit: it isn't so much forgetfulness as it is hope, and it's the hope that hasn't yet learned that it's just setting itself up for disappointment, or it's the hope that causes the tendency to present the ideas too prematurely. But there should be no hope, no expectations. That's the illness: always hoping. Probably chronic, hope.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I am back probably more tired than when I went but we had a good time even though Europe is verrrrrry hot this time of year. Apparently it poured with rain a lot in England while we were away so it was good timing! Yesterday was a longggggg day we got up at 6am had to spend 6 hours in Milan airport finally got home at 1am this morning oh and we were expecting a bit more food on the flight than the cup of coffee and chocolate cookie that we got

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I am back probably more tired than when I went but we had a good time even though Europe is verrrrrry hot this time of year. Apparently it poured with rain a lot in England while we were away so it was good timing! Yesterday was a longggggg day we got up at 6am had to spend 6 hours in Milan airport finally got home at 1am this morning oh and we were expecting a bit more food on the flight than the cup of coffee and chocolate cookie that we got

Airlines are fun these days!
Our flight to Chicago got diverted to Lansing, Michigan. They did give us some pretzels and water, but wouldn't let us off due to TSA paranoia.
Fortunately, less than half an hour, so not like the recent Minnesota adventure others had.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Welcome back, Annie! And with the return of Annie, the mystery is solved! The thread was inactive for awhile cuz Annie was on holiday!

-Sheila

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Welcome back, Annie! And with the return of Annie, the mystery is solved! The thread was inactive for awhile cuz Annie was on holiday!

-Sheila

Oiiiiii are you saying I talk a lot?!!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Only in America would you find the Annual moon at the trains day, Annual pillow fight day and Annual slosh around in Tomato pulp day

 

[TheRainMan]

i never could figure out exactly what prose poetry was . . .

try this




....

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Oiiiiii are you saying I talk a lot?!!

Yes! Thank God! LMAO

I need to "hear" your "voice" every so often. It does a heart good.

I'm a little frustrated today cuz I am sick as a dog. I have bronchitis, which makes me sick to my stomach due to my stomach issues. As is the coughing wasn't bad enough!

I did get some good news just now. My daughter was notified by her guidance counselor today that she has made it through to the semi-finalist round of the National Merit Scholarship competition. They whittled the group from 50,000 students to 16,000 now.. 8,200 of those will get at least a $2,500 scholarship.. so keep your fingers crossed (between typing). I will see my daughter tomorrow. I need to ask her if this was just for the main National Merit Scholarships or the ones for African Americans too

I am retiring to bed now. Hopefully, I can take some cough medicine and sleep tonight. I hope you all are doing well.

-Sheila

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Yes! Thank God! LMAO

I need to "hear" your "voice" every so often. It does a heart good.

I'm a little frustrated today cuz I am sick as a dog. I have bronchitis, which makes me sick to my stomach due to my stomach issues. As is the coughing wasn't bad enough!

I did get some good news just now. My daughter was notified by her guidance counselor today that she has made it through to the semi-finalist round of the National Merit Scholarship competition. They whittled the group from 50,000 students to 16,000 now.. 8,200 of those will get at least a $2,500 scholarship.. so keep your fingers crossed (between typing). I will see my daughter tomorrow. I need to ask her if this was just for the main National Merit Scholarships or the ones for African Americans too

I am retiring to bed now. Hopefully, I can take some cough medicine and sleep tonight. I hope you all are doing well.

-Sheila

Take good care of yourself. You've been quite busy so I hope you get the rest you need.

Even if your daughter doesn't get the cash, the recognition will help.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Yes! Thank God! LMAO

I need to "hear" your "voice" every so often. It does a heart good.

I'm a little frustrated today cuz I am sick as a dog. I have bronchitis, which makes me sick to my stomach due to my stomach issues. As is the coughing wasn't bad enough!

I did get some good news just now. My daughter was notified by her guidance counselor today that she has made it through to the semi-finalist round of the National Merit Scholarship competition. They whittled the group from 50,000 students to 16,000 now.. 8,200 of those will get at least a $2,500 scholarship.. so keep your fingers crossed (between typing). I will see my daughter tomorrow. I need to ask her if this was just for the main National Merit Scholarships or the ones for African Americans too

I am retiring to bed now. Hopefully, I can take some cough medicine and sleep tonight. I hope you all are doing well.

-Sheila

You and me both some rotten foreign bug grabbed me before I could get home again and now it hurts to cough. Interesting comment from Ron in bed ...... I wish you would do something about that cough you keep worrying the hell out of me and you are precious, Happy Anniversary!

Wow well done your girl ....... I wonder were she gets her brains from?! Sorreeee joke joke! stop hitting me!!

 

[EroticOrogeny]

You and me both some rotten foreign bug grabbed me before I could get home again and now it hurts to cough. Interesting comment from Ron in bed ...... I wish you would do something about that cough you keep worrying the hell out of me and you are precious, Happy Anniversary!

Wow well done your girl ....... I wonder were she gets her brains from?! Sorreeee joke joke! stop hitting me!!

Happy Anniversary and hope you get over your bug, too.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Happy Anniversary and hope you get over your bug, too.

Thankyou it didn't stop me going out for a meal tonight so if I post anything I shouldn't blame the wine!